The Surrogate's Unexpected Miracle

by Alison Roberts

  Maybe something had changed in the years since she had been an invisible teenager. He had, after all, told her that she was special...

  That thought merged with remnants of desire that were still glowing deep inside and made her toes curl more than a little but Ellie was still confused.

  When Luke had given up doing the kind of things that would get him expelled from school, like playing truant or smoking behind the bike sheds, he’d found a new ‘bad boy’ niche at Kauri Valley High—as the resident heartbreaker.

  And it didn’t seem to matter how many hearts got broken, there was always another girl fighting to get to the front of the queue. She and Ava used to whisper about it on the bus.

  ‘Did you hear that Charlene got dumped?’

  ‘Yeah...but nobody lasts more than two or three dates, do they?’

  ‘Who’s next, do you reckon?’

  ‘Dunno...that redheaded girl, maybe. The one who gets into trouble all the time for wearing her skirt too short. What’s her name... Tegan?’

  She couldn’t remember any more of the legendary pack of Gilmore girlfriends but it was clear that Luke would be quite familiar with breasts in both his professional and personal life.

  So it was weird that he had seemed uncomfortable.

  Unless he was regretting his decision to bring her home? Maybe he didn’t really trust her yet, despite that curiously intimate chat they’d had on the night of Jamie’s birth. She had, after all, announced that nobody wanted the baby she had just given birth to—including herself.

  The memory still made her wince. And cuddle Jamie a little bit closer.

  ‘It wasn’t true,’ she whispered. ‘It will never be true.’

  He had finished feeding. She lifted him upright and began to rub his back to burp him, tilting her head so that she could feel his hair against her cheek. Despite the weariness that was coming back in a tidal wave and the fact that life had just thrown her another rather dramatic curveball, she found herself singing softly. The old Brahms lullaby that had become a familiar part of this routine in just a few, short weeks.

  Sleepyhead, close your eyes, for I’m right beside you...

  * * *

  Luke could hear the song well before he reached the kitchen, with a stack of clean towels in his arms. This old, isolated house was so quiet, you could just about hear a mouse scratching in the pantry at this time of night.

  Ellie had a beautiful voice. He recognised the tune, of course. Who hadn’t heard that old lullaby that seemed to be part of every mobile that new parents hung over a baby’s bassinet? It had always struck him as being a bit mournful but maybe that was because he’d never lost the sense of yearning for something he’d probably never had.

  A mother’s love...

  He’d learned to wall it off. So effectively it barely touched his consciousness so it had been a shock when he’d felt it so strongly only a short time ago, when he’d seen Ellie beginning to feed her baby.

  And now it was happening again, as he listened to the soft sound of her song.

  There was something about this particular mother and child that touched a part of him that he had considered insignificant now. Okay, he’d had an unfortunate start in life but he’d overcome it, thanks to the Gilmores. He was an adult. An extremely successful adult who had everything he could want in life—an exciting job, no financial worries and the freedom to go anywhere he chose in the world.

  He didn’t want to be reminded of things he had never had when he was young. Or the things that were impossible for him to have now.

  Like a family...

  Had it been a mistake to bring Ellie and Jamie into the only place that felt like a family home to him?

  Ah well...it was only for a night. He could help them find somewhere else to go tomorrow.

  Taking a deep breath, he entered the kitchen and put the towels down on the big, wooden table in the centre of the room. Ellie stopped singing as soon as she saw him come into the room and she was well covered with his old jumper again so it was easy to sound perfectly relaxed.

  ‘Your bed’s all sorted. I didn’t know what to do for Jamie, though. Can he sleep in the car seat?’

  ‘Oh...I guess so. Or I can keep him in the bed with me.’

  Luke frowned. Co-sleeping with an infant was controversial. Some suggested it was less than safe but if that was what Ellie wanted to do, it was her decision. He busied himself making the tea but the urge to suggest that the plan was unwise gained momentum. As he put two mugs onto the table, inspiration struck.

  ‘I saw a movie, once,’ he said. ‘Some baby got born unexpectedly in an old house and they made a bed for it in a big drawer from the bottom of a Scotch chest.’

  ‘Oh?’ Ellie was walking towards the table. She tucked Jamie securely under one arm and reached for the mug of tea with her other hand.

  ‘I’ve got a Scotch chest in my room and half the drawers are empty.’

  She was looking at the towels. ‘They’d probably make a good mattress, wouldn’t they?’

  ‘I’ll go and get the drawer.’

  He was back in less than a minute. He put the old, wooden drawer on the table and covered its base—not with the towels but with the folded hospital blanket that Ellie didn’t need any more. Then he put a clean towel on the top.

  Ellie laid Jamie gently into the nest and tucked him in with another towel. He scrunched up his face and stretched tiny, starfish hands above his head but then relaxed back into sleep.

  Ellie smiled up at Luke. ‘I’m liking the Kiwi ingenuity,’ she said. ‘And thanks, Luke. For...’ She looked as if she had a whole bunch of things she wanted to say but couldn’t decide where to begin. The way her gaze slid away from his suggested embarrassment and reminded him of the shy girl she had been way back. ‘For everything.’

  Man...those eyes...that smile...and that little wobble in her voice that told him how much this meant to her.

  What was it about Ellie Thomas that seemed so astonishingly different from any woman he had ever met?

  He found himself willing her to look back and catch his gaze again. He wanted to smile back at her.

  No. What he really wanted to do was gather her into his arms and just hold her. To reassure that shy Ellie enough that brave Ellie came back.

  Okay. That wasn’t entirely true, either.

  He wanted...

  He wanted...to kiss her.

  The realisation was shocking.

  He had brought this exhausted, vulnerable brand-new mother into his home in the wake of a personal disaster. Of course she was grateful. To even think of taking advantage of that in any way was appalling.

  Any man would find Ellie Thomas attractive but the last thing she needed in her life at the moment was someone who was even entertaining the idea of hitting on her.

  What she needed right now was a friend.

  A big brother.

  A very long time ago Luke had made a promise to the amazing woman who’d chosen to become his mother that he would always strive to be the best person that he could possibly be, however hard that was.

  Putting Ellie Thomas completely off limits wasn’t actually that hard because it was the right thing to do.

  The only thing to do.

  Luke turned away. ‘Let me show you your room. You bring your tea. I’ll bring Jamie.’

  The big wooden drawer with the baby asleep inside it was a lot heavier than a bassinet would have been. And rather more awkward to hold but Luke tucked it under his arm, confident that Jamie was perfectly safe.

  So was Ellie.

  He’d make sure of that.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  HE’D GONE CRAZY.

  But Ellie had been forced to stop trying to moderate Luke’s behaviour thirty minutes ago.

>   ‘We’ll talk about that later,’ he’d said, with a hint of impatience at having to repeat himself so often. ‘Stop worrying, Ellie—I’ve got this.’ He leaned closer so that he could whisper in her ear. ‘To tell you the truth, I haven’t had this much fun in a very long time.’

  The glint in his eyes told her that he meant what he said. The low growl of his voice so close to her ear that it tickled made Ellie feel as if something were melting deep inside her. The something that controlled the muscles in her legs, maybe? At least the need to sit down for a bit became a priority when Jamie helpfully decided that he was starving.

  Which was hardly surprising. They’d been on a mission for hours now as Luke had helped her launch the sorting out process.

  It had taken a bit of time for the bank to cancel the automatic debit for her rent, withdraw some of the remaining cash from her account and arrange for an emergency credit card that would be couriered to her in the next day or two. The police required a statement and she was able to tell them that yes, there had been a party going on in the apartment above her—on the floor where the fire had apparently started—and it had sounded a bit out of control. She was given information about emergency housing available through Social Services but it was in a part of the city that made her heart sink and Luke’s face scrunch into that angry sort of scowl.

  The insurance company had been sympathetic but warned that the process could be slow. And it was only her car that had been insured. Had she not been advised to take out insurance on her personal belongings?

  And now, here they were, in the Baby Supermarket and the sales girls had all fallen under Luke’s spell the moment he smiled at them.

  ‘We have a little problem,’ he’d told them. ‘I don’t know if you heard about the big fire on the North Shore last night but little Jamie here has been left with nothing but the nappies we picked up last night. We kind of need...everything.’

  It seemed as if every staff member this huge shop employed had wanted to be part of the most exciting cause to have ever come through their doors. Even the manager had come to see what was going on.

  ‘We’ll give you the best discount we can manage,’ he told Luke. ‘And then take another ten per cent off on top of that. It’s the least we can do to help. My word...I saw that fire on the news this morning. Wasn’t there a fatality? It must have been terrifying for you both.’

  If Luke had noticed the assumption that was being made, he didn’t try and correct it. Maybe because he seemed to be fascinated by how much was clearly essential for looking after a tiny baby.

  ‘A change table—so that’s what this is?’

  ‘Fully washable surface.’ A girl with bright red streaks in her hair was clearly delighted to have captured Luke’s attention. ‘There’s the shelves here to keep supplies like nappies and towels and these drawers are for creams and wipes. And look...the top is really a lid that covers where the bath clips in.’

  ‘Do you like it?’ Luke asked Ellie.

  She was already a bit stunned by what was going on. ‘It’s amazing. But, Luke, I—’

  ‘We’ll take it,’ Luke said. ‘What’s next?’

  The bassinet, apparently. And bedding. A state-of-the-art car seat. A front pack and baby sling. They were nowhere near the numerous aisles stacked with cloth nappies and clothing and toys but Jamie’s cries were getting louder.

  ‘Let me show you our mothers’ area.’ A senior staff member smiled at Ellie. ‘Here at the Baby Supermarket, we pride ourselves on making our mothers and babies feel right at home. Are you breastfeeding, dear?’

  Ellie nodded.

  ‘Then come with me. We have change facilities and a private feeding room. There’s a rocking chair in there that is unbelievably comfortable.’ Her glance slid back towards Luke as she led Ellie away. ‘It’s on special, too, with a twenty-five per cent discount—just for today...’

  It was a good thing that Luke didn’t follow her because he would probably have added one of these chairs to the scary pile of purchases being piled up near one of the check-out counters.

  Even the soothing motion of the rocking chair couldn’t stop Ellie’s level of anxiety rising as she took the time necessary to feed Jamie. This shopping spree was going to cost hundreds, if not thousands of dollars. How on earth could she possibly pay him back when she wasn’t even working again yet?

  And, given the helpful advice of all those attractive young women, just how crazy was Luke going to go in the clothing aisles?

  Judging by the large bags that were being packed by the time she emerged from the mothers and babies’ retreat, he hadn’t held back. And when had he added that pushchair to the pile? It wasn’t even an ordinary pushchair. It was one of those expensive three-wheeled mountain buggies that Ellie would never have dreamed of budgeting for.

  He’d already paid for everything, too. And the manager was practically rubbing his hands together.

  ‘We can offer free and immediate delivery.’

  ‘That won’t be necessary. I’ve got a Jeep out in the car park. I’m sure we can pack it all in the back.’

  Jamie’s return distracted the cluster of people around the check-out counter.

  ‘He’s so cute...’ the girls cooed.

  Even the most senior woman was looking misty-eyed. She looked from Jamie to Ellie and then Luke.

  ‘He looks just like his daddy,’ she said. ‘You must be so proud of him.’

  For just a heartbeat, Ellie let herself imagine what it would be like if Luke were actually Jamie’s father and they’d been here as a family.

  Pure fantasy but it was a beautiful thing...

  Until Luke’s mouth opened and then closed again as his gaze flicked to meet Ellie’s. She could see the flash of something like horror as he finally caught on to the assumption everyone had made when they’d arrived here as a couple with their new born baby.

  Was he going to tell everyone here that Jamie wasn’t his child? That Ellie was nothing more than an acquaintance from long ago? A bus buddy? Maybe he didn’t need to say anything. He was looking, for all the world, as if the idea of having a family of his own could possibly be his worst nightmare.

  But nobody else had seen what she’d seen and he didn’t say anything out loud to shatter the illusion. He seemed as stunned as Ellie had been when this mammoth spend-up had gained momentum.

  ‘We’d better get going,’ was all he said. ‘Can we get some help taking this lot out to the car park, please?’

  * * *

  Sorting the jigsaw of fitting everything into the back of his Jeep was almost enough to distract Luke from what had just happened.

  Almost...

  He could understand why it had happened. He and Ellie were pretty much the same age and they were out with a brand-new baby. He hadn’t been unaware of the looks he was getting from all the girls and, on some level, maybe he’d known he could enjoy the attention because they assumed he was unavailable and nobody was going to take any flirting the wrong way. To top it off, like a good, old-fashioned husband, he had handed over his credit card and paid for everything.

  And then Ellie had come back, with Jamie asleep in her arms looking like an advertisement for a perfect baby and the look on her face as everybody cooed over Jamie had been...

  So proud. So full of love...

  He’d been watching them, caught up in the moment of admiring this recent addition to the human race, so that comment that put him into a pair of new father’s shoes had blindsided him.

  Just for a heartbeat, he had known what it would feel like. To have a partner as gorgeous as Ellie and a baby they had created together. A baby he did feel absurdly proud of for that split second. And it had felt...

  Amazing.

  Like the best thing that could happen to anyone. Ever.

  It also felt as if o
ne of the foundation stones he’d built his life on had just been blown up and disintegrated from beneath his feet and he was in grave danger of falling into a place that had never even been an option to visit.

  Doing something practical, like loading the ridiculous amount of stuff he’d just purchased into his vehicle, was exactly what he needed to climb back into a safe emotional space. He had checked another thing off the list that was sorting out the disaster that Ellie had found herself in.

  He was fixing things.

  ‘Next stop, North Shore General,’ he said, climbing into the driver’s seat. ‘We’ll drop off that ambulance blanket and car seat.’

  The silence in the car started to feel a little awkward. Was Ellie also thinking about that assumption the staff of the Baby Supermarket had made?

  Had she—even for that tiny moment of time—thought about what it would be like if it had been true?

  Something like alarm prickled in Luke’s spine. He’d already overstepped a boundary or two becoming involved with someone who had actually been his patient. Okay, it was a grey area because, although Ellie was on leave, they were, theoretically, colleagues in the same department. And they had a childhood connection even though that was a bit distant. Some boundaries, however, had to be identified.

  He couldn’t let her imagine that he was offering anything more than the practical assistance that someone in trouble was in need of. And yeah...he was going a bit above and beyond and that was his own fault but he had saved this baby’s life, after all. Even if nobody knew about his own start in life, they wouldn’t be surprised that this little boy had touched his heart in a special way.

  But it seemed as if something entirely different was bothering Ellie.

  ‘I’ll pay you back,’ she said, finally. ‘Every cent. With interest, even.’

  ‘That’s not necessary.’

  She shook her head. ‘Of course it is. You’ve already done far more than most people would for someone they barely know.’

  Luke said nothing. This was good. Ellie was setting some boundaries herself and declaring them to be almost strangers. He should feel relieved.