Push and Shove

by C. L. Stone

  As he spoke, a foot nudged into mine. I slipped my feet closer to my chair, wondering if I was in the way.

  The foot returned, covering mine with a hard sole, though the touch was clear. He wanted something.

  I readjusted my gaze from Mr. Blackbourne quickly to Dr. Green, who had his elbows on the table, his head in his palm and he was focused on Mr. Blackbourne. He was feigning obliviousness to what he was doing under the table.

  His foot wedged between mine and he singled out my right ankle, drawing it over. I let him guide my leg over. He stopped when he could get his foot to slip up next to mine, our inside soles connecting.

  My face heated. I understood he was playing with me. The touch, as small as it was, left me excited by the attention.

  I was looking at Mr. Blackbourne and trying not to appear odd. My eyes, though, kept going to Dr. Green, trying to figure out what he wanted from me. My thoughts kept returning to the kiss. My pulse quickened. I was worried that Mr. Blackbourne had X-ray vision and could see through the table.

  “So Mr. Coleman may be correct that this particular formula might work for you,” Mr. Blackbourne said. He pulled from his pocket a single white bottle. He selected one of the tablets and placed it in front of my plate.

  “Let her take it with a bit of chocolate,” Dr. Green said. “Or a sugar cube.”

  “There’s no reason to have extra sugar,” Mr. Blackbourne said.

  “Sugar helps medicine go down,” he said. “Everyone knows that.”

  “There’s no proof.”

  “In case you forgot, I’m a doctor,” Dr. Green said. “I’m telling you. A little sugar, and she won’t have a stomach ache.”

  “Half the reason she’s in this predicament is because she’s eating sugar and not anything else.”

  “A little more won’t kill her.”

  Mr. Blackbourne’s face tightened and then he looked at me, his expression softening into surprise and then concern. “Miss Sorenson. Are you all right?”

  His question caught me off guard, his tone made my insides tremble, making me worry that perhaps there was something wrong and I didn’t see it. “I think so,” I said, though it came out more like a question.

  “Your face is flushed. Are you coming down with something?”

  I shook my head.

  Under the table, Dr. Green’s foot nudged mine until my leg was stretched out. A palm dropped onto my knee, warming through the cotton skirt. “She’s just fine,” he said with a smile. “It’s a new place. She’s still getting used to it.”

  Mr. Blackbourne touched his napkin to his lips briefly and then dropped it to his lap again. He stretched an arm out, holding his palm up toward me. “This might be a little forward, but could you show me your hand for a moment?”

  I nearly choked. I knocked my hand on the underside of the table. I flinched, embarrassed to be so clumsy, and drew my hand out, offering it to him.

  Mr. Blackbourne took my hand in his palm and felt the fingertips. He examined the nails and then the pads of my fingers.

  There was an awkward moment of Mr. Blackbourne nearly holding my hand, and Dr. Green’s palm on my knee. Different feelings threatened to consume me, soothing from the doctor, and inquiring from the other.

  “Wrinkled fingertips,” Mr. Blackbourne said.

  Dr. Green’s stretched out and nudged Mr. Blackbourne in the shoulder. “You’re giving her an examination over the table? And you talk to me about etiquette.”

  Mr. Blackbourne released my hand quickly, drawing his own back toward his lap. “Family health trumps formalities. You neglected to tell me about her fingers.”

  “I noticed her fingers,” he said. He released my knee to pull both hands up in a what-do-you-want-from-me gesture. “It’s why I was suggesting vitamins in the first place, although it could be she’s dehydrated.”

  “She doesn’t appear to have any other symptoms of dehydration.”

  “She hasn’t had a sip of anything since she’s been here.”

  I may as well have held my face over the flame of the candles. I checked out my glass, which I hadn’t touched since I sat down. At their comments, I wasn’t sure if I should or not and I was too intimidated in the moment to do more than put my hands politely into my lap and stare at my plate.

  “Aw, sweetie,” Dr. Green said. He reached over above the table and clutched my shoulder. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said it like that. I just notice things. It’s my job. You don’t have to be embarrassed.”

  “Sorry. I wasn’t thinking about it. I didn’t know,” I said quietly.

  “No, I know you didn’t know. And I didn’t want to push it because,” he said, diverting his eyes to Mr. Blackbourne, “I wanted to watch what you did naturally. Not tell you what to do and how to behave.”

  Mr. Blackbourne pursed his lips, and turned the full steel of his eyes on me. “Miss Sorenson?” he said quietly.

  “Mr. Blackbourne?” I asked in the same tone.

  “Would you care for some water? Or would you prefer something else?”

  I understood his meaning without him saying exactly what he wanted. “Water is fine,” I said. I reached for my water glass, doing my best to still my shaking fingers, and then took several sips. I then took the vitamin he’d placed out for me and swallowed it with some more water before putting the glass back on the table.

  How he did it, I wasn’t sure, but his intentional looks, his careful words made me desperate to obey – and to do so as perfectly as possible.

  Mr. Blackbourne turned with an eyebrow raised to Dr. Green.

  Dr. Green rolled his eyes. He wiped his mouth with his napkin and crumpled it on top of his plate. “All right. I’m done.”

  There was a level of tension in the air. They were butting heads, I understood, but something unspoken between them was what they were fighting over. They weren’t going to talk about it openly in front of me.

  At any rate, I couldn’t get my knotted stomach to take in much more food, and dinner quickly ended. Dr. Green and Mr. Blackbourne waved me off toward the living room, requesting that I take it easy and they would take care of cleaning up.

  I retreated to the bedroom, and looked through my book bag for something to do. I considered homework but since the boys had told me not to do it, I left it alone. I collected the 3DS from one of the pockets and took it with me. When I got back to the living room, the guys had taken most of the dishes back into the kitchen. I could hear them talking, although the swinging door was closed.

  I sat on the leather couch, and fiddled with the game device. For a while, I just stared at the blank television screen. It’d been a really long day, and my mind was barely able to focus much on anything other than studying Dr. Green’s house.

  I slid the flats off and picked my feet up off the floor, shoving them under my butt on the couch. For something to do with my hands and to not be caught staring at nothing, I opened the 3DS, pushing the power button. I leaned against the corner of the couch, with my cheek on one of the smooth cushions. I played the Animal Crossing game, but my eyes wandered to different parts of the living room. Despite Dr. Green usually working in the hospital, he still lived here, and inklings of who he was and his life were all around me. There was a collection of DVDs stuffed onto the shelves of the entertainment center, mostly comedies. When I read the titles, I realized they were in alphabetical order.

  In fact, his whole house seemed so clean and neat. Overly so. There wasn’t a piece of mail left out, or a book he may have been currently reading sitting nearby. It made me feel odd to have my shoes left on the floor. He’d mentioned his parents before, the ones who had adopted him. The way he talked about them, it seemed like they might have been a little strict.

  Then I noticed a picture frame on the far end table. I leaned over a little, studying. There was a younger Dr. Green, standing with two very short, older Asian people, a woman and a stern looking man. Dr. Green smiled. The woman’s face had a small smile but like she was holding
back. The man scowled like he was barely tolerating getting his picture taken.

  When I looked around, it appeared to be the only photo. Were they ... yes, they had to be. Suddenly he made a lot of sense. I’d heard the expression tiger mom before, maybe that was her. She was a translator, Japanese, working at the hospital. She found Dr. Green. I wonder if her last name was Green. Mrs. Green. I wondered what it was like to grow up with parents who were honest with you about where you came from. Maybe they were strict, but he still had parents that looked out for him. He seemed happy now.

  When I thought about it, maybe Dr. Green was a lot like me, and that was why when he got to know me, even through the boys telling him about me, he seemed comfortable with me before I even knew him. If he’d had strict parents, maybe his life wasn’t much different than mine. He hadn’t been locked away, he’d been kept busy with school work and studying to become a young doctor. If he wasn’t doing homework, he was at the hospital with his parents. Under control, just like my mother had done to me, just a few changes. I smiled at the strangeness of him saying destiny. It was more than I’d realized when he’d said it.

  It was like Dr. Green could hear me thinking about him. He materialized with a curious look on his face. He strolled over, falling onto the couch next to me.

  I went back to my game, hoping he didn’t notice me checking out his things. I didn’t want to appear like I was snooping.

  Dr. Green leaned against my side, peering at the screen on the game. “What’s this?”

  “Animal Crossing.”

  “Is that supposed to be you?” He pointed to the little girl dressed in an outfit designed by Gabriel and wearing odd yellow sunglasses that Luke had sent to me as a gift.

  “It’s the character I’m playing,” I said.

  “You don’t have red hair.”

  I giggled a little. “It’s just a game.”

  “It’s cute,” he said. He continued to lean against me, watching. His leg brushed up against my knee, holding position. I didn’t have room to scoot over.

  Crazily enough, the more he hovered, the more I felt I needed to lean over on him so he could see better. I shifted, and ended up planting a palm on his leg before I fell over.

  His arm went up over the back cushion of the couch, welcoming me.

  My heart thundered in my ears. It was a small move, but this was Dr. Green. Sean. I tried to calm my nervous heart. He was only a few years older than I was. Pretending to be a teacher had made him seem so much older before, but now, looking at his young face, he did seem more my own age. Like Mr. Blackbourne, I sometimes had to remind myself that they were friends, and as much a part of the group like Kota and the others.

  I nudged myself next to him, supporting the 3DS on my legs, and he let me prop up my folded knees on his thigh. Once we were situated, it was comfortable. I was completely fixed on him next to me, and that was a distraction. I ended up fishing in the game. It was one of the simplest tasks that didn’t require me to focus completely.

  He watched as I moved a little character around and fished out of the cartoon ocean. “What’s that?” he asked when my character was rewarded with a fish.

  “A hammerhead shark,” I said.

  “Did you just put it in your pocket?”

  “Yes.”

  “What are you going to do with it?”

  “Sell it.”

  He laughed. “And how much do hammerheads go for these days?”

  “I think it’s a little over ten thousand bells.” Bells were the currency in Animal Crossing.

  He whistled, low and long. “That’s a lot of bells. What do you spend that on?”

  “They want you to expand your house and make it look nice. There’s a lot of cute things you trade with your neighbors. Luke and Gabriel already gave me more stuff than I can fit in my house.”

  “How much does a big house cost?”

  “The newest expansion is almost five hundred thousand, and I think I want to do three or four of those.”

  “Expensive house. You’ll only need... what, a hundred and fifty more sharks? Give or take? How long did it take you to fish out that one?”

  “Not all the fish are sharks, some are little ones that cost only a hundred bells. I probably waited fifteen minutes for that shark.”

  “No wonder the boys gave you this game. It’s keeping you busy.”

  Mr. Blackbourne strolled in. His gray jacket and his tie were gone. The collar was unbuttoned on his shirt and the sleeves rolled up. I had to do a double take. Mr. Blackbourne looked almost human again.

  He aimed himself for the other end of the couch. He took a curious look at me and stopped in the middle of the living room floor. “Miss Sorenson?”

  I blinked, shaking off what I was sure was an odd stare. “Mr. Blackbourne?”

  He cocked an eyebrow, but when I didn't respond, his eyes lowered to the 3DS. "What's that?"

  "It's that video game the boys got her," Dr. Green said.

  Mr. Blackbourne narrowed his eyes at it. "That thing? I thought you’d be tired of that by now."

  "Give her a break, Owen. You told her to relax and she is. What do you want her to do?"

  "I wanted her to rest, not kill her brain cells." He finished crossing the room, and sat in a matching armchair close to the window.

  "This is resting," Dr. Green said.

  My lips glued together. I wanted to offer to do something else so they would stop fighting. They argued back and forth so quickly, that it was like they almost knew what the other one was about to say. Was it because they were around each other so much?

  "Isn't there a book or two around here?"

  "Will you just let her play?"

  "I'm offering her an alternative."

  "She likes it. Leave her alone."

  "Does she, or have you asked her if she'd like something else to do rather than play a stupid game?"

  My heart, which had been racing at their fighting, froze dead. It was as if his words made me realize how pointless the game was all at once. My face heated to an extreme. Mr. Blackbourne didn’t approve.

  I closed the 3DS and drew myself up. They both stopped, looking at me with confused expressions.

  "I am kind of tired," I said in a quiet voice. I placed the 3DS on the coffee table because I wanted to not look at it or touch it any more. "I think I'll go to bed."

  They uttered a short goodnight. I walked out of the room. I stopped just inside the hallway because I realized I should have taken the 3DS and my shoes with me instead of cluttering up Dr. Green’s house.

  "Well done, Owen." Dr. Green's voice traveled to me.

  "What?" Mr. Blackbourne said.

  "Did you see her face? She was perfectly happy a moment ago."

  "What did I say?"

  I stilled, and moved quietly to the shadows of the hall. I was eavesdropping, but couldn't get myself to stop.

  Dr. Green groaned. "You said her game was stupid. You basically called her stupid."

  "That's not what I meant."

  "If what she likes is stupid, how would that make her feel? And why are you harping on her so much? You never did that to the guys."

  "I don't treat her differently."

  "They have video games."

  "I didn't say she couldn't have it."

  "And nagging her about what she wears, and what she eats, and how she..."

  "Sean," Mr. Blackbourne's voice rose. "What do you want me to do? Should I call her in here and tell her the game isn't stupid?"

  "I don't know. All I know is five minutes ago she was happy as a clam and then you walk in and she leaves looking like that."

  "She said she was tired."

  "She was lying, you jackass."

  There was a pause. "She can't lie," Mr. Blackbourne said in a quieter tone.

  "It's kind of hard to tell when she makes that face, isn't it?" Dr. Green sighed. "I don't know how it happened, but that girl pines for your compliments and hangs onto every word you say. You could te
ll her to jump off a cliff and she'd run and do it."

  "That's part of trust. She's learning..."

  "No, it's because she loves the hell out of you. And her damn heart is so big, she'd throw away her new toy to make you happy."

  There was a long pause. I thought my heart was going to explode and was terrified that they could hear it thundering against my ribs.

  "What am I supposed to do?" Mr. Blackbourne asked quietly.

  "I don't know. You broke her. You fix her." There was shuffling. "I'm going to go wash the dishes."

  "I already did," Mr. Blackbourne said, although his voice was almost too soft to hear.

  "I'm going to go break one then!"

  "Don't..."

  "They're my dishes! I'll do it if I want to."

  I scurried as quietly as I could to Dr. Green's bedroom, running from both of them and their words that would haunt me all night.

  SLEEP

  I had time to use the bathroom, wash up and dress in the pajama shorts and tank top Kota packed for me. I could tell it was him because the clothes were in mismatching shades of green and Gabriel would have never approved.

  I slipped between the covers of Dr. Green’s bed, on the side closest to the bathroom door. I ended up staring at the closet doors. The pang in my stomach started up from the vitamin, but I remained as still as I could to ease it.

  I was afraid to think too hard about anything. I'd kissed Dr. Green. Mr. Blackbourne hated my game. My sister and Danielle were taking drugs and not telling people. Mr. Crowley had a big hook nose and a lot of secrets.

  I didn’t know who my real mother was. My father had abandoned me.

  I was alone in the room for so long I thought maybe Dr. Green had changed his mind about sleeping in the spare room. I stared for hours at the wall, long after the pain finally eased, before I heard the bedroom door open.

  After a moment, the covers shifted and I caught the ginger scent before Dr. Green settled in next to me in the bed.

  A soft kiss caressed my temple."Pookie?"

  I smiled weakly at the closets. "Sean," I said, surprised my voice sounded so small.