Push and Shove

by C. L. Stone

  He was a suspect for a little while, but after Mr. Blackbourne talked to him, it was clear he wasn’t involved. Mr. Blackbourne had a stern conversation with him about opening up any box like that. It was too risky.

  “So now the bomber is getting other students to do the dirty work instead of calling in bombs himself,” Dr. Green said. “He probably didn’t expect him to open the box, just to pull the alarm. We’re not getting the pleasure of a phone call any more.”

  “He knows we’re onto him,” Silas said. “That we’re waiting to track him.”

  “So he makes it harder for us to track,” Dr. Green said. He tapped me on the knee. “I’ve got a class to teach. You coming with me?”

  I nodded. I wasn’t going to sleep any more so I may as well sit in class.

  “I guess my break is over,” Silas said. He put his jacket back on and left his shirt the way it was.

  “Sorry,” I said.

  He smirked at me and dropped a hand on top of my head, rubbing my scalp. “Don’t be cute or I’ll do it again tomorrow.” He walked off toward class.

  I joined Dr. Green for Japanese, where there was a small review of the quiz and a lecture, but no Victor. From what I could gather from Dr. Green, he had been selected to work with Mr. Blackbourne on the bomb box issue.

  I was headed toward gym class when I heard someone calling my name through the crowd. At first, I thought it was Kota.

  I stopped, waiting, searching through the crowd for him. I heard my name again.

  Rocky split through a few people to get to me. “Sang, hang on,” he said. He breathed heavily. Had he been running to catch up with me?

  I backed up a bit. “I have to go,” I said, unwilling to talk to him without the boys nearby. Not after last time.

  Rocky clamped his palm against the wall, cutting off my path. “Wait,” he said. “I just wanted to apologize.”

  My eyes focused on his bicep. “You don’t have to,” I said in a small voice.

  “I do. And I have to say it to you, because Silas and North aren’t talking to me. The whole team isn’t talking to me. No one will listen to me. If I talk to you, and you tell them I said I’m sorry, they’ll stop being dicks.”

  I grunted.

  “Hey,” he said. He caught my chin, turning my eyes to meet his. “I thought you said before we were on the same team.”

  “Maybe the same team,” I said. “I don’t know for sure if we’re on the same page.”

  He smirked. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come after you like that. I was on some bad shit, okay? It wasn’t until after the fight that I realized I was losing it.”

  I was about to say forget it and walk away. I had thought of trying to run, and if running didn’t work, punching him in the gut and then running.

  But he was apologizing. He seemed sincere. “You didn’t mean it?” I asked.

  His smirk subsided and he nodded. “I was being an ass. It wasn’t really me. I’m not normally like that.”

  His words took root in my mind, though and something clicked. “Jay said something was wrong with you. Did you happen to be taking something new going around?”

  “New? Yeah. Was supposed to be the undetectable weed. Same great taste, parents never find out. Except they don’t tell you it makes you all fucked up in the head.”

  “What is it?” I asked. I wanted to make sure it was the same stuff the others had suspected.

  His smirked returned. “Why? You want some?”

  “I’ve heard about it.”

  Rocky reached into his pocket, pulling out a tiny glass bottle. Inside was a white crystal powder. “If you want some, I’ll give it to you. But I should monitor you. The first couple of hits are okay. Too much, and you’re a basket case.”

  I glanced around, surprised he had the nerve to bring it out in the hallway. “What is it?”

  “JH14. Some type of synthesized shit. Should teach me to go with all natural. I don’t want to use any more, but feel weird wasting the bottle. Like throwing money away. And I didn’t poison John with it. I wouldn’t do that. I don’t care what the guys say, I don’t do that.”

  I reached for the bottle to examine it closer. That little bit of stuff was causing all the damage? It looked like salt. Kind of.

  He pulled his hand back. “Hey. I didn’t mean do it here. Are you crazy?”

  “Sorry. I just wanted to look at it. Did you give this to anyone else?”

  “What?”

  “My sister? Did she ask you for this stuff?”

  “You have a sister?”

  I pursed my lips. He didn’t know? “Marie Sorenson? Or Danielle?”

  He scratched at his eyebrow. “I think I know a Danielle. Maybe.”

  So he wasn’t the one who fed drugs to Marie and Danielle. He didn’t know anything about it. I glanced at the bottle again. “Rocky, I’ll tell the guys what was wrong with you and I’ll show them this. Then they’ll probably talk to you.”

  “I don’t want them to think I did that to John. Or get them sick.”

  “They won’t take it. I’ll just show it to them as proof so they can see it for themselves. They’ll believe me. North and Silas will.”

  Rocky tilted his head. “You’d do that for me? After... I mean...”

  “It’s not your fault,” I said. “It’s that. Wasn’t it?”

  He slowly took my hand and passed the bottle between us. I took it from him nervous to be holding something that was possibly illegal on school grounds.

  “I don’t suppose I could get you to go out with me after all this.”

  I hid the bottle with both hands and held it close to my chest. “Rocky...”

  “I know, I know.” He held up his hands, smirking. “Can’t blame me for trying,” He said before walking off.

  I watched him turn the corner, my heart thundering. At least he trusted me with this. If I brought it to Silas, maybe he could fix things with the team. After all, they weren’t here to cause problems, or to create rifts among friends. For Rocky’s sake, I hope he could find his place again. We may not be here to save him from himself next time.

  I ran the rest of the way to gym class. I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to participate, but I’d at least show up. I felt like I needed a stretch after sleeping.

  When I got there, I had already tucked the vial into my book bag, in one of the lowest pockets. I couldn’t get to Mr. Blackbourne or anyone else right now. It would have to wait.

  Karen was waiting for me by my locker. She was already dressed and sitting on the bench. “What took you?”

  “Got stalled.” I picked out my gym clothes, and stuffed my bag into the locker. I weaved around other girls to dash for the stalls to change.

  When I returned, Karen was still by my locker. She held the lock in her hands, spinning the dial. I tossed in my clothes, she snapped the door shut and she put the lock into place.

  “You didn’t have to wait for me,” I said.

  “If I show up ahead of you, Nathan gives me the eyeball.”

  “Eyeball?”

  “Yeah, like asking me why I left you or whatever.” She smiled. “Besides, this is gym class and it’s stupid. I don’t mind exercising, but I’d rather play sports I like, not run around the parking lot like an idiot because the school can’t afford a proper track.”

  We went to our places for gym. During warm-up exercises, all the coaches were watching me, which made me shake a little when I had to stand on one foot in stretching. I guess they were waiting for me to fall over again.

  But I stretched like usual. I did take it a little easy, paranoid, too, of fainting again. If that happened, I didn’t think I’d ever get out of being grounded.

  Nathan and Gabriel were warming up across the room. It was their eyes I felt the most. Gabriel waved on occasion. Nathan, with his swollen eye, only gave a slight effort into the workout because he was watching me. The coach whistled at him so he’d stop long enough for the coach to stop paying attention to him and then wo
uld turn his attention to me again.

  Coach French stood in front of the girls. “Okay gang, we’re going to continue getting ready for the state required mile run. Everyone, outside.”

  “You were serious,” I said to Karen as the line of us was redirected out to the parking lot.

  “Oh you only wish I was kidding,” she said.

  When we got back to the locker rooms, I slowed down behind the others. Since I was going to meet Kota at his car and didn’t have to run for a bus, I wasn’t in a hurry. I took my time getting to the locker room.

  “Is North really replacing Rocky on the football team?” Karen asked as she stayed behind with me.

  “I don’t really know,” I said, surprised she’d heard about it. “I don’t think so. I don’t think he’s interested in being quarterback.”

  “Is it something to do with their fancy school?”

  How much did she know about that? “Maybe,” I said.

  “You know, I hear teachers talking about them,” Karen said.

  “Which ones? What do they say?”

  “Just about all of them. They ask why they need to wear uniforms. They said Mr. Hendricks tells them they’ll be gone before the end of the school year.”

  I collected my clothes, drawing them to my chest and shutting the locker. “Oh,” I said, unsure how I could contradict what Mr. Hendricks said.

  “It’s just a little weird.”

  I turned on her, catching her eyes. “Do you not like them?” I asked. Was that what she was getting at?

  “Oh they’re fine,” she said, although her eyes slipped, glancing at the lockers. “I hear you never really talk to anyone else.”

  She was concerned? Or maybe more than a few people noticed I only really hung around the guys. It was a little strange. I remembered Mike and Jer at the game, came over to talk, but seemed to slip away when the boys showed up. It had been an odd feeling to be included like that. I didn’t really feel like I belonged though.

  I smiled, although weakly. I just wanted to be nice. “You’ll be here next year? Maybe our schedules will sync more.”

  She perked up at this, a smile caught on her lips, and she really did look like a pixie with the short hair and the smart brown eyes. “Maybe.” She picked up her cell phone, checking the screen. “My manager’s got a stick up her butt today.” She stepped away from the noisy lockers, down further into the room and started typing something into her phone.

  By the time I got to the stalls, most of the other girls were gone from the locker rooms. The stalls were a distance from the lockers, behind a long wall toward the back. I usually picked the furthest one by the wall.

  Once inside, I stripped off my shirt, letting it fall to the ground, and then hooked my fingers into my shorts, tugging them down my legs. They felt dirty so I was going to take them home for a wash.

  There was a shove of the door as it opened, and it struck me in the back. It threw me off balance and I tripped forward against the wall. With my shorts around my ankles, the best I could do was catch myself before I fell over and hit my head on something.

  I sensed someone standing in the opening. I waited, a little embarrassed but not looking back. It was in my throat to chuckle off the experience and apologize. I must not have locked the door properly.

  When the awkward silence lasted longer than a minute, I turned around, crossing my arms over my body, sure she was just as awkward and freaked out as I was.

  Jade stood in the opening, staring hard at my body. She was making no attempt to hide that she was intent on my breasts and then moved her gaze down to my underwear. She smirked. “Victoria’s Secret? I thought you were more a Fredrick’s of Hollywood type.”

  I started to drop to pick my shorts back up. She stepped on my hand with a hard-soled boot, and continued to step until the toe caught in the crotch of my shorts. She stomped, and the material yanked down to the floor.

  My eyes widened, my voice caught and my cheeks were on fire. “What are you doing?” I asked, my voice choking off as a squeak.

  Jade smirked, shutting the door to the stall and locking it with her inside, so close I could feel her breath on my face. “You wanted to play with the big girls?”

  She loomed forward. Out of panic, I instinctively took a step back. With her foot still on the shorts around my ankles, I landed with my back against the wall, tilted in an awkward position where I had to strain not the fall over.

  “Let go,” I called at her, my voice rising so high, it began to crack.

  Her hand weaved through my hair, snarling and yanking my head back. My head snapped against the wall. I tried to push her off, but she grabbed my arm. I was barely hanging on to the wall by grasping it with my other hand.

  My eyes were wide with fear, and I thought I cried out, but no sound came. I pushed at her shoulder in a panic. She pulled my head further backward and down against the wall, until I thought I was going to scrape my head against the brick. It hurt so bad that I was crying, clawing at her arm to let go.

  “You started this,” she said. “Everyone thinks you’re this innocent little thing. I’m going to prove to them you’re a slut. You’re no better than anyone else in this school.”

  I wanted to cry out again, but the moment I opened my mouth, she popped her mouth down on mine. It wasn’t a kiss, but cupping my mouth with hers like she was doing mouth-to-mouth. Something slid down over my tongue, feeling like a softened pill, and landed at the back of my throat. I tried to spit it out, but she gripped my hair harder and I choked.

  She pressed her other hand over my throat, rubbing.

  I scraped at her arm. She yanked my hair again.

  I tried to cough out the pill, but her hand on my throat forced me to swallow.

  When my throat finally cleared, I was screaming. Only my screams were silent. I was squeaking. My voice was broken again. A softened pill. Like North. I thought it was her before. Now I knew.

  Why did she give it to me like that?

  “What the hell was that?” Jade asked. She let go of my throat, holding me by the hair as I teetered and almost fell. Her free hand slid down my chest, grabbing a breast over my bra. She weighed it in her hand. “Hm. Not quite ripe. I bet they’re still pink.”

  I shoved her hand away, but she yanked at my hair again, and I instantly grabbed her wrist to hold it. If I wasn’t holding her wrist, she yanked and hurt too much. I tried to kick her, but trying to lift my leg, I was teetering too far. I had no doubt I’d crack my head on the toilet.

  Jade hooked her fingers into my bra and shoved it down until my nipples were exposed. She caught my phone as it tumbled, then threw it down. She stared at my chest again. “Yup. Pink.” She felt around my breast, squeezed and then pinched at my nipple.

  An arrow of pain jolted through me at her touch. I wanted to cower. I wanted to squirrel away and hide. I raked at her arm.

  She yanked harder at my hair. My forehead caught a rough bit of wall, and it cut through. I cried my silent howls of pain.

  “What is wrong with you?” Jade shoved me by my breast at the wall.

  Her fingers trailed down along my stomach, slipping between the material of my underwear and my body. Fingers cupped between my legs. My legs drew together, clamping down against her hand, but she wriggled. I tried grabbing at her arm...

  Suddenly, the room was dazzling, spinning; whatever she had given me seeming to take effect. It was all I could do to hang onto her wrist; it was the only thing keeping me up. I was ready to fall over.

  Her fingers gripped at my underwear, yanking it tight up against my crotch.

  “You know, I thought it wasn’t true... But you really are a virgin, aren’t you?” Jade’s stunned face swam in front of me. “Never would have guessed.” Her fingers curled, reaching down. “I can fix that.”

  I jerked my body away from her hands before she got too close. I tilted, and I caught myself with a knee slammed against the wall, barely holding myself up.

  “Sang?” Karen�
�s concerned voice floated to us.

  My eyes widened. Jade seemed to realize what I was going to do, but with her fingers snarled in my hair, and her hand in my underwear, she was too slow. I shoved an arm against her, trying to push her back. I did my best to stop myself from shouting too loudly to prevent my damaged voice from disappearing.

  “Help, Karen.”

  Jade’s hand withdrew from my underwear, clamping down over my mouth.

  A wash of color faded in and out across my eyes. It was hard to focus. It reminded me of when I had woken up from fainting, that state between being asleep and waking up.

  There was a rush at the door of the stall, like someone pushing at it. “Who’s in there?”

  That was a simple question. “Jade.” I mumbled from behind Jade’s fingers.

  And suddenly my legs gave away, my knees buckled. Despite Jade trying to hold me up, I slunk down. My legs didn’t want to work. Or I didn’t want them to work. It was hard to focus on reasons. Why were the walls moving? All I knew was, I was on my butt on the tile, and I was crying with my eyes open.

  The bathroom stall door opened. Jade squared off and rushed at Karen. Karen fell back, but caught hold against the brick and shoved her shoulder into Jade’s chest. Jade fell out of my view. Karen ran after her.

  I started to get up, but when I tried, my body shook so hard from sobs I couldn’t feel. My whole body tingled and was numb. The moment a thought entered my mind, like calling the boys, or making sure Karen was okay, the thought slipped away. I couldn’t focus. What I really wanted to do was cry but I already was, and it wasn’t good enough.

  Karen returned in what felt like an hour later, but I was sure that was wrong. Time was broken. Karen stared hard at me and then knelt, grabbing my arm.

  I pulled back from her. I didn’t mean to, but my muddled mind couldn’t take it. I didn’t really know her. I was naked. I needed her to go away. I needed to cry. I needed one of the boys.