Rain Shadow

by L. A. Witt

  “Pity we don’t have any condoms with us,” he murmured.

  “We don’t?”

  “Don’t think so.” He bent to kiss my neck. “We’re probably way too high to fuck anyway.”

  We’re high? Oh. Right. We are. Wow, we are.

  I squeezed his ass through his shorts. “We don’t have to fuck. Kinda like what we’re doing.”

  “Me too. And we’re too high to drive back.”

  “Probably too high to walk back.”

  A laugh burst out of him. “Now that you mention it . . .”

  Our eyes met, and we both started laughing. God knew if it was the weed or what, but it felt good, lying in the sand with another man who was as stupidly giddy as I was.

  “Well,” I said. “This probably is the only thing we’re good for right now.”

  “Mm-hmm. So we should keep doing it.”

  “You’re right.” I wrapped my arms around him. “We should.”

  Scott was sound asleep. I should’ve been too, considering it was three forty-five and I had to pick up Anna in a few hours.

  But I was wide awake. Comfortable, warm, definitely sleepy, but I’d been awake for a while now and wasn’t quite ready to let myself drift off yet. Not with Scott pressed up against me like this.

  We were on our sides, my arm slung over his waist, and I didn’t even mind that his hair tickled my nose. That minor annoyance was nothing compared to how much I loved this. Holding him, every breath tasting like him, while he snored softly beside me.

  In the three years since my divorce—and the four before that since I’d come out to my wife and we’d realized our sex life was over—I’d missed this kind of contact. Lying together, warm skin to warm skin, holding on to each other with no pretense of starting up another round of sex like the one we’d had earlier. I’d missed the quiet companionship of just being next to someone who didn’t resent me, who wasn’t grudgingly staying by my side out of obligation.

  A few of my one-night stands had stuck around until breakfast, and one or two had been cuddlers, but this felt different somehow. With the other guys, I’d always been a little anxious. Worried I’d roll over and bump him, or that if I moved, I’d wake him up and annoy him.

  With Scott, I didn’t really move. When I fell asleep beside him, I woke up exactly where I’d fallen. My arm would be asleep and I’d have a crick in my neck, but it was worth it to wake up still wrapped around him.

  And losing some sleep in the middle of the night, that didn’t bother me either. What wasn’t to love about listening to him sleep?

  Good God, you’re getting sentimental in your old age.

  My own thought nearly made me laugh, but I bit it back to keep from waking Scott. Yeah, maybe I was getting sentimental. Listening to a man sleep—as if we were actual lovers instead of fuck buddies? That made about as much sense as the butterflies that went bananas in my stomach whenever I looked forward to seeing him again.

  Ah well. I’d been dying for human affection and lonely enough to be going out of my mind. If filling that need made me a little sentimental, so be it. It didn’t mean a thing.

  Beneath my arm, Scott stirred. “You awake?”

  “Mm-hmm.”

  He turned slightly, as if he could crane his neck and see me in the dark. “Something wrong?”

  “No.” I kissed the back of his shoulder. “Not a damned thing.”

  “’Kay.” And in seconds, he’d drifted off again.

  I pressed another kiss to his skin and smiled in the darkness.

  No, there was definitely nothing wrong about this.

  The weekly counseling appointments had just been a part of the routine for as long as I’d been guarding Anna, but those days were over. Now, they were something to look forward to.

  A few weeks into this, the ladies hadn’t caught on as near as I could tell. Then again, they were usually pretty preoccupied when we got here. When Anna and I walked into the waiting room today, they exchanged civil but frosty gazes, and I doubted either of them was even consciously aware of my presence.

  Scott walked in, glanced at me, and continued into his office without saying a word. Usually, I got a little thrill from that. From seeing him, exchanging the subtlest of looks, and then spending the afternoon fantasizing about what we’d do when we were alone that night.

  Today was different. Scott had texted me earlier to let me know this was one of those rare mornings when the planets aligned and he had a cancellation at the same time Anna and Leigh had their appointment. As soon as they went back to see Dr. Vincent . . .

  I suppressed a shiver. Soon. Not soon enough, but . . . soon.

  It dawned on me that I shouldn’t have been quite so impatient and my stomach shouldn’t have had quite so many butterflies over meeting up with a booty call. Were we getting too intense?

  My mind drifted back to the many nights we’d spent together recently. The hours I’d spent savoring his presence beside me when I should’ve been sleeping. Were we—

  Oh, quit overthinking it.

  Of course I was itching for him. Sex with him was second to none, and everything I wanted with him was well within what we’d agreed upon. Friendly and physical. Warm bodies and well-matched libidos. What wasn’t to love? Didn’t mean I was in love with him.

  And any minute now, I’d be in his office. All I had to do in the meantime was keep myself from getting a hard-on out here in the waiting room. Anna, Leigh, and I all sat in silence, looking at our phones. I scrolled through Facebook, but didn’t really read anything. I just needed to do something, to look at something, to occupy my attention and kill some nervous energy while that clock above the door lazily ticked away the minutes between now and ten o’clock.

  I wondered if Anna or Leigh were any more interested in what they were reading than I was. Beside me, Anna fidgeted. Occasionally, she gave that sharp sigh that usually came when someone was making her wait more than normal. God, I hoped Dr. Vincent wasn’t late. Anna would insist on cutting their appointment short—she had meetings today, and even Leigh understood Anna couldn’t be late—but that wouldn’t change the fact that the longer it took for their appointment to start, the longer I had to sit here with two doors between me and Scott.

  I scrolled faster. Memes and statuses blurred by much too quickly to attract, never mind hold, my attention.

  C’mon, Doc. Whatever you’re doing right now cannot possibly trump how badly I need to get into your colleague’s office.

  After the whole goddamned morning had gone by—okay, he was five minutes late—Dr. Vincent stepped out and smiled at Anna and Leigh. “Sorry, I’m running a little bit behind. Come on back, ladies.”

  They went back with him. I waited a moment, then got up and casually went to Scott’s door.

  My knuckle barely hit the door before he opened it and dragged me into his office.

  By the time the door clicked shut behind us, we were already wrapped up in each other, kissing hungrily. It never ceased to shock me how relieved I felt in his arms. Like every minute apart had made me crave him, and now that we were against each other, I could breathe again.

  “I’ve been looking forward to this since you texted me,” I murmured.

  “Me too.”

  I cupped his neck and kissed him again. “Always looking forward to— Jesus, Scott . . .”

  He kneaded my dick through my pants, and my knees were about to shake right out from under me. “My God, I want—”

  “I want to do all the things we can’t do in your office.” I pressed against his palm, my head spinning as my cock got even harder in his hand. “Be ready tonight, because I am going to fuck you so—”

  “Jesus,” he breathed, shivering against me. “No way I’m going to be able to concentrate now.”

  I laughed just before I kissed him again. Speaking—even to tease him—was impossible now, but kissing him was better than talking, so I nudged his lips apart and slid my tongue under his. I cupped his face, and whenever his jaw
moved, his stubble brushed my skin, sending little tremors of arousal right through me—as if that vaguely abrasive contact was a subtle code for this is Scott. Nobody else. Scott.

  He nudged me back, and without breaking the kiss or making a sound, we leaned against the wall and kept right on making out like a couple of horny teenagers. His hard-on rubbed against mine. He definitely needed some attention. A quick, frantic blowjob now, and so much more later.

  I reached for his zipper and—

  A door slammed, startling us apart.

  “Leigh, wait!”

  “No. I’m fucking done.”

  “Oh shit,” I muttered and jerked back. “I have to—”

  “Go, go.” Scott shooed me toward the door. “Text me later.”

  “Will do.” Still fixing my clothes, I hurried out into the hallway, hot on Anna’s heels.

  She stopped in the waiting room and looked around. “Jeremy?”

  “Right behind you.” I still sounded breathless. Shit.

  She didn’t seem to notice, since she and Leigh were suddenly staring each other down.

  “I’m going,” Leigh snarled. “I’m fucking—”

  “Leigh, come on.” Anna gestured back toward the office. “Just sit down, and we’ll—”

  “And we’ll what, Anna?”

  The other patients in the waiting room stared with wide eyes, and I stayed back, subtly putting my appearance back in order.

  “I’m over it!” Leigh snapped. “You want me to bend and bend and bend, but the minute I need some flexibility from you, suddenly it’s—”

  “You know that’s not true. You fucking know it.”

  “Do I?” Leigh put up her hands. “I’m serious. I’m done. We can talk about this later.” With that, she turned on her heel and stormed out.

  Anna covered her face with her hand and swore. Then she murmured an apology to the other patients and went back into the hall.

  “I’m sorry,” she said to her counselor. “I don’t know what—”

  “It’s all right,” Dr. Vincent said. “Give her some space. Give yourself some space. When you’ve both caught your breath, sit down and talk about what upset you both. And don’t hesitate to schedule another session if you’d rather not do it on your own.”

  I gritted my teeth. Yeah. Schedule another session. Put some more money into the pocket of the guy who’s accomplishing nothing.

  “I’ll call you,” she said. “I guess for now I should go to work. Get a head start on all that bullshit.”

  Her counselor nodded. “You know where to find me if you need me.”

  “I do. Thanks.” She offered a weak smile, then gestured for me to follow her. Gaze down, shoulders sagging, Anna left the office.

  In silence, we stepped into the elevator. As it took us down to the ground level, she turned to me. “You weren’t in the waiting room.”

  “No, I . . .”

  “Guess I didn’t think we’d pick the exact moment you were in the bathroom to have a fight and storm out.”

  “The bath— No, I wasn’t.”

  “Then . . .?” She eyed me. As the elevator opened, we stepped out, and she suddenly laughed. “Oh my God. Don’t tell me . . .”

  I glanced down and realized my shirt was rumpled, and though my belt was buckled, it still wasn’t quite straight. “Um . . .” I cleared my throat, at a total loss for what to say.

  “Oh. Oh.” Anna shook her head and managed a halfhearted laugh. “Well, I guess that means you don’t get bored during our appointments anymore.”

  Well, at least she was smiling, so I didn’t change the subject.

  As I adjusted my belt, I said, “You, uh, don’t mind me . . . um . . . during your appointments . . .”

  She waved her hand. “Nah.” As we got into my car, she said, “Honestly, I think it’s stupid they even make you come with me to these. So, I won’t tell the studio if you don’t.”

  “Deal. And it doesn’t happen all the time, by the way.” I held open the glass lobby door for her. “Only when he doesn’t have a patient.”

  “Sorry.” She grimaced. “Guess we picked a shitty day to—”

  “What? Don’t apologize. We’re there for you. Scott and I can meet anytime.”

  “I know, but . . .” She ran a hand through her hair, but didn’t finish the thought. And she didn’t seem all that surprised. Maybe because her mind was still on the fight she’d had with Leigh. My activities during her appointment probably weren’t all that significant to her at the moment, and I didn’t blame her.

  I started the engine and pulled out of the parking space. As I left the parking lot, I glanced at her. “After what happened up there, are you okay?”

  “Yeah. I’m . . .” Exhaling hard, she leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees as she covered her face. “God, it just keeps getting worse and worse. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

  “It might be out of line for me to say this—”

  “Don’t worry about it.” She shook her head and gestured dismissively. “I don’t even know which way is up right now, and I couldn’t care less about what’s professional.”

  I took a breath. “Have you considered maybe it’s time to call it quits?”

  Anna exhaled hard, sagging back against the seat. “I’ve been thinking about that for a long time. But the longer we do this, and the more work we put into it, the harder it is, you know? Like I don’t want all that effort to be wasted.”

  “It isn’t wasted. You’ve done everything you can to try to make things work.” At a stoplight, I turned to her. “There’s no shame in accepting that the relationship is over.”

  She wiped her eyes, then met mine. “You been hanging around Scott too long, haven’t you?”

  “No. He’s . . . not the first marriage counselor I’ve known.”

  She held my gaze, but didn’t say anything.

  Returning my attention to the road, I watched the light, waiting for it to turn green. “You want to know my biggest regret with my divorce?”

  When I glanced at her, she raised her eyebrows.

  I swallowed, facing forward. “That we didn’t just walk away when we knew it was over. We dragged it out for so long, it’s honestly a miracle we’re as amicable as we are.”

  Anna shifted her gaze toward the window, but didn’t say anything.

  “I want to see you and Leigh happy.” The light changed, and I gently accelerated. “Just . . . don’t waste both of your lives trying to fix something that won’t be fixed.”

  She sank back against the seat. “I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately, to be honest. I mean, I’m starting to think that even though we love each other, we don’t really like each other anymore.”

  I grimaced. “That’s rough.”

  “Yeah. Not sure what I can do about it.” She laughed dryly. “Well, at least some good is coming out of this, though. You’re hooking up with Scott.”

  I wasn’t sure if I should laugh at that, but when I glanced at her again, she smiled, so I chuckled. “Well, I can’t complain about that part.”

  “Better than reading old magazines for an hour, right?”

  “So much better.”

  “Is it serious?”

  “No. Neither of us wants a relationship.”

  For a second, I expected her to feed me the same lines most people did when they knew I’d sworn off relationships.

  Instead, she just gazed out the window and sighed. “Can’t say I blame you.”

  Less than an hour later, I was standing outside yet another meeting. A heated one, judging by the occasional sharp voice or sharp smack—a hand hitting a desk, most likely. That didn’t alarm me anymore. When Finn Larson and Anna were in the same room, someone was bound to get pissed off. I’d only intervene if it sounded like things were getting out of control. Which would probably mean prying Anna off Finn, rather than protecting her. I was kind of surprised he didn’t have a bodyguard these days. And that between her job and her relations
hip, Anna wasn’t on blood pressure medication.

  I pulled out my phone to text Scott.

  He’d beaten me to it, though: Everything ok?

  While Anna and Finn shouted back and forth behind closed doors, I wrote back: Seems to be.

  A moment later, he came back with: Good. Pity they interrupted us.

  Wasn’t that the truth?

  I replied: We’ll make up for it tonight.

  “Is Anna in a meeting?”

  I looked up from my phone to see Leigh, a bag of to-go containers in one hand and a couple of coffees in the other.

  “Oh, hey.” I nodded toward the door. “Yeah. They should be wrapping up shortly, though.”

  “Great. Great.” Raising her eyebrows, she grinned playfully. “So, you and Fletcher, huh?”

  It took a second to make the connection, but then I laughed as heat rushed into my cheeks. Shrugging, I said, “Guess I can’t really hide it now, can I?”

  “No.” She laughed. “Well, he seems like a good guy.”

  “He is.” I watched her for a moment. “Listen, um, are you doing okay?”

  “Yeah. Yeah.” She adjusted the bag in her hand. “This morning got a little intense, but I guess that’s part of the process sometimes. Working through things you’d rather not talk about.”

  “True. Been there, done that.”

  She scowled. “So has every couple I know who isn’t a couple anymore.”

  My heart sank. As painfully obvious as it was that they were in a bad place, it was still hard to watch them go through it.

  The office door opened, and we both looked up.

  Anna came out and stopped in her tracks so quickly Finn nearly collided with her. “Leigh.” She blinked, ignoring Finn as he stalked off. “I . . . wasn’t expecting you.”

  Leigh’s cheeks colored. She held up the takeout. “I thought we could have lunch. Maybe talk?”

  “Oh.” Anna’s eyes flicked toward the bags, and she nodded. “Sure. We can . . . we can do that.”

  “And we haven’t been out to dinner in a while. I was thinking we could do that tonight.”

  “That would be—” Anna looked at me. To her girlfriend, she said, “Let’s do lunch, but then meet up at home for dinner.” Leigh started to protest, but Anna gestured at me. “So he can cut out for the evening and go see his man.”