‘I know I should have taken a step back and informed the school when her infatuation got out of hand, but I thought I could handle it. And I was lonely,’ he added, so quietly that she almost didn’t catch what he had said at first.
‘You’re blaming me? This is all my fault because I was too busy caring for Mum to give you the attention you needed?’
‘I’m blaming no one but myself,’ he said, and when Vikki walked away, he caught up with her. ‘I was helping Scarlett with her grades, that was my only motive in giving her the extra lessons. And when she sent that photo, I told her she was out of order.’
‘Was that before or after you installed an encryption app on your phone?’
‘I don’t know anything about this app Liam created, Vikki. The police checked my phone and found nothing, and that’s because there’s nothing to find.’
When Rob stopped suddenly, Vikki carried on a few steps before turning to face him. There were tears in his eyes.
‘I didn’t do what they’ve accused me of, Vikki. What everyone seems to forget is that Scarlett isn’t suggesting I did either.’
‘But she would protect you at all costs, wouldn’t she, Rob? She thinks it’s her fault. You knew it was wrong, but you couldn’t say no, not to her. Isn’t that how it goes?’ Vikki asked, her eyes focusing somewhere in the dim and distant past until Rob’s stricken features came back into view.
‘Please, Vikki, don’t. You want to punish me for showing an interest in these girls, even a professional one, I understand that. But don’t let your jealousy jeopardize what we have together. You are, and always will be the love of my life, and I only want what’s best for you.’ He reached out to her but let his hand drop when she didn’t move. ‘But maybe what’s best for you is that I walk away now. Tell me to go, Vikki, and I’ll go,’ he said, pausing long enough to take a breath, but not for Vikki to answer. ‘Or am I right in thinking there’s a reason you asked to meet here? Did you want to remind yourself that what we have is worth fighting for?’
‘You always could read my mind,’ she said, not sure if that was a good thing any more. ‘Especially while we were over there on the blanket.’
As Rob followed her gaze to the shade of the wisteria, he said, ‘God, I remember lying with you in my arms, and it feeling so right. You used to tell me how all you wanted was for us to spend the rest of our lives together. Remember?’
Like the tangle of shadows beneath the wisteria, Vikki’s memories had become twisted. She could recall saying something like that, but was that really all she had wanted? Sarah had been right, she had had other aspirations beyond marriage. Why did everything seem so different, looking back?
‘I remember you telling me not to live my dad’s dreams for him, that I should do what I wanted to do, but who’s to say going to uni wasn’t what I wanted too?’ she asked. ‘Yes, I wanted you, but why did I have to give up everything else?’
‘You make it sound like I forced you.’
‘No, I know you didn’t,’ she said, ‘but sometimes, you told me what I wanted before I’d worked it out for myself, like I had a secret I was too afraid to share.’ She laughed but it caught in her throat. ‘Remember how I got a thrill from kneeling down in front of you and giving you a blow job? It was what I wanted and you were only following orders. That was what you told me I was thinking, and I didn’t say it wasn’t.’
Her thoughts, spoken out loud, shocked Vikki as much as Rob. She had wanted to hurt him, she supposed. She needed him to question their relationship as much as she had been doing, and from the look on his face, it had worked. ‘If I made you do things you didn’t want to—’ He stopped speaking to shake his head. ‘I’m so sorry. I thought it was good that we knew how to please each other. I thought what we had was special. Are you saying none of that was real?’
He swept his hand over his eyes, as if she hadn’t seen his tears. ‘No, it was real,’ she said softly. Perhaps Rob was right, she had returned to Ellison House to remind herself that what they had.
‘But you wanted other things, too, like a career,’ he said. ‘I realize that now, but I swear, I never knew at the time how strongly you felt about it. You didn’t tell me, how was I supposed to know?’ He took a step closer, bringing him within touching distance. ‘If you can find it in your heart to give me a second chance, I will make things right, I promise. I’m almost certainly about to lose my job, but maybe that could be a good thing? I could look after the kids and you could be the breadwinner, if that’s what you want.’ He shook his head and tears slipped down his cheeks. ‘You might have to be. Who would want me now?’
Vikki was trying not to let Rob’s raw emotions get to her, but there was a warmth in her chest that had started to melt her frozen heart. He was crying openly as he dropped to his knees and rested his hands on her hips.
‘I don’t blame you for doubting me,’ he said, ‘but I swear I never have and never will love anyone the way I love you. We belong together. Freya needs us, and the new baby needs us too. I’m the one on my knees now, and I’m begging you, Vikki. Please come home.’
With Rob looking up at her, Vikki felt as if she were towering over him. He had told her so many times that she was the one in charge, but this was the first time she had actually felt as if she were in control of her own destiny, and his too. ‘Tell me you didn’t touch her,’ she said. ‘Look at me and swear you never had sex with Scarlett.’
Rob took deep breaths as he struggled to compose himself. He used his shoulder to wipe away tears while his hands moved from her hips to her abdomen. He placed a protective palm gently over their unborn child. ‘I swear to you, Vikki, I never slept with her.’
When he kissed her stomach, Vikki closed her eyes and let her body find the answer to the question that had been consuming her for weeks. She didn’t recoil from the touch of a monster, she felt a connection that had been there all along, one that linked her life to Rob’s and always would.
Rob stood up and when he wrapped her in his arms, it felt so right, exactly as she remembered from those early days. This was what she wanted more than anything, to have her old life back, and Rob’s kiss was the sweetest and most satisfying feeling she had ever experienced.
Her hands moved lower and she held on to his hips to pull him closer. Her need for her husband was so intense that she was tempted to lead Rob back to their favourite spot, but something began vibrating in his back pocket. She managed to grab hold of the phone before Rob had time to react.
‘Give it to me,’ he said.
It wasn’t so much the words but the panic in his voice that forced Vikki back towards the shadows she thought she had escaped only seconds earlier. The phone in her hand was one she didn’t recognize, a cheap plastic thing that Rob must have bought as a temporary replacement. When he tried to take it from her, Vikki twisted away from his grasp. The caller’s number was withheld and as she lifted it to her ear, her heart filled with dread.
Rob tried one last time. ‘Please,’ he said.
Scarlett
I’d been feeling pretty pleased with myself after convincing Charlotte to tell the truth. He’d said if I could do that, the investigation would be over and there would be no chance of the police ever linking me to him. But then it all went so wrong and now I wish I was dead. I swear I can’t do this any more. I don’t know what I’m going to do. It’s a complete mess.
None of this would have happened if Mum hadn’t dragged me to Wales. It was horrible when I got stuck on my own with Sarah. She was all wound up because of the way Mum had spoken to her, which she so deserved. It was about time someone told her what a manipulative bitch she can be. I hate people like that.
While Mum was trying to find out why Bryn had turned up, we waited in a coffee shop. Sarah didn’t want to talk to me and spent most of the time on her phone. She phoned Miles and went on about all the trouble I’d caused. She thought she was making me feel guilty, as if I cared!
Actually, I did care, but no way was I go
ing to let Sarah know. It was the same with Mum. I know I’ve been angry with her like forever, but it’s only because I miss how it was before everything changed, when it was just me and her – and, OK, Liam too, but you know what I mean. Before things got so complicated.
So I was sitting there, ignoring Sarah, when I saw Bryn’s car drive straight past. Sarah didn’t notice, she was too busy making one call after another because she’s so bloody important. I waited until she was in deep conversation with some solicitor when I told her I was going to the toilet. The minute her back was turned, I headed straight out the door and went to a phone box I’d seen further up the road.
I’d memorized his number, but until that point I’d been too scared to phone him. I didn’t have my mobile and I couldn’t use the house phone in case the police were listening in, you never know. This was my first chance and I knew I’d have to talk fast, but I should have been more careful. I should have made doubly sure it was safe for him to talk, but when I heard him speak, he sounded so desperate. ‘Please,’ he’d whispered and I wanted to reach down the line and hold him and never let go.
‘Oh God, I miss you so much,’ I told him, and I didn’t care how frustrated he sounded, I was going to make him need me even more. I was going to make sure he would see me again, and soon. ‘I keep thinking about the other night. I want you to fuck me against the wall again.’
‘Please, no,’ he said again.
I was about to smile. I had him. And that’s when I heard her voice and everything stopped. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to slam down the phone and just start running, but my legs had turned to jelly.
‘So it’s true,’ the voice said. It was Vikki, and that’s when I realized Rob hadn’t been begging me, he’d been talking to her. She was the one holding the phone and now she was talking to me. ‘I think we need to talk, Scarlett.’
I dropped the phone, but when I turned, Mum was there in my face, while Sarah was racing up the road towards us.
‘Who were you talking to?’
Do you know? At that point I really was going to tell her everything, honestly I was. It wasn’t like I could keep it a secret any more, but Mum didn’t give me a chance.
‘Oh, don’t bother. I doubt you could tell the truth even if you tried.’
‘Sorry, Nina,’ Sarah said after she had caught up with us. ‘She was there one minute and gone the next.’ She gave me this snarly look – as if that was going to scare me. I had enough to worry about, thank you very much.
Mum wasn’t as worried about my mystery phone call as she should have been. She was all hot and bothered after speaking to Caryn and from the beaming smile on her face, I could tell it had gone well. I was glad for her, and I honestly and truly do mean that. It wasn’t so great for me though. It looked like I might have to face Bryn now, on top of everything else.
30
Vikki’s jacket fluttered behind her as she ran, the sleeve torn where she had snagged it on the fence in her haste to get away from Ellison House and Rob. When she realized his car had been blocking hers in, she had run straight past and continued down the road. If Rob was chasing her, her heart was thumping too loudly to hear his footfalls. He hadn’t called after her, she was sure of that.
‘It’s over,’ she had said when she had thrown the mobile back at him, but she doubted Rob would understand the enormity of that statement. The time had come for Vikki to stop letting other people think for her and to take control of her life.
She ran until her lungs were ready to explode, and then she just kept going. She almost missed the bridle path that would take her through the woods and across farmers’ fields towards her mum’s house. She was retracing the route she and Rob had taken with Freya only a few months earlier, but her mind was taking her further back in time; much further back.
Vikki had never been one of the popular girls at school, but by the time she reached sixth form she had an established group of friends, which had included Amy. Her social life hit the right balance between studying hard for the grades that would get her into university, and letting off steam when the pressure became too much. She was never a wild child, never allowed the partying to get out of control, and she had made her dad proud.
It had come as a surprise when her grades had started slipping. English had been her strongest subject and Mr Swift had been a fantastic teacher, even though he was pretty new to the job, but she suspected he was still the problem. She had had such a ridiculous crush on him, and when he offered to give her extra lessons, she was almost grateful that she had been failing the subject.
The thing she liked about Rob, particularly when they were on their own, was the way he talked to her as his peer. He listened to her opinion and sometimes changed his after she gave a stirring argument about Hamlet’s motivation for revenge, Steinbeck’s use of narrative or the best cheese to put on toast. He had treated her like an adult at a time when it was still a novelty and her crush had turned into something far more potent.
She would spend every moment she could with him, pretending to pore over the latest set text when all she could think about was how close he was sitting next to her. She couldn’t quite recall the moment she realized he felt the attraction too. It started with little compliments, quickly followed by apologies for speaking out of turn, mixed messages that told her he was as confused as she. Then one day she had been leaning in close enough to feel his breath on her face and she had dared herself not to move away.
‘You want to kiss me, don’t you?’ he had said, just like that.
And she almost had, but pulled away at the last minute.
Rob had given her such a sad smile. ‘Maybe you’re right, Victoria, you usually are. I’m your teacher and you shouldn’t be having this effect on me. Mr Taggart certainly wouldn’t approve. You’re seventeen and still a girl.’
‘No, I’m not,’ she had answered angrily.
‘Really?’ he had asked before leaning over to whisper the challenge that was to be her undoing. ‘Prove it.’
And that was how it had begun, with Rob telling her what she wanted. It was how he had controlled her, it was how he had controlled them all. She had seen the similarities – Scarlett’s extra lessons, that kiss with Charlotte – but she had been as blind as they were. She hadn’t wanted to admit that all the time he had been telling her how clever she was, she had been such a fool. But she saw it all too clearly now.
Rob had been the one to form her ideas, and for the most part she hadn’t even noticed that they weren’t her own. There had been times when she had done things that she hadn’t wanted to do, but she hadn’t corrected him because Rob had said she was his downfall. He was risking his career for her schoolgirl smile, and she had wanted to prove herself worthy.
She had given up her friends, using them as an alibi so she could be with Rob, and eventually they had stopped asking her along on nights out. She had rejected the life her dad had thought was all mapped out, and all because Rob had called her a rebel. Not that taking a gap year to work in an estate agent’s had been particularly rebellious. With hindsight, Vikki realized she had simply traded one authority figure for another, and one far more controlling.
When she had completely shelved the plan to go to university so she could marry Rob, it hadn’t seemed such a big sacrifice, not if it meant protecting his reputation. She might have disappointed her dad, but her mum had been relieved to see her so happy and settled. And Vikki had been happy because she was convinced she had the one thing she really wanted; the love of the man who had been prepared to risk everything for that first kiss and all the ones that followed.
When Vikki reached home, Elaine’s car wasn’t on the drive, which meant there was no one ready to catch her. She burst into the house and let out a howl that had risen through her body on a tide of anger. How could she have been so stupid, so gullible? Hitting her fists against the door she had slammed behind her, Vikki drew breath and cried out again, and again, and again, only thankful that Freya wasn’t th
ere to hear her sobs.
She hated the person she had become. Expertly moulded by Rob, she was nothing more than a product of his imagination. Even when she tried to think about the baby she was carrying, it made her feel no more than a vessel for Rob’s use. She pulled off her trainers and the jacket that had been pressed up against Rob’s chest, dropping them on the utility room floor. Not stopping there, Vikki pulled off her jumper and her jeans and her socks, until all she had on were her knickers and bra. She scooped them all up and shoved them in the washing machine with some detergent, but before switching it on, she added her underwear too.
No longer in a hurry, Vikki walked with slow, deliberate steps through the house. She didn’t care that her naked body was on show as she walked past open windows. No one could see her. She wasn’t there. She felt nothing, even though she was shaking uncontrollably. It was possibly a reaction from the heat of her recent exertion, or even from the cold. She didn’t know. She couldn’t feel a thing.
Heading upstairs, she switched on the shower and turned the setting to scalding hot. Not flinching as she stepped beneath it, Vikki scrubbed and scrubbed her body, but no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t get clean. A shower wasn’t going to wash away the disgust and loathing she felt for herself. At seventeen, she had been clever, clear-headed and determined. Her dad might have had plans for her, but they had been based on her dreams and she had been grateful for his help because she had been overwhelmed by all the possibilities he made her believe were hers for the taking. It had been scary and exciting all at the same time, but these emotions were nowhere near as compelling or addictive as her feelings for Rob.
Vikki wondered at what point she had stopped being what Rob wanted. At what point had he felt the need to search out a new student to mould to his needs? Was it when she had become a mother? When she had lost her dad? Or was it when her mum had been ill and Vikki had her first real taste of independence? And if she had outgrown him, where was this new woman she had become, the one who had impressed Sarah Tavistock? Vikki had to believe she was still in there somewhere. She wasn’t defined as Rob’s wife and she wouldn’t be defined as his victim either. Overwhelmed by a new surge of anger, Vikki screamed out again, but it caught in her throat as she looked down and saw the blood. So much blood.
The Affair Page 30
