Nina had slept in her own bed for the first time in a long time, and what was more, she had slept soundly. For once she hadn’t lain awake worrying about Scarlett and the failing investigation, or wondered how Liam and Eva would get through the next few days. She hadn’t wrestled with the constant guilt of leaving Janet to run the shop on her own and, most surprising of all, she hadn’t spent the night wondering if Bryn could ever trust her with his love again. She had closed her eyes and she had fallen into a deep sleep, not waking until sunrise.
There was a reason for this unusual sense of calm and it was simple: she had made progress. No matter how many steps back she might be forced to take, yesterday she had taken a step forward, and she had liked how it felt.
When she had been greeted by a distraught Caryn at the house, Nina had refused to let insidious doubts invade her heart. Instead she had felt it clench as she held close the love she felt for her husband. She had taken Caryn into her arms as if she were her own and told her it was going to be all right, promising they would work out what to do together. She had briefly wished she could do the same with Scarlett.
‘Mum told me what happened, and it’s my fault,’ Caryn had told her. ‘I was so angry with Dad for moving away and giving up on me. When he married you, I thought I’d lost him for good. I’m sorry I didn’t come to the wedding. I was angry, I suppose. But I never wanted any of this to happen.’
‘It’s not your fault, Caryn,’ Nina had told her.
‘But if you’d met me, if you’d known how good a person Dad is, you’d never have thought he would do, you know, the things you thought he had, and you’d still be together.’
‘I should have known he was a good man, anyway. I should have loved him enough to never doubt him,’ Nina had said, and then it was Caryn consoling her.
Caryn explained how she had been trying to make things right by inviting Bryn over. She hadn’t told him that Nina was on her way too until he was in the house, thinking it would be relatively easy to bring them together, but she hadn’t factored in how much her dad was hurting. It would have taken all his courage to face Caryn, fearing he would be hurt again, and dealing with Nina had been too much for him. He had panicked, and he had run away.
The two women had sat down with cups of hot tea and slices of bara brith while Caryn shared small glimpses of her life; the past and the present. The rich fruit loaf featured in Caryn’s daily rituals and she ate a slice slathered in butter once a day. It was only a small slice and the battle with anorexia went on, but the cake reassured her that she was winning. Caryn was at pains to point out that her problems had started long before Bryn’s faux pas. She had struggled with self-image as a teenager and, in spite of a previously close relationship with her dad, when she had found a reason to hate him, she hadn’t been able to let it go.
Listening, Nina had seen parallels in her relationship with Scarlett, which made her more determined than ever to bring father and daughter back together again. If Bryn and Caryn could do it, there was hope for her and Scarlett too.
‘Bryn explained how he felt about it once,’ Nina had told her. ‘He said it was like waking up one morning and discovering a brick wall standing between the two of you. You were talking at cross purposes and everything he said was misinterpreted. While he thought he was holding out an olive branch, you were fending off a sharpened spear.’
‘Is that what it’s like with you and Scarlett?’
‘Yes, except I’ve given up on olive branches.’
‘You shouldn’t,’ Caryn had said.
‘I won’t, and neither will your dad.’
That was when Caryn had decided to phone him. Nina had warned her that he would be driving, hoping to soften the blow if Bryn ignored her call, so they had both been surprised when he answered the call almost immediately. Parked in a layby, her beautiful, beautiful man was crying, and he was scared. He hadn’t been able to say much but he had listened to Caryn and, to her surprise, he hadn’t disconnected the call when Caryn passed the phone to Nina.
‘I know you don’t want to talk to me,’ she had told him, ‘and if I’m honest, I have nothing meaningful to say, no explanation and certainly no justification for treating you like I did. My belief in you should have been strong enough to withstand any doubts about us, about you, but to my shame, it wasn’t.’
On the other end of the phone she could hear Bryn taking a juddering breath. He made no other response, but what had she expected? She had said nothing that he would disagree with.
‘Maybe it was because we rushed into marriage before we got to know each other properly, but we did it for the right reasons, Bryn,’ she had continued. ‘I love you. You might be too good for me and I’m pretty sure I don’t deserve you, but I want you in my life. I want to be your wife until my dying day. I want to love and honour you like I vowed I would, if only you’d give me a second chance.’
After such an outpouring of emotion, she had received no more than a mumbled promise that he would think about it. It wasn’t much, but it was more than she deserved, and when she climbed out of bed the next morning there was hope warming her heart. She slipped on Bryn’s dressing gown and imagined it was his arms wrapping around her.
‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered. ‘Do you hear me, Bryn? I’m sorry. Please, come home.’
Knowing she wasn’t going to receive an answer while hiding in her bedroom, Nina stepped on to the landing. She glanced at Scarlett’s bedroom door and contemplated opening it. Her daughter had been noticeably subdued on the journey home from Wales and Nina’s instinct, for what it was worth, told her that she was still in her room.
Liam’s door was ajar and his bed empty. It was unusual for her son to be up and about so early, but today was not an ordinary day and she tracked him down in the darkened kitchen. He was sitting at the breakfast bar with his head in his hands which, in Nina’s experience, was never a good sign.
Nina switched on the light and when Liam didn’t look up, she asked, ‘What’s wrong, love?’
He rubbed his eyes with the balls of his hands and released a loud yawn as if he had just woken up. Nina wasn’t fooled but pretended not to notice his damp cheeks. ‘Sorry, I didn’t hear you getting up. Do you want me to make you a coffee?’
‘I won’t say no,’ Nina said, and as soon as she sat down, Liam got to his feet.
She waited patiently until the drinks were made and Liam had regained his composure sufficiently to tell her what was wrong. He sat down and pushed a steaming mug towards her before wrapping his broad hands around one for himself. He blew across the surface, took a sip, and said, ‘Eva’s mum is taking her to the clinic today.’
Nodding, Nina said, ‘So she’s going ahead with the abortion?’
‘She messaged me this morning. Actually, we’ve been messaging each other all night. It might be the right thing to do, Mum, but for a while we had this picture of what it would be like. It’s hard for her to do what she has to do, and for me to let her do it on her own.’
‘You’re not going? But I thought …’
‘Her mum said I have to keep away.’
‘Isn’t it enough that she’s got Eva to do what she wanted? Does she have to make it even more painful for you both?’
‘Apparently, yes.’
After putting the world to rights the day before, Nina was more than ready for another fight. ‘When are they leaving?’
Liam looked at the clock on the wall. ‘In a couple of hours, I should think. Why?’
Nina grabbed the phone Liam had been keeping at arm’s reach. She handed it to him and said, ‘Phone Eva and tell her I want to speak to her mum. Now.’
The two mothers hadn’t spoken since Nina had been unceremoniously kicked out of the McEldry house, but she didn’t bother wasting time on pleasantries. ‘I understand you’re refusing to let Liam go with Eva to the clinic.’
‘He’s had more than enough involvement in my daughter’s life. He got her into this mess and we can do without his kind
of help, thank you very much.’
‘Isn’t that the point?’
‘Sorry?’
‘You’re right, Liam did get your daughter into this mess. He should have thought about the consequences before he became intimately involved with your daughter. He should have taken precautions, and the fact that he didn’t means that he should bear the greater responsibility.’
‘I agree,’ Mrs McEldry said unhappily.
‘Then perhaps you would also agree that today is going to be a difficult and unpleasant one. Why should Liam be excused? Why shouldn’t he see the pain and discomfort that Eva’s going to go through, physically and emotionally? Are you letting him off the hook?’
Mrs McEldry scoffed at the idea. ‘No, certainly not.’
‘In that case, he should be there.’
Liam was watching expectantly as Nina waited for an answer, which wasn’t immediate.
‘Fine, but tell him from me, I don’t intend to make it easy on him.’
‘Oh, believe me, I wouldn’t want you to.’
When Nina put down the phone, she looked long and hard at her son. His eyes were bright with anticipation. ‘She’s agreed?’
‘Yes.’
Liam went to high-five his mother. ‘Good move, Mum.’
She waited until he let his arm drop back down. ‘You think I said all of that just for effect?’ she asked. ‘You think you’re not to blame for this? I meant every word I said, Liam. You got a sixteen-year-old girl pregnant and, maybe, with everything that’s been going on with Scarlett, I haven’t had the time or the energy to be as mad at you as I should, but that doesn’t mean you have my unquestioning support. You will go to that clinic and when you’re there you can think about the life you created so casually, and the life you’re destroying. It’s the right thing to do, and you’ll be there to reassure Eva of exactly that, but don’t think for a minute that it’s going to be an easy decision to live with. And next time you decide to have sex, you make absolutely sure you behave responsibly.’
Liam’s cheeks were glowing with embarrassment, but she hadn’t finished. ‘You take proper precautions, Liam, or you leave your dick in your trousers.’
With his jaw clenched, he dropped his head and mumbled, ‘OK, Mum, I get the message.’
Nina took a deep breath and her chest swelled. She had taken another step forward. ‘Good,’ she said.
And then there was a knock at the door.
‘Do you want me to get it?’ asked Liam.
A number of possibilities rushed through Nina’s mind as to who might be calling at this hour. She questioned her earlier instincts and wished she had checked Scarlett’s room. ‘No, I’ll go.’
Refusing to relinquish her buoyant mood quite so soon, Nina opened the door without hesitation.
‘Hello,’ Bryn said.
Nina froze, unsure how to react until she knew what Bryn’s visit heralded. She could be about to mourn the breakdown of another marriage, or she could be getting her husband back. It was impossible to tell, because Bryn’s expression was giving nothing away.
‘Can I come in?’
Nina stepped to one side.
‘Hello, son,’ Bryn said to Liam, who had appeared in the hallway.
‘Good to see you, Bryn,’ Liam said. ‘I’m so glad you’re here.’
‘Well, I’m relieved someone is.’
‘I am too.’
Bryn raised his gaze to the top of the stairs where Scarlett was standing in nothing but an oversized T-shirt. He winked at her before turning his attention back to Nina. ‘How about you?’
Refusing to let her emotions run free, she bit down hard on her lip. ‘I suppose that depends on why you’re here.’
Bryn rubbed the back of his neck. ‘I think maybe we should talk – privately.’
On her way to the kitchen, Nina passed Liam. ‘You’d better go and get ready. You don’t want Eva leaving without you.’
‘I was about to,’ he said, and when Bryn walked past, he put his hand on his stepfather’s shoulder. ‘I hope you’re here to stay. You wouldn’t believe how hard a time Mum’s been giving me.’
‘From what I hear, it’s probably deserved.’
Liam’s cheeks glowed as he hurried away up the stairs.
Once they were alone in the kitchen, Nina was desperate to find out if she had a right to hope. ‘Why are you here, Bryn?’
‘It’s not what you think,’ he began, ‘or at least not completely. I’m here because Vikki Swift has sent me. I have a message – technically, it’s for Scarlett.’
‘What did she say?’
Again, Scarlett’s voice had appeared from nowhere. She had ignored Bryn’s request to speak to Nina in private as if she had known it would be about her.
Scarlett
After that stupid, stupid phone call, I was just waiting for things to kick off. I actually threw up on the way home from Wales. I said I was car sick, but really it was because I was so scared, trapped in that car, waiting for Mum’s phone to ring. And I wasn’t being, like, completely selfish, I did think a bit about Vikki and how she must have felt, hearing me saying those things. If I’d been her, I would have phoned the police straight away and got Rob locked up for good, and probably found a way to lock me up too. But there was no phone call, and no sign of the police when we got home.
I didn’t want to see or hear from anyone, not even Rob. I knew he’d be so angry. We were almost in the clear and I’d gone and wrecked everything. So I decided that if he was going to prison for years and years, I wanted the last memory he had of us to be a nice one; the one of me sneaking off to see him in the middle of the night. I wanted him to spend years longing for me, not hating me. That was what I wanted.
After I’d gone to bed and we still hadn’t heard from anyone, I started wondering if I might be worrying for nothing. Maybe Vikki wouldn’t want Rob to go to prison. She had her little girl to think of and, you know, the baby.
Anyway, that seemed like the most obvious explanation for the police not showing up, which I suppose should have made me feel better, but then I got it into my head that maybe she still loved him. Rob had been telling me his marriage was pretty much over, but it must have been OK enough between them for her to get pregnant. He said it wasn’t planned, but not everyone is as hopeless as Liam and Eva. I know you must think I’m stupid for not thinking of it before, but after lying awake all night, I finally realized that Rob had probably been lying to me as well as his wife.
You’d think that would be enough to knock some sense into me, but it wasn’t like I could just switch off my feelings. It was still possible for him to be in love with two people at the same time. There are men in some countries who have more than one wife, and I wondered if that was an option. Seriously, that was what I was thinking. Vikki would get to keep the father of her children and I would get to keep my secret boyfriend.
And then Bryn showed up.
At first, I didn’t think it had anything to do with what was happening with Rob and Vikki, and I was so happy to see him. Mum had been acting strange since meeting Caryn, like she didn’t hate me so much any more, and if Bryn was back, it would put her in an even better mood.
It was obvious they wanted to talk alone, but I crept downstairs to listen anyway. I wanted to say sorry, and not only to Bryn but Mum too. It was only when Bryn mentioned Vikki had a message for me that I knew that was it, my life was over. But that was when he told Mum how Vikki had been rushed into hospital and she’d lost the baby. That was why she hadn’t gone to the police.
I’d killed their baby.
I felt dizzy and sick just thinking about it, and I was waiting for Bryn to tell Mum how it was all my fault, but he obviously didn’t know yet. He had been the one to bring Vikki home from hospital – apparently, she’d asked for him when she phoned for a cab. I couldn’t believe she wanted to speak to me after what happened, I thought I’d be the last person she would want to see.
‘I’m not going,’ I told him.
The thing about Bryn is that he isn’t someone who reacts straight away. It takes a while for him to get angry. Even when Mum had accused him of messing around with me, he’d been more sad than angry, but something had been building and building inside him, and there was no slow-burning reaction this time – it was like he exploded.
‘You will go!’ he roared at me. ‘You might not think you owe me or your mum an apology, but you owe one to that poor woman.’
I wanted to tell him that I was sorry, but it was too late, wasn’t it? I’d killed a baby and everyone was going to hate me even more, especially Vikki. I thought about locking myself in my room, but I couldn’t hide away for ever so I decided I might as well get it over with. From the look on Bryn’s face, I didn’t really have a choice.
31
The doctor had seen no reason to keep Vikki in hospital once the ultrasound had confirmed there was no foetal heartbeat. Nature would take its course and there was nothing they could do to prevent the miscarriage now, but Vikki had known that the moment she had started bleeding. She had dragged herself out of the shower and phoned her mum, incoherent at first, saying over and over that Rob had been sleeping with Scarlett, and how much she hated him. Only when she mentioned that it was his fault she was losing the baby did her mum realize what was happening. Elaine had been out shopping and somehow had the presence of mind to drop Freya off with a family friend before coming home.
There had been plenty of missed calls on Vikki’s phone while she was at the hospital. Some were from ‘Home’ and some from an unrecognized number, which she presumed was Rob’s new mobile. That presumption was confirmed when she received a text message from the same number, then another, and another after that. They were pleas rather than messages. He wanted to speak to her; he wanted to explain; he loved her.
The Affair Page 31
