The drive home had been relatively calm, compared to the frantic ride to the hospital. Vikki had sent her mum ahead to pick up Freya, insisting that she would be fine taking a cab home. Elaine had refused at first and only agreed when Vikki reassured her that she would have a friendly face to drive her. She had considered telling Bryn everything when he picked her up, feeling duty-bound to do all she could to make things right between him and Nina, but there was someone else she had vowed to speak to first. In many respects, Scarlett was no different from Vikki, and it was time the two compared notes.
When Scarlett arrived with her mum the following morning, Vikki was downstairs. It had required a lot of effort to get ready, but she had taken her time with her appearance because, whether she liked it or not, she and Scarlett had been competitors for Rob’s affections. While the prize was no longer worth the fight, she wanted to believe she still had some self-respect.
‘She’s in the kitchen,’ she heard her mum saying at the front door. ‘We were just on our way out to the park.’
Vikki could hear the pain scratching her mum’s vocal cords. She was still reeling from the sight of seeing her daughter naked and bleeding, and would face more pain when she knew the full extent of what had happened and how far back it went.
‘Don’t let us stop you, we can find our own way,’ Nina said.
There was a chorus of goodbyes as Elaine left the house with Freya, and a moment later Nina appeared in the kitchen.
‘Hi,’ Vikki said and made to stand.
‘No, don’t get up,’ Nina said, going over to give Vikki a hug. ‘I’m so sorry about the baby. How are you?’
‘It could be worse,’ Vikki said, and for a fleeting moment wondered if the miscarriage might be marginally better than still being pregnant, but before that wicked thought could settle into her consciousness, she added, ‘Or maybe not.’
The room became crowded as Bryn and Scarlett joined them in the kitchen. It was clear from the way Bryn was holding up the rear that Scarlett would still be on the doorstep if she’d had her way. The two young women locked eyes briefly and said nothing.
‘I’ll leave you to it,’ Bryn said.
Nina spun around. ‘You’re going?’
‘I have a couple of errands to run,’ he said. Turning to Vikki, he gave a more truthful answer. ‘And I doubt you want an audience.’
Vikki smiled, grateful for this gentle man’s insight. It was hard to imagine how anyone could have doubted his intentions, but as she knew from bitter experience, no one could be taken at face value. Rob being a case in point. ‘Thank you, Bryn.’
Nina wasn’t nearly as impressed by his valour. ‘But I thought—’
‘I’ll come back,’ he promised. ‘Phone me when you’re ready to be picked up.’
Still agitated, Nina asked, ‘And you will answer your phone?’
‘You could always go with him?’ Vikki suggested. ‘I was sort of assuming I’d be talking to Scarlett alone.’
In panic, Scarlett turned to Nina. ‘Mum?’
Vikki had last seen Scarlett in Mrs Anwar’s office, and she looked almost as terrified about talking to Vikki as she had about being questioned by the police, if not more so. There had been an air of defiance back then, but not now. ‘Why don’t you sit down, Scarlett? Would you like a drink?’
‘I can do that,’ Nina said.
Vikki ignored the objections and stood this time. ‘No, I can manage. I’m not as weak as I look,’ she said for Scarlett’s benefit.
‘In that case, we’ll be off,’ Bryn said, pulling his wife away. ‘And we can come back whenever you’re ready.’
Nina scribbled down her mobile number and thrust it into Vikki’s hand on the way out. Once they were alone, Vikki worked in silence as she made a cup of tea for herself and poured a glass of water for Scarlett, whose dry lips were sticking together.
Vikki’s movements triggered a fresh wave of cramps that had been only one of many reasons she hadn’t slept. ‘I hope you’re not going to waste time denying what happened yesterday,’ she began as she joined Scarlett at the kitchen table.
‘Have you told the police yet?’
‘I haven’t told anyone yet.’
‘But you’re going to.’
‘One of us is.’
Scarlett was shaking her head. ‘I won’t do it. I can’t. I’m really sorry about what happened to you, and I feel bad about the baby and all that, but you don’t understand—’
Before she could finish, Vikki said, ‘But that’s the point, Scarlett. I think I do understand, or at least I’m starting to. I haven’t brought you here to interrogate you, if that’s what you’re thinking. There are things I need to know, but mostly, all I want is for you to listen. And believe me, this is going to be hard for me too. OK?’
The girl with the violet eyes hunched her shoulders and dropped her gaze. ‘I suppose.’
‘You might think you’re special, Scarlett,’ she said to the crown of the young girl’s head, ‘but you’re not. You’re another version of me. I’ve been protecting Rob too, and in the space of twenty-four hours my whole life has been rewritten. The special relationship I thought I had has been replaced by another, seedier version that makes me sick even thinking about it.’
Vikki couldn’t quite gauge Scarlett’s reaction, until she saw the telltale shake of the head. She didn’t want Vikki to continue, but nothing was going to stop her now.
‘Did he ever talk about me?’ she asked. ‘I bet you didn’t know we started dating when I was at school, did you? It turns out the only real difference between you and me is that I was in sixth form when I first slept with Rob, and he was a single man in those days.’ She paused so her words could give Scarlett’s conscience a nudge. ‘I was over the age of consent, but it was still illegal. He was in a position of trust and I was under eighteen, so I had to swear not to tell anyone. That’s what he asked you to do, isn’t it? To take your secret to the grave?’
When Scarlett lowered her head further, Vikki said, ‘Can’t you at least look at me? I’m not asking you to talk, Scarlett. I’m only asking you to listen and I’d rather not talk to the top of your head.’
Scarlett lifted her head, but not her gaze; she looked everywhere except Vikki’s face.
‘You know, you might think I’m really sensible and mature, but I don’t feel that much older than you. I went from living with my mum and dad to living with Rob, so I’ve always had someone looking after me and telling me what to do. I’m twenty-four and I still feel like a naughty child when I do something without asking Rob first – or at least, I did.’ She stared at Scarlett until they finally locked eyes. ‘The worst thing is, I never really noticed I didn’t have a will of my own. I was happy to rely on Rob telling me what I wanted.’
‘I wasn’t forced into doing anything, if that’s what you’re saying.’
‘Are you sure? I think I would have said the same thing not that long ago,’ Vikki said as she sifted through the ravaged memories of her relationship. ‘I became involved with Rob because my grades were slipping and he offered to give me extra lessons, and in those lessons we talked about anything except whatever paper I was supposedly struggling with. Is that how it started with you?’
Scarlett was reluctant to answer, but managed to give a tiny nod.
‘When we were alone together, Rob kept telling me off for leading him into temptation. I thought I was so good at seduction that I could do it without even knowing and, stupidly, it’s taken me until now to realize that simply being alone with him constituted enticement in his warped mind.’ Vikki stopped and squeezed her eyes shut as a dull pain rippled across her abdomen. ‘I can remember him pleading with me not to make him do it, as if I was pinning him against the wall and snogging his face off. I wasn’t. I was sitting on the other side of the desk, in complete awe of him, not just because he was so attractive, but because I was shocked to have that power over him.’
Scarlett wiped the corner of her eye, but it was
too late, the tear had fallen.
‘When it came to sex,’ Vikki said, ‘I was insatiable. That’s what he told me. I was adventurous and up for anything, so much so that I shocked him. And I shocked myself because I didn’t know I was like that. “Don’t hold back,” he used to tell me, “play with me, play with yourself, make a noise, don’t be shy”.’ Her cheeks felt warm; not with embarrassment but humiliation. ‘And I believed him. I thought no one would ever know me as well as he did. How could they, when he knew me better than I knew myself? But it was all a lie and I went along with it because I didn’t want to be a disappointment. He was putting his job on the line for me and I owed it to him to be worth the risk. I never saw it as abuse.’
‘But you got married. How can you call it abuse if he married you?’
‘How could anyone question it if we were married?’ Vikki added, thinking how Rob had dodged an investigation from the school. ‘And if the worst that had happened was that we fell in love and lived happily ever after, I’d happily agree with you. So what if he was my teacher? I was seventeen and he was twenty-three. We fell in love and it was only circumstance that made it a problem. His intentions were honourable, right? Except, they don’t look honourable any more, do they? And what he did to me, he did to you too, Scarlett and that is abuse. And then there was Charlotte, and God knows who else.’
‘Charlotte lied,’ Rob said quietly.
Vikki gasped and there was the sound of chair legs scraping across the floor as Scarlett’s body jolted. For a moment Vikki thought Scarlett was about to leap into Rob’s arms, but the schoolgirl had moved reflexively. Vikki hadn’t moved at all except to turn her head towards the figure standing in the doorway that led out through the utility room. Her mum had left the back door unlocked.
‘How long have you been standing there?’
‘Long enough,’ he said. His voice was soft and not in the least bit threatening. The man the police would soon label a predator sounded dejected and lost. ‘You sound so different, Vikki.’
‘I’m not your little girl any more,’ she said. ‘I’ve grown up a lot since I saw you yesterday, Rob. I’ve had to.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Scarlett said, directing her apology to Rob. ‘About yesterday. About everything.’
He looked at her and smiled. ‘I’m not here to blame anyone but myself. I’m weak and I allowed myself to be in love with two women at the same time.’
‘She’s fifteen,’ Vikki reminded him. ‘You might have used her as a woman, but she’s still a child.’
‘I know. I’m sorry.’
‘You have to leave,’ Vikki said. ‘Mum’s going to be back soon.’
‘She’s not long left.’
‘You’ve been watching the house?’
Rob’s face creased with pain. ‘I’ve spent the last twenty-four hours waiting for a knock on the door and when it didn’t come, I dared myself to hope. But listening to you now, Vikki, I know I have to face up to what I’ve done to you both. At least let me stay long enough so I can apologize.’ He glanced at Scarlett and, choking on his words, added, ‘All I ever wanted was to please you both, but I’ve ended up hurting you so much. I wanted to be everything to everyone and now …’ He put a hand briefly over his mouth as if he couldn’t bring himself to admit it. ‘Now I’m nothing.’
‘You’re not,’ whispered Scarlett.
‘You’re better off without me, Scarlett. You both are.’
Vikki’s tone was less conciliatory. ‘Don’t,’ she warned him.
‘Don’t what?’
‘Don’t waste your time trying to make us feel sorry for you. Do you really think you can sneak in here to beg forgiveness and we’ll agree to pretend none of this happened?’ As she spoke, Vikki’s words became louder and stronger. ‘Do you think you’re so good that you can handle the two of us at the same time?’
Rob took a step towards her. ‘No, not at all.’
‘Don’t you come near me!’ she yelled.
He stopped. ‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Vikki.’ He held out a hand towards her in the vain hope that she might change her mind and reach out too. She didn’t. ‘I came here to tell you I’m going to make it easier for everyone. You don’t have to testify against me, either of you.’
Scarlett stood up. ‘You’re going to the police? You can’t!’
Taking a step back, he said, ‘I just wanted to say goodbye. All I ask is that you don’t hate me too much. I wasn’t all bad, was I?’
The question was directed at Vikki. She didn’t offer an answer, only a question. ‘You’re not going to the police, are you?’
‘I love you, Vikki. I love our children. Remember that.’
He turned slowly, as if he were deliberately leaving enough time for someone to stop him.
‘Wait!’ Scarlett said and lunged forward in time to grab his coat sleeve and turn him around. ‘If you’re not going to the police, where are you going?’
He cupped her damp cheek in his hand. ‘You really were my downfall, Scarlett.’
‘No! You’re not—’ she started, but couldn’t bear to complete the sentence. She swallowed hard and tried again. ‘You’re not thinking of killing yourself?’
‘Forget me, Scarlett. Concentrate on your exams and prove to the world that I was a good thing in your life. Will you do that for me?’
‘No,’ she said and then louder, ‘No! Don’t leave.’ But Rob was already pulling away from her.
Turning to Vikki, Scarlett demanded, ‘Are you seriously going to let him go?’
When the house phone began to ring, Vikki ignored it. She was watching Rob and, as he prepared to walk out of her life for good, he stopped at the doorway so she could take one last look at him. He was waiting for his wife to save the day.
‘Before you go,’ she said softly, ‘tell me that you still love me, Rob. Tell me that Scarlett meant nothing to you and you would never have left me for her. I need to know.’
‘I love you, Vikki, I swear I always did and I always will.’
‘And Scarlett was only a fling? She meant nothing?’
Tears welled in Rob’s eyes. ‘I love you both. I know that condemns me, but I won’t lie to you, not any more.’
Scarlett let loose a sob and put her hand to her mouth. ‘I love you too.’
From the kitchen counter, Vikki’s mobile began to ring. She ignored that too. ‘If we were able to move forward from this,’ she said, ‘who would you choose, Rob?’
Rob scraped a hand over his face and his eyes fell on Scarlett. ‘I’ve inflicted enough damage on you and your family. It would be better if we had a clean break so you can rebuild your life.’
Scarlett swallowed back a sob. ‘No,’ she said.
‘It’s the right thing to do, you see that, don’t you? I know you had dreams, and for a while I was carried away by them too, but the sacrifice is too much, for both of us. Think of what you would be leaving behind, think of your mum.’
‘I don’t care, she hates me anyway!’
‘So do it for me. I can’t split myself in two, Scarlett, and I still want what’s best for you. You’re a clever girl, and I won’t hold you back the way I did with Vikki. I was selfish, I should have tried harder to convince her go to university instead of staying in Sedgefield with me. I won’t let my love stifle your potential too. And then,’ he said, turning to Vikki, ‘I can concentrate on making things right between us. I’ve lost my job, but I can still be a good husband and father.’
‘And faithful?’ Vikki asked.
Rob took a faltering step forward, but stopped. To reach Vikki he would have to step past Scarlett. ‘God, yes, Vikki. I swear if we can all see a way past this, I’ll never so much as look at another woman.’
‘Do you swear? Like you did yesterday, when you swore on our baby’s life that you hadn’t slept with Scarlett?’
When Bryn had driven Nina into town, they had spied Elaine’s car parked near the entrance to Victoria Park and had decided to stop at a nearby coffee
shop in case they could catch her on her way back to the car. Nina was impatient for news and hoped that Elaine would at least know what Vikki had planned. All Vikki had told Bryn was that she knew Rob had been lying to all of them and she wanted to help put things right.
‘What happens now?’ she asked.
They were sitting outside the coffee shop, the sun glinting off the silver bistro table while the vapour from their breath mingled with the steam from their coffees.
‘We wait until Vikki calls,’ Bryn said. ‘And hope by some miracle she’s managed to succeed where everyone else has failed. Scarlett must see now that she has to start talking.’
‘Actually, I wasn’t even thinking about Scarlett,’ Nina said. ‘I meant, what happens with us? Do you think you could ever forgive me?’
‘It’s been a weird twelve months or so, don’t you think?’ he said. ‘A year ago we were still getting to know each other and now …’
‘And now we’re still getting to know each other.’
They smiled politely at each other, as strangers might when they recognized a mutual attraction but didn’t quite know what to do about it. ‘I can’t move back,’ Bryn confessed, ‘or at least not straight away. I think we need to take our time with this. Is that OK?’
Nina nodded, grateful for the shred of hope Bryn was offering. ‘More than OK. And it’s not like we haven’t got our work cut out with other family relations. I think it’s pretty obvious that I took my eye off the ball with Liam and Scarlett, and it’s my job to fix things.’
Bryn didn’t disagree. ‘While I have the challenge of forging a new relationship with my daughter.’
‘You’ll be fine,’ she said.
‘Would you come with me, though?’
‘To see Caryn?’
Bryn nodded. ‘I’m scared of messing up again.’
‘You won’t. I don’t think Caryn would let you.’
‘Even so, I need you.’
‘I like the sound of that,’ Nina said. ‘After weeks of feeling useless, it’s so good to be needed for something.’ Her voice cracked slightly, emotion and relief welling up in her like a tide.
The Affair Page 32
