What Doesn't Kill You

by Aimee Hix

  “I know there’s only so much you can do and that you’re trying to help. I don’t think I could ever say thank you enough.”

  Guilt tickled at my heart. Not a punch, just a tickle. I was busting my ass to get their granddaughter clear of murder charges. Okay, I was busting my ass trying to prove that a guy I thought was a good guy was really a murderer, but Violet benefited. And I had just committed a felony in the name of justice. I was a bad ass crime solver. Who was taking a break for cookies. I swallowed and took a sip of the tea.

  “I know you both would want me to do anything I could to make sure Violet wasn’t blamed for a crime she didn’t commit.”

  Take that, David. I wasn’t thrilled I had to strong arm him to get the information I needed—the information he should have already given the cops, I might add—but I’d do it again.

  Susan patted my hand and pushed the cookie plate closer. “Have another, dear. I know these are your favorites.”

  I nodded. And a mean thought occurred. Okay, semi mean.

  “David, would you like a cookie?”

  He had to drop that damn paper now. And he did. Enough to snag a cookie and raise it in the air as if toasting me. And then he put the paper back up again. Well, fine.

  The sight of an unattended motorcycle parked in front of my house as I left the Horowitzes’ made my stomach clench. I took the side stairs up to Dad’s office as a shortcut and spotted Seth sitting at the kitchen table with Ben. A box I assumed was the game sat on the table in between them. Seth looked up and smiled at me. It was not a nice smile. Acid, sour and burning, churned in my stomach.

  “Hey, Ben. How was school? Lots of homework?”

  He turned to look at me. Based on his reaction, I’d guess my face didn’t look friendly. “Um, yeah, I do have some stuff I need to take care of. Later, Seth.” He didn’t exactly run out of the room, but he didn’t linger.

  I slid into his vacant seat. “I told you to stay the hell away from me.” My jaw was clenched so tight my neck ached.

  Seth leaned back in his seat and stared at me, unnerving and intimidating. He’d certainly mastered the look despite how recent his foray into the world of crime had been. I stared back. I didn’t feel very threatening but I was willing to fake it.

  “Yeah, I did hear you say something like that but then I figured you must have been joking since you visited me this morning.”

  I shrugged. “You must have hallucinated me. I can guarantee I never want to see you ever again.”

  He leaned forward slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. “Oh, you know exactly what I’m talking about, Willa. You broke into my apartment this morning and when you got caught you lied that you were my girlfriend.”

  Dammit! It was a rookie mistake to tell the apartment manager that. I chuckled trying to control the laugh so it didn’t waver. “Right. Your girlfriend. Are you sure it wasn’t one of your bimbos? I mean, they all look pretty similar to me, which hardly seems like a coincidence now that I think about it. Let me repeat it using short, simple words: I did not break into your apartment.” I stood up and crossed my arms. “Now, if you’re done with your wild fantasies, I’d like you to leave.”

  He stayed in his seat. “What were you looking for?”

  I rolled my eyes, pretending I was bored, and strode toward the foyer. “I’d love to say it was nice seeing you again, Seth, but we both know it wasn’t. At least this time your insults were creative.” I opened the front door and stood at it, barely hearing the scrape of the chair being pushed away from the table over the thump of my heart.

  He stopped too close, looking down his nose at me. “When I figure out what you were looking for, I’ll be back.”

  I fought the urge to press my back against the wall and away from his body. “Since it didn’t take last time … stay away from me, this house, and anywhere you think I might turn up. And definitely stay away from Ben. I may not be a cop anymore but I still have friends who are, and I can make your life pretty damn uncomfortable, Seth.”

  “You don’t scare me, Willa.”

  I got up in his face, dropping the mask I’d been so careful to keep up with him. “I should scare you, Seth. I have no idea what you want with my brother, but if you do anything to hurt him I will put you in the fucking ground.”

  He looked startled. “I … what … ”

  Ben’s heavy footfalls sounded from the back hall. “Will, what were you doing this morning? Why is there ATF data in these files you pulled?”

  The puzzle pieces rearranged themselves in my head. Seth’s behavior, our confrontation at the garage, all the guns in his apartment.

  “ATF? You’re ATF.” I stared at Seth.

  He took a step back, looking like he’d swallowed his tongue.

  Ben looked back and forth between us. “I don’t understand. It was Seth’s place? Why?”

  Seth dropped his head and laughed, a short, mirthless bark. He turned to Ben. “Can you give us a minute, man? And, um, I need you to stay out of those files.”

  Ben shuffled off back down the hall and I tried, valiantly, to fight back the anger and disgust I was feeling.

  “That’s how you knew it was Reagan’s murder. You knew before you called me about Matt’s Cue. You were just playing me the other night. You wanted to figure out what I knew. And yesterday, I got too close to something so you … you asshole. Would you have actually screwed me too?”

  “No. Willa, no.”

  “I don’t believe you. You took Michael’s death and used it to hurt me. How could you do that? No, I don’t believe that you wouldn’t have tricked me into bed if it served your purpose.”

  He reached for my hands but I jerked back, fisting them. He held his hands up, placating. What he’d done to me—Seth had crossed a line. I understood why now, but that didn’t mean I had to like it. I didn’t have to accept it, and I didn’t have to forgive it.

  “Look, I know I screwed this up and I should have told you from the start, but you have to know I wouldn’t do that. I would not use you, ever. You mean too much to me.”

  “That’s what you said the other night. And then yesterday you said that I was nothing but a … what was it? Oh, right, any port in a storm. So you’ll forgive me if I don’t know which lies I’m supposed to believe and which ones I’m not.”

  “Willa. Yesterday, I had to say that. I didn’t want to.”

  “Yeah, you sounded all broken up. Poor you.” I narrowed my eyes at him.

  “I deserve that.” He rubbed his jaw.

  “Oh, and don’t expect an apology for punching you. I’m not sure I won’t be popping you again, prick.”

  “Also deserved. Everything you’re saying now is justified, but I had my reasons.”

  “Right. Whatever your case is, I’m sure it’s more important than not using your brother’s death to put a PI off the track. It doesn’t matter. I don’t care. Tell me what is going on with Reagan.”

  “You broke into my apartment. You stole my case files.”

  “That sounds familiar. Except you got caught.” My smile was genuine. I took a step back from him. I hadn’t realized I’d been slowly advancing on him. I had warned him I wasn’t above hitting him again, and I wasn’t lying. “You want the truth? I took the key Michael gave me and walked right in. I searched your whole place. And then I bootjacked your damn computer and took your files. But it was all for a good cause, Seth.” I widened my eyes. “I didn’t want to. I had to.”

  “You’re mad at me, fine, but I need you to delete those files, Willa. You stole ATF property. That’s a federal offense.”

  I held my hands out, wrists up. “Cuff me, then. You wanted to yesterday. Hold me down, Seth. You know I like it.”

  “Stop. This isn’t a game, Willa.”

  “And that’s another lie, isn’t it? I’ve always been just a game to you.”

 
He punched the doorframe, shaking the wall. All I could do was blink. He clenched his fist open and closed. His hand had to be killing him. Good.

  He paced in a circle. “This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have come here until I’d calmed down.”

  “You know where the door is. But before you go, you owe me what you know about Joe Reagan’s murder. If you want me to delete the files then give me what I need to clear Violet Horowitz.”

  “Goddamn it, Willa. I don’t know anything about his murder. I don’t know who. I don’t know why. And if I did, I still couldn’t tell you. I wouldn’t tell you. I’m not jeopardizing a federal investigation or letting you get yourself killed. Reagan was a possible informant, but that’s as far as I got. Now I need you to back off.”

  This time I was the one clenching my fists. Seth had this pathological need to be the guy taking care of everything and everyone. It had been nice when we were kids. It had been kind of annoying as a teen. It was condescending and arrogant as an adult.

  I took a deep breath and made sure my voice was low and even. “I’m an adult, Seth. I get to decide what I do.”

  “Then act like an adult, Willa, and think it through. You’ll see I’m right.” He slammed the front door on this way out.

  I stared at the door for a moment and then grabbed Mom’s keys out of the bowl. He’d never think a minivan was following him.

  I caught up with him as he rounded the corner out of the subdivision. He’d slowed on his parents’ street, which gave me extra time. I stayed three car lengths back like they did on TV. There were no other cars on the road until we got out to the parkway; most of our neighbors were retirees and people with solid nine-to-fives. The parkway was a parking lot. It was easy to keep him in sight and blend in with the other commuting boxes and parents on their way home from picking Junior up at soccer practice. The sky was beginning to darken more as evening took over fast. Daylight Saving Time had given us all an extra hour of sleep and me more cover for tailing Seth.

  He turned off into a neighborhood and then, after a few lefts and rights, into a small cul-de-sac. I couldn’t follow him in unseen, so I parked along the main road a little too close to a fire hydrant. It was shift change for the cops so I was safe for the next hour. Which is how long he took doing whatever it was. I was about to give up when I saw Seth zip out and head toward the other side of the subdivision. There were more cars now, going more slowly as they turned into driveways, so it was a piece of work to keep my eye on him and stay unnoticed.

  He turned left onto a secondary road and I lost sight of him as I waited for my opportunity. The line of cars seemed never ending and I got antsy, slapping the steering wheel. I saw a short space for me to squeeze in and took it. The minivan wasn’t great on cornering but it had a surprising amount of pick up and I swept into the line of traffic. No one even honked so it was clearly a common occurrence during rush hour.

  Seth was way ahead of me at that point. I had no idea where he’d gone and just hoped he’d stayed straight and hadn’t turned at the light I sailed through just as it was turning red. There was a whoop and spastic blue and white lights filled my rearview. I slowed and put on my blinker, but the cop flew past me after the expensive sport sedan that had rushed the light behind me. I flipped the blinker off and continued on a bit slower. I could still catch up to Seth if I figured out where he was going.

  A mile up I saw his bike parked in the lot of a fast food restaurant. Considering it was the first time I’d ever covertly followed someone, I’d give myself a solid C. Okay, C minus.

  I backed into a spot across from the door with the back of the minivan against a wall. I’d be able to see Seth coming out and get out of the lot easily. Then I sat and waited. And waited. I was about to get out and look into the windows of the restaurant when a tapping on the driver’s window let me know that Seth had busted me. He must have taken a very roundabout way to sneak up on me. I turned to see him holding a cup.

  “Chocolate shake?”

  Sonofabitch. I hit the button and unlocked the doors. He walked around the front of the vehicle and got in the passenger side, handing me the icy drink. I slipped the paper off the top of the straw and sucked up some of the treat. He sipped his own in silence, not looking at me.

  “You took a calculated risk running the light. Bad luck about the cop.”

  I shrugged and stuck my shake in the cup holder. “He popped the Audi instead. When did you see me?”

  “When you caught up to me past Mom and Dad’s house. It was a good plan to use the minivan, but you didn’t have a chance. Especially since I was expecting you to follow me.”

  “Right.”

  “I know you better than you think I do, Will. You can’t drop it. You need to know—it’s just who you are. I’d forgotten that until today. Maybe if I hadn’t then yesterday …”

  We sat in silence for a few moments. Anyone who saw us would think they were watching an awkward first date or an even more awkward breakup.

  “I’m really mad at you, Seth. Like, raging mad. You work for the ATF? When did that start? Wait, you know what? I don’t care. God. You know how to push my buttons like they have monetary value.”

  He nodded. “Right back at you, Sunshine. If you had just stayed out of it —”

  “This is my fault? You calling me a whore is my fault?”

  “Yes. No.”

  The look I shot him was pure venom. It definitely was looking more like a breakup.

  “I never called you a whore—”

  “Close enough.”

  “Yeah.” He looked contrite but he’d also just tried to tell me I was to blame for him doing it, so that mitigated any forgiveness I was willing to offer. He also looked lost. I couldn’t help but wonder if he’d thrown himself into his work in the wake of Michael’s death. That he’d used it like I’d used Santa Fe. I tried to squash the empathy.

  “I wasn’t doing anything except some research as training until I caught you snooping.”

  “And that’s why you went to Killian’s? For research and training?”

  He had me there. I had excused it as training but it was more than that.

  “How did you sneak up on me?” He wasn’t the only one who could answer a question with another question. “I was watching the door.”

  “There’s another door on the other side by the drive-through. I just walked around.”

  Of course there was another door. He’d probably picked this specific location for that second door. I picked up the milkshake and sucked morosely.

  His smile was resigned. “If I tell you everything I think is safe for you to know, will you drop it? Please.”

  “Scout’s honor.”

  “You were a Girl Scout for like a month.”

  “The boys got to do cool stuff and they expected us to sew because we were girls.”

  “You’re impossible.”

  “Yeah, yeah, make with the sparkly special agent gut spilling now, please.” Humor was the only way I was going to get through this situation. That and a determination to forget, for now, all the shit he’d said yesterday. I’d deal with it later.

  “About two years ago several Class Three federal firearms dealers on the East Coast reported robberies. Really clean robberies. So much so that the ATF thought the first one was an inside job. Until the second one. And then the third. It was after the third that we knew we had a serious problem on our hands. All totaled there had been over two hundred weapons and peripherals stolen—semi-automatic weapons, silencers, assault rifles.”

  That was a lot of missing firepower and Class Three was serious business. Not some little mom-and-pop, dime-store operations. They would have state-of-the-art alarm systems. Not many people could get through those kinds of safeguards and get away clean. Clean enough that it looked like an inside job would have been almost impossible.

  “That�
�s serious money,” I said.

  “Hundreds of thousands of dollars. Not to mention guns that can’t be traced back to the criminals buying them.”

  “I can see why the ATF is concerned,” I said, putting the milk shake in the cup holder.

  “And why I was willing to say the things I said to get you to back off?” he asked.

  “Now that you put it that way, what choice did you have? I mean, treating me like a grownup and telling me the truth was clearly off the table. Then you couldn’t play the hero and rescue me from having to think big thoughts or make decisions. Thank you so much for reminding me why I’m furious with you.” I clicked the button to disengage the locks on the minivan. “Oh, and thanks for the shake, Seth. Get out.”

  Chapter

  13

  Blow drying my hair, I thought about where someone would store that many guns. You’d need to break up the stash and still keep them fairly close for sales. If Joe Reagan was being groomed as a confidential informant by the ATF, that meant he had some connection to the guns, the people that took the guns, or the people buying the guns. I hadn’t even considered that he was one of the people who stole the guns. He was a bottom-feeder. These heists were done by people who had unreal smarts, people like my little brother—had he been so inclined and lacking the strongest moral center I’d ever come across, even for a teenage boy.

  I hadn’t actually promised Seth I would delete the files. I was sure he assumed I would. He was right that the files were federal property. I just didn’t see the harm in reading them first. Seth said he didn’t know who killed Joe Reagan or why, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t information in the files that would lead me to the answers both of us were looking for. I was being a good citizen.

  Damn, I was good at rationalizing committing borderline illegal acts.

  I knocked on Ben’s door, cringing as I heard the whir and beep of the machines that crowded the room. I didn’t hate computers. I mean, my phone was all kinds of awesome, but it mostly confused me. As did all the other computer stuff. I had no idea how they worked even after years of lectures and demonstrations. But Ben did, and if it had a computer in it, he could make it do what he wanted. Like that neat trick with my phone copying Seth’s laptop. I didn’t even know how he got the files back off my phone with it still in my pocket.