First Love

by Lena Hart

  But that was easier said than done.

  She missed him. Maybe even more then Jake apparently did her. She remembered the note he’d left at her desk and guilt, longing, and uncertainty warred inside her.

  Please call me back. I miss you.

  Jake didn’t need to sign it for her to recognize his bold handwriting. Sabrina hadn’t realized how comforting she had found his presence until he was no longer around. Not that it was his fault. She’d gone out of her way to avoid him this week, thinking that would help ease her out of his alluring web.

  Except, the harder she tried to avoid Jake, the more she thought about him. She’d tried to forget him by throwing herself into her work, but that had only resulted in a lot of late dinners at the office—with Dale. Now that the week was at an end, she couldn’t stand one more minute in the bright conference office.

  “Are we all set?” Sabrina asked as Dale made one last graphic change to the final slide.

  “Yeah.” He peered intently at his computer. “I just need to sharpen the edges on this, and then we’re done.”

  “Great.” Sabrina rose to her feet. “You don’t need me to hang around for that, right?”

  Dale looked up at her, a pained expression on his face. “Wow. So you’re going to just leave me here hanging? What happened to dinner? It’s after seven.”

  Sabrina wrinkled her nose. “If I have another meal in this conference room, I may lose it and it’s not going to be pretty.”

  Dale chuckled and got to his feet. “You’re right.” He closed his laptop and tucked it under his arm. “After this week, I think we deserve a proper meal. On the company.”

  Her brows pulled together. “Oh, yeah? And what did you have in mind? Because fifteen dollars a person will only take us so far.”

  Dale leaned close to her and whispered in her ear, his dark eyes gleaming. “I don’t know about you, but I think I see about six members of the team here who deserve a glass a wine with their steak dinner.”

  Sabrina shook her head and laughed. Her amusement was cut short, however, when Dale leaned toward her. She pressed her palm against his chest, stopping him before he could get any closer.

  “Dale, what are you doing?”

  He pulled back and stared at her, a bit chagrined. “Sorry. I guess I must have misread the signals.” He glanced away from her. “How embarrassing.”

  Sabrina patted his arm in reassurance, trying to ease some of the awkwardness. She tried not to listen to office gossip, but what she had picked up about Dale only made her empathize with him. He, too, had been caught in an office romance that had ended poorly. He, however, didn’t seem inclined to let the fact that his last girlfriend, who had left him for someone who’d only recently joined the company, stop him from starting up another office romance.

  Unfortunately, for him, Sabrina wasn’t interested in blending her work with romance.

  “Don’t be embarrassed. It was nothing.”

  Dale stared at her searchingly. “How can I turn it into something?”

  Sabrina groaned inwardly. She liked working with Dale and could see him fast becoming a friend. But that was all.

  “Sorry, Dale. I have this rule against dating guys at work.”

  He cocked a brow. “You know rules are meant to be broken, right?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Not all of them,” she muttered. Though, there were times she thought of chucking her rule and answering one of Jake’s calls.

  Dale sighed. “I guess I can respect that. But let me know when you decide to break that rule. Then maybe we can go out for that glass of wine.”

  “How long will you two be in here?”

  Sabrina jumped at the hard voice coming from the behind them. Jake stood at the door, glaring. He carried long cables over his shoulders and his dark blue eyes were as sharp as ice as he stared from her to Dale. Her stomach tightened and she glanced away from him.

  “We were just leaving.” Sabrina began to gather her things when his words stopped her.

  “Actually, Sabrina, I need to talk to you,” Jake said. “It’s about the work order you put in earlier.”

  Sabrina frowned at him. What work order? But at the pointed look he shot Dale, she realized he’d made it up to get her alone. Dale glanced back at her, and threw her a wink.

  “Good night, pretty lady,” he said before walking around Jake and out of the conference room.

  Jake closed the door firmly behind him and dropped the cables on the wide table. He was angry. She could see it in the hard set of his jaw, and honestly couldn’t blame him. Not after the way she’d snubbed him earlier.

  “I thought you said he wasn’t competition,” Jake said with false casualness.

  Sabrina stared up at him. He stood so close she could smell the unique blend of his body wash and his natural scent. The same rich scent she had greedily inhaled when he’d nestled her close to his chest the night he’d carried her to Adam’s apartment.

  “He’s not.”

  “Well, you two seem to have gotten real close lately. Why are you avoiding me?”

  Sabrina decided to ignore that last question. “Work will do that to you. Especially when you’re stuck working late every night.”

  “Doesn’t look like you guys were doing much work.”

  Her lips tightened at his insinuation. “How do you know? Were you spying on us? Are you stalking me?”

  He frowned. “No,” he snapped. “You’re not the only one who works late around here. And maybe if you would stop avoiding me, I wouldn’t have to lie just to get you to talk to me.”

  “I’m not avoiding you.”

  He narrowed his eyes, both of them recognizing that lie for what it was.

  “You looked right through me today,” he said tightly. “You’ve ignored my calls and my messages, so don’t.”

  Shame made it hard for her to hold his gaze. “Jake, it’s been a busy week and—”

  “Bullshit.” He came up to her and reached for her.

  She backed away. “Don’t.” The single word stopped him in his tracks.

  “So, is that what this is all about? You’re dodging me because I made you feel something the other night?”

  Sabrina shook her head, wanting to deny the truth of his words. “Jake, I already told you, I can’t date you. And the other night shouldn’t have happened.”

  His frown intensified. “Why not? We both liked it, and we both wanted it, so what is this really all about? Are you still mad about how I reacted when you told me you were a—”

  “No, it’s not about that,” she interrupted, her face growing warm. “But maybe that’s the problem. This…” She motioned between them. “Is pointless. I’m not interested in an office romance or a long distance relationship. Since your plans include leaving Chicago, why don’t you stop trying to start something we both know won’t go anywhere.”

  Silence stretched between them for a long moment.

  “So what you’re saying is that we should just pretend there’s nothing between us? That you don’t want me as badly as I want you?”

  Sabrina glanced at the closed door, grateful it was shut and there was no one around to overhear their discussion. “I’m saying that from now on, we can only be friends. Nothing more.”

  His midnight blue eyes turned stormy. “Well, I don’t want to just be your fucking friend. I want more, and you do too.”

  She winced at his harsh language. He had spoken to her like that and it was jarring. “Don’t assume to know what I want, Jake. This is exactly the kind of drama I want to avoid. If you don’t want us to be friendly, fine. From now on, things will just be professional between us.”

  “What the hell does that mean?”

  She blew out an exasperated breath. “It means that you keep your distance. No calls or messages, if it’s not work-related.” She glanced down at her hand. “And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t try to touch or kiss—”

  He scoffed, the short laugh coming out harsh and mean. “D
amn, get over yourself. It was just a fucking kiss.”

  She recoiled, hurt and shocked by his callous words. Then she quickly began gathering her things. “Thanks, Jake,” she said ruefully, gripping her notepad close to her chest. “Thank you for showing me what a real asshole you are.”

  The anger fell from his face and was instantly replaced by regret and a bit of shame. “Sabrina, wait.” He grabbed her arm as she tried to walk around him. “Look, I’m sorry.”

  She snatched her arm from his grip. “Don’t touch me.” She was proud of her calm, level tone. “You’re the one who needs to get over yourself. You walk around here like you run the damn place, like you’re too good to be here. I told you that I don’t date guys I work with. If Dale can respect that, why can’t you?”

  His dark brows pulled together fiercely and the muscle in his jaw flexed. “Don’t talk to me about that dick.”

  Sabrina cocked her head to the side. Why did he hate Dale so much? Was this all just some big competition for him? “I’m starting to think it’s not me you really want. I think you just like the chase or the game, and I’m just the prize you get to win.”

  He cursed and ran his hand through his hair. “It’s not like that, and you know it. I really like you, and you know how much I want you, yet you’re not even willing to give me a chance. For what? Because of some damn rule?”

  She stared at him blankly, refusing to let his words make her feel as if she were the one being unreasonable. “I don’t have to explain myself to you, Jake. And I won’t. So from now on, just leave me the hell alone.”

  Sabrina walked around him and left him standing alone in the conference room. She couldn’t remember ever being so angry.

  Or so hurt.

  Chapter Seven

  Stuck up. High maintenance. Stubborn. Workaholic.

  Picky.

  Jake went over all the reasons he needed to move on from Sabrina Monroe, but none of those trivial flaws could change how he felt about her.

  Or how he’d felt these past few days.

  Lashing out at her because of her values had been low. Not only did he feel like the biggest jerk around, Jake also felt like shit for the things he’d said to her. She had called him an asshole, and she was right. After reflecting on their heated argument that night, he realize he had been arrogant and selfish. He couldn’t say he blamed her. For a guy who was head-over-heels for a woman, he was really messing things up. And he was willing to admit when he was wrong and give her the space she wanted.

  But not today.

  Jake glanced at the time, wondering if he’d gotten to the office too early. He had spent the weekend thinking of ways to apologize to her and wanting to do it the moment she came in. He hadn’t found the right words yet, so he figured he’d just be honest. He screwed up. He’d never wanted a woman so desperately as he wanted Sabrina—flaws and all—and the last thing he wanted to do was drive her away.

  It was a little before eight thirty in the morning when she finally walked over to where he stood beside her cubicle. Friday seemed like a long time ago, and he could only hope that he hadn’t messed things up so much that she refused to speak to him.

  He watched as she approached, but her expression remained aloof.

  “Excuse me.” She didn’t look directly at him.

  Jake stepped aside, and she walked into her cubicle. She placed her bag down and turned on her computer. It was obvious she was fully prepared to continue going about her task as if he wasn’t standing right there.

  “Sabrina, can we talk?”

  “No.”

  At least he wasn’t getting the silent treatment. “Please.”

  “I need to get to work.” She sat down at her desk and began scrolling through her emails.

  Jake gritted his teeth. If she didn’t want to talk, fine. He just needed her to listen. “Look, I know you’re still pissed with me and I don’t blame you. I just want to say that I’m sorry for the other night. I was angry at how things were turning out between us and I lost my temper.”

  Her mechanical movements stilled, but still she refused to look at him. He came fully into her cubicle, but she kept her attention on the computer screen and he couldn’t pick up anything from her. She was good. Maybe I should have her play a hand of poker at Adam’s party next time, he thought absently.

  “I want to be with you, Sabrina. And not just as friends. But if that’s all you’re offering, then I’ll take what I can get.” He paused, trying to gauge any reaction from her. Nothing. “I know I probably blew my chance with you,” he continued, releasing a heavy sigh. “But if the offer is still available, I’d really like us to be friends again.”

  She remained silent, but there was an unnatural stillness in her that said she was listening to every word. At least he hoped so.

  “I’ll be down at the cafeteria every day at noon. At the same spot in the back. Maybe you can find some time to join me sometime.”

  With that, he left her cubicle. Jake couldn’t accept that she would never speak to him again. He hadn’t lied about wanting them to be friends. As much as he wanted to be able to see her, to touch and kiss her…and even make love to her someday, he also wanted the conversations again. He wanted the lightheartedness and the smiles. She obviously had strong convictions about work and romance, and like she’d said, he needed to respect that.

  He only hoped he hadn’t completely lost her as a friend, too.

  ****

  Jake spent the week sitting in the cafeteria alone.

  The first day had been like a kick in the gut when she hadn’t shown. And the following day, his disappointment hadn’t been as severe, but it had been disheartening nonetheless to find that his apology had not been accepted. On the fourth day, he’d given up hope that she would actually show. Part of him wanted to ride the elevators up to her floor and demand to know what it would take for her to give him another chance. But then a stable part of him had managed to convince himself to accept the fact that whatever had been building between them was truly over. They obviously weren’t meant to be, and he needed to accept it and move on with his dignity intact.

  “Is this seat taken?”

  Jake looked up from the day-old newspaper he’d been reading to find Sabrina standing before him, carrying a cup of soup and a pack of crackers. She looked pretty and refreshing—and like the woman of his dreams.

  There was also a hint of uncertainty in her eyes.

  Jake shuffled his trash to one side of the table to make room for her. “It’s all yours.”

  Sabrina took the seat and looked out the window. He didn’t know if she was nervous or unsure of what to say, but he wanted to quickly erase any lingering awkwardness between them.

  “I’m glad you came. How’s your day been so far?”

  She turned to him, a quick smile lifting the corner of her lips. “The last three days have been crazy.” She paused then added, “I wanted to come yesterday, but there was a last-minute lunch meeting put on our calendars.”

  He nodded, trying to suppress the elation that came over him at her small confession. So she hadn’t spent the last three days ignoring him.

  For the next several minutes, they sat in silence, but it was a comfortable silence. One they didn’t feel the need to fill with words. After a while, she rose to her feet.

  “I have to get back,” she said quietly. “I only have a half hour for lunch today.”

  He nodded, pleased by the fact that she’d decided to spend that half hour with him. “See you tomorrow?”

  Sabrina nodded slowly. With a small wave, she left him sitting there, still facing the large window. Jake didn’t need to see his reflection to know he had a wide, ridiculous grin on his face.

  ****

  Like a repeat from yesterday, Sabrina turned the corner to the small nook in the cafeteria and found Jake sitting there, just as he’d said he would be. She slipped into the seat beside him, and again, they barely spoke as they ate their meal.

  “So�
�do you have any plans for the weekend?”

  Jake turned to her, surprise clear in his eyes at her sudden question. She was a bit taken aback by it, too. She’d told herself that it would be easier to carry on this friendship if they kept their conversations closely related to work. How would she react if he said he had a hot date with another woman Saturday night? The thought annoyed and depressed her all at once.

  He shrugged. “Nothing big. Adam’s sisters are going to be in town, and he wanted me to tag along.”

  Sabrina frowned. “His sisters?” She thought back to the conversation she’d had with Dee about her lapse of judgment with Adam. Her best friend was still upset about the encounter.

  “Yeah. They’re coming up for the weekend and we’re going to take them out to this new restaurant downtown. Josie’s. I hear it’s supposed to be good.”

  She waited for him to tease her as he would have before, about them trying it out together, but the flirtatious remark never came. She shouldn’t have been disappointed. This was what she wanted. A professional work relationship. Right?

  “His sisters,” Sabrina said instead. “What are their names?”

  Jake glanced at her curiously. “Monica and Michelle. Why?”

  Sabrina shrugged, thinking about Dee and how silly she was going to feel once Sabrina told her about this colossal misunderstanding. “No real reason. Are they younger?”

  “Yeah, and they’re twins. They just started their first year at Indiana State. Smart girls.”

  “That’s nice. I hope you guys all have fun.”

  After a brief pause, he said, “I’d have more fun if you were with us.”

  “I wouldn’t want to impose. Four is company, five is just…obscene.”

  He chuckled. “Then maybe we should pick a date to go together. Just the two of us.”

  Though Sabrina kept her composure, she was bubbling over inside. “Okay, but first you have to tell me how the food is.” He chuckled again, and she found herself enjoying his amusement. “I missed this,” she blurted. She held his gaze when she confessed, “I’ve missed you.”