Days filled with pleasantries and journeys and meals and polite conversations were followed by nights of dreams that brought back every moment of passion...and love that they had shared. And then, just before he would wake, he would see her lovely face washed of all colour and her eyes fill with condemnation as she looked at him in that moment when his part in her seduction and downfall became clear to her.
He would wake up sweating and pleading with her to hear him. To an empty bed in an empty chamber that had once been filled with love.
Aidan used these days while forced to attend to Lady Alys MacKenzie and Lady Elizabeth Maxwell to send out men to search MacLerie villages and lands for her. He used what coins he could to pay for it and sent only men who could be discreet. And he tried to arrange it all without his father knowing of it.
The busy days passed. The endless, empty nights passed. Soon, the Maxwells and the MacKenzies left and Aidan’s life returned to what it been before he saw Cat by the well that day months before.
He trained with his friends, except for Munro who had moved to another of the MacLerie’s holdings. He drank with them. He still could not bring himself to go carousing with them and seek out women as he had before...before Catriona. No matter that he understood why she would refuse his love, it did not stop him from loving her.
He continued to try to find her. His father’s assessing gaze sat on him many times and he fought the urge to confess it to him. A time of reckoning was coming for them and Aidan did not think it would end well for either of them.
* * *
Two horrible, miserable, lonely months passed and Aidan knew what he must do. His efforts to find her were unsuccessful. So, he finally accepted that there was only one thing to do—tell his father he was going to find her and marry her, in spite of his opposition.
He waited to speak to his parents after the evening meal, telling them he’d made his decision about which woman he would marry. Although his father nodded at him and his mother had the gleam of tears in her eyes, the tension built through the meal and followed them into his mother’s solar. Once the door closed, the first of his two battles began.
‘So,’ his father began once his mother was seated and he stood next to her chair, ‘who is it to be then?’
‘None of them.’
‘None of them? What do you mean?’ his father growled.
‘I will marry none of them.’
‘Oh, you wish for us to seek other women for you to consider?’ his mother asked. ‘I thought that Elizabeth suited you well. In spite of her being from England, she seemed at ease here.’
‘I have decided on my bride, Mother,’ he said.
‘Aidan...’ His father shook his head, warning him off.
But Aidan had made too many mistakes with Catriona not to learn from them. He would find her. He would make her understand how much he regretted his terrible actions and the consequences of them. He would make her understand that the love they’d found was worth saving. He was worth saving and she was the one person who could.
‘I do not know where you have hidden her, but I will find her,’ he promised. ‘I leave on the morrow to begin my search.’
‘You have duties here, Aidan. I forbid you to leave on this foolhardy quest to find a woman unworthy of my heir.’
He faced his father now and shook his head.
‘I will leave.’ The decision had been made.
‘Will you risk my displeasure to seek a woman who does not want you to find her?’ his father asked.
‘Connor, what do you mean?’ his mother asked, coming to his father’s side and touching his arm. ‘You sent Catriona away.’
‘Nay, wife,’ his father said, shaking his head. ‘She came to me and bargained for my assistance to get her away from our son. She swore she wanted to never see him again and I agreed to help her...and promised her I would not reveal her whereabouts to him.’ He nodded at Aidan then.
‘Connor!’ his mother cried. ‘Why did you not tell him, tell me, this before? Why did you say it had been your plan to send her away?’
‘It matters not. Until I hear it from her mouth, until she hears my explanation, until she can say that she does not return my love, I will not stop searching for her.’
‘If you leave without my permission on the morrow, if you break your oath of loyalty and obedience to me, you are no longer my heir.’ When his mother would have cried out again, his father held her off with his arm as he took several steps towards him. When they were scant inches apart, he uttered the threats that Aidan knew would come.
‘Nay, Jocelyn. The boy needs to understand the consequences of refusing my orders and what his actions will bring about. He will no longer stand in my favour. He will be an outcast. No MacLerie will stand by him and remain bound to me. Is that what you want, boy?’ his father asked him.
A loud knock interrupted any answer he would have given. The door opened and Duncan stepped inside.
‘Is there aught that I can do, Connor? We can hear you out in the hall.’ Duncan looked from one to the other and back again.
‘Nay, Duncan. We are finished here,’ his father said, walking past him and out of the chamber. ‘Come, Jocelyn.’ He held out his hand to her and waited for her to follow.
‘Aidan, please,’ she whispered to him. ‘Do not...’
‘Hush now, Mother,’ he said, taking her shoulders and kissing her cheek. ‘I know what I am doing.’
She returned his kiss and took a step towards the door, looking back at the last moment. ‘Men, I have discovered, rarely know what they are doing.’
Her anger cheered him somehow and the thought of his father having to deal with her now lightened his mood. Duncan yet remained there, so he bade him a good night’s rest and left.
There really was no choice in this for him. Living as his father’s heir would cost too much for him to stay. He was a good fighter, good with a sword, and he had battle experience. He could find someone who would hire him for that. Part of his training had been menial labour, and he’d not been spared that because of his position as heir. So, he was not afraid of working with his hands or his back, if he must.
* * *
By the time the sun rose and the other inhabitants of Broch Dubh keep awoke, he was packed and ready, taking only what could be considered his. As he rode through the yard, anyone there going about their chores and duties turned to watch him leave. Aidan dared one last look behind him and found his father high on the battlements watching him as well.
He touched his legs to the horse’s flanks and spurred him to move. Aidan passed through the village, forcing himself not to look at the familiar places there. Only as he reached the last lane did he realise that something was tucked inside his leather jacket. He grasped it and pulled out a small bit of parchment rolled and tied. Sliding the small length of ribbon from it, he recognised his mother’s writing.
Go and visit with your sister.
Aidan laughed aloud then, knowing that somehow his mother had discovered Catriona’s hiding place and shared it with him. He did not miss the irony in this situation, for she had done the same thing—sending a written warning about his sister to the man she loved—to warn him, too.
To Keppoch Keep, and hopefully Catriona, it was that he headed now.
Chapter Twenty-One
Keppoch Village—the lands of the Clan Matheson
Catriona accepted the small bundle from the little lass with thanks. The girl’s mother had welcomed Cat to the village outlying Keppoch Keep and continued to send her food. Everyone here had been welcoming to the widowed kin of the MacLerie’s wife. Everyone accepted the story that Lord MacLerie created for her—she was the widow of a loyal retainer and distant kin to his wife and sent here under his protection.
Though it was close enough to the truth, it was the new name she could not get herself accustomed to using—Coira MacCallum. It mattered not for the villagers had accepted her when she arrived nearly three months ago and made her welcome. Wh
en her condition became obvious, the women were even nicer, providing her with meals and inviting her to their cottages and including her even in some of their chores. Though some looked at her with questions in their eyes, none stared at her the way they’d done in Lairig Dubh.
This had become the kind of life she always wanted and could never have in Lairig Dubh.
Without him.
She sighed as she went back inside and opened the cloth to find some bread and cheese and roasted meat. Now, she could inhale the smells of food without her stomach rebelling. Her appetite had returned and she could keep down everything she ate. Cat wrapped it once more and put it aside for her noon meal. But first, the sun was shining and she had work to do outside.
The cottage she had was smaller than the house given her, but it did have an open area for a garden. Working the soil, pulling up weeds, nurturing the herbs and flowers she’d planted had saved her during those first weeks here. She had hired a few, strong lads to do the heaviest of the work and moving out the rocks, then she’d done the rest. Now, a nice crop grew and it needed her attention.
The hours passed by easily as she worked. She was just glad that she could now tolerate the smells of the growing herbs and plants. Some women told her that those symptoms went on through the whole of their pregnancies. Others never experienced it, but shared what other ones did assail them through the carrying.
The sun rose higher in the sky and Cat knew she’d had enough. Wiping the sweat from her eyes with the back of her arm, she sat back on her heels and caught her breath before trying to stand. She’d learned to pause for a few minutes after toppling over, off balance and winded, the first day she had worked the soil. Closing her eyes, she lifted her face to catch the breezes.
That’s when it happened—well, really the two things happened.
A group of guards returning to the keep rode along the road not far from her cottage, laughing and calling out to each other. She lost her breath when she heard his voice. Even though it could not be, she tried to push to her feet and look. Her body did not react as she wanted it to and the extra weight she carried already slowed her. By the time she reached the low stone wall encircling the garden, they’d long since passed and were too far in the distance to tell one from another.
It could not be Aidan and yet she would swear she recognised the voice. Aidan’s deep tones always made her body tremble in anticipation. She would know it. She would...
Just as she began berating herself for such a foolish thought, the babe within her moved. Catriona clutched her belly and waited as the wee one inside her jabbed and rolled, taking her breath with it. When it finally stopped, she dropped onto the wall and tried to breathe once more.
She missed him.
She’d refused to think about him, but this mistaken sound forced all her regrets to mind...and heart. The pain of losing him sliced through her now. The babe kicked again and she began to cry. Had she made the right decision?
Aidan had saved her in so many ways. He had shown her that she could love, even after the tragedies she’d suffered. He’d shown her that she could be worthy of the love of another person. He’d pushed her to try new things and to learn new skills. He’d made her happy and made her feel like she mattered when she had never felt that before.
But...he’d been involved in Gowan’s death.
Since she’d not given him a chance to explain and had accepted the laird’s help in leaving in exchange for never contacting him again, there was little chance she would ever know the whole truth of it. Was it possible to forgive him when he’d admitted it and used that to manipulate her into loving him?
Or had he?
She knew that guilt had driven him to provide for her. She knew that much. And she did not doubt that he loved her, but did that justify the means he’d used to make it happen?
Sometimes, she wondered if he had not been surprised by the love that had happened. The first time he’d said the words to her, his eyes filled with wonderment, as though he could not believe it himself.
Even if she could forgive his part in Gowan’s death and accept that his love was genuine, she could not share him with another woman, even his wife. Even if it was the natural ways of things with wealthy men of power. Even if his family and his wife would accept and allow it.
So, Lord MacLerie’s offer made things easier—taking her away from Lairig Dubh and giving her a new life and a chance to survive and mayhap even thrive.
Without him.
She was guilty, too. Guilty of thinking she could simply enjoy the passion she’d shared with him and not involve her heart. She could blame it on her inexperience. She could blame it on her need to feel loved.
Well, none of that mattered, for he was out of her life for ever. Most likely, he had chosen his bride and married by now. The babe kicked again and she smiled sadly. The one thing she had not thought about was what would she tell the babe about their father when he or she was old enough to ask?
Catriona had managed not to let herself wallow in pity since arriving here and yet the sound of a voice had sent her deeply into it. Shaking off the maudlin, sad feelings, she took a deep breath and let it out.
Since the weather might not hold for long, she went back to her task. Later, she made some soup that would be her contribution to the village’s ceilidh planned for the next night. They were celebrating the wedding of one of the miller’s sons to a girl from one of the families there with a gathering of food and music. She’d not felt like celebrating very much, so this might be a good thing.
If nothing else, it made her feel part of the lives of those who lived and worked around Keppoch Keep and for the Matheson laird.
* * *
Aidan kept a close watch each time he rode through the village or while on duty at Keppoch Keep for signs of her. Assigned as a guard by his brother-by-marriage, his duties took him to places all over Matheson lands and he hoped he would find her here. He’d done as the note suggested and travelled to his sister’s home, gaining the approval of her husband to remain there in spite of breaking with his father.
Rob laughed when he told them how he was reclaiming his life and would not bend to his father’s will any longer. Aidan saw some of the knowing and then heated glances exchanged between his foster brother who was now his sister’s husband and he understood then that they had gone through the same thing with his father. For whatever reason, Rob agreed that Aidan would be taken into his service and be allowed to live here. If Rob and Lilidh had thought his request to be called something other than his full name was silly, they never said. So, Alastair MacLerie, distant cousin to the lady, came to live with the Mathesons of Keppoch Keep.
Though he wanted to blend in so he could search for Catriona, Rob would not hear of him living in the village. He was assigned to one of the small chambers that housed several men who served in the household. Other than seeing his sister in passing, he worked just as all the others did.
Days and nights passed and the dreams of her came each time he rested his head. And still he could not find her.
One of the men he served with invited him to the ceilidh in the village this night. His cousin was marrying and there would be a celebration. Ronald talked of his very eligible, very comely sister and his intention was clear to Aidan.
It mattered not to him, for his only goal was to find Catriona and beg her forgiveness. So, after finishing his duties, he walked down to the village, hoping that Catriona would come out of her hidey-hole and show herself.
He followed the sounds of pipes and drum into the village centre. Though much smaller than Lairig Dubh, it had a place around which everything else grew and it, too, was a well. Ronald greeted him and drew him over to tables where food sat ready. Aidan filled a bowl with some soup and took some bread while Ronald found a cup of ale for him.
As he followed the man and was introduced to all manner of people, Aidan kept an eye on the smaller gatherings and groups that formed along the lane. Women near the tables w
here they prepared and served food, men nearer to the barrels of ale. Children ran along, darting and weaving around the legs of the adults who stood talking.
Though the sun set late this far into the summer and the darkness would soon take hold of the night, torches burned brightly, lighting the area and allowing them to celebrate. Aidan found a spot near the well, drinking his ale and talking as people passed him by, but watching, always watching, and listening for her name or her voice.
Ronald’s comely sister made her way to him, with Ronald close behind, and introduced herself to him. Andreana Matheson was indeed a comely lass and they enjoyed a few minutes of conversation as she pointed out various kith and kin and named them to him. He waited, holding his breath as a group of women walked by and until they passed and Cat was not among them.
He followed Ronald and Andreana to where their family gathered, in a clearing between two of the cottages. Accepting a new cup of ale, he sat with them, listening to the gossip and the music. The evening was enjoyable, not unlike his own family’s celebrations. Aidan discovered no false airs or pretences living among these people and did not find himself yearning for the position he’d left behind.
Though he did miss his family, even his overbearing, domineering father, at times such as these. But, if he found Catriona and could convince her to forgive him, he would have his own family. Ciara had shared with him that Catriona could not have children of her own, but at least he would have her.
Deciding to return to the keep, he stood and thanked Ronald and his family for inviting him. Walking back to the main road, he noticed a group of women sitting partly in the shadows. Some held sleeping children, some chatted quietly. Some were younger women with bairns and some were older. He smiled, thinking on his mother and the wives of his father’s closest friends who would sit in just such groups, sharing gossip and making plans.
One woman moved about in the shadows and he watched her, unable to look away. He cocked his head and listened for her voice. It had to be her. It had to be...
Terri Brisbin Highlander Bundle Page 83
