Faith Hope and Love

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

  Mr. Norman smiled at Cassie as he approached the desk. “And how are you doing, Cassie? Heard that husband of yours was finally back on home soil.”

  “Yes, he’s back and doing well. He and Jani are visiting Mom right now.”

  Mr. Norman nodded. “You be sure and tell him he’s had lots of people praying for his return.”

  “We will,” Renee responded. “But don’t stop praying yet. There are still lots of adjustments going on for Quinn.”

  “Yep, I’m sure there are. Know a bit about that myself.”

  “Really?” Cassie asked.

  “I was in the camps in World War II. Coming back to real life took a lot of adjusting. No one can really understand what you’d gone through except someone who’d been there. Some men were so changed they never got their lives back. Others had changed but wanted to be with their families enough that they worked hard at it. I’ll be praying for your Quinn, Cassie. Just have patience with him. Things will never be the same but that doesn’t mean they can’t be as good.”

  Cassie nodded, understanding the wisdom in his statement. She had been so caught up in things being the way they used to be that she didn’t see that although that was no longer possible, things couldn’t still be good. In her mind it had been an all or nothing sort of situation. It was time to change her mindset.

  “Thanks so much, Mr. Norman. I needed to see it from a different perspective and you’ve given that to me. I really appreciate you sharing your experiences and thanks for your prayers as well.”

  “If your young man ever wants to talk he’s welcome to come by for a visit.”

  “I’ll tell him,” Cassie assured the older man.

  “Now, let’s have a look at that book, Renee, my dear.”

  Cassie moved away from the counter, leaving Renee and Mr. Norman to finish their transaction. She moved around the store, not really looking at the book displays, her mind totally caught up in what Mr. Norman had said. Just because it couldn’t be the way it was didn’t mean it couldn’t be as good.

  Cassie bowed her head and silently prayed, “Forgive me, Lord, for being so focused on the past. Help me to look forward and to be thankful that Quinn is back home regardless of how things are right now.”

  A verse slipped into Cassie’s mind and caught her unaware, reminding her that God would carry on the work He had started in her and Quinn. Cassie knew the verse by heart. Philippians chapter one verse six. It was a verse she and Quinn had learned together believing that their marriage was a good work that God had begun in their lives and that He would carry them through. How appropriate that this verse should come to mind then. It was as if God was reminding her that He was still in control. He had brought her and Quinn together and blessed their marriage and would continue the work in it.

  “Thank you, Lord,” Cassie whispered.

  “Cassie?”

  Renee’s voice interrupted her thoughts. Cassie turned and smiled at her sister-in-law. “I’m continually amazed at how the Lord works. He knew I needed to hear what Mr. Norman had to say.”

  “I needed to hear that also. I too, have been focusing on how things used to be. On how different Quinn is without realizing that I need to get to know the person Quinn is now and to accept that person.

  “Oh Renee, my heart feels a little lighter now. You’re so right in saying we can’t give up hope. I will follow Quinn’s lead and pray that God will guide him along the path he needs to healing and hopefully restoring our family. Not to what it was, but to what God wants it to be.”

  The two women embraced. Both had tears in their eyes when the embrace ended and they stepped away from each other, then they burst out laughing.

  “We’ve got to stop crying,” Renee said, smiling through her tears. “Especially when there are no tissues nearby.”

  “I better go,” Cassie glanced at her watch. “My hour’s almost up. My guess is we’ll be back by here in a bit. I think Quinn will probably want to see what you’ve been doing with yourself.”

  “Well, stop at Delia’s to get me a sandwich if you’re coming back. It’s almost lunch.”

  Cassie shook her head and laughed. “It’s only eleven, Renee. Are you hungry already?”

  “I didn’t get breakfast and besides, it’ll be closer to twelve by the time you get back here especially if you’re stopping at the deli.”

  Cassie left the bookstore feeling lighter and happier than she had in days. She knew things wouldn’t be easy and just because she’d decided not to focus on the past didn’t mean that it wouldn’t pop up from time to time but she had found hope again. It was a hope she was going to cling to.

  *****

  Quinn touched the sleeping woman's hand gently. "We're going now, Mom. I'll be back to visit again tomorrow."

  Jani stood at his side and leaned over to kiss her grandmother's cheek. Esther didn't stir at all before they left the room. Quinn was discouraged and encouraged at the same time. He had been anticipating the worst and when he'd first arrived he wasn't sure Esther had recognized him but just moments into their visit her gaze had cleared.

  She'd looked right at him and tears had filled her eyes.

  "You're home!" she'd said and had seemed to know without a doubt that her son had returned.

  The lucid moment hadn't lasted long but that brief time had allowed Quinn to see peace in his mother's eyes and know she was relieved he had finally come home. Even after she'd slid back into her world of confusion they'd continued to talk to her. Jani seemed totally at ease with her grandmother and the fog she lived in.

  Jani had chatted cheerfully about their time at the cabin. She'd touched on the subject of the dog she wanted once again. Quinn was so glad Jani was comfortable with her grandmother. Cassie must have devoted a lot of time and energy to his mom and for that Quinn was grateful. Not that he thought Cassie would have neglected his mom but it was easy to allow busy schedules to get in the way of visiting someone who wouldn't really know whether or not anyone stopped by.

  As they walked down the hall to main entry Jani greeted several of the nurses by name, just another sign to Quinn that she'd spent a lot of time at the home. They were just passing the last set of rooms when Jani suddenly released his hand and darted through one of the open doors.

  "Jani!" Quinn hesitated to go after her, not sure he should be barging into rooms. He stood in the doorway and saw her talking to an older man seated by a table near the window.

  "Daddy, come see Mr. Bill." Jani waved him to come into the room.

  When the older man looked up and smiled, Quinn ventured into the room. It was an identical setup to his mom's except more masculine in décor.

  "Mr. Bill, this is my Daddy," Jani said with a flourish of her hand in Quinn's direction. "He came home just like you said he would."

  The older man stretched out his hand and Quinn took it. "Hi, Quinn, my name is Bill Stevens. Your daughter has been regaling me with stories about you for months now. I'm glad to see that you made it home safe and sound."

  "It's nice to meet you. We were just here visiting my mom."

  Bill nodded. "How is she today?"

  "This is my first time seeing her so I have nothing to compare it to but I think she knew who I was."

  "That's wonderful! Cassie says she has lucid moments although she can never tell what prompts them or when they're going to happen. I'll bet your wife was praying hard today that Esther would have one of those moments during your visit."

  "Yes, I'm glad that Mom knew who I was. Since her decline happened after I was taken she knew that something had happened to me. I'm glad I could put her mind at ease."

  "We've all been praying for your safe return. It's wonderful to see the Lord answer prayer. Of course we had hoped it would happen sooner but better late than never."

  "I see you have a little visitor today," a woman's voice said from behind Quinn.

  He turned to see a middle-aged woman wearing a nurse's uniform standing there.

  "Ah, Vera, c
ome to torture me once again, I see." Bill sighed.

  "You love it when I stop by, Bill Stevens. Don't bother pretending otherwise." Vera set the tray she was carrying down on the table. Quinn saw all the paraphernalia for giving an injection and realized it was time to leave.

  "It was nice to meet you, Bill. I'm sure I'll see you again." Quinn took Jani's hand. "Say goodbye to Mr. Bill. Your mom is probably waiting for us."

  "Bye, Mr. Bill. I'll bring a picture for you the next time I come."

  "You do that, sweetheart. You know I love your drawings."

  Quinn was in awe of the caring and loving nature his daughter had. It seemed as if she radiated warmth and it touched anyone within her radius. Cassie had done a good job raising her.

  As soon as they stepped into the main area Quinn spotted Cassie. She was talking to one of the nurses and had her back to them. The nurse must have spotted them because she said something and immediately Cassie turned around.

  She smiled a big smile and Quinn felt his heart skip a beat. It was the first genuine smile he'd seen from Cassie since his return. Jani skipped ahead and Cassie bent down to hug her as she approached. When Quinn drew near she straightened and once again smiled at him.

  Quinn immediately sensed that something was different. For days there had been a shadow of sadness in her eyes, even when there was a smile on her lips. Now there seemed to be a peacefulness about her. Her eyes sparkled as she smiled at him and the warmth he'd been noticing in Jani also radiated from Cassie. It touched the edges of his heart and Quinn felt something give within him. This was his wife. This was his family.

  He didn't know what had happened within the past hour to Cassie but suddenly it seemed that her whole world had changed. Whatever his return had unbalanced in her life had been set right in the past hour. Quinn hoped that he was able to resolve his problems as easily but somehow doubted that would be the case.

  Chapter Nine

  "I'm wondering if I picked the right color," Cassie mused aloud as she looked at the house. She lifted a hand to her forehead to shade her eyes as she looked up to where Quinn stood on a ladder painting the trim around the windows.

  He glared down at her and Cassie felt her heart melt a little. Quinn didn't smile much but the fact that he was glaring at her was encouraging. At least he wasn't walking on eggshells around her anymore. This past week had been a thawing, so to speak. Gradually Quinn had relaxed around her once he realized she wasn't going to delve into a serious discussion about their relationship every time they were together.

  And they'd been together a lot over the past week. He'd continued to come for breakfast each morning and pretty much stayed right through until Jani's bedtime. Sometime he'd take Jani out to the park or swimming at the nearby pool. He'd done the outside work for her. Mowed the grass, trimmed the bushes and even washed the SUV. Pretty much the only thing he wasn't doing at the house was sleeping. Each night he still returned to Renee's for that. Cassie had accepted that it was what he needed to do right now, but she prayed every night he would change his mind.

  “What do you mean you don’t know if it’s the right color?” Quinn demanded, interrupting her thoughts.

  “I don’t know. It’s just a lot lighter than it was in the can. There’s not as much contrast between it and the white as I thought there’d be.”

  Quinn sighed and climbed down off the ladder and came to stand next to her. He also lifted a hand to shade his eyes as he looked at the work he’d done so far. “Well, I told you I didn’t know what you were thinking picking a shade of rose for the trim. Rose is for bathrooms or girly rooms. Not for the outside trim on a house. A nice solid blue would have been just fine.”

  Cassie was trying hard to concentrate on what Quinn said. Sometime during the past week he’d begun to wear his old cologne once again and as it mingled with his sweat, memories poured into Cassie’s mind. She’d always heard that smells could trigger memories but she hadn’t experienced it as strongly as she did at that moment.

  “Okay, tell me again why we’re painting this room in a hundred percent humidity and mid-ninety degree temperatures,” Cassie said as sweat dripped from her nose onto the drop-cloth.

  “You said you didn’t like the color of this room,” Quinn reminded her. “Today is my only free day for the next couple of weeks to help you out. We’re almost done.”

  “You’ve got paint on your nose,” Cassie told him.

  “Do I?” Quinn lifted his T-shirt and rubbed at his nose.

  It was the opportunity Cassie had been waiting for. Reaching over she drew her paintbrush across his stomach.

  Quinn jerked the shirt down from his nose but held it up high enough to see the damage she’d done. “What did you do that for?”

  “Couldn’t resist the temptation,” Cassie replied with a grin. She carefully set the brush down and stood, poised to dart away from him if he chose to return the favor.

  There was a glint in his eye that told her he was considering it. “You shouldn’t have done that, darling. You may end up with a room half pea green and half eggshell.”

  “I could finish it myself,” Cassie told him confidently.

  Quinn looked around the room. “I don’t think so. You’ll have to pay a price for this, Wife.”

  “A price, Husband?” Cassie grinned. “What kind of price?”

  “Why don’t you go get a cloth for me to clean this off and I’ll think of something,” Quinn suggested. “But don’t think of abandoning me or the price will go up.”

  Cassie left and quickly returned with the wet washcloth. She handed it to Quinn but instead of taking it from her he grabbed her wrist and pulled her close. The wet cloth began to soak through her shirt.

  “I’m getting wet, Quinn. Not to mention that paint is getting on me now,” Cassie complained half-heartedly, enjoying the gleam in Quinn’s eyes and the familiar scent of his cologne, her very favorite scent of all male colognes.

  “You can just clean up the mess you made.”

  Cassie began to rub the paint off and really tried to resist the temptation to tickle Quinn but finally gave in and let her nails rake across his stomach.

  “You are just pushing all my buttons today, aren’t you?” Quinn asked as he grabbed her hands. “I’m never going to get this room done if you keep distracting me.”

  “I love distracting you,” Cassie told him coyly.

  “And I love being distracted by you,” Quinn admitted. His gaze softened as he looked down at her and drew her close. “For the rest of my life you’ll always be my biggest distraction.”

  “I’ll take that as a compliment,” Cassie murmured as their lips met.

  “Cassie?” Quinn’s voice broke into her memories, so familiar and yet foreign at the same time.

  Cassie closed her eyes for a moment before turning to look at him. “What?”

  “Where were you? I was asking if you wanted to keep going with this color or if you really did want to change it.”

  “This color will be fine.” Cassie moved a couple of steps away from him.

  Memories were still tugging at her as she continued to inhale that old familiar scent. Why couldn’t Quinn have picked another scent to wear? She was trying so hard not to let the memories of the old Quinn overshadow her hope for the future with this new Quinn. Moments like that last one didn’t help any.

  “Are you okay, Cass?” Quinn asked, looking at her closely.

  “I’m fine.” She gave him a smile that she hoped was convincing. “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with this color.”

  “You’d better not change your mind because this paint is supposed to be long-lasting and I’m not going to be painting this house again until it’s chipped and peeling.”

  Cassie felt her heart leap. It was her turn to look closely at Quinn. It was the first time he’d ever made reference to the future, and even more surprising was that the reference seemed to say that he was going to be around when the paint started chipping and peeling.

>   “What’s wrong?” Quinn asked again, this time with a little less patience.

  “Nothing!” Cassie quickly replied. “I promise I won’t change my mind. The next time it needs painting you can pick the color.”

  “You bet I will. I should have been able to pick it this time around considering that I’m doing all the hard labor,” Quinn grumbled as he climbed back up the ladder.

  Cassie gazed up at him for a few seconds, a mixture of emotions swirling within her. That brief trip down memory lane had left her feeling depressed but then Quinn’s comment had filled her with hope. Maybe, just maybe they were going to be a real family one of these days.

  *****

  Cassie returned to work the following week, taking only two of the four weeks she’d initially booked off. She felt it was important to get back on their schedule. Jani would be starting school in another two weeks so it was a good for Quinn to spend time with her, just the two of them. Most evenings they did things together and usually Renee joined them. It was as close to being a real family as they could get without actually living together and for the time being, Cassie was satisfied with that.

  Sundays were the most difficult. Cassie and Jani would attend their church along with Renee but Quinn had yet to join them. It was hard to field the questions about his absence without lying. Of course, the pastor knew the details behind Quinn’s refusal to attend church, but Cassie didn’t feel like going into it with the other members of the church. Instead, she just passed it off as adjustments that Quinn was going through and asked for their continued prayers.

  Quinn hadn’t started looking for a job yet but finances weren’t really an issue. His dad had left him well off and Cassie had touched none of his inheritance over the six years he’d been missing. He had gotten his driver’s license so he could drive Jani around now. At first Cassie was disappointed because his needing her to drive pretty much guaranteed that she’d be included in their times together. Fortunately, he still seemed to want her to come along although Cassie always waited for his invitation, never assuming she was included. Things hadn’t progressed that far yet.