by Robin Janney
“Oh God Angela, no.” He touched her hand with his own. “I’m angry anyone would mistreat you. I’m angry he took advantage of your forgiving nature. I’m angry at him, not you. I’m sorry I’ve upset you. It wasn’t my intention.”
She nodded and returned the ketchup bottle to its original spot. “And that’s how I know you’re different, Craig. Damn it, you said I could order one of everything off the menu. He never let me order for myself. You’re letting me have dessert. In fact, you’re almost as bad as my mother when it comes to pressing me to eat.”
Shrugging, Craig picked his fork and knife up. He cut into his steak and had taken a bite before he understood. “Wait – he thought you were fat? Are you kidding me?”
Angela nodded her head. “Fat. Ugly. He teased me about it long before we ever dated. So did my brother.”
That drew him up short, and he didn’t know what to make of it. “Do your parents know about that?”
She hesitated, her hands on the massive burger he wasn’t sure how she was going to bite into. “I don’t know.”
Nodding, he returned to his meal. “I’m sorry,” he apologized again. “Like I said, I’m just trying to figure things out.”
“Me too,” she said. She made a happy little sound as she attempted to bite into her burger. “Michelle and I came here before our Junior Prom. And we each had one of these.”
“Dessert too, I bet.”
She nodded, wiping ketchup and mustard from her chin.
Silence descended as they ate their food.
Checking the time, Angela pulled her medicine out of her purse and downed the pills with the last of her Pepsi. “I’m almost done with them. I can’t wait.”
“I’m sure. How…Don’t take this the wrong way. But you ate every bite of that burger, and the fries, and that dessert. Why don’t you gain weight?”
She shrugged as they slid out of the booth. “Because a lot of the time, I can’t eat. When I’m depressed, or my anxiety is high. It swings back and forth, and I guess it evens out.”
Helping her into her coat, Craig drew the conclusion she’d been aiming at. “So even though I upset you earlier, your anxiety…”
“Pretty low right now. It’s been happening a lot more recently. It’s another way I know you’re different.” Her hand slid into his easily as they returned to the truck.
Halfway down the mountain, she brought the conversation back around to it. “Maeve helped me rebuild myself after prom. She didn’t know everything, but I’m sure she suspected as much as my father did. It’s why she chose me to teach the class she did.” Her gaze was out the window when Craig glanced over at her. “Maeve would never outright say it, but I know.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised,” was his only comment.
“This is hard,” she said.
He saw she’d leaned her head up against the window. She looked tired. “Come across the seat and lean on me like you did at Christmas.”
“I wasn’t talking about the window being hard,” she said even as she was unbuckling. “I know you said talking about things helped you, but it only ever makes me feel sadder.”
He came to a stop at the bottom of the mountain, put his arm around her as she came to rest against him. He kissed her forehead before making the turn. “I wasn’t talking about the window either, Angel. Talking made me sad at first too. Kevin didn’t give up on me though. We’ll get there, even if we have to take turns being the strong one.”
“Like my parents?” she asked with a yawn.
“Yep. Sounds like you’re on your way to falling asleep.”
“It’s the codeine. I’ll try to stay awake until you get me home. I have to call the school…”
He didn’t think she was going to make it, and he was right. When he pulled into her apartment building’s lot, he wasn’t surprised to find her asleep. A little surprised he couldn’t wake her, but then she did say there was codeine in her medicine. He unlocked her apartment door, then returned to the truck to get her. Angela was limp, and it was a bit of a struggle.
After he kicked the apartment door shut behind him, Craig had a decision to make. Put her on the couch, or in her bedroom. The bedroom door was open, and he hesitated only a moment at the threshold. Her box spring and mattress sat on the bare floor, but he managed to lay his girlfriend down without dropping her. The biggest struggle was getting her coat off.
No, he decided a moment later, the biggest struggle was removing her snowflake hair decorations without tearing her hair out. His fingers felt large and clumsy as he removed them and set them on the bedside table. Laying her back against her pillows, his hand knocked something hard against her wrist. Pulling the sweater sleeve up, he saw the bracelet he’d given her at Christmas and he smiled.
Drawing a blanket over her, Craig pressed a kiss to his sleeping girlfriend’s forehead. Before leaving the bedroom, he checked the locks on the windows to make sure they were fastened. He wasn’t surprised to see the dreamcatcher her sister had given her at Christmas hanging by her dresser as he shut the bedroom door.
He scribbled a note on paper he found on her kitchen table and left it there for her. Locking the apartment door behind him, Craig returned home. Once parked in his driveway, he sat in the truck long enough to bring Kevin out looking for him.
Climbing in the truck beside him, Kevin said, “You’ve been sitting out here for ten minutes. Without the truck running. Is everything alright?”
Shrugging, Craig didn’t know what to say. “Been thinking.”
“About?”
“You have to ask?”
“No, I guess not. What did her doctor have to say?”
“He’s pleased with her progress but didn’t lift the work and school restrictions. I didn’t think he would, I think he just wanted to make sure she was obeying them in the first place.”
“And how’d she take it?”
Craig laughed lightly. “I accused her of pouting.”
Kevin’s laughter echoed his. “And lunch?”
“I upset her. I didn’t mean to. Her dad said she wants my proposal to be different from her ex’s and I was trying to find out more, so I could do everything different. It was an abusive relationship that was already in place long before they started dating. He didn’t even let her have dessert on the night of prom. Bastard takes her to the most expensive restaurant we have around here and doesn’t even let her order what she wants.”
“Sounds like the guy Jeff’s wife was dating before Jeff caught her attention. Did he hit her too?”
“Yes. Pushed her a few times too.” Chuckling at a lighter thought, he turned to his friend and said, “Can you believe she ordered this huge burger and fries? Then followed it up with their best dessert.”
“And yet I feel quirks like that are what drew you to her in the first place.”
“Probably.” Looking a little closer at his friend, Craig saw less strain than he had just the other night. He had heard enough sounds from their bedroom to know they’d made up. “I’ve decided to propose Saturday after the wedding. The weather forecast has it cold but clear.”
“This is your friend talking, Craig, even if he has the knowledge of a doctor. Are you one hundred percent certain about this? Angela may never come to a place of total restoration like in your dream. She could struggle with her mental illnesses for the rest of her life.”
“And I won’t?” His friend sounded like the doctor, despite what he’d said. “No guarantees, remember? If she’s willing to risk life with me, I’m willing to risk life with her.”
“Fair enough. Come on, Craig. It’s cold out here, and Sherry and I want one last afternoon with you. Angela too.”
“She’s passed out right now. I left her a note inviting her down. I hope she finds it. But you’re right, it’s cold out here. We’ll finish this inside.
S omeone was in her room!
At least that’s what Angela thought when she first cracked her eyes. A black silhouette against the light from
the bedroom window. He walked around her bed, and she struggled to move. But she couldn’t, and she whimpered. As the figure reached down to touch her face, she blinked…
And he was gone. As if he’d never been there.
Sitting up, she drew in deep breaths and cursed the medicine she’d taken. At least there were only a few doses left. Rolling out of bed, she double-checked the locks on the bedroom windows and was relieved to find them both secured.
The figure must have been something left over from her dreams, she thought as she passed by the open bedroom door. She’d dreamt of the accident again, but it hadn’t brought quite as much panic as it used to. Maybe she’d be able to talk with her parents about it and other things soon.
After a trip to the bathroom, the still sleepy woman made her way out to the kitchen to make her phone calls. There were no messages on her machine, which she took as a good sign. A note on the table let her know she was invited down to Craig’s for supper when she woke up.
Glancing at the time, she was satisfied to see it was just after three in the afternoon. Feeling her life changing around her, Angela picked her phone up and took her first step surrendering to those changes. It wasn’t like she was giving her schooling up, just postponing it.
It didn’t stop her from sitting quietly at her kitchen table just forty-five minutes later, unable to cry. It was so frustrating and not at all anything like what she’d had planned for her life. She hadn’t planned on falling in love, especially with Craig Moore. But, it had happened just the same. Looking back, she wished she hadn’t fought it so hard.
And Craig loved her in return. So deeply that it scared her a little. She wondered what would happen after he proposed like he was planning. And she was sure he had a plan. Would she still be working at the store?
She’d cross that bridge when she came to it. Right now, she needed to find out what was going on with the bank and the farm. Her father had never gotten back to her about it and she needed to know so she could ask for more hours once Dr. Evans, and Craig, let her return to work.
But before she could talk to her father, she had to go through her brother first.
“Hi Angela!” exclaimed Jared when he answered the farm’s telephone. “How’re you feeling?”
“Wasted on codeine,” she replied with a laugh.
“Are you feeling well enough for me come over for a weekend yet?”
“I’m not sure yet.” As much as she loved her brother, Angela honestly didn’t know if she was up to even an overnight visit from him. “Dr. Evans isn’t letting me go back to school or work yet. I’ll get back to you on that.”
“What’ve you and Craig been doing without me to act as a chaperone?” the boy asked.
Angela felt her face flush at her brother’s tease, but it reminded her how he wasn’t privy to her parents’ information. “We’ve been managing. I hope you never understand why we asked that of you.”
“I kinda miss it. He buys all the good movies. Has he kissed you yet?”
“Jared Michael!” she exclaimed even as she heard her mother say the exact same thing to him on the other end.
“That would be a yes,” her brother said, sounding pleased. “Here’s Dad.”
The phone passed to her father who said, “Want me to remind him you’re taking notes for when he gets a girlfriend?”
“Please.”
Laughing, her father asked, “Who’d you call to talk to?”
“You. You never got back to me about the farm payments. I just dropped out of this semester and I’d like to know whether I need to ask for more hours.”
Her father coughed like he did when he was trying to figure out what to say. “All I can tell you is there’s no danger of losing the farm anymore.”
Angela hopped out of the kitchen chair and began to pace. “What? Did they refinance?”
“Not exactly. We didn’t want to tell you yet. It’s not entirely our farm anymore. I’ve gone into a partnership.”
Panic was whispering to her. “What do you mean?”
“That’s all I’m at liberty to…aw, the heck with it. Your farm is safe, Angela. Craig didn’t want you to know until after he’d proposed. He didn’t want to feel like you were saying yes out of gratitude.”
There was a thud and Angela realized she’d sat down on the floor. “That silly man.”
“He has his own insecurities, honey. You know that. We were also waiting for you to be strong enough to process the information, which judging by the sounds of it, I’m not entirely sure you are.”
“It’s the codeine. I shouldn’t have taken it. I talked about Derek with Craig a little today. He’s so afraid of triggering something.” Her father didn’t comment. They were all afraid of triggering her panic attacks. She could hear one whispering to her now. It was a loud whisper. “I didn’t panic. Much. I’m not now. Much.”
“I’ll accept whatever progress you make, Angela.”
Nodding in the late afternoon light, she knew it was time to start taking more steps forward. Whether she liked them or not. “Some things are harder to talk about than Derek. I’m trying, Daddy. You know that.”
“I know, honey. There’s still no pressure. You’ll know when the time is right.”
But she needed to commit to something, if only for herself. “I’ll try to get out to the farm sometime this week.”
“We’ll be here.”
“Give everyone my love.”
“Back atcha, kiddo. Have a good night.”
Picking herself up off the floor, Angela pulled the curtain over the door window aside and looked out at the afternoon. It looked cold and sunset was over an hour away, but she didn’t think she should try driving with the lingering codeine in her system. Quickly going back to the bedroom for her coat, Angela double-checked the locked windows then the door as she left her apartment. She’d been doing so ever since Derek’s last call. Satisfied her dwelling was safe, she took off down the street.
48
C raig and his friends were just sitting down at the kitchen table for their early supper when there was a knock on the kitchen door. Princess barked happily.
“Probably Angela,” said Craig, rising.
“I got it, Craig.” Sherry was already opening the door. “Hi Angela! We weren’t sure if you were coming.”
“Craig, I need to talk to you,” his girlfriend said without a glance at Sherry. Or their dog who was nudging her hand. Then he saw embarrassment flooding her face. “Oh God, that was rude. I’m so sorry.”
“We’ll forgive you and set a place for you anyway,” said Kevin lightly.
Coming to her side, Craig helped her out of her coat even as she tried petting Princess. It was still easier getting the coat off than when she’d been asleep. “Just get up?”
“No, I’ve been up since about three. I talked to the school and my dad. So I’m a little distracted.”
“We can tell.” He hung her coat up in the anteroom and checked the driveway for her car. “Come on, sit down. We made enough for you just in case you came down. Did you walk?”
Nodding, she sat at the spot Sherry pointed to even as Kevin sat a dish of food before her.
“Yeah,” she said. “I didn’t want to drive because I still feel groggy from the codeine. I even thought there was someone in my room when I woke up.”
“Really?” He did a double take at that. His friends looked equally concerned.
“I think I was still dreaming. I checked the windows, and the door. Everything was still locked. Is locked.” Angela rubbed tiredly at her eyes. “I’m sorry guys.”
“Hey, no big deal.” Kevin said, picking his plate of food up off the table. “Craig, if you don’t mind, Sherry and I will take our meal into the living room.”
“Oh no, no!” said Angela. “It can wait. I promise.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes! Oh my God, I’m so sick of people doubting me!” Angela picked up her fork and stabbed long green beans on the plate befo
re her.
Kevin returned his plate to the table, and took his seat, but Craig saw the other man exchange a glance with his wife.
“No offense, Angela…but I’ve heard you hedge many times before saying you were alright when you weren’t.” Craig stabbed at his own food. “You’re on the edge of a panic attack. We can all see it.”
Her hands curled together in her lap. Craig wasn’t surprised to see their dog lean against Angela’s legs. One shaking hand came to rest on the dog’s head, the shaking easing as she petted the dog they shared. How had he never noticed this before?
“I’m just embarrassed because of how I burst in here,” Angela said after a moment, her voice even. “I just…it can wait. Honest. What were you guys talking about when I got here? I’m sure I can join in the conversation like a sane rational adult.”
“Nothing,” they all said at once.
“Nothing, huh?” She found their sudden avoidance funny enough to laugh lightly. “Have it your way.”
“Did your school give you any trouble?” Craig asked, digging into the mashed potatoes.
“No. Everything’s rolled over for the fall semester. Not all the classes are available in the fall, so I’ll end up having to take a few in the spring.” She carved valleys into her own mashed potatoes with her fork, but didn’t eat any. “They said they’d let me take graduate courses at the same time. Just one or two, to help me not fall too far being schedule.”
“Craig said you’re studying to be a veterinarian,” said Kevin, his own food almost gone. “Why’d you choose it as a career?”
Craig listened with half an ear, watching her as she spoke of her love of animals and Doc Maynard. She ate using one hand and never stopped petting their dog with the other one. Both Kevin and Sherry kept the conversation light. He wondered what she had really seen in the moments she was waking. The Beast had not returned to his dreams, but his promises remained in the back of Craig’s mind. He was trying not to let fear rule his life, but seeing her this rattled over a ‘dream figure’ was testing that resolution. He didn’t want her go back home.
