This Very Moment

by Rachel Ann Nunes

  Back at the apartment she busied herself with the paperwork that remained from her frantic letter-writing sessions the two previous weekends. Without realizing it, she picked up the list of children waiting for Children’s Hope to answer their dreams, and she couldn’t stop herself from looking at the next name—Chantel, the baby with Apert syndrome. Kylee remembered well the infant from the video shoot. Elaina had said that she had bumped the child to the top of the list because of the immediacy of her situation. Chantel would need several operations on her skull throughout her life to avoid mental retardation. She also required surgery on her mittened hands and feet to make fingers and toes. It would be a long process, but the memory of the angelic baby on the video tugged at Kylee’s heart. Chantel reminded her of Emily. “It won’t be long now,” Kylee said aloud to Chantel. “We’ll get you fixed up.”

  When Bill came to pick her up, she told him about Chantel. “I remember that baby,” he said. “From your video.”

  “You’ve got a good memory.”

  “Not really, she just stood out. You’ll need a craniofacial surgeon and about seven other specialists to help her. I’ll be glad to help with the parts I’m qualified for.”

  Kylee hugged him. “Thank you. I’m very grateful.”

  “I think I like you being grateful.” His arms tightened about her.

  She laughed and pushed him away when she really wanted to hold him closer. “Don’t think it’s going to get you anything.”

  “That’s okay. It’s the right thing to do.”

  Kylee’s heart filled with hope. “The right thing? That sort of makes it seem like you believe in God. I mean, the right thing versus the wrong thing.”

  Bill shook his head, his lips curved in a gentle smile. Instead of replying, he asked, “How’d it go at the newspaper?”

  “Good, I think. But your name might be in the paper tomorrow. Sorry about that.”

  He smiled ruefully. “Guess I’d better get used to it if I’m going to help you. At least now they have the real story.”

  “Hopefully. I’ll bet they’ll call it late-breaking news even though they printed my news release two Sundays ago—way in the back of the paper.”

  “Probably.”

  The Chinese restaurant was perfect, and the mood between them romantic. Yet Kylee couldn’t help thinking about Suzy’s comments and what Bill’s attitude against religion might mean to their relationship in the long run. He didn’t seem particularly antagonistic toward her faith, but rather apathetic about all churches in general. For Kylee’s part, her faith in Jesus Christ had been a mainstay in her life since Emily’s death. Could she really consider having a serious—hopefully a lifetime—relationship with someone who couldn’t share that part of her life? Though she had once thought Bill’s love might be enough, now she wasn’t sure. She had made a terrible decision by marrying Raymond. What if she was making a similar mistake with Bill?

  He hasn’t asked you to marry him, she reminded herself.

  “Do you like children?” she asked.

  Bill chuckled. “Where’d that come from? We were talking about seasonings.”

  “Well, I guess I wondered if you and Nicole had planned on having children.”

  “Of course we did. She was nuts about kids.”

  “I knew that, but I didn’t know how you felt.”

  “I like children. At least the few children I know.”

  “I mean, you didn’t want to do any surgeries before and—”

  “It wasn’t the children,” Bill retorted.

  “Then what?”

  There was a flash of irritation in his face that made Kylee feel rebuked, as though he had told her she had no business delving into his feelings. But if she didn’t, who would? He said he loved her, and that meant sharing their inner emotions, didn’t it?

  Her hurt must have shown in her face because Bill sighed and reached out to touch her hand. “I’m sorry. I guess you deserve to know, but I’m not very proud of my reasons.” He shook his head. “I didn’t want them to depend on me. It doesn’t make sense but I didn’t want to have to care about them. To . . . to . . .”

  “Feel?” Kylee supplied.

  “Yeah, I suppose that’s it.”

  “Because of Nicole.”

  “Those children need someone warm and loving to help them. Someone who will care about seeing them through. I couldn’t do that. I didn’t want to even try. All I saw when I looked at them was Nicole on that day in France, with her skin as dark and full of ashes as my dreams.”

  “What happened to change your mind?” Kylee felt she was beginning to understand him.

  He didn’t say anything for a long time, but stirred the Chinese food with his chopsticks. “You.”

  “You want to help the children because of me.”

  “It was a start.” He gave her a small grin before becoming serious again. “But that’s not all. Someone—my brother actually—reminded me of how I had once wanted to help children when I was in school. I had forgotten that.” He dropped his chopsticks and put his hand over hers. “Truth is, I didn’t make the decision until I saw Jeffery yesterday. I had come to convince you to forgive me, to accept me as I was, despite the fact that I didn’t want to help the children. I thought maybe I would agree to do something minor, if that’s what it took to get you to talk to me.” Bill grimaced. “I know that doesn’t sound very good of me, but it was all I could do then.”

  “You told Jeffery you wanted to help him.”

  He nodded. “When I saw him standing there with that ragged mitt, I wanted to run away. But he looked so scared and helpless . . . I knew I could help him. I could make a difference. He wasn’t Nicole, and ignoring his need couldn’t bring her back.”

  “Maybe helping him can—at least in some way.”

  His eyes met hers for a long, silent moment. “I’m glad you understand.”

  Kylee nodded, remembering the moment she had let the love of the Savior heal the wounds of Emily’s death and Raymond’s betrayal. Yes, she knew intimately the feeling of tossing away fear for the hope of a new future. Bill’s decision to help the children meant that he was finally ready to move out of the past—and perhaps into her future.

  His grip on her hand tightened. “I figure if you could go through what you did with Emily and still have the ability to love, then I can also find that strength. Even if I have to lean on you for a while. I can help those children. And I love you, Kylee. I really do.”

  “I love you, too,” she whispered. There was no going back now. She loved him, and either they would continue together and be happy, or they would both get hurt. Would it be her faith that separated them?

  After dinner Bill took her home and said good night. “I have to get up early to make up for the time I was off yesterday.” He kissed her, and her doubts were banished to the deep recesses of her mind.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asked against her ear, their bodies pressed together.

  Kylee laughed. “My place or yours.”

  “Yours.”

  When he left, Kylee stood for a long while staring out the window into the dark, starless night. Her heart felt full and tender, but for some reason she didn’t know if she should laugh or cry.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  The next day the newspaper printed an article about Children’s Hope on the front page. Kylee read through it quickly, praying for the best. While still referring to the missing millions, the reporter corrected the previous misinformation and focused more on the children and how money was still needed so they could be helped. At one point in the article, Bill and several other specialists were mentioned by name:

  William Dubrey of Newport Beach, Curtis Nelson of Los Angeles, and Gerald Torgeson of Glendale are just a few of the plastic surgeons, dentists, and other specialists who are teaming up with Children’s Hope. Dedicated to seeing that any incoming funds buy as many supplies as possible to help additional children, these doctors are donating their time without com
pensation.

  While the entire article had a positive vein, Kylee loved the ending the best, although she supposed that some could consider it stretching the truth:

  Despite the controversy that has surrounded this charity, it is now under new administration and has been approved by the FBI. All donations are encouraged.

  She called Bill immediately to read him the article, but he had just finished reading it himself. “So you’re approved by the FBI, huh?” he said with a laugh. “I didn’t know they approved charities.”

  “Well, obviously, they did mine. Don’t you believe everything you read?”

  “It’s a great article. I’m happy for you. When I come over tonight, I’ll bring something to drink to celebrate.”

  “Okay, and I’ll cook something wonderful. I hope you like fish.” She had to fight to keep the laughter from her voice.

  Bill wasn’t fooled. “I’ll eat it if you eat it first.”

  “Okay, no fish. How about lasagne?”

  “Now you’re talking.”

  * * * * *

  Every night for the rest of that week, and most of the next, Kylee had dinner with Bill. Each time she saw him, she loved him more. They laughed together, sang silly songs, and talked until their throats were sore. Kylee hadn’t been so happy since she had first found out she was pregnant with Emily. Occasionally, she caught herself dreaming about having another baby, hers and Bill’s.

  On the morning of the eighteenth of December, the Saturday Suzy would be flying into town, Kylee made another stop at the post office, dreading what she would find. Sure enough, there was a mess of letters scattered in the large post office box. She gathered them up in a thick orderly stack, her heart thumping as she recognized many of the addresses from her special lists of people. No doubt they were writing to censure her, to demand reimbursement—or worse. She had been assured by the FBI that there could be no legal action taken against her, but she worried what she might have to endure if someone decided to sue her.

  In the car, she read the first letter. Tears skidded down her cheeks, her emotions too full for anything else. Inside, with a kind letter of consolation, was a very generous check made out to Children’s Hope.

  Eagerly now, Kylee opened the other envelopes and found more of the same. Many of the caring people on her lists had not blamed or condemned her for the events but had opened their hearts and wallets to help her continue her mission without Elaina and Troy.

  There were a few spiteful letters, and even one that threatened her with legal action, but Kylee was so filled with the magnanimity of the others that she barely noticed. She immediately drove to Bill’s, anxious to tell him about the donations in person.

  “I’m so glad you’re home,” she said when he opened the door.

  “Are you okay?”

  For an answer, she piled the letters in his hands. “Look.”

  Bill read them and cried with her. “This is wonderful! I’m so happy for you.”

  “For us. Now we can help more children.”

  He hugged her. “Thank you, Kylee.”

  “For what?”

  “For coming here and sharing it with me.”

  “You were the first person that came to mind. Although I did think of Suzy afterward. She’s flying in this evening.”

  “That reminds me. About lunch with your friend tomorrow—would you rather have it here instead of your apartment? We could use the dining room like we did at Thanksgiving.”

  “I’d love that!” She kissed him thoroughly on the mouth.

  “Mmm. Maybe I’ll let you use my dining room every day.”

  She laughed. “I’d better take a detour to the grocery store on my way home or we won’t have anything to serve them. I’m about out of everything edible.”

  “I’d go with you, but I have a surgery scheduled.”

  “On Saturday?”

  He shrugged. “It was the one I was supposed to do on Monday when I’m going to do Jeffery.”

  She kissed him again. “You’re the best, you know?”

  “No, but you can keep telling me. I could probably handle that.”

  She laughed and punched his shoulder.

  “Hey, I have time for a quick breakfast,” he said. “Have you eaten?”

  Kylee had eaten but she wanted to stay with Bill. “I could force down an egg or two,” she said with a smile. “Then I’m going to call Julie and tell her she just might be able to have her old job back at Children’s Hope.”

  “Isn’t that jumping the gun a little?”

  “I’m not hiring her again—yet. I just think she’ll be pleased to know.”

  * * * * *

  Suzy didn’t show up at Kylee’s apartment until late that evening, after Kylee had bid good night to Bill. They had shared a pizza at her apartment after his last surgery, and he had suggested a movie, but she declined, wanting to wait at her apartment for Suzy.

  “Besides,” she added. “I have to get up early for church tomorrow. I need my rest—those boys are a handful. Are you sure you don’t want to come? You could keep them in line.”

  He grinned. “Maybe sometime. Tomorrow I’m going to sleep in. It’s been a long week. I bet you do just fine with those boys.”

  Kylee had stifled her sigh and kissed him goodbye. Doubts again assailed her about their ultimate compatibility. “He deserves a rest,” she told herself, her voice loud in the small kitchen. Frowning, she went to her room to set up the small portable cot which she kept under her bed. She also changed the sheets on her bed, planning to offer it to Suzy.

  Suzy was alone when she arrived. “It’s so good to see you!” she exclaimed, enveloping Kylee in an enthusiastic hug. “Sorry I’m so late, but I had a host of errands piled up at the apartment. We even had an eviction notice on the door! It took me all night to track down our landlord and convince him it was a mistake. We had the money in the apartment, but everyone had forgotten to give it to him.”

  “Good thing you came home.”

  “I’ll say.”

  “So where’s Mauro?”

  “I left him at the apartment. He was really tired, and I didn’t want him to have to drive back there alone. You know, in a strange town. I’ll stop and get him for church though, so you’ll meet him then.” She settled on the couch. “Now I know we’ve got to get to bed, but tell me what’s going on?”

  They ended up talking far into the night, laughing and crying as they shared everything that had happened in their lives since their last good talk. All the while, Kylee felt Suzy was holding something back. “What’s up, Suzy? You seem different.”

  Suzy smiled but her eyes misted over. “I was going to wait and tell you with Mauro, but we’re getting married!” She dug a ring box out of her purse. “See?”

  “That’s wonderful!” Kylee hugged her. “At least I think it is. I mean, I haven’t met him yet. But if he passed your father’s approval . . .”

  “He did. Especially since he’s been going to church.” Suzy gazed dreamily at the ceiling. “He’s perfect, and I love him so much!”

  Kylee hugged her friend, wishing she could say the same about Bill. In many ways he was her dream man. If only he could accept God.

  * * * * *

  The next morning they drove separately to church. Suzy showed up a short time after Kylee, accompanied by a blond-haired man with blue eyes. The pilot was deeply tanned, extremely handsome, and obviously in love with Suzy. With Suzy’s long blond locks and matching blue eyes, they made a striking couple.

  “It’s nice to meet you,” Mauro said. He turned to Suzy. “You didn’t tell me she was so pretty. She has green eyes.”

  Suzy laughed. “He’s got a thing with green eyes,” she told Kylee.

  “I do not.”

  Suzy stuck her tongue at him. “Do too.”

  Mauro kissed her.

  “Okay, you win,” Suzy said.

  Kylee smiled. “You two are nuts. Congratulations. I’m happy for both of you.” Kylee slapped Mau
ro on the back. “I hear you’re getting baptized. Looks like we have two things to celebrate at lunch.”

  Although she was happy for her friend, a lump formed in Kylee’s throat during the meeting. She would love having Bill to sit with through the services, and not only for her sake, but because he believed in God.

  Please, Father, she prayed. Help Bill. Help me help him.

  After church was over, Kylee stopped at her apartment for the crock pot roast and potatoes she had begun cooking early that morning. Suzy and Mauro followed her to Bill’s condo in the old car Suzy kept around to use on her few days off from the airlines. “This must be serious,” Mauro called to Kylee as she got out of her car to punch the gate code for them. “I mean, if you have his gate code.”

  Kylee laughed. “It’s a long story—and you’re not hearing it from me.”

  “Nor me,” Suzy said.

  “I’ll have to ask Bill.”

  Which he did the moment after the introductions were made. Bill laughed and explained. “That was because Kylee once climbed over the gate wearing a long dress, you know, one of those tight, sequined things.”

  “She didn’t!”

  “She did,” Bill answered. “I’m still waiting to get my copy of the event from the security guys.”

  “You are?” Kylee gasped.

  “Naw, I just had to see your face when I said it.”

  The group talked and laughed, enjoying each other’s company while Kylee mixed bacon bits and her special olive oil dressing into the salad. During the meal itself the topic switched to religion, and an almost palpable tension filled the air.

  “Kylee, do you know how long I’ve waited to find someone who shares my beliefs?” Suzy said. “I almost can’t believe I finally did. I wanted someone to worship with, someone to help me to teach our children about God. As a stewardess I’ve met a lot of confused people, and I didn’t want my children to grow up like that. I was so relieved that Mauro believes in God. Though I have to confess that I was already half in love with him before I knew.”