This Very Moment

by Rachel Ann Nunes

  * * * * *

  Seeing Bill again made Kylee rehash the previous night’s decision in her mind. She loved him and ached to be with him. She needed him. If only things were different.

  But no. She had prayed all night for a miracle and was beginning to wonder if the Lord was fresh out. Kylee closed her eyes and repented for the thought. Many times she had cried to the Lord in the night after Emily had died, and questioning Him had never brought comfort. Only acceptance had eased her soul and given her the courage to continue a life that had appeared to have no meaning. Since then, she’d found many things to live for.

  As Kylee paced the halls waiting for the surgery to finish, Anna and Mrs. Johnson appeared for a follow-up interview by 60 Minutes. The little girl’s face was still swollen and red, but already looked much better than it had before the surgery twelve days earlier.

  “Anna’s a new girl,” Mrs. Johnson said to Kylee. “Thank you for not giving up when those people . . .” She hugged Kylee. “You know.”

  “I do. And you’re welcome.” Kylee turned her attention to Anna.

  “I’m waiting for Jeffery,” Anna was saying to Deedra in front of the camera. The words were still somewhat distorted, but intelligible. “He’s going to be my friend. I met him once before at the TV place.”

  “That’ll be fun.”

  Anna nodded gravely. “Now kids won’t make fun of us.” She briefly touched her upper lip with her fingertips.

  Deedra finished her interview with Anna and came to stand by Kylee. “It’s good to know you did the right thing by not giving up.”

  “It’s not just me,” Kylee said. “Look at all the support I have from everyone.” She told Deedra about the donations arriving in her post office box.

  “That’s great,” Deedra said. “I’ll make sure they mention it on the air. When people know others haven’t given up on the sunken boat, they’ll pitch in too. There’s nothing like an underdog to spark community involvement. We’ll have the Children’s Hope yacht sailing in no time. You’ll be able to help all the children you’ve ever wanted.”

  Kylee laughed, hoping Deedra was right. “Thank you so much.”

  “You’re welcome.” Deedra thumbed in the direction of the room where Bill was in surgery. “That doctor’s a good one. I hope you stick with him. Anyone can see he’s crazy about you.”

  Kylee thought about what Deedra had said, and the chord it struck in her heart. Yet hadn’t she given Bill ample opportunity to see things her way?

  Her way.

  Maybe she hadn’t given Bill a real chance. Here she was, ready to bail out at the first sign of real trouble, to do anything to protect herself, hiding behind the excuse that it was God’s will. But Bill was a good person, and he would find the truth eventually—she believed that with her whole heart. Maybe God’s will, and also her good fortune, was to love Bill and help him find the truth, even if it took years. She didn’t have to marry him, not right away, but she could ask him to simply search for the truth. If he would agree at least to that, the Lord would see to the rest. She couldn’t force him into believing. She could love and pray and hope, and most of all, be his friend. If they had to say goodbye in the end, she would know that she had given her best—her unconditional love.

  Kylee blinked back the tears and silently thanked God for His inspiration. She knew that this decision was much better than the one she had made in fear and anger. The road ahead might be long and hard, but she was accustomed to challenges, and Bill was worth a fight.

  Kylee couldn’t deny the feeling that Bill had appeared in her life exactly when she needed him. Could she doubt that the Lord had sent him? Suzy had said that things had a way of working out, so maybe Kylee needed to have faith that the Lord knew what he was doing.

  Kylee wished she could share her insight with Bill but knew that she wouldn’t for many years to come—if ever. It would be enough to tell him she was willing to give their relationship time.

  Would he search for the truth? He loved her, yes, that she believed. But to really understand her, he would have to learn about her faith.

  Kylee went to the waiting room to talk to Mr. Rivers. Anna and Mrs. Johnson had disappeared with the 60 Minutes crew and he was all alone. He smiled gratefully at her presence. Kylee returned the smile, but her thoughts stayed with Bill. She began to pray.

  * * * * *

  As Bill worked on Jeffery’s skin grafts, assisted by the young burn specialist, Dr. Walter Bond, the warm feeling in his heart stayed with him. His fingers moved, fast and sure, as though they worked of their own accord. For the grafts, they used undamaged skin from Jeffery’s own body, as well as donor skin. Bill marveled at the comparative ease of the procedure and the miracle of the human body.

  Questions filtered into his mind. Was life only an accident? Did a creator exist—regardless of how indifferent or how loving? Bill was no longer sure. The uncertainty didn’t confuse him, nor did the way his hands moved so faultlessly to complete their work, almost as though he were being guided. Instead, it comforted him. The feeling of knowing exactly what to do was not new, but it was the first time Bill acknowledged its existence and attributed it to a source other than himself. Could it be that a Supreme Being actually cared about this child and the other people Bill had helped with surgery? Was he an instrument in a Grand Design? This thought was almost frightening. How many times had he reveled in his own skill? How many times had he felt pride at his ability to finish a surgery in the least time with minimum complications and maximum results? How many times had he—as Kylee would say—trusted in the arm of flesh?

  Had he been a tool all along? In the face of what was happening, Bill had to accept that the idea seemed logical. He’d seen something similar happen at work. When he had too many patients to take care of, he used the Plaza staff to help out, requesting various tasks of them. In turn, he helped with their patients when needed. This not only accomplished all the projects at hand, but also increased the skill of everyone involved. If a God existed, and if He really did care about His creations, would He not give them the ability and the desire to help each other? I would do it that way, Bill thought.

  Bill had always thought that if he were to believe in a caring God, His existence would have to be proven to him in a glaring, overt way—a miraculous cure for a patient with devastating complications, a vision of undeniable reality, a burned corpse returned to life. Never had he imagined this quiet realization that held so much power.

  Bill knew then that he had lied when he told Kylee he had opened his heart. He hadn’t, not to God anyway. Until now.

  Adrenaline coursed through Bill’s veins. He felt like singing, dancing, and crying for joy. Was this incredible feeling why Kylee would risk their relationship? He understood now how much he had been missing.

  The hours passed quickly and Bill’s energy did not dim. When at last they were finished, Dr. Bond smiled at Bill. “You were amazing, Bill. I’ve never seen such great work. I learned a lot here today.”

  “You were pretty good yourself, Walter,” Bill replied.

  Dr. Bond glanced at Jeffery. “I think someone’s looking out for that boy.” He turned away quickly, obviously embarrassed.

  Bill put a hand on his shoulder. “I think you’re right.”

  Barbara and the other nurse stared at him, but Bill ignored them and sauntered to the door. “You can take him to recovery. Let me know when he’s awake.”

  Bill went to the waiting room to tell Mr. Rivers about the surgery. A nervous pit formed in his stomach as he saw Kylee sitting near the old man. He wanted to take her in his arms and confess that maybe he had been wrong, that he would do anything, believe anything, to have her in his life. But did Kylee love him for who he was, or was her love conditional upon his beliefs? He told himself it didn’t matter, but he knew it did.

  “Everything went smoothly,” he told Mr. Rivers, who arose as he entered the waiting room. “Jeffery will be awake within a few hours or so and you can see h
im then.”

  “No complications?” Mr. Rivers asked quickly.

  “None. It was a textbook surgery. He’ll have the bandages for a while, and we still have more work to do down the road, but providing the grafts take well, I think you and Jeff will be very pleased with the results.”

  “Thank you so much.” Mr. Rivers took Bill’s hand and pumped it up and down. “We can never repay you, but I know God will bless you.”

  Bill glanced at Kylee. “He might at that.”

  “Pardon me?” said Mr. Rivers. “I didn’t hear you.”

  “Nothing. I’m glad to have been able to help.”

  Bill was paged, and he reluctantly left Kylee and Mr. Rivers. There was so much he wanted to say to her, but he didn’t know how to begin. Was what he had felt during the surgery real? He needed to find that out for himself. Most of all, he needed to know if Kylee really loved him.

  * * * * *

  Minutes ticked slowly into hours. Bill didn’t return and Kylee wondered what he was doing. Would he be back at all before she had to leave?

  At last a nurse came into the waiting room. “Your grandson is awake,” she said to Mr. Rivers. “Would you like to see him?”

  “Yes, of course.” The old man rose quickly to his feet.

  “Can I come?” Kylee asked, hoping that as at Anna’s surgery the family-only policy would be waived. Especially since Anna was anxious to see Jeffery and have her first real friend.

  “Yes. I’m sure he’d like to see you, too.”

  They were led into the recovery room. Bill wasn’t present yet, though Kylee heard Barbara tell Mr. Rivers that he was on his way. Kylee and Mr. Rivers waited on each side of the bed as Jeffery’s eyelids flickered. The left side of his face was completely covered with bandages, making him appear small and helpless. Kylee leaned closer to him, taking his thin hand as Mr. Rivers had done on the other side of the bed. The little boy opened his eyes sleepily, then blinked and focused on Kylee, looking confused and more than a little alarmed.

  “It’s me, Kylee. How are you?”

  “Oh, Kylee. I thought you was an angel. Like on TV.”

  “She is an angel, Jeff.”

  Kylee turned at the voice and saw Bill in the doorway.

  He smiled at her with an expression she had never seen before, one she couldn’t name. “It’s because of her persistence that we were able to do your surgery today,” he said to Jeffery. “I think that qualifies her to be an angel—at least to you.”

  “Her hair looks like a halo,” Jeffery murmured

  “Yeah, it does,” Bill agreed.

  Kylee laughed softly. “That’s reflection from the light.” Whatever mood had struck Bill, Kylee was enjoying it. He was different somehow. Softer.

  Jeffery’s attention was diverted by the tears falling from his grandfather’s eyes. “What’s wrong, Gran’pa?”

  “Nothing, boy. Nothing at all.”

  Kylee decided to leave them alone. She excused herself and left the room, her heart thumping erratically when Bill followed close behind.

  “Bill—” she began at the same time he said, “Kylee.” He nodded for her to go first.

  “We need to talk.”

  “I agree. But my next patient’s waiting and has been for the last half-hour. Could we get together later tonight?”

  Kylee was relieved that the hurt and anger she had seen in him the night before was no longer apparent. “I’d like that.”

  “Your place or mine?”

  “I have some work to do out your way for Children’s Hope, so I could stop by your condo. Tell me a time.”

  “Six?” He led her to his office and pulled a set of keys from the drawer. “Better take these in case I’m late. Sometimes my appointments run over.”

  “I’ll make us dinner.”

  “You don’t have to.”

  She touched his arm. “I know.”

  With no warning, his arms went around her and pulled her tight. “I love you, Kylee Stuart.” He kissed her hard on the mouth before drawing away. “See you tonight.”

  Kylee watched him leave, her senses reeling at his kiss, at the strength of their mutual attraction. So much for being friends until she could help him find his faith. What would she do if that never happened? She couldn’t imagine living without him, or without sharing a belief in God. Yet she sensed a difference in him. Maybe she simply had to exercise her faith as she had at Emily’s death. Back then, her terrible loss and pain had been transformed into hope and joy. Maybe it could be so again.

  The thoughts should have brought her peace, but instead she was filled with a sense of unease. She had not felt such a tangible dread since Raymond packed his bags and left.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Kylee let herself into Bill’s condo at five and began dinner preparations, glad that Bill had taught her how to program the oven. As the roast was cooking, she wandered around, looking for signs of Bill’s real self, something that would tell her what was in his heart. But everything she saw could belong to anyone, except for the Christmas decorations she had put up and the crude drawing of his parents on the wall in the sitting room.

  The drawing reminded Kylee of the others Bill had shown her before. She went upstairs and into the exercise room where the drawings were still spread out on the floor. There were more this time, new ones she had never seen. In two, Bill had drawn Anna and Jeffery as they had looked at the TV station. Anna was clinging to a hand, presumably her mother’s, and Jeffery stared at his lap, his face slightly turned as though to hide his burns. With each stroke of the pencil she could see into Bill’s heart, and she understood why he had agreed to help the children. Somehow it meant a reemerging of the old Bill, the Guillaume Debré who had fled France with such vengeance. The children had given him a way to heal the past.

  Most of the additional drawings were of Kylee, and again the lines told of his deep sorrow for hurting her and of his love. There was something eternal in the drawings, something almost celestial. A reason to live, a reason to believe. If I had seen these, I would never have doubted him, she thought. The road before her might not be easy, but he was worth it.

  She gathered the drawings, old and new, and carefully arranged them in the box. Though cumbersome, the box wasn’t too heavy for Kylee to carry downstairs. She placed them on the coffee table in the sitting room and began to thumb through them again, feeling close to Bill and more in love with him at every moment.

  A timer went off and she wandered into the kitchen to check on dinner. It was nearing six, but Bill still hadn’t arrived, so she decided to watch a little TV. Returning to the sitting room, Kylee settled on the couch and flipped on the TV with the remote. There was a blanket folded neatly on the couch, and she spread it over her. Before long, her eyes grew heavy.

  The phone rang, jerking her out of sleep. “Hello?” she asked breathlessly when she had finally found the source of the noise.

  “Kylee, it’s me.”

  “Hi, Bill.”

  “You sound different. Have you been sleeping?”

  Kylee yawned. “Yes, actually. I guess I didn’t realize how tired I am. It’s been a long month. So when are you coming?”

  “I’ve been delayed by an emergency. Nothing too serious, but I have to stay and take care of it. I’ve got at least another hour here, plus the twenty minute drive. I should be there by at least seven-thirty, eight at the latest. Will you wait for me? I wouldn’t ask, but I really need to see you.”

  “I’ll wait. I’ve already been to see Chantel’s parents—you know, the baby with Apert syndrome—to talk with them about scheduling a surgery, and beyond that I had nothing else to do. Dinner will be cold, but I’ll reheat it. I’ll just doze on your couch until you get here.”

  “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

  “No.” She paused and swallowed hard before adding, “And, Bill, I love you, too.”

  “You don’t know what that means to me to hear you say that.”

  She pic
ked up one of the drawings he had made of her dressed in her bronze and gold evening dress. I think maybe I do.

  They said goodbye, and after turning off the oven, Kylee curled back up on the couch and was soon asleep.

  In what seemed only a short time later, she heard the shrill cry of the fire alarm. Groggily she climbed to her feet. She could smell the smoke as it began to fill the room, black and billowing, blotting out the overhead light. How long had the smoke alarm been sounding? And where was the fire? She looked around but the smoke made it difficult to see, and the darkness increased with every moment.

  Her sleepiness vanished. She needed to get out—now. She was nearly to the sitting room doorway when she remembered Bill’s drawings. Knowing they were all Bill had left of Nicole, she took a few steps back and grabbed the box before rushing to the entryway. There were no flames that she could see, but the area was filled with black smoke that stung her eyes and throat. Blinking to ease the stinging, she held her breath as she ran to the front door.

  There was no one outside, but she could hear human screams coming from a neighboring apartment. She watched, stunned, as people began stumbling from the surrounding condos in a seemingly endless chaotic stream. Flames flickered in windows of the two condos directly to the right of Bill’s, and smoke surged from five or six others.

  Kylee placed Bill’s box of drawings on top of her car, and leaned against it to collect her scattered wits. It was then that she remembered the drawing Bill had made of his parents and his poignant expression when he told her it was the only picture he had of them.

  Kylee ran back into the condo. The entryway and sitting room were still dense with smoke, but this time she noticed flames dancing on Bill’s entertainment center and the surrounding wall, crackling as they eagerly devoured everything they touched.

  Must have spread from the neighbor’s, she thought. Even as she watched, sparks jumped to the couch where she had been lying only minutes earlier.