Ana Mourns (The Clermont Coven Trilogy Book 2)

by Alina Banks

  “Apologizing isn’t going to fix the damage.” I raked a hand through my hair. “I don’t know if I really want to see her, but I feel like I have to. I need to say goodbye.”

  “There is a chance she might pull through. I don’t know how highly I’d rate her chances, but with Will there, she’s been awake for longer periods of time, so I think he is giving her strength.” Miss Cane sighed. “With you feeling the way you are, I’m not entirely certain it would be good for you to see Lilah. It might have an effect on how well she’s doing.”

  “In the end, it’s up to you.”

  “Give me a couple of minutes to check on her and then we’ll go from there. I want to do what’s best for both of you.”

  “Do whatever it is you need to do.”

  Nodding, Miss Cane stepped into the room, and I waited by the door, my mind on the choices we’d all made in the last few days. Would things have been better if we hadn’t pushed for the vampires to give Mom’s memories back? Then, at least, she wouldn’t have been flooded with emotions, but we would have still been a witch down. Maybe Mom would still have ended up dead, drained by one of the Easons, which would have been so easy for them to do with Mom spending so much of her time with them. In some alternate universe where Mom hadn’t left Clermont, I’m sure she would have been able to make that spell work, and those witches would be in a very different position. Sighing, I tried to push aside the notion that I should have done more, but I knew that those thoughts were going to haunt me for days. It wasn’t my fault that Mom had done what she did. I’d done what I could to stop her. It just hadn’t been enough.

  The door to Mom’s room opened again and Miss Cane stepped back out, her eyes on me. “Blaming yourself for this is going to make things a lot harder than they need to be. Both of us know this was something Lilah brought on herself.” She squeezed my shoulder. “The choices that others make should never be on your shoulders.”

  “If only it were that simple.” I smiled at her. “How is she?”

  “Good enough that I think it will be okay for you to see her, but try not to overwhelm her. She’s dealing with a lot right now.”

  Hoping I’d be able to keep my emotions to myself, I walked into the room. Mom was lying in the bed, her face almost entirely white, and I knew from the way she was looking she didn’t have much longer left, even if she was fighting.

  She looked at Dad. “Give us some time, Will.”

  At first, Dad looked between us, seeming like he didn’t want to go anywhere, but then he nodded. Standing, he walked to the door, squeezing my shoulder as he went past, and then I heard the door close. That left me alone with Mom.

  “How are you feeling?”

  Mom smiled. “In all honesty, I feel terrible. But we both know that it’s my own fault.” She gestured for me to move closer to her, so I did, even though there was a part of me that wanted to leave. “I’m sorry. I know that’s not going to fix anything, considering the choices I made, but I am sorry for everything. Now that I’m more myself, it’s hard to imagine I could do what I did to you, and yet I did.” She sighed. “I know I blamed you for things that weren’t your fault. For taking my power when I was the idiot who pushed it away. Nothing that happened is on your shoulders, no matter what I said or how I made you feel, because I see clearly now in a way I wasn’t able to before. My thoughts were clouded by emotions. I understand how it happened. I spent so much of my life running away from what I was feeling that when I regained those memories, it all flooded me.”

  “That’s what Miss Cane said when we first realized there was something really wrong.”

  “Becca has more patience than she should. She’s going to be the one to take on your teaching when I’m gone.”

  “Mom…”

  “Let’s not pretend, Ana. That spell rebounding on me drained almost everything. I should never have cast it, but I was furious with the Easons, and that fury, along with everything else, made it so easy for me to make terrible choices. Had I taken a step back and actually listened, everything would be different right now.”

  “Yeah, it would be.” I sank into the seat beside her. “You cast a spell on me, Mom.”

  “I know, and that is unforgivable. Being willing to do that…you’re my daughter. The fact that I could do that is something that still surprises me, but I did, and there’s nothing I can do to undo it. All I can do is apologize again. I…in a way, I’m beginning to understand why the demon’s minions do what they do. Feeling that much emotion…I would have done anything to get rid of it, and I thought taking out the vampires would solve the problem, and it might have, if the spell had worked. At the same time, I think there was so much that I hadn’t dealt with through the years that it would have taken more than that to work through it. Fortunately, the spell took that along with everything else. That’s why I’m so calm now. I wouldn’t be if I could feel anything.”

  “Do you think it might help you if you were bolstered a little by my power?”

  “As much as I hate to say it, that would only give me a couple more days at most. It will just be a band-aid. There’s no fixing the damage I did. All I can do is accept what’s coming, and accept that I’m not going to be around to see the witch you’re going to become.”

  Tears welled up in my eyes again, and there was nothing I could do to stop them from falling. “Mom…”

  “Oh, Ana, I’m so sorry. I wish I’d made different choices. I wish I could have seen past those emotions.” She wiped the tears from my cheeks. “Don’t blame yourself for this. You did everything you could, and I didn’t deserve that. You fought for me when I wouldn’t, because you weren’t willing to give up on me, and I love you for that more than I can possibly put into words. Thank you for being who you are. Thank you for doing what you did. All I wish is that I could go back to change the choices I made, but all we can do is move forward, and whatever happens, will happen no matter how much we try to change the outcome. This is how things are, sweetheart.”

  Stopping myself from sobbing long enough to actually get home wasn’t easy. I found myself hiding out in the hospital toilets for almost half an hour as I tried to calm down, but I knew Mom was dying. I knew it before, really, but seeing her made it real, and the way she was talking…I scrubbed the tears off my face for what had to be the hundredth time. There was nothing I could do to change what had happened. All I could do was to accept it and move on as best as I could. No matter what came next, there was one being to blame for us all being on the path we were - the demon. That needed to be my focus. Once I’d dealt with the vampires it had sent to cause us problems, all of my attention would go towards the demon. Vampires I knew how to deal with, fortunately, so it wouldn’t take me too long to work out what I should do next.

  Holding on to the anger made it easier for me to stop crying. Feeling a little more like myself, I made my way out of the hospital to find Damien waiting for me in the parking lot. “Madeline told me you were here, and I thought it would be logical for your boyfriend to meet you, but I can leave if you want me to.”

  “It’s okay.” I managed to smile at him. “It’s just been a hard few hours.”

  Nodding, he wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “How is Delilah?”

  “She’s probably got a couple of days left.”

  For a few seconds, Damien was silent. “She’s dying?”

  “What did you think was going to happen when the spell rebounded on her?” I shook my head. “It took everything, Damien. Her magic and her life.” I did my best to hold onto my anger, even though it was hard to do. “Thanks to the demon, I’ve lost almost all my family. My mother is dying because of a situation he created. And because of him, I never had the chance to meet my grandparents or my aunt. I am going to make it pay for everything it’s done.”

  “Good.” He sounded more determined than I felt. “He needs to be made to pay for all the harm he’s done to so many people. It’s not just your family, Ana, but so many families in Clermont. I’ve be
en looking into the family tree you were talking about and working out how many times we’ve been sent here because he thought it was the time he’d be able to come through. Fortunately, after he was sent back the first time, he’s never been able to come back, but that isn’t going to stop him from trying, unless you manage to banish him for good. Your family has been looking into a way to do that for a long time. Violet, I know, was focused on finding a way, but I don’t think she ever managed it.”

  “Before she died, my grandmother had an idea of what might work, but I have no idea if it actually will. It’s something we won’t know for certain until we try it, and if it doesn’t work… well, there have to be other options out there.”

  “That’s even better.” We started walking in the direction of my place. “I know you’re not going to tell me whatever it is, just in case, but I’m glad you do have an idea of what might work.” He glanced at me. “I’ve been thinking a lot about my cousin and the other witches he created. What it was like for them when they found their own way to do things. I’ve known for a long time I haven’t made the best choices I could have done, but when I look back, I know exactly why the demon chose me to become a vampire, which makes it easier, in a way, to accept. From what I read, she never knew why they’d been chosen. All she remembered was waking up one day with magic because the demon had gifted it to them. And when they found him, he never explained what he’d done. He simply told them he chose them to be his people.”

  “I know. I…one of the things I do sometimes is dream about what came before, and I’ve dreamt of being your cousin.” I shrugged. “Not that I’m certain they are just dreams. I think they’re more than that. I think I’m being shown things I need to know, and that was something I apparently needed to know.”

  “You dreamt of her finding the demon?”

  “From her point of view, yes. I walked up with her, feeling the sensation tugging me, because I knew there was someone I needed to meet. At the time, the demon had claimed a human body in order to be able to pretend it was human, which…the moment I set eyes on him, I knew for a fact he wasn’t human. He was something else entirely, and the way he looked at me…it was like he owned me. He thought, from that moment forward, we would do whatever he wanted, and we might well have, had it not been for the witch who already existed. Not that she called herself that. She was the one who came to me that night, to talk to me about what it meant to have power.”

  “When I became a vampire, the Canes had full control of the hospital. There were more of them then, but, as time has passed, the numbers have dwindled. The demon definitely hasn’t helped with that. I know when we were first changed, he talked about a source of power that had been claimed by the hospital, and he wanted to get it back. Not that I think it ever belonged to him. He just needed it to be able to do what he wanted, which was to claim Clermont. He never said he wanted the rest of the world, but I have no idea if his ambitions would have changed now.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Dad arrived home much later than usual. By then, I’d made something to eat and had gathered some of my books in the kitchen so I wouldn’t be in the sanctuary when he got back. His eyes met mine for a moment before he stepped over to the fridge. “With what’s coming, I feel like we need to set some ground rules.” He didn’t look at me. “I’d prefer it if you didn’t have Damien over here. You may think he wants to help you, but he’s not someone I’m willing to trust after what happened, and I hope you understand.”

  “Not really.” I did my best to keep the emotions out of my voice. “Mom, as I’m sure she’ll have said to you, brought this on herself. Damien has shown himself to be trustworthy, and there are certain things I need his help with, if I’m to bring down the other vampires, because he’s the one who truly understands what it’s like to be one of them. Without him, I’m not going to be able to do what needs to be done.” I shrugged. “I know you want someone to blame for all of this. I did too, so I found someone…or rather, something. There’s only one reason we are where we are. All of this is the demon’s doing.”

  With a plate in his hand, he turned to look at me. “This would never have happened if it wasn’t for the vampires.”

  “The vampires exist because of the demon. They wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for the demon.” I studied him. “My focus right now is on ending this for good. It’s not something that’ll happen soon. At least, I don’t think it will. For that to happen, there are two things I need to focus on. The first is taking all the vampires out of the equation. There are two ways I’m able to do that, and I’m hoping to go with a way that doesn’t end with them being dead. I accept that they’ve made some terrible choices, but if I can take their power from them without killing them, then I will, which is why I need Damien’s help. When that’s done, I can turn my attention to the demon. Once the vampires are gone, I know what he’ll do. He’ll want to get rid of me because of what I’m capable of.”

  “He?”

  I shook my head. “That’s what Damien was saying, and I picked it up. In all honesty, it doesn’t really matter. Either way, I’m going to do my best to make sure there’s no chance of the demon ever coming back to Clermont, and, if possible, back to Earth. Then, maybe, I’ll be able to have a more normal life, although I can’t help wondering if that’s even possible. Being a witch means I’m always going to be a little unusual, and there might be other things for me to deal with once the demon situation has been sorted out. I could be a witch troubleshooter.”

  Miss Cane and I met in the sanctuary the next morning. It wasn’t exactly planned, but I had a feeling she was going to turn up, so I made sure to be there early. She stepped in about ten minutes after I did, and I turned to face her. Her eyes met mine for a moment. I gave her a smile before turning my attention back to the work I was doing, because that was a little easier than talking to her. There were questions I needed to ask that I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted the answers to. Then, she was standing next to me, looking down at the spell I’d been working on, seeming like she didn’t much want to talk either. She put her hand over mine, and for longer than I expected, the two of us stood there silently.

  “She’s doing okay. Mostly. She doesn't want to eat, but that’s not really a surprise, and I know she’s as ready as she can be for whatever might happen next.” She sighed. “How are you feeling?”

  “Broken. I’m holding myself together because I have to, but with everything that’s happened…” I shook my head. “Even though I knew it was possible that this might happen, it wasn’t real until it actually happened. I thought it would be easier to deal with than this, but it hurts more than I thought it would, and she’s not even gone yet.” I glanced at her. “I know you’re feeling the same guilt as I am.”

  “How could I not be?” She curled an arm around my shoulders. “I wanted to help Lilah, but she wasn’t willing to let me, and that…I’m not angry with her for it, because I understand. Having all those emotions sweep through her like that must have been so hard to manage. At the same time, I’m disappointed in her, as I do think she could have dealt with what happened better than she did. Her choices were always going to affect all of us.” She shook her head. “I don’t think Will’s dealing with it all that well. Losing her is something he never could have imagined when they moved back, but Lilah and I talked a couple of times about what might happen next. Vampires were something we knew about in an abstract fashion. I didn’t entirely believe they were still around, but they were.”

  “Unfortunately.”

  “You’re working with Damien.”

  “Not because I want to. At least, not entirely. I don’t think he’s a bad person. When the demon chooses people, he picks those he believes he can manipulate. He thought he could manipulate the witches, but they proved otherwise. He thought he could manipulate the vampires, and I’m not sure how much he’s really manipulating them, as it seems to me they’re doing more of what they want and the bare minimum of what the demon wants.
He has always been able to manipulate his minions, which I think is mostly because they’re chosen to be used in the short term, but when it’s something that’s longer-term, he always loses control. I think, for the witches, it was knowing that the power was going to be passed from one generation to the next. They didn’t feel the need to fight for themselves, but they did feel the need to fight for their children.”

  “If I had been in their positions, I would have made the same choice. To be honest, that is what I’m doing now, even though I don’t have children myself.”

  I nibbled my bottom lip. “What will happen to the hospital if something bad happens to you?”

  “Even if I don’t have children, I do have other family members. They know a little about what’s been happening. They usually stay out of this because that was what we wanted for them, but if they were needed, they would step in to take over at the hospital. I will always be grateful for them for that.” She tightened her grip on my shoulders. “I did want to talk to you about something that I think is important. You, when Lilah passes on, will be the leader of the coven. If anything happens to me…” There was a moment of silence. “For now, you will be the only witch in Clermont. Nothing about that is going to be easy, so I wanted to give you the spell that will call the other witches to you, should you need them. I have been in contact with as many of them as I can, and I think they might now see how much they’re needed, which means you might never need it, but if you do…well, it’s better to have it and not need it.”

  “Alex is here.” Dad sounded confused. “He said he has something to share with you.”

  “Tell him I’ll be out in a second.” I scribbled down a couple more ideas for the weakening potion before stepping out of the sanctuary. Dad was still there and he looked at me.