Mad Money Murder

by Leslie Langtry

  If he was telling the truth, it did. I was hoping for a mystery in spite of myself. On the other hand, it would make our stay shorter. I could unload the house for half a million dollars and go home.

  "Thanks, Dr. Morgan." I stood up and shook his hand.

  "If you need anything else, just stop by," he said.

  As I walked across the street, something bothered me. My spydy senses were tingling.

  Dr. Morgan had lied about something. I just wasn't sure what.

  CHAPTER NINE

  "What happened?" Kelly pointed to my burger and fries as I joined them at the diner.

  "Well." I picked up a fry and nibbled on it. "We'd better check the bugs when we get back and make sure they are either in their cages or dead. Or better yet, dead in their cages."

  "That's mean!" Inez said.

  "You're right. I'm sorry." I forgot how much these girls loved animals—even those that wanted to kill them.

  I told the girls and Kelly what the doctor had said.

  "Treasure?" Lauren looked hopeful.

  "Of course a princess castle has treasure!" Ava squealed as Betty slipped away from the table.

  "We need to check it out now!" Inez demanded.

  Betty returned to her seat, dragging a heavy sledgehammer.

  "Where did you get that?" Kelly asked as she took it away.

  "From the bathroom," Betty said. "Save that. We'll need it to destroy walls to find the treasure."

  "Hey!" I dropped my fries. "You can't tear out the walls of my house! Besides, I really don't believe there's a treasure hidden in there anywhere."

  Betty shrugged and returned to her burger. She was tearing off bits and dunking them into an impressive pile of sugar on her plate before popping them into her mouth.

  "If you don't think there's a treasure, why are you listening to him?" Betty asked. "He probably did it."

  "Maybe he was one of the boyfriends," Ava added. "And he got mad and killed her with a spider."

  "That's a good point," I conceded. "But I mean it, we have to be extra careful back at the house. Animals or not, one of them may have killed Aunt June."

  There was some silence as we ate. I could practically see the gears spinning in everyone's heads. Sure, what the doctor said made sense. But I'd need to talk to the funeral director and Basil before accepting his story.

  Overall, my first thought was that the doctor seemed on the up-and-up. But I had to keep in mind that he was old and retired. It was possible that he got it wrong. If you're looking for something, you're gonna find it. And if he truly believed it was her spiders that did it, finding evidence of that could have been easy.

  It's a trap spies often run into. You're hoping that the room you're searching at the embassy has the hard drive with encrypted files or that your contact really does have access to the intel she promised you, which means you can interpret anything you find into being just that. It was sloppy and lazy, but it had happened to me before.

  Once again, I'll go back to Carlos the Armadillo. He had a study. It was pretty nice too, considering he was a very wealthy drug lord. I'd always assumed that I could find his secrets in that room.

  But I was wrong. The man used his bathroom for work. If you tugged on the toilet paper roll a certain way, a secret panel opened up and a small table emerged, complete with laptop. He kept paper files under a stack of towels in the linen closet. Carlos never let anyone use his private bathroom, but I did once while he was in Mexico at a meeting with One-Handed Tim.

  To my shock, as I tugged on the toilet roll, the desk popped out and the laptop opened. I was so startled that I shoved it all away to search later. I never got the chance again because I was transferred to Okinawa. It was my second greatest regret of that undercover operation.

  My greatest regret? Forgetting to use sunscreen at the 11th Annual Colombian Drug Lord Beach Volleyball Tournament and Tug-o-War Fest. Never, ever, ever get sun poisoning in an equatorial country where the mosquitos are so large that they are often confused with vampire bats (with practically the same results) and who bite every five hundredths of a second. When your skin hurts too much to breathe on, scratching is an agony best reserved for the fifth circle of hell.

  The fact of the matter was, I'd need to corroborate Dr. Morgan's statement with a few others. If they all came up with the same thing, all I'd have to do was sell the house and move on with my life.

  But something bothered me. The woman had left me clues. She'd hidden them. Granted, they were poor excuses for even a glimmer of evidence. I feel it in my bones. Come on! I'd need to find the other letters and see if they were just as confusing. If they were, and my interviews with others around town were similar to the doctor's, then I'd know my time was wasted.

  On the other hand…

  Dr. Morgan had said some interesting things I didn't know about. Aunt June was wealthy and had gone to college. And she was bitten by the brown recluse. And then there was that rumor of a treasure that I wasn't going to bring up again. At least not while Betty had a sledgehammer.

  What was I saying? We had that kind of thing all the time back in Who's There. They were bedtime stories. Pure fiction to get kids excited. People probably thought the same thing about me since I'd been a spy, had two houses, and was, like Aunt June, quirky.

  And then there was Basil's statement overheard by the girls that Aunt June had three suitors. While that wasn't too strange, with her wealth and all, it was unusual if the three suitors didn't know about each other. In a town this small, how could she have kept that under wraps?

  Jealous suitors, all seeking money more than companionship, could've gone to great lengths to either cut off the competition or lash out at the woman in a jealous rage. Was that what happened? Or was my imagination running away with me…again or as per usual?

  I wasn't ready to go home yet. Besides, we had the camp to explore. Kelly and the girls had come all this way to see Camp des Morts. I'd need to make sure we had dinner there and did some exploring tonight. The girls deserved that for being dragged to this town and forced to go through some woman-they-didn't-know's house.

  "Stop doing that." Betty pointed a sugar-coated fry at me.

  "Doing what?"

  "Looking at us like you're going to take us off of this investigation."

  "Speaking of investigation," Kelly said, "who's the law in these parts? This town is too small to have a police force. And that's who you need to talk with to confirm the doctor's story. So who's law enforcement for Behold?"

  Nancy stopped by with the check. "Oh, that would be Sheriff Carnack."

  I stared at her. "Who?"

  "Sheriff Carnack," she repeated. "Big fellow. Very nice."

  "We have a Sheriff Ed Carnack," Betty said as she messed with her phone. She held up a picture of the man. Why did she have a photo of him?

  "That's him! Or someone who looks a lot like him." Nancy frowned.

  Kelly shot me a look that implied she was a genius for thinking of this. More likely it was Why didn't you think of this?

  I asked, "Where can I find Sheriff Carnack?"

  "Actually," Nancy said, "I need to deliver his meatloaf sandwich. He orders one every day."

  "I'll take it," I said quickly.

  Nancy nodded and disappeared.

  "Betty." I turned to the kid. "Why do you have a picture of Sheriff Carnack in your cell?"

  She gave me a look. "Well, obviously I have my files on everyone."

  I wondered what she had on me but decided not to ask.

  We finished eating, and I picked up the sheriff's lunch at the counter. Once we were on our way walking back to the house, I realized there was a new dilemma.

  "What do we do with the girls?" I asked.

  "Why don't you drop us off at camp? They can play outside for a bit while you interview the sheriff."

  Betty disagreed. "I think I should go too. For backup."

  "While I appreciate the thought, I think I'll be okay at the sheriff's office."
<
br />   Betty grunted. I wasn't sure about the exact meaning, but I was pretty sure she was not happy.

  "Besides," I added. "I need you to help keep an eye on things at camp. Especially with those ghosts and aliens."

  Betty looked me in the eye. "You're patrondising me."

  "Patronizing," Kelly corrected unhelpfully.

  "No, I'm not. If there are dangerous things at camp, you're the only one I trust to deal with it."

  The girl squinted at me for a moment before nodding. "Okay. I'll do it. But if you don't come back in an hour, I'm coming to get you."

  I wondered how she was going to do that without a vehicle. And I was a bit worried that half of me kind of wanted to find out.

  CHAPTER TEN

  The sheriff's department was off the highway just outside of camp in a squat, ugly, bunker-like building that looked like it was ready to fend off a zombie apocalypse. I opened the door and went inside, wondering if I'd been too brash in denying Betty's offer.

  "Can I help you?" a bored young man asked when I approached the reception desk.

  He was maybe twenty-two, with black hair, pasty skin, and nervous, pale blue eyes that skittered back and forth as he spoke. He wore a dark brown uniform with a name tag that read Jared.

  "I've got the sheriff's lunch." I held up the bag.

  Jared sniffed the air suspiciously. "Where's Nancy? How do I know you didn't poison it?"

  I opened my mouth and then closed it. "Why would I poison it?"

  He looked around surreptitiously even though, from what I could see, he was the only one there.

  "You never know with those people," he whispered.

  I couldn't help repeating, "Those people?"

  Jared nodded as if it made sense…as if I somehow knew what he was talking about.

  "Who are those people?"

  "Those folks from Behold." He twirled a finger next to the side of his face. "They aren't quite right."

  "Really?" Now that was interesting coming from someone I was starting to think wasn't quite right either.

  He continued cautiously, as if at any moment I was going to flatten him with a herring. "Suspicious activity happens there all the time."

  "You mean the aliens?" I couldn't help messing with him.

  His eyes bulged. "You know about the aliens?"

  "That's enough now, Jared." Sheriff Carnack, a dead ringer in every way for my own Sheriff Ed Carnack, walked through a doorway.

  He looked so similar, right down to his large size, haircut, and easy mannerisms. For a second I wondered if I'd somehow been transported back to Who's There.

  I handed him his sandwich while blurting out, "Are you a twin of Ed Carnack in Who's There?"

  Jared narrowed his eyes at his boss. "You have a twin? That's kinda weird that you never told me about him."

  The sheriff ignored his protégé and gave me a nod. "Come on in, Miss…"

  "Merry Ferguson," I responded.

  Jared had pulled out a notebook and pen and, turning his body away from the sheriff and with a glance back over his shoulder, began scribbling quickly.

  "That's Ed, with one D," I said to the kid before following the big man down a hall to an office.

  The sheriff thanked me for bringing his lunch, sat at the desk, and unwrapped his sandwich, offering me half, which I refused. I knew I was staring openly, but I couldn't help myself. Sheriff Ed Carnack, back home, was one of my favorite people. Did I have an ally here in this guy? It would be nice to have someone who knew the lay of the land and all the players.

  I waited a moment before asking, "So do you have a brother named Ed Carnack?"

  "He's a cousin, actually," he said in Ed's voice and then took another bite of his lunch.

  "You're joking. You've probably heard this one thousand times, but you're a dead ringer for him."

  The man looked me over. "We've both had to deal with that all of our lives, until he moved halfway across the state. I'm Ted Carnack."

  "Your names are kind of obnoxiously similar," I laughed, hoping he had a sense of humor about it. Sheriff Ed had a sense of humor.

  "Our mothers were twins," he explained without so much as a smile. "How is Ed doing? I haven't seen him since the conference on public safety almost a year ago, but we do talk on the phone every now and then."

  Recognition lit up his face. "Hey, you aren't Merry Wrath, are you? You said your name was Ferguson."

  I nodded, worried what the sheriff back home had told his cousin. I had a reputation for getting involved in cases that I probably shouldn't have. But Sheriff Ed was somewhat okay with my meddling. In fact, he sometimes thanked me…maybe one third of the time. It might be more like a fourth. Or even a fifth. Okay, I did annoy him a lot. What would this guy do?

  "Well, I'll be!" He slapped his hand on his desk. "I have a bona fide celebrity in my office!"

  That wasn't what I'd expected. "I'm not a celebrity…"

  Ted nodded at me. "You were a spy! That's right! You were that spy that was outed! By the way, I think you got a bum deal on that."

  I relaxed a bit and thanked him. "I was forced to retire earlier than I'd have liked."

  The sheriff nodded as he finished the sandwich, wiped his hands, and tossed the napkin into a waste basket. "Why are you here in my county?"

  I explained about Aunt June and the circumstances of my new inheritance, ending with the reason why I'd delivered the sandwich.

  He leaned back in his seat and let out a long, low whistle. "That's some crazy stuff there. But then again, Behold is full of strange people."

  Did that mean Ted was an outsider? "So Jared told me."

  "Yeah, well, he has every right to be wary. He's from Dubuque." He winked.

  "I see. I've been told repeatedly they don't like Dubuque."

  The chair creaked as he leaned back in it. "No, ma'am. They don't. Now, I'm not from Behold, but I did know Aunt June. Fascinating woman. You would've liked her."

  I studied the man's hands to see if he was married. No ring. Was the sheriff one of the three suitors? He seemed too young, but I hated to rule anything out. Well, except for Jared. I was pretty sure that not only wasn't he a suitor, but that he was also most likely single.

  Time to put on my game face. "Sadly, I didn't even know the woman existed until I inherited her house. I'd like to know how she died."

  The sheriff steepled his hands and stared off into space, as if looking for those aliens everyone mentions but never expands on. In fact, it was starting to seem like a town slogan: Behold, Iowa—Home of the World's Largest Human Tooth and Possibly Aliens, and Oh Yeah, We Don't Like Outsiders, and Screw You, Dubuque.

  "I am sorry for your loss. Maybe I can put your mind at ease. I got the coroner's report. He says it was a spider bite that got her. Found the bite marks. The brown recluse was the culprit. I don't know why she had that menagerie. Very dangerous."

  I clutched my chest in fake shock. "She was poisoned by venom?"

  Carnack had confirmed what Dr. Morgan had said. I mentally filed that away.

  "Yes, ma'am." He reached into the desk and pulled out a baggie with a dead spider. "Got him right here. He was found squashed next to her."

  "So she had two brown recluses," I mused. "The inventory the lawyer gave me said one."

  The sheriff scowled. "Why would you think she had two?"

  "Well, I haven't given the enclosure a lot of attention." I thought of my race through the house to find my missing troop. "But I know I spotted that same spider inside. At least, I think I did."

  Sheriff sat forward on alert. "She only had one." He pulled a file from a desk drawer and riffled through it. "It says right here only one brown recluse."

  I tried to placate him to give him a false sense that I was on his side. "They are native to the area, right? Could one have crawled in?"

  "That's a possibility." The lawman's body seemed to relax, but he still frowned.

  "Is that typical for a spider bite to kill someone?" I bit my lip. "T
hat's kind of scary."

  He didn't let down his guard. "It is if the victim is old, very young, or their immune systems are compromised. But I don't know for sure. Aunt June was in her seventies but very active."

  Time to drop the bomb. "Did you know that she wrote me, saying that she expected to be murdered?"

  The sheriff laughed. "She was such a kidder! Looks like she got you good!"

  I responded immediately, "You just said that the folks in Behold were strange. Is it so hard to believe?"

  He stopped laughing and narrowed his gaze. "Yes."

  His mood had changed quickly. My spydy senses were tingling.

  "Okay, then. Thanks for your time!" I got up and headed for the door.

  "Mrs. Ferguson." His voice was pure steel. "My cousin might not mind you snooping around, but here we do things a little differently. Stay out of this."

  I turned, hand on the doorknob. "Oh, he minds, alright. Thanks again, Sheriff."

  Jarod watched me come out of the office. "Watch out for those people," he said before going back to scribbling on his notepad.

  I climbed into the van and texted Kelly, letting her know I was on my way. As I drove out of the parking lot, my mind ran through the reel of my visit here. Sheriff Carnack was all laughs until I suggested Aunt June was murdered. Was he just a lazy law enforcement official who didn't want to deal with an investigation? Or was he hiding something?

  Or was it like he said—a bad accident where she was bitten by her own spider? Too bad he hadn't shared the file with me. I'd hate to have to break in to get it. Wait, didn't he say there was a coroner? Or was that Dr. Morgan? Somebody did, which meant I had a second chance at the file. I just had to find out who he was and sweet talk him out of the results.

  Like I wasn't able to with the sheriff. If only I hadn't rubbed him the wrong way—I could still be in his office, pumping him for information on Aunt June. But nooooo. I had to jump right to murder. And I was pretty sure I wouldn't be welcome in his office again.

  I missed the other Sheriff Carnack. While he probably didn't like my involvement in all of the murder cases in Who's There, he didn't turn down the help either.