by Shayla Black
Seth joined them a minute later, tossing towels at both of them before he refilled their glasses with liquor.
“First things first, we need to discuss whether you can continue guiding Raine together or if you need to call it quits.”
“I’m not giving up,” Hammer growled.
Liam didn’t answer.
Seth swiveled a gaze in O’Neill’s direction. “You?”
Pain tore across Liam’s face. “I’m giving serious thought to chucking the whole fucking nightmare. It’s like a train wreck that keeps rolling over the same broken rails. Every damn time I think we’re getting on track, something causes it to derail again. I’m bloody tired of it.”
The desolation in Liam’s voice felt like a kick in the gut. Hammer wiped more blood from his nose on his shirt, silently staring as the drops expanded on the silk in a starburst of crimson. “Look, if it’s about the conversation today...”
“It’s not just her pregnancy scare.” Liam glanced up. His expression was unreadable, which worried Hammer even more. “That was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. I honestly didn’t think you cared whether she’d be pregnant or not. I know now, what with Juliet and all, that it’s a touchy subject for you. But you never wanted children in all the years I’ve known you. So I’d decided to adopt the kid and raise it as my own, if it came to that. I had a whole fucking fairy tale all laid out in my head. What a joke!”
Liam sank wearily into the chair next to Macen and mopped the blood from his face with his towel. Hammer hurt just seeing his pain.
“Think of me what you fucking like, but I want you to take her and be happy,” Liam murmured, defeated. “I’ll go back to New York. I won’t stand in your way.”
“You can’t do that! You’ll crush her,” Hammer insisted. “Remember? She loves you. There’s no way you can tell me that you haven’t seen how much she’s grown because of what we’ve done these past two days.”
“I’ve seen it,” Liam admitted. “But—”
“But nothing.” Hammer shook his head. “Raine needs us both. She loves us both. I think what’s got you so fucked up inside is the reality that nothing you or I can do will change that. Am I right?”
Liam sighed. “I had it in my head—in my heart—that she was going to be mine.”
“We both did, but there’s something you need to think about. If you walk away, I’m left with a woman who can only give me half her heart. The other half belongs to you. I couldn’t spend my life knowing I’d never be able to make her whole.”
“I’m not trying to leave you with half a woman, Macen. But I don’t see—”
“Then open your eyes. Raine is the one we’ve always needed,” Hammer insisted. “We not only have the chance to fix her, but us. You know it as well as I do. Goddamn it, surely you can feel it somewhere in there, just like I can.” Liam still didn’t say anything, and Hammer wanted to shake him. “Could you imagine never touching her again? Ever?”
Liam’s face twisted up as he tried to hold back. “No. I love her too much to leave her half empty.”
“Then don’t.”
After a long silence, Liam drew in a deep breath. “It could be worse, I suppose. I’ll have to be grateful that she didn’t fall in love with a complete asshole like Beck.”
Hammer couldn’t help but grin as he sighed in relief. Even Liam cracked a wry smile.
“I want you to know that earlier today, I didn’t just pull that question out of my ass. It had been rolling around in my head for days. I had to know if she would have been happy if she’d been pregnant.” Hammer scrubbed a hand through his hair. “Didn’t you want to know?”
“I was too afraid I wouldn’t like the answer,” Liam confessed.
“What if you’d gotten her pregnant? Would you have asked then?”
Liam reared back. “Of course. I’d want to know if she would be all right…” He sighed, giving Hammer a little grin. “You sly bastard.”
“You see, I had to know, not for an ego stroke. For her. And she gave us the honesty we asked for. She’s blown me away with how far she’s come.” Hammer couldn’t conceal his pride.
“That she has. But today came with a price I hadn’t expected.”
“We couldn’t shy away from hearing the truth, no matter how it stung. We just weren’t fully prepared for the fallout,” Hammer mused. “I seriously thought about taking Raine aside and asking her feelings about being pregnant. But in my head, you and I were in this together. No matter what she felt, it affected us both.”
“I understand why you wanted me there. Honestly, I do” Liam nodded. “But it caught me off guard and stabbed deep.”
“Not my intent, man. Hell, the two weeks I was counting the days of her cycle, I didn’t know if I was scared or happy with the possibility of being a father. It wasn’t until Thanksgiving, when fate decided for me, that I realized I wanted a family. And if anyone was going to be the mother of my children, I wanted it to be Raine.”
Liam gaped at him as if he were an alien. “Bloody hell, I never thought I’d hear the words family and father out of your mouth.”
Hammer shrugged and grinned sheepishly. “Yeah, well…the first time I have to change a dirty diaper, I’ll probably be singing a completely different tune. But hopefully you’ll be there to help me out.” Hammer held Liam’s gaze.
He wanted his friend back on board. Even if the train had a bad track record, Macen knew he’d never be able to make the journey with Raine half as meaningful without Liam.
“I vote we leave the dirty nappies to the wee one’s mum.” Liam grinned.
“Fuck yeah,” Hammer breathed out, then stood. “She needs us, man. Together. Through thick and thin. And I have a sneaking suspicion that we’re going to need each other even more. The girl’s a fucking handful.” Hammer sobered quickly. “I just hope we can get her back.”
They sat in silence for a long minute as Hammer wondered if he’d ever be able to prove to Raine that his words of love were sincere. He’d simply have to wait until Beck cooled her down and brought her back to find out. For now, one bridge was on the mend, and it relieved the hell out of him.
Macen stood and wrapped Liam in a brotherly hug, grateful to have another chance at a new beginning with his old friend. Liam slapped him on the back in return.
“We’ll just have to convince Raine that we’re her best options.” Liam chuckled.
“And grovel,” Seth piped up. “You two will be kissing ass till the next millennium.”
Hammer laughed. “God, I hope you’re right.”
Seth applauded like the sarcastic ass he was, then bowed. Straightening, he dusted off his palms. “My work here is done. Now let’s have another drink.”
Chapter 19
Raine let Beck guide her into the sleepy little bar, decorated in early log cabin Americana. A startling collection of game heads were mounted to the walls. Their dead, glassy eyes stared back at her.
The place wasn’t crowded on a Tuesday night. In the corner, a jukebox played a happy country-western ditty that scraped her raw. A few people at nearby tables laughed and chugged back beer. They looked happy.
The hollow feeling in her stomach and the ache deep in her chest served as painful reminders that her life had fallen apart.
Beck seated her in a corner, then grabbed the chair across from her and dragged it around the table until he sat right beside her. He took her shaking hand and pulled her closer. Without a qualm, she laid her head on his beefy shoulder and let out more tears. He smoothed a palm over her crown and murmured soft assurances.
God, she was so tired of crying. Of being upset and disappointed, confused and…torn between two lovers.
She lifted her head and looked at Beck. A month ago, he was the last person she would have called her friend. Tonight, she thanked goodness he was in her life.
“I don’t know what to do,” she confessed.
“Start by talking to me. They’ve taught you how to communicate and be h
onest. Those lessons aren’t less meaningful because of what happened tonight.”
Raine dragged in a breath as she sorted through her thoughts. Finally, she nodded. “You’re right.”
“Break it down. Tell me exactly what about their argument upset you most.”
“They weren’t supposed to fight. That was my only condition for agreeing to their proposition. It makes me wonder how much squabbling they’ve been doing behind my back.”
With a shrug, Beck considered her words. “Princess, you’re talking about two strong-willed alpha Doms. And they’re human beings. They’re going to fight. It’s unrealistic to think that just because you coerced a promise out of them to get along, they could do it twenty-four seven.”
She sat back to consider his words. A waitress in a short denim skirt and an eye for Beck came over to take their drink orders. He asked for coffee. Fuck that.
“Bring me tequila shots. Let’s start with five of those and—”
“She’ll have a glass of white wine,” Beck cut in.
Raine glared at him. “What the hell?”
“You have to go back and face them. Don’t you want to do it sober?” He glowered, trying to guilt her into sobriety.
“No, I don’t.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “They broke their promise.”
Beck ignored her and addressed the waitress. “Coffee and white wine.”
“Chardonnay or Moscato?”
Grimacing, she peered at the waitress. “No Pinot Grigio or…”
“Honey.” The waitress worked hard not to roll her eyes. “It’s a beer bar. We get vacationers who want to get drunk for cheap and locals who don’t care how highbrow their buzz is. That’s all we got.”
Point taken. Raine sighed. “Chardonnay, please.”
The woman shot Beck a look of both sympathy and interest before she turned away. He dismissed the waitress immediately and shifted in his chair. “They’re gonna fight. Liam and Hammer are damn good, but they’re not perfect. You’re expecting them to be.”
She pressed her lips together, seeing his point even when she didn’t want to. The sight of them tearing into one another, the ugly things they’d said…
“Focus here.” He pointed between his eyes. “You’re talking to me, remember? You’re not in a world all by yourself.”
“Okay,” she conceded. “So they’re people who aren’t going to get along all the time. Why can’t they argue about football or the best car or who takes out the trash? That’s normal guy stuff. They could rib each other, then toss back a few and laugh. But they always fight about me.” She thumped her hands against her chest. “I’m always squarely in the middle. I feel like I need to referee more than submit.”
“They fight about what’s important to them.” Beck chuckled. “But feel free to blow a whistle on them and call time out. See what happens.”
She’d get her ass spanked for sure.
Raine shot him a quelling glance. “You’re supposed to be helping me.”
“You’ve got the answers. If they’d fought tonight about football or cars or whatever, if they’d gotten every bit as riled up about that as they did about you, what would you have told them?”
“To calm down. To take a step back.” She bobbed her head as she sifted through the possibilities. “To be reasonable. To communicate and compromise.”
“Exactly. This isn’t any different. They lost their tempers. I’m sure they’ve simmered down and are drowning in a whole pile of ‘oh, shit’ right now.”
“I’ve damaged their friendship.”
“They’ve damaged it,” Beck corrected. “You’re too busy worrying about how they feel to think about what you need. I’ve listened to them debrief after the last two sessions. You’ve made amazing progress. That isn’t because Liam was there. It isn’t because Hammer topped you, either. It’s because they did it together. You love them. And they love you. You can’t really have expected this to just—” he snapped his fingers “—work overnight.”
But she had, in a way. Not that she’d come to the lodge expecting happily ever after, but she’d wanted it. Beck and Seth had both encouraged the idea. And after the beautiful lesson on communication and the stunning intimacy that followed, she’d awakened this morning full of optimism. In the back of her head, she’d already been clasping their hands, putting on a white dress, and enrolling in childbirth classes. They’d just been trying to help her grow.
The waitress set down Raine’s wine. A dribble sloshed over the rim because she was too busy making time with Beck to care. She settled his coffee in front of him with a smile. “Sugar? Cream?”
The woman made the two words last about ten syllables each, and Raine lost her patience. “Thanks. If you didn’t notice, he’s trying to straighten out my life. He’s single, but he doesn’t live around here. And unless you like welts with your spanking, you’re barking up the wrong tree.”
The mousy brunette recoiled and looked at Beck as if he’d turned into Satan. “Let me know if I can get you more coffee or wine.”
Then she scurried off. Beck turned to Raine. A smile played at his mouth. “I should beat your ass for that, but it was damn funny.”
Raine winced. “I’m glad you’re not mad. Sometimes I lose my temper. Sorry if you were interested in—”
“Not her,” Beck assured. “Let’s get back to you.”
She knew damn well he’d given her a reprieve. “After fighting for a month, maybe I was unrealistic to think they wouldn’t ever have a dispute about me again. I guess I just didn’t want to feel torn anymore. I want them to get along. I want them to be adults, damn it.”
“If you ever repeat this, I’ll deny I said it. But men can be large children. They fight and draw lines in the sand and need time outs…”
“They were trying to hurt one another,” she pointed out.
“Sometimes guys do that. It’s the verbal equivalent of whipping it out to see whose is bigger.”
Raine shook her head. “But they were using me to hurt each other. It really pisses me off that they push me to break through all my barriers to communicate and to be honest with them when they’re not doing the same with me.”
“That’s valid,” Beck agreed. “I’m sure they’ve realized it by now. But I think today was their first step toward being truly honest with one another. It got ugly because they got everything out in the open. They needed it, in my opinion. I know you didn’t want to hear all that, but I think it’s good you did.”
As much as she hated it, Beck was probably right. “Hammer didn’t try to get me pregnant. He just didn’t try not to. He was drunk, and everything happened fast. But I don’t think it was intentional. Liam is wrong about that.”
“So tell him.”
Gnawing her lip, Raine nodded, filtering back through the verbal war she’d heard. “Do you know everything that happened between Liam and his ex-wife?”
“Nope. He’s always kept me at a distance. I don’t think he liked my friendship with Hammer much. It’s been better the last few days, but we’ll see what happens. If you want to know more about Gwyneth, ask him, not me. I’m not the one who can tell you.”
Beck was just full of good points tonight, damn him. Raine sipped her wine and watched him grimace at his coffee.
“Do you think Hammer thinks of me as a substitute for Juliet?”
Without a second of hesitation, Beck shook his head. “No. I think whatever he once felt for her died not long after she swallowed those pills. He finally saw her as she was—and it wasn’t the woman he’d convinced himself he loved, in my opinion. You…” He pointed at her. “You are what he’s needed. That’s why he’s in love with you. Ditto for O’Neill. I don’t know his troubles, but I know he’s got them. Just like I know you’re a balm for them.”
He made all the disaster in her life sound so simple to fix—love. And she’d kill to know what secret Hammer kept that Liam had to forgive him for…but even if Beck knew, he wouldn’t spill.
&n
bsp; Raine choked back another sip of her vino. “I think what hurt me most was the moment I realized that Liam never had any intention of this threesome lasting beyond our time at the lodge. And I know we didn’t talk about that or agree to it on a permanent basis, but…I love them both. What did he think was going to happen? I could kneel for them and be complete for a few days, then give it up? Being here has made me realize this is what I need. You tried to tell me that back at your condo.”
“You thought I was a little insane, didn’t you?”
“Maybe a touch.” She rimmed her wineglass with her finger and smiled at him.
“But now you know.”
“I do,” she agreed, taking another sip.
“So the issue isn’t really the words they exchanged tonight. The more important thing is what happens next. What do you think you should do? Be smart here…”
Raine stepped back from the situation as much as her emotions would allow. If she were giving a friend advice in this situation, what would she say? “Sit them down and be completely honest about the fact that I love them, that I hate it when they fight, and that I want them always. But that sounds unrealistic, too. If they can’t get along today, there’s no tomorrow. And with that argument tonight, I can’t imagine them trying to climb in the same bed with me together—ever.”
Beck shrugged. “There’s an important thought in there. Keep digging. You want another wine?”
She looked down to see that she’d drained the glass and shook her head. “I’ve had better wine from a convenience store. No offense.”
“None taken. I’ve had better coffee from a hospital cafeteria, and that’s saying something. Ready to go?”
When Beck made to stand, she grabbed his hand. “One more question.”
