Burning Ember

by Sara Arden

  “If you give me another cupcake.”

  “Royce Robert Cole!”

  “Yes, ma’am,” he retreated.

  “So that’s what it takes? I just use his full name and he’ll comply?” Livie asked.

  “Usually. I’m really surprised I had another baby after him. He was the most contrary child ever to live. Even as a baby. Actually, I’m surprised he didn’t think his name was Damnitroyce.”

  “That must be why he feels so comfortable here. I say that to him all the time.” Livie commiserated. “Although, he is a good man. He’s been such a help to me.”

  “I’m glad to hear that.”

  Sophie was going to save the second cupcake, but decided it needed to be consumed. It wouldn’t last long around Royce and she was actually hungry.

  “Back to the question at hand. Tonight. Sophie and I will be here to help you through it.” At Livie’s expression, Allison added, “Just take the money. If something happened to Bill, I would.”

  “Are you looking forward to his retirement?” Livie asked.

  “No. Definitely not. I love him more than my own breath, but it’s good for him to be out of the house. If he retires, he’d going to need to start a new career. Private eye, or something that’ll keep him occupied. We were hoping for grandchildren by now. That would keep us both busy.” She looked back and forth between them.

  “I can’t help you with that,” Livie was the first to protest.

  “You and Royce would have beautiful children,” Sophie said.

  “They’d be hellions, I’m sure,” Livie whispered.

  “What? I heard my name,” Royce stuck his head back around the corner.

  “You and Livie. We’ve decided you’d have beautiful babies. Your mom is negotiating for grandchildren,” Sophie said.

  Livie blushed hard. She refused to look over at Royce, making it a point to look anywhere but at him.

  “If you make me more cupcakes, I’ll do whatever you want. And of course if Livie and I had babies they’d be beautiful. Demons from hell, but beautiful. I remember my own childhood. I was kind of a little bastard.” He went back to what he was doing.

  “No, you were curious and exuberant,” she called back. “Demon,” she mouthed and nodded.

  The three women laughed.

  “What was Hayden like?” Sophie asked.

  Allison smiled. “My little man was always so somber. He didn’t cry like Royce did. When Royce was born, he cried all the time. I think it was mostly from frustration at his body not keeping up with his mind. He was always so tactile. But Hayden, it was like he just expected me to know when he needed something. Or if he needed changed. I have the sweetest picture on my phone. Hold on.”

  Allison pulled her phone out and pulled up an album that was all Royce. The first few pictures were more recent. One was of him holding someone’s baby at the family BBQ, and Allison seemed to pause for an inordinate amount of time on that one, until she flipped to one of him as a toddler holding a baby Hayden.

  It was the sweetest thing.

  “That’s precious,” Sophie said.

  “It really is,” Livie added.

  “Sorry, enough embarrassing my boys.”

  “Is Hayden coming to the benefit?” Sophie asked.

  “Bill says he is. He went up to the cabin on the lake for a few days. To work things out.”

  Sophie nodded.

  “Oh, who folded the swan?” Allison picked it up. “This is cute.”

  “I did,” Livie said.

  “Can you teach us?”

  “Sure.” Livie proceeded to teach them how to fold the swans.

  Their conversation drifted toward things other than Hayden and Royce as they worked and it was an easy camaraderie.

  It wasn’t too long before all of the tables had been done to the nines, each place setting with a cloth napkin swan.

  “Look at us, classing up the place,” Livie said. “I guess I should get ready.”

  “Me too. Want to get ready together?”

  “I need to steal her away for a moment first,” Royce said after he’d finished hanging all of the lights.

  Livie said, “I’ll be back in a second.”

  Allison watched them go. “He’s going to tell her he’s the one who put her name forward. That’s good. I was worried he wouldn’t.”

  “And that would’ve been a mess. So hard on her.” Sophie nodded. “He knows her pretty well.”

  “I, for one, am excited.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, with this money, she’ll be free. That makes following your heart so much easier.”

  “You’ve got everything figured out?”

  “Not everything. Just my sons’ happiness. If that’s all I ever have figured out, I’ll be good with it.” Allison studied her for a moment. “I don’t mean to meddle…”

  “Actually, I don’t think you meddle. I think you support.” She bit her lip. “Maybe you meddle a little, but you’re their mother. Of course you do.”

  “Glad we have that understanding. I can’t wait until you’re my daughter-in-law.” She pulled out her phone. “I’ve got pictures of Hayden holding babies, too, if you need that kind of motivation.” Allison grinned.

  Sophie laughed. “You’re terrible. What if I don’t want kids?”

  In all actuality, it wasn’t that she didn’t want them. She did. She wanted them desperately. She wanted a big family. She wanted it with Hayden.

  But she wondered if she’d be like her dad.

  If she could even be a good parent.

  “You don’t?” Allison looked so crushed. “I’ll stop, then. You know, deep down, what I really want is for my son and the woman he loves to be happy. Whatever that means. If that’s kids or no kids, or anything else you two would decide together. But I really want to be a grandma.” Allison sighed. “Maybe I could be a rent-a-grandma? Do they have that?”

  Sophie laughed again, joy bubbling up from deep inside of her in a way she didn’t know she could feel. Allison told her she was family, told her that they loved her and she kept proving it again and again that she was loved and wanted for herself.

  “I don’t know what’s going to happen, Allison. But that’s a lot of pressure, even when you’re teasing.”

  “I’ll try to restrain myself.” Allison squeezed her hand.

  “You know as much as I love Hayden, I do love you, too.”

  “Bill always told me I was going to be an awful battle ax of a mother in law. But I meant what I said about calling me Mom, too. That’s not Hayden dependent, either.”

  Sophie teared up again. “Mom.” She tried it out on her tongue, the sound of it. The feel of it.

  It felt good.

  It felt right.

  It was home.

  17

  Cars were parked all along the street and in the field across from Ben’s Place. There was even a valet service for the benefit.

  It looked to be Ember High’s football team.

  Hayden was glad to see how many people came out to support this event. He’d been thinking about the ugly side to small town living not too long ago and this was the perfect contrast. When there was a plan of action in place and people could directly see the impact of their giving, they helped each other.

  He was torn between hoping Livie was going to be there, and not being ready to face her.

  Not because he didn’t want to see her, but he didn’t know what to say to her. The days at the cabin had done him and his state of mind a world of good. He’d had some clarity, but wasn’t sure the best way to proceed.

  He knew he’d hurt her when he’d left, and even though she’d said she understood, it was possible she wasn’t ready for what he wanted.

  Or maybe she didn’t even want the same things.

  He went inside and saw that the place had really been transformed. There were ushers who led him toward the front and he saw that all the members of Lucky Seven had tables in the front.

  Li
vie was at their table next to Royce, and he seemed patently and blissfully unaware of her scrutiny.

  It was probably the tux.

  He adjusted his own collar and saw a nametag on a place next to a small, gold clutch.

  His mom patted the seat without looking up. She’d just known he was there.

  He eased into the seat and waited for the owner of that clutch.

  “Sophie’s in the back. She’ll be out in a moment,” she said.

  When she emerged, it was like turning on a light he hadn’t realized was off. She was so incredibly beautiful. But it wasn’t just the way she’d done her hair, her makeup, or even the dress. It was the light that shined from inside her.

  He wished he was better with words. Wished he could tell her everything he was feeling.

  Her smile when she saw him was warm and open, but it didn’t reach her eyes. In her eyes was a sadness that killed him to see.

  She made her way slowly back to the table and he stood to pull out her chair.

  His fingers brushed the backs of her arms as he pushed her up and it seemed every part of him thirsted for her. He needed to breathe her in, touch her, taste her…

  “Thank you,” she said and folded her hands in her lap.

  It would’ve been easy to reach out and take her hand had it been on the table. With that touch, he could’ve communicated to her and everyone else exactly where his mind and heart lay. But the way she’d folded them into her lap denied any such sort of display.

  He didn’t pay much attention to the speakers. Not until his brother took the podium.

  “For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Royce Cole. Ben Dodd was my best friend. We went to his funeral and I swore I wasn’t going to turn this into some kind of tribute for him, but being here in this bar he loved, sitting next to the woman he loved, I can’t help but think of him. I remember in the first grade he was seated next to me in Mrs. Mitchum’s class. Cole and Dodd, best friends for life, she’d said. You’ll go through school always being stuck together, so it’s best to accept it now.” Royce nodded with a grin. “And mostly, we did. On career day, when my dad, Fire Chief Bill Cole, came to talk about what it meant to be a fireman, Ben was entranced. Immediately after, he grabbed my arm and said, “We’re going to be firemen.”

  “I said probably.” Royce shrugged, still smiling. “But it was more than that for Ben. It was like he’d been bitten by some kind of strange and dangerous bug. In high school, he signed up for all the science classes. He even took AP Chemistry, and it was all so he could be the best at what he wanted to do. We can all agree he lived his life in service. We can all agree we honor his life and his sacrifice.”

  There were murmurs among the crowd and Livie’s lips had pressed together in a thin line.

  “But what about the people our heroes leave behind?” He gestured toward their table. “Sorry to put you on the spot like this, Liv, but you’re the best example. God, this woman is a fighter. Any of us should be so lucky to have such a woman by our side.”

  The audience clapped and he motioned for them to settle down, but only half-heartedly. He obviously wanted Livie to get her applause.

  “We see women and men like Livie who dare to love heroes, knowing they could lose them. None of us really set out to be heroes, unless you count my brother, Hayden. He was the type to jump off of roofs wearing a blanket tied around his neck like a cape. He never said he wanted to just be a fireman, he wanted to be a hero.”

  “And he is!” A voice sounded from the audience.

  For the first time, Hayden didn’t feel like his skin was too tight. He didn’t feel like he wanted to hide from the picture his brother painted of him. He raised his hand and nodded, flashing a devil-may-care smile.

  He didn’t even have to remind those present that it was his brother who pushed him.

  “In all seriousness, we all want to come home at the end of the day. We all want your loved ones to come home, too. That’s why we do what we do.”

  More applause.

  This time, his brother’s silencing was more active and serious. Hayden knew Royce wasn’t looking for a “thatta boy” for them. For him, this was all about getting Livie what she needed.

  “But sometimes we don’t, and sometimes, that means those who loved us, those who tied their lives to ours are left alone without our support. Without our voices. Without our arms around them. Without us. There’s no check big enough to make up for that loss. No community support that can be the family that was taken from them. So what can we do? Well, that’s why we’re here tonight. Maybe there’s not a check big enough, but damn it, we can try. The life insurance that these men and women have pays very little and it comes at high cost to the city because of the nature of our jobs. And even then, to get the double indemnity, it’s not an automatic payout. There’s a lengthy court battle and the money doesn’t always come from the big insurance company. It comes from the city coffers. A woman who would marry a hero, who would be his guiding light in the dark wouldn’t dream of doing anything that would take anything from the rest of us.”

  Livie blinked hard and he watched his mom reach over and put a comforting arm around her. Sophie joined in and leaned across the table to grab her hand.

  “The sound I want to hear louder than your applause tonight is the sound of your pens moving across paper. The sound of checks being torn out of checkbooks. Tonight, the recipient of The First Responders Widows and Orphans Benefit is our very own hero, Livie Dodd.”

  Just as he’d demanded, there was no applause. Only the sounds of checks being torn and low whispers.

  “Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, enjoy the free soft drinks and sparkling water. In lieu of a bar, we chose instead to have Ember High’s band act as orchestra. We hope to send them to state next year and perhaps even to march in the Rose Bowl.”

  The band began to play, surprisingly well, and Livie made a swift exit.

  Sophie followed after her.

  “Let her go,” his mother said to Royce. “She needs some time.”

  Royce nodded and sat down. “I see you made it.”

  “Yeah, I did. The cabin was nice.”

  “Thanks for the invite, I mean, it’s not like Dad came up and you did a father/son thing by yourselves.” Royce grumbled.

  “I have a brother bonding activity that might be just the thing.”

  “Oh yeah?” Royce perked. “We’re going to cause some mayhem, right? It’s been a long time since we had an adventure. I, for one, am ready.”

  “I don’t know if it’s an adventure, but I am going to steal one of the trucks from the Seven.”

  “Oh, so it’s serious.” Royce nodded with approval. “I’m game.”

  “You hear nothing,” he instructed his mother.

  “Me?” she asked, her tone faux innocent. “I have nothing to say except that everything is going according to my devious plans.”

  “Oh really?” He found he couldn’t be mad at her. “You’re not going to be meddling with either of us for much longer.”

  She sat up straight. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Nothing. It’s not like I don’t have machinations of my own.” Hayden side-eyed her.

  “Tell me what you’re up to.”

  He grinned. “Nope.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “I’ve been at this game a lot longer than you.”

  “Which means you’re old, so you’re probably getting forgetful,” Royce teased.

  “You know that feeling in your stomach right now?”

  “I…what?”

  “Yes, that one. The one where you’re not sure if it’s nerves or you ate something that disagreed with you?” She smiled. “Think back, my son, to how easily you stole those cupcakes.”

  Royce paled and ran for the bathroom.

  “That was mean, Allison.” Bill shook his head.

  “No, it wasn’t. The cupcakes were fine. It’s just his guts all twisted up over Livie. But serves him righ
t, calling me old.”

  “Well, Hayden.” Bill took a drink of his soda. “I wouldn’t blame you if you spilled to your mom. She’s terrifying.”

  “I’ve got nothing to say.” Because he knew she’d love the surprise.

  “Oh, so now you two are conspiring against me?” Allison asked.

  “You bet,” Bill answered her and took her hand.

  “I’ll let it slide, this time. But it better be good and you better not call me old.”

  “Never, Ma.”

  He kept looking for Sophie, but neither she, Livie or Royce returned.

  “So tell me about your grand plans with your brother,” Bill prompted.

  “I don’t know that I’m ready to share that.”

  “I think maybe you should, considering you’re going to steal the firetruck. That’s kind of a thing we should talk about,” he said in a calm tone that signified he was used to these sorts of discussions with his sons.

  “Actually, Dad, I’d forgotten you were sitting there. So.”

  Bill rolled his eyes. “The fact remains.”

  “I’m going to use it to show Sophie what I have to offer her.”

  “You can’t give her the truck, boy.”

  Hayden laughed. “No, I don’t want to give her the truck. I want to give her me.” He cringed. “Wow, that sounded so much better in my head when I was planning it.”

  Allison patted his leg. “That will be just fine, I think.”

  “Really? I could’ve just shown up with a firetruck and been like, hey, baby… here I am? That would’ve worked?” Bill was incredulous.

  “Of course not. As if.” Allison snorted, but when Bill wasn’t looking, she mouthed to her son, “Totally.”

  “I guess I want her to know I know who I am. That this would be part of our life together.”

  “I know what you mean. She will, too.” Allie smiled.

  “I don’t get it, but hey, if it works for you, I’ll help you do it. I can’t technically authorize the run, spending city money. So I’ll tell McCade to leave the garage unlocked. When are you doing this?”

  “Tonight, I think. I mean, if I want to steal the truck.”

  Bill very slowly removed his keys and put them on the table. “I’m sure thirsty tonight. I’m going to get a refill.”