Deadly Secrets

by Ann Christopher

  She shrugged warily. “Suit yourself.”

  “Bullshit,” he said.

  “What?”

  “I call bullshit. On your whole speech. Bull. Shit.”

  Oh, shit.

  She should have known he wouldn’t be that easy to play.

  Time to get off the playing field.

  “Screw you, Randolph.”

  She turned to go.

  “You think I want to be here?”

  The sudden hoarseness in his voice was so startling that she glanced back over her shoulder.

  “What?”

  “I don’t want complicated, Jayne. I’ve done that. Everything about my old life was complicated. I want free and easy. I want fun. That’s why I fucked those women.”

  “I don’t want to hear this,” she cried.

  “You, Jayne, do not qualify as uncomplicated or free and easy. News flash. You know who I was. You know what I did. I’m way behind the eight ball with you. It would be so much easier to set up some fake dating profile or move to some new town and be a new person. I don’t want to be here talking to the woman who almost threw my ass in jail.”

  If she had any doubts about his sincerity, the reproachful glare he gave her resolved them all.

  And gave her a wild hope she should never feel about any man. Especially Kerry Randolph.

  Afraid as she was of the answer, she had to ask.

  “So why are you here?”

  His expression softened. “That needs an explanation. Sit down with me. Please.”

  No. No way.

  She had court. She had brains. She had an uncomplicated life.

  No way in hell would she give Kerry Randolph even the tiniest opening into her world.

  But her feet were already walking her back to the bench. She sat on the other end, three feet away from him, and fixed her gaze on the street. Held her breath. Waited.

  “I suppose looking at me is too much to ask for,” he said wryly.

  “You’re pushing your luck, Randolph.”

  “Yeah. Okay.”

  He paused, rubbing a hand over his face.

  “Why am I here? Monday when I came, I told myself I just wanted to see you from a distance. I’d be happy with that. Just a quick glance from a distance.”

  Jayne frowned.

  What? He’d been here on Monday?

  “Tuesday when I came, I told myself I wasn’t happy seeing you on Monday because you were too far away. So I came again.” He swallowed hard, not bothering to hide his disappointment. “You weren’t here.”

  She was so surprised that she couldn’t hold back her response. “I had a dentist appointment.”

  He nodded. “Today when I came,” he said, his voice dropping, “I told myself I was just going to get a closer look at your face. Maybe say hi and keep going. But then I saw you talking to that other guy—he’s a fed, isn’t he? I can smell it on him—and all bets were off. So here I am.”

  Reeling and determined to gauge his sincerity, Jayne made her worst mistake of the day.

  She looked him dead in the face.

  When their gazes connected, it was all right there for her to read in the hard planes of his jaw line and glinting eyes.

  Ambivalence. Vulnerability. Longing. Honesty.

  Avid interest, the kind that could slide right into obsession if a person wasn’t careful.

  The kind of interest she’d felt for him since the night they spoke on the phone and she told him her office wasn’t prosecuting him, if she were being truthful with herself.

  “I can’t stop thinking about you, Jayne.” His gaze flickered to her lips. Lingered. “It’s been three months, and I can’t stop thinking about you.”

  “Kerry—”

  He eased closer. “I don’t want to hear your laugh in my head. I don’t want to see your smile when I’m falling asleep. It’s twisted for me to go after women who look a little like you just so I can pretend it’s you when we’re fucking.”

  She gasped.

  “I’ve spent years of my life doing twisted shit,” he said on a shaky laugh. “I’m done with it.”

  “You don’t actually think I’m foolish enough to get involved with you, do you?” she asked, but there was no power behind her voice. Worse, her attention dipped to his lush lips as she said it.

  “I know you’re not foolish. And I know this would be complicated and you don’t want any part of a guy like me. I don’t blame you. I’m not good enough for you. I’ll never be good enough for you.” He paused, nostrils flaring. “But, Jayne…I noticed the way you blush when I look at you.”

  Right on cue, blood streaked up her neck and across her face. She could no more stop it than she could use a Dixie Cup to catch the water running off Niagara Falls.

  Which made her the biggest idiot in the world.

  But in this moment, with Kerry looking at her like that, she didn’t feel so idiotic.

  She felt like maybe they really cared about each other, inconvenient though those feelings might be. She felt like maybe they could find a place in each other’s lives.

  His eyes crinkled at the edges. “It’s been three months, Jayne. I’m not hiding. I’m still alive. No one’s coming after me. So maybe it’s possible for me to have a real life.”

  There went that wild swoop of hope inside her again, taking control before she could gather any weapons to stop it. “Kerry…”

  “I don’t have any answers. And I know we don’t know each other very well.” He hesitated. “All I know is that I can’t stop thinking about you. And it’s time for me to do something about it.”

  27

  Kerry saw Jayne in the wisteria garden again the next day, on his lunch break. In the rain. Embracing his new identity as a thoughtful stalker, he’d waited across the street, shielded his face with his umbrella and scoped the place out until he saw her walking through the columns in her red trench coat. When she got to the bench where they’d talked yesterday, she looked around, lingering under her black umbrella, and that was all the encouragement he needed for his heart to start pounding and his feet to start walking.

  It didn’t take him long to catch up with her.

  “Lunch at a restaurant would have been so much easier.” He took careful note of the sudden hitch in her breath. And her brown eyes, so bright and thrilling, as she shot him a sidelong glance. Best of all? The telltale color as it flooded those velvety cheeks. “We could’ve arranged something if you’d answered my texts.”

  “My not answering was your answer,” she said, never breaking stride. “I’m surprised you don’t know that.”

  “I don’t think it was an answer so much as a stall tactic. You needed time to think things over. It’s all good. What about dinner Friday?”

  “No.”

  “Drinks?”

  “No.”

  “Is it the guy I saw you with?” The idea made him sick to his stomach and had kept him up late, tossing and turning. He may well hate the answer, but he needed to know. “The fed? Are you with him?”

  “Excuse me?” Stopping dead, she gave him an incredulous look. “How is that any of your business?”

  “It’s not,” he admitted. “But it’s a simple enough question.”

  “We’re into simple questions?” Rain dripped from the edge of her umbrella onto her forehead, which she swiped with the back of her hand. “Here’s one for you: what’s up with you and Kira Gregory?”

  He recoiled. Not because he didn’t want to answer, but because the question was so far out of left field it might have come from another planet. Jesus. He had absolutely no idea how she could have found out. Kira would never confide in Jayne, and he was pretty sure Brady would rather start selling drugs on the nearest corner than discuss Kira’s unfortunate relationship history with anyone.

  Jayne’s shrewd eyes narrowed and she gave him a tight-lipped smile when he hesitated too long. “That’s what I thought. Bye, Randolph.”

  She took off again.

  “Do you want
to hear my answer or not?”

  “Not,” she snapped.

  “Bullshit,” he called after her.

  She wheeled back around to wither him with her disdain.

  “Stop calling me a liar, Randolph.”

  He stared her down, all but choking on his frustration. How many more times would his past bite him in the ass? It was like the cobra in a basket that kept on giving. Would he ever finish paying off his debt?

  “If we’re going to get to know each other better, then there are some things about me you need to understand,” he said.

  Incredulous laugh. “We’re not going to know each other better,” she shouted, the rain muffling a lot of her voice even though there was no one around to hear them. To his astonishment, her nostrils flared and her chin trembled, as though she was suddenly an inch or less away from a wave of tears. “That’s what I keep telling you. Why is that so hard for you to understand?”

  Her sudden emotion had the perverse effect of calming him down. She was into him, too; it couldn’t be clearer. They needed to work out a few details, sure, but this thing between them? Whatever it was? It was a done deal. He knew it, and Jayne probably knew it too.

  Otherwise, she wouldn’t be this upset.

  “You haven’t told me one true thing, Jayne.” He kept his voice quiet and even, a real feat when it felt like his life was on the line here. “You manufacture excuses and throw them at the wall like spaghetti to see what sticks.”

  Her lower jaw dropped. “I do not—”

  “Let’s see if I can remember them all,” he said, counting on his free fingers. “We were becoming friends and I was rude to walk out. Oops, no, maybe you’re with whatshisname. Actually, no, you don’t approve of my relationship with Kira. Actually, you’re sure I’ll make the most of my second chance at life, be a good man and all, but I’m clearly not a good enough man for you.” His voice rose with frustration. “Which one is it, Jayne? All of them? None of them?”

  “I don’t owe you any explanations!”

  “You’ve said everything but the truth. If you don’t like me, tell me you don’t like me. Simple. No need for games. If you haven’t been thinking about me for the last three months, tell me. Just don’t insult me by lying—”

  “You know what? You’re right.”

  “—to my face, because I— Wait, what?”

  “You’re right.”

  He settled down, arrested by the sudden hard glitter in her eyes.

  “You’re right,” she said. “I’m attracted to you. Something about you gets me all wound up inside. I had fun the night you stayed with me. I was really pissed off when you disappeared.” She hesitated. “But mostly I was hurt.”

  “Jayne…”

  “There’s nothing going on with me and Garciaparra. He doesn’t do it for me. And I hate the idea of something going on with you and Kira Gregory. It’s none of my business, but if I find out you have feelings for her, I’m going to flip the nearest table.”

  The image almost made him grin.

  “So you’re right. All of that is true, but none of it is the real reason. Here’s the real reason.” She swallowed hard, and whether those were tears or raindrops tracing down her cheeks now, he couldn’t say. “I’m not going to date my father.”

  “What?”

  “My father…” Her voice faltered, forcing her to stop and get it under control. “My father was a criminal. He ruined every good thing in my life.” Shaky laugh. “Multiple times. He was a professional criminal and a professional ruiner. So I am not the woman for you to cut your teeth on while you decide whether you really want to be a civilian or not, okay? If you think we could have a fun hookup before you disappear and do what you really want to do, then you should have just stayed gone. And now you know everything you need to know about me.”

  Kerry stared at her, dumbfounded.

  Well, shit.

  What had Michael Corleone said in Godfather III? Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in? This felt like one of those moments. Just when Kerry thought he’d gotten over all the humps from his past, another hump appeared at his feet to make him fall flat on his face.

  This particular hump, though.

  Either he handled it right, right now, or he’d spend the rest of his life wondering what might have been between him and Jayne.

  “Jayne,” he said, easing closer, “I walked out because my life wasn’t together. It’s together now. I wouldn’t be chasing you down in the rain otherwise. I’d be back where I was, hooking up with random women and waiting for someone to show up and kill me.”

  “Stop saying that,” she said, flinching. “For God’s sake.”

  “It’s true.”

  Her questioning gaze ran over his face, searching so hard and so long that he was tempted to suggest she hook him up to a lie detector and just be done with it.

  “Say something,” he finally said.

  She shook her head. Shrugged. “I don’t know what to say.”

  At least she wasn’t saying no.

  “Tell you what. Have dinner with me Friday. You can be ambivalent over sushi.”

  Her eyes skittered away. She watched a passing car, working hard to keep her mouth from softening into a smile.

  The tightness in his chest loosened up enough for him to breathe.

  “You can’t say no to sushi,” he murmured, his heart skipping around like a kid on the playground. “A rainbow roll is only seven points. I checked.”

  That did it. She laughed.

  He watched her, his heart soaring even as part of him drowned in those bright eyes.

  “You checked?” she asked.

  He swallowed hard, shrugging in a valiant attempt to impersonate a guy who wanted a fun date night rather than a guy falling in love with each passing second.

  “You lawyers like logical arguments. I had to do my research.”

  Another laugh. It became that much harder not to get lost in her.

  “Don’t try to outthink me, Randolph. It’ll just end badly for you.”

  Wasn’t that the truth?

  “It’s a date?” he asked.

  “Absolutely not. I haven’t agreed to anything.”

  More BS, but he was far too pleased to call her on it.

  “Meet me at seven. I’ll text you the address. It’s a new place.”

  Her smile faded, leaving simmering anxiety more than anything else.

  A piece of him—a tiny piece, but still a piece—withered and died. With the death came the discovery that, much as he wanted to get to know her better, he didn’t want to scare her about anything that might happen between them.

  Most of all, he wanted her to be happy.

  So he reined in his excitement and tried to manage his intensity.

  “Tell you what,” he said quietly. “I’ll be there Friday night at seven. You know what I want. If it’s not what you want, then don’t come. And if you don’t come, I’ll leave you alone. No more showing up here on your turf. Deal?”

  Long pause.

  “On top of everything else, this is an ethical conflict for me, Kerry. Do you get that? My office was going to prosecute you. I would have been the one to prosecute you. I’m an officer of the court—”

  “I get that. But my case is over. Your office didn’t prosecute me. Now that I’m a civilian, it’ll never have anything on me again.” Somewhere way in the back of his mind, his conscience raised a hand and waited for him to call on it. He ruthlessly slapped that hand back down. He’d liquidated the majority of his loot already, giving the proceeds to charity, and the rest would also be gone soon. Now was not the time for guilt or qualms. Not with Jayne teetering on the edge of giving him a chance. “So there’s no ethical conflict anymore.”

  “I’m positive my boss wouldn’t see it that way.” She hesitated, misery washing over her face. “You’re asking me to risk my career for you. That’s what this comes down to.”

  “That’s not what I want,” he said, stricken. He�
�d given plenty of thought to whether she’d be physically safe from any of his vengeful cronies if she got with him. Any potential dangers to her career hadn’t much crossed his mind now that his case was over. “I’m not trying to be selfish.”

  “But…?”

  “Jayne.” It was hard to get the words out when his heart felt like it was trapped in his throat. “I can’t stop thinking about you. It’s been three months. If I could manage it, I’d have done it by now. And I was hoping…”

  “Hoping what?”

  Deep breath, man. Don’t rip your heart out and plaster it on your face.

  “I was hoping maybe you knew what that felt like.”

  Something softened in her expression. In that one second before she thought to catch herself, she looked him in the face with a glorious light in her eyes. It wasn’t a smile, but it looked an awful lot like joy.

  And everything inside him, down to every nucleus inside every cell in every last drop of blood, answered back. With joy.

  28

  JEFFERSON CITY, MISSOURI

  The rattle of keys in the apartment door woke Henry from his doze in the armchair by the fireplace and Kramer from his doze curled up at Henry’s feet. Lengthening shadows and unfamiliar surroundings, including a coffee table featuring one of those insane billion-piece puzzles (the box pictured a bouquet of flowers) and stacked with giant books about gardening added to his confusion.

  But then he blinked, and it all came back to him.

  Snapping to attention, Henry checked his rubber gloves, clicked off the safety on his pistol (he wasn’t expecting trouble this time, but you just never knew) and shot Kramer a warning look.

  “You stay right where you are,” he whispered. “Let me handle this one. You’ll get your cookie later.”

  Kramer groaned and dropped his head back onto his paws.

  Henry waited with keen interest as the knob turned, eager to finally lay eyes on the person who’d led him on the merry chase that had kept him away from his wife as he and Kramer crossed the country for most of the last three months, with fruitless stops in Cheyenne, Natchez and Dubuque. Many people tried to disappear. Few succeeded. There was always a fuck-up with a phone call to home, or a dummy account on Facebook to check in with loved ones, or an attempt to sell the old car for quick cash. Sloppy shit, usually. Stupid.