If You Leave: The Beautifully Broken Series: Book 2

by Courtney Cole

  “I’m OK,” I answer. “I’m sorry, Mi. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

  She glances at me. “I know. Just be more careful. I almost had a heart attack.”

  Her and me both.

  I lean my head back against my seat, still shaky from sliding down the hill. The aftereffects of the adrenaline rush aren’t being kind to me. My heart is still pounding, my hands and legs still shaking. I stare at the ground from my window and the vehicle is so tall, it’s a long way down.

  “I still can’t believe Pax made you get this thing,” I chuckle, trying to lighten the mood. “It’s so… not you.” Mila rolls her eyes.

  “I know. The minute he found out I was pregnant, he went out and bought the safest vehicle he could find. This thing is practically bulletproof. It might actually be a tank in disguise.”

  “You handle everything so much better than I do,” I tell her. “I would hate being controlled like that.”

  Mila laughs again, shaking her head.

  “I’m not being controlled. When you’re married, sometimes you have to compromise. And this wasn’t that big of a deal. Yes, my little car got better gas mileage, but it makes Pax happy to think that I’m safer. And besides, I can fit more of my art supplies in here anyway. So there’s an upside.”

  “You know you don’t have to lug art supplies around anymore,” I tell her, one eyebrow raised. “You don’t have to keep your art shop. Since Pax is taking over his grandpa’s company soon, you’d never have to work again if you didn’t want to.”

  Mila rolls her eyes as she turns onto a city street. The big SUV barely even shudders as she runs over a piece of leftover winter ice.

  “And you know I’ve got to create art. If I don’t have an outlet for it, I’ll go insane.”

  “You’re insane already,” I answer. “For agreeing to move to Connecticut.”

  She glances at me. “I know. I don’t want to go either. But that’s where Alexander Holdings’ headquarters is at. Pax can’t take over for his grandpa from here. And his grandpa really wants to retire. So it’s something Pax has to do. I’ve got to support that.”

  I sigh. “Another one of those marriage compromises?”

  She nods.

  I sigh again. “I’ve decided that your marriage isn’t really working for me. You’re going to have to get divorced.”

  Mila bursts out laughing. “Can’t. We have a prenup. I can’t get rich that way.”

  This makes me laugh. Mila is the furthest thing from a gold digger I’ve ever seen. And I personally know there wasn’t a prenup.

  I feel the onset of a tension headache, stemming from my stupid car accident and my stupid lack of sleep. I rub at my forehead before the stupid tension wrinkles become permanent. I scowl because everything is starting to feel stupid this morning.

  Mila notices.

  “Why are you in such a bad mood?” she asks curiously. “You weren’t hurt. I’m sure you’ve called a tow truck. You’ll have your car back in a bit. No harm, no foul.”

  I adjust the radio and then settle back into my seat, watching the scenery as Mila turns onto the lakefront drive that houses our restaurant.

  “I don’t know,” I admit. “I guess I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I didn’t sleep well last night.” I don’t bother telling her why, because she’d just be immediately and insanely interested. She’s been wanting me to go out for months and I don’t want to tell her what a bust it was.

  “Well, cheer up,” Mila tells me as she pulls into the parking lot of the Hill. “It’s a beautiful day. Life is good.”

  “Yeah,” I answer grumpily. “Life is good.”

  “And you’re lucky,” she prompts me. “You could’ve been hurt and you weren’t. You know as well as I do that that road is dangerous.” She’s serious now and I know why. I can practically see the memories in her eyes… of our parents’ twisted car, their funeral, the overwhelming horrible grief.

  I gulp, then nod.

  “Yeah, I was lucky. Are you coming in?”

  She shakes her head. “Can’t. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment and then I have to get back to my shop. I’ll catch up with you later. I think we’re coming here for dinner.”

  “ ’K. I’ll save a table for you.”

  “Perfect. Thanks! Talk to you tonight.”

  Mila waves as she backs the giant black SUV out. I wave back limply. God, I’m going to miss her when she moves. It’s only she and I now. We don’t have any other relatives. Well, we have Pax. So it’s just the three of us.

  I sigh, but put it out of my mind. They aren’t moving until summer. I’ll worry about it when the time comes.

  For now, I head into the little stucco Italian bistro on the shoreline where I’ve spent every waking hour for the past couple of years. The Hill was my parents’ dream, not mine. They worked day and night for years to make it a success and when they died, Mila and I couldn’t bear the thought of closing it.

  But I swear to God. Some days, I get so pissed off that I gave up my life for this… that I’m confined to a little lakeside town, living someone else’s dream. There are days when it sucks the lifeblood out of me and I feel so much older than I am.

  And some days I feel so much younger… because I don’t always have the answers to every problem that I face.

  I have no fricking idea how to run a business. My business degree is a piece of paper. It didn’t prepare me for a business loan, running a staff, or ordering massive amounts of food. But I can never say that out loud, because as a business owner and a big sister, I’m always expected to have answers.

  The right ones.

  No one needs to know that I really don’t know shit—that I drift along in life without any real answers. No one needs to know that there are times when I seriously hate how things turned out, and that I’m powerless to change it.

  I sigh and head inside.

  The Hill might seem like a prison sometimes, but it’s a prison that pays the bills.

  * * *

  One of the worst things about running a business is all the freaking paperwork and red tape. Sometimes I actually have nightmares that I’m drowning in a sea of paper.

  Today I barricade myself behind a wall of it, barely lifting my head until Tony, the bartender who has been with our family since my parents opened the place, pokes his unruly head into my office.

  “Madison, did you get your car all taken care of?”

  I barely glance up from yesterday’s tickets, which I’m tallying. “Yeah. They’re towing it in and bringing me a loaner to use for the next couple of days.”

  Tony nods. “Good. They’ll get you squared away. For now, though, you’ve got to come eat. I mean it. The dinner rush is going to start soon. You’re going to waste away to nothing and your father will haunt me until the end of time if I don’t take care of you.”

  I shake my head as I look away from the schedule for next week and into Tony’s concerned face. At forty, he really doesn’t look a day over thirty. But I’ll never tell him that. As a fiery Italian, he has an ego that’s already big enough.

  “My father wouldn’t be the one haunting you about my eating habits,” I tell him. “It would be my mother. And I don’t think you want to mess with her.”

  He laughs and agrees.

  “For sure. Your mother was a force to be reckoned with. The only one who could really control her was your dad.”

  I pause for a moment, my fingers frozen on my desk. Tony’s eyes are gleaming with amusement and I know it’s because he has no idea exactly how my father controlled my mother. No one knew.

  No one except me and Mila. I swallow hard and smile at Tony, forcing the ugly thoughts out of my head. My parents are dead. There is no reason to think about the past.

  “I’ll be there in a minute,” I tell him. “I promise.”

  He lifts a bushy black eyebrow. “You’d better be. Jacey just clocked in and I made her favorite cherry tarts for her birthday. As far as she’s concerned,
it was your idea. You’ve at least got to come have one with her.”

  “Crap,” I mutter. I look up to meet Tony’s accusing stare. “In my defense, I was going to get her cupcakes on the way to work, but then I almost drove my car into the lake. So I think I get a pass. Don’t judge.”

  I turn my nose up and he almost grins, but doesn’t because he has a cranky image to uphold.

  He turns and saunters away, muttering something about women drivers and whipping me to within an inch of my life if I don’t do what I’m told. I can do nothing but follow him, laughing. He’d never harm a hair on my head and woe to anyone who ever did, because he’d break their kneecaps (mainly because he thinks that’s what an Italian should do).

  He leads me to the outdoor patio, which is situated on the beach directly behind the Hill. Stringed lights and lanterns crisscross over our heads, and soon the honeysuckle on the trellises will start to bloom. At night it’s magically romantic out here, particularly with the majestic view of Lake Michigan and the sweet scent of the honeysuckle. Tourists love it and so do I.

  Right now a tray of Tony’s famous tarts and a birthday card with Jacey’s name on it sit on a table, along with three salads.

  I turn to him in appreciation. “Thank you, Tony. You know I love you.”

  He grins now and wraps a meaty paw around my shoulder, squeezing it.

  “I know you’re busy,” he tells me gruffly. “It’s not a big deal.”

  But it is. He was hired on years ago as the bartender, but since my parents died, he’s helped me in so many different ways. He still tends bar, but he helps me keep everything else in line. He even oversees the cooks and makes special desserts from time to time. I would be lost without him and both of us know it.

  The evening breeze is blowing the hair off my face when Jacey bursts through the doors, her brown eyes sparkling in anticipation.

  “It’s a perfect day to have a birthday,” she announces, and like always, I have to admire her.

  Jacey looks at life with childlike wonderment, something I’ve always loved about her. She can make even the most boring thing fun.

  We’ve been friends since we were teenagers. She used to spend the summers here with her grandparents and one day she breezed into the Hill with them for lunch and breezed out with a summer job. She’s been with us every summer since then. She’s fun, she’s carefree, and even though it’s gotten her into trouble from time to time, she’s a refreshing change from the mundane.

  I cherish that even more now that I am the queen of mundane.

  “Happy birthday,” I tell her as Tony hands her the card. She grins and opens it, finding a hundred-dollar gift certificate from Tony and me for a massage in town. I mouth Thank you to Tony as Jacey throws her arms around my neck.

  “Thank you,” she squeals. “You have no idea how stressed out I’ve been. I need this.”

  She releases me and hugs Tony, then digs into her tarts, inhaling three of them before she glances at her watch.

  “We’ve gotta hurry,” she tells us. “We’re booked solid tonight. You’re probably going to have to help out on the floor, Maddy, which is fine because you definitely look comfortable enough. You’re taking business casual to a whole new level.” Jacey looks at my clothes curiously and I sigh.

  “When don’t I help out on the floor?” I demand. “I’m out there every day. I have the blisters to prove it. And I’m dressed like this because I got all muddy on my way to work and had to change into my gym clothes. ”

  Jacey grins, her eyes sparkling. “Well, with bike shorts and a little bitty T like that, I’m sure the guys will be leaving you big tips. So there’s a plus.”

  I groan and swat at her before I turn to follow her inside, but Tony snags my elbow and points at my salad.

  “Eat.”

  I glance at him and from the look on his face I know it’s useless to argue. I bend and shovel five bites into my mouth.

  “Good?” I ask with my mouth full as I wipe at it with a napkin.

  He gives me a dubious look and I take two more bites before I scoop up my plate.

  “I’ll eat the rest later,” I promise him. He shakes his head.

  “No, you won’t,” he sighs. “You’ll go home and eat a frozen burrito.”

  He can’t see me grinning as he follows me inside, which is probably a good thing. I absolutely hate being told what to do, which is probably a result of watching my father boss my mother around with his fist for years, but I don’t mind Tony’s fussing.

  For all Tony’s gruffness, he’s got a heart of gold, and he tries his hardest to watch out for both Mila and me. He’s the closest thing to family that we have now.

  As we walk back into the dining room, we are just in time to meet Mila and Pax coming in the front doors. Pax holds Mila’s elbow as she trips over the doormat.

  I have to laugh at the stricken expression on his face. I think Pax would pick Mila up and carry her for the next four months if he thought he could get away with it. He’s been more than a little overprotective lately. And as I stare at his tough exterior, it’s so hard to believe that it’s true, but it is.

  My brother-in-law is like a rock-hard, tattooed sex god or something. Seriously, the guy exudes sex appeal. My first thought when I first met him was Holy shit, he’s trouble. And he really was.

  Pax grins at me now, his hazel eyes twinkling.

  “See something you like, Mad?” he teases. And I realize that I’ve been staring. I grin back, not at all chagrined.

  “Yes, surprisingly enough. I do like you, little brother. Who would’ve thunk it?” Being the protective older sister, I told Mila to stay away from Pax, and of course that made her even more attracted to him. He had that bad-boy thing going on, that cocky attitude and dangerous demeanor that Mila couldn’t resist. Pax’s issues had issues, and he and Mila went through hell and high water together, but they stuck it out.

  Pax shakes his head. “Yeah, it’s hard to believe you ever misjudged this awesomeness.”

  I roll my eyes and lead them to a table, chatting with them while they get settled. Pax pulls out Mila’s chair and drops her napkin onto her lap for her.

  “Are you going to chew her food for her too, or…?” I raise my eyebrow but Pax just grins.

  “Happy wife, happy life,” he rattles off as he sits down. “It’s something I live by.”

  “And you’re very good at it,” Mila commends him, but her eyes are frozen with interest on something behind me. “Maddy, isn’t that Ethan Eldridge?”

  I turn to see my hostess, Julie, seating our old childhood friend at a small table by the window.

  “Holy crap,” I answer. “I think it is. I haven’t seen him since he went off to med school. He never came home for the summers. His mom used to come in here and complain about it.”

  “He looks good,” Mila says, pointing out the obvious. I stare at him, taking in his blond hair and blue eyes, and his lanky, lean frame. “You should go talk to him. That’s your job, anyway. You need to make him feel welcome.”

  I scowl at her. “I’m not going over there and flirting with him. It’s not happening.”

  “I didn’t say flirt,” Mila answers innocently. “I said talk. He always had a thing for you, though. And you do need a social life.”

  I’m just debating whether to stab her in the eye with a fork when Ethan glances up and notices me. He gives me an excited wave.

  “Hell,” I mutter, as Mila crows triumphantly. “I’ll be back to deal with you in a minute.”

  I can hear her laughing as I make my way over to Ethan.

  “Madison.” He smiles, reminding me exactly how gorgeous his smile is. “I was hoping you’d be here.”

  “I’m always here,” I tell him wryly. “I think I practically live here. Are you back for good? I thought I’d heard that you were coming back to the ob-gyn department at the clinic.”

  He smiles again and I briefly wonder why I don’t feel a reaction. Is it because I’ve known him
so long?

  “Yeah, that’s where I’m at. If you ever want to switch from Dr. Hall to me, I’m sure I can make your yearly exams much more pleasant for you.” He waggles his eyebrows in the ridiculous way I remember, and for a minute he seems just like the kid I knew in high school.

  I roll my eyes.

  “Oh, yeah, that’s just what I want. The guy who vomited up his chocolate milk on me in kindergarten doing my pap smear. Besides, you’re not even a real doctor yet, are you? And I’ve had Dr. Hall for years. So… it’s not gonna happen. Your hands aren’t getting anywhere near this.” I gesture toward my downstairs area and he shakes his head. “It’s good to see you, though. It’s been forever.”

  “I am a real doctor. I’m a resident doctor. That counts, you little brat. I can even prescribe medicine and shit. But whatever. It’s good to see you too. You look fantastic, exactly the same as you did the day we graduated high school.”

  I grin at his compliment. “Thanks, Ethan. I’ve been feeling old lately, so that’s good to hear. You look pretty good too.”

  He throws his most charming smile at me. “We need to sit down and catch up sometime soon, Mad. I’ve missed you.”

  I stare down at him, trying to see him in the way any other female would.

  He’s tall, at least six-two, blond and blue-eyed. He looks like a descendent of Vikings or something. Well, without the muscles of a Viking. We’d make gorgeous babies together, if I’m honest. But I’ve known him since preschool, which means that I know all the dumbass stuff he did between then and now. I still vividly remember him eating a grasshopper on a dare in fourth grade. His tongue isn’t getting anywhere near mine, doctor or not.

  He winks and I shake my head. I’m just getting ready to tell him how terrifying it is that people are putting their health in his hands when the restaurant door opens, letting a slice of sunlight in to shine across the floor. I follow the light to the man who just walked in from the rain. He’s sliding his cell phone into the pocket of his jacket.

  He looks up and his eyes meet mine and there’s no way in hell.