Seductive Starts

by Courtney Milan

  Not that he would.

  That would have been ridiculous. Almost as ridiculous as the rush of vulnerability that overtook him, as if he were some nocturnal insect blinded by the sudden light of her regard. If it had been anyone else at this moment, he might have scuttled away. But then…it was Margaret.

  Instead he simply nodded at her. She took the pages from him and shuffled them into order.

  “A Gentleman’s Practical Guide to Chastity,” she began to read. “By Mark Turner.” She cocked her head and looked at Ash. “A practical guide to chastity? What does that mean?”

  Ash shrugged. So that was what the words on the front page had said. “I suspect we are about to discover that.” He put his hands on the arms of his seat, readying himself. It may have been a dry philosophical text of intellectual import, but it was his brother’s dry philosophical text. He was not going to think about the juxtaposition of her full lips and the words of chastity. He was not going to make some juvenile witticism.

  “‘Chapter One,’” Margaret read. “‘Entitled: Chastity is hard.’”

  Ash sniggered despite himself. So much for keeping his juvenile thoughts at bay. “Yes,” he murmured. “Hard is usually how I find myself after an unfortunate bout with chastity.”

  She flicked a glance at him, her lips curving upward in amusement, and then she shook her head and read once more. “‘Too often, moralists stress the need for upright behavior. But this emphasis is often impractical in its effect. When a man fails to meet one overly rigorous standard, his usual reaction is to give up on all of them.’”

  With the words spoken aloud, Mark’s book wasn’t hard to follow. In fact, it even made sense. Ash nodded, and Margaret went on.

  “‘For instance, we have all heard that if a man lusts after a woman, he has already committed adultery in his heart. This admonition is rooted in good intentions—after all, one ought to keep one’s thoughts uplifted at all times. Unfortunately, the base male mind, always keen on having its own way, often inverts the principle. Well, a man reasons to himself, if I am already damned for committing adultery in my heart, I might as well have the enjoyment of committing adultery in the flesh.’”

  Ash let out a surprised bark of laughter—both because what his brother said was all too true, and because he could see Mark saying those words, his face lighting with irrepressible good humor. Margaret was smiling as she read, too. Dimples had come out on her cheeks.

  He liked her dimples.

  “‘The truth,’” she intoned, “‘is that chastity is hard. It is particularly hard for the young, unmarried gentleman who is besieged on the one hand by admonitions that he not even so much as consider a woman’s ankle, and on the other, by invitations to avail himself of the great multitude of opportunities available to any man with a few coins to his name. For most such young gentlemen, a choice between the impossible and the pleasant is no choice at all. That is why I have written this first practical guide to chastity.’”

  “You know,” Ash remarked, “my brother is either going to win instant accolades with this book, or he’s going to be charged with blasphemy and these pages will join Thomas Paine and Fanny Hill on the list of forbidden titles.”

  “Both, in fact, are possible.” Margaret stared at the pages in her hand. “For a book on chastity, he has already touched on adultery and ankles. It seems surprisingly outré, given the subject matter.”

  “Only because you’re reading it. The word ankle is a thousand times more provocative when spoken by a beautiful woman.”

  A light flush touched her cheeks. But she gave him a dry stare. “Do stop these compliments, or I might find myself sinning in my heart instead of reading.”

  “Are you just starting that, then? My heart has been sinning for a very long time.” The dimple on her cheek deepened, but she pursed those sensual lips in a pretense of primness and gathered up the pages again.

  “Now, where were we? Ah, yes. ‘I have written this first practical guide to chastity.’”

  Her voice was warm and filled with humor. As she spoke, she lifted her slippered foot, pointing her toe and then flexing it in an unconscious rhythm. Every so often, the slipper would fall, and he’d catch a glimpse of her bare foot. Not so much skin to get excited about, but then, it was her skin. And her ankle.

  Mark was right. Thoughts of ankles lead to thoughts of pushing skirts aside, following the line of that leg…

  She read on.

  When she spoke of sin, he thought of her. When she mentioned chastity, breathing the word at him over lowered eyelashes, she could not help but evoke thoughts of the opposite. Her voice was low and seductive, and Ash realized that his brother was right. Chastity was hard.

  He was ready to take her to his bed now.

  She must have felt his eyes on her, because halfway through, she glanced up at him and stopped speaking. Her tongue darted out to touch her lips, and he could not help but imagine the softness of that caress against his aching erection. And if he had been stiff before, he was rigid now.

  “Ash?” she asked uncertainly. “Shall I continue?”

  He cleared his throat. “I’m listening.”

  It wasn’t just her voice or the words that brought him to this fist-clenching arousal. It was the intimacy of what they were doing. They were separated by three feet, yes. But he’d admitted to her his most private secret, and instead of flinching from him in horror, she’d made him feel whole in a way he’d never felt before.

  That intimacy made a subtle, erotic counterpoint to her reading on chastity—through page after page, punctuated by her laughter mingled with his.

  He hadn’t realized how funny his brother was. Oh, he’d known Mark had a sharp wit and a flair for a turn of phrase, but this was that keenness of observation, condensed. The work reminded him of his brother: chaste, moral…and yet tinged with a sense of humor that elevated the pages from sober rectitude to something almost wicked.

  Margaret turned to the last page that had been copied from Mark’s manuscript.

  “‘There is no need to belabor the reasons for chastity, of course. But as a mere reminder to my readers, I outline the most important points. Male chastity is absolutely vital for three reasons.’”

  Vital was the shape of her lips, making those words. Vital was that flash of skin covered by silk, peeking from under the dark hem of her dress. Vital was the ache he felt, something deeper than the mere wants of his flesh.

  “‘First,’” Margaret said solemnly, “‘it is commanded by God and Holy Scripture.’”

  Ash waved a hand.

  “‘Second,’” she started, and then stopped. The amused light in her eyes faltered. She glanced over at him, suddenly wary. “‘Second,’” she said, “‘profligacy in such relations causes harm to the families who must endure such infidelity, and to the children who result from the union.’”

  He had forgotten that she was illegitimate. But was that something she could overlook? Her life would have been very different, had matters been otherwise. He wanted to say something to her, to remind her how little such things mattered to him. But she set her chin stubbornly, bent her head and read on.

  “‘And third—and most important to a chaste, practical gentleman—’” Her eyes scanned ahead once more, but this time she burst out laughing.

  “What? What is it?”

  She didn’t respond for a few seconds, but her shoulders shook with mirth. When she finally spoke, she could barely force the words out. “‘Third, as the ladies have clearly mastered the female art of chastity, our masculine inability to control our urges rather weakens our claims to be the stronger sex.’” She looked up at Ash. “He’s not serious. Truly?”

  Of course Mark wasn’t. It was a subtle joke, precisely the sort of sly, tongue-in-cheek suggestion his brother might drop. But a more serious-minded audience might take his words to be pure truth.

  Ash shook his head. “That alone will get him banned.”

  “I’ve lost count of the nu
mber of times your brother has made me laugh. Chastity is far more amusing than I had anticipated.”

  “Chastity,” Ash said dryly, “is far more arousing than I had anticipated.”

  Margaret flushed. She sat primly on the velvet sofa, and at his words, she rearranged her ankles underneath her. “I do believe we are straying into the improper,” she said.

  “Oh, no,” he contradicted. “We aren’t straying. I had hoped we had embarked on a deliberate voyage.”

  Her slipper fell off her foot once more. She didn’t even seem to notice; instead, she felt about for it on the ground with her foot, her toe pointed, revealing her ankle beneath the edge of her gown. And suddenly he could think of nothing but sliding his hands up the sinuous curve of her calf.

  “A voyage?” she asked, her voice shaky. “But…but we can have no mutual destination.”

  Clearly she’d not realized they’d left the docks behind days before. “It’s not about where we go, but how we arrive.” Slowly. At great length, savoring every last inch of her skin.

  She bit her lip, perhaps balancing her sense of propriety with her desire. And then she leaned forward, canting toward him. As she did so, the bodice of her gown shifted. The lamplight caught the curves of her bosom. The strangled noise he heard must have issued from his own throat.

  “When you do that, I can see.” He made a gesture in the direction of her cleavage. “At least, I can see more.”

  She drew a deep breath. Her hand raised one inch, as if to block his view, but then she let her arm fall to her thigh. And then—oh, God—she leaned another inch toward him. She crooked one finger at him, and he found himself standing, drifting toward her. She licked her lips, and then she whispered, “Come here and kiss me.”

  He was transfixed: by the lamplit swell of her breasts, barely visible above her neckline, by the damnably enticing rose of her lips, by the clarity of her eyes, untouched by her usual grief. She smiled at him—an expression both shy and brazen, a smile as old as woman herself.

  “You should always be like this,” he said roughly.

  “Forward?”

  “Sure of yourself. Powerful. Unshadowed.”

  She shook her head. “I’m not sure of myself, Ash. I’m just…just…”

  “You’re sure of me.”

  Her head jerked up. She looked at him in surprise, and then, slowly, she nodded. “Yes. Because you’ll understand the spirit in which this is offered. You’ll know what it means to me.”

  “And what will it mean?” His breath caught, hurting him. “What will I mean to you?”

  She looked into his eyes. “Oh, you told me that the first day I met you. Do you not recall what this is about? ‘A little defiance,’ you said. That’s what I want from you. A little defiance. I want to know what it should be like. What I should have had, when I lost…lost it all.”

  Defiance. He swallowed. It wasn’t enough for him—not anymore. He wanted to be more than her defiance. He wanted to be her strength, her amusement. He wanted to be her lover. He wanted to be her every wicked desire and her safe haven, all at once.

  But if what she wanted at the moment was defiance… Well, he could give her that, too. Until she was ready for everything else.

  He reached out and took her hands in his, pulling her to her feet. Her fingers trembled in his. He didn’t want to know what memories plagued her. He just wanted her to forget them. She reached up on her toes and leaned into him, her breasts brushing against his chest, her fingers intertwining with his.

  He couldn’t help himself.

  He kissed her. Hard, too; his mouth met hers with open lips, taking her with a ravenous intensity. He’d held back from her for too long, had held back this kiss, until it broke over him with all the ferocity of a summer storm. He was the lightning striking fertile ground, the hard rain driving into a field. And if he was a bolt of energy, swift and sure, she was the thunder, a low, powerful rumble that passed through him and stood his hairs on end.

  Her lips were the welcoming fields, parched for his rain. She fit him, her body molding to his, her lips latching on to his. Her hands ran up his arms to his shoulders; he enfolded her in his embrace. He was hot and rigid for her, had been ever since she’d spoken about ankles. Her body cradled his erection, even through all the layers of their clothing. He could feel the rub of the fabric, harsh friction against his member.

  He kissed her and with his fingers he sketched what he wanted from her. He traced her cheeks, and willed the sadness in her eyes to be swept away in the tumultuous aftermath of passion. His hand painted a line down her spine, inch by inch, and spoke of his desire to have her naked in his arms. He wanted her, needed her, with a sheer animal intensity that would not be gainsaid.

  It was that sheer want that led his hand to her breast, that unthinking desire that made him touch her there. It was lust, pure and simple, that guided his hand to that curve. But her response—that sweet arch of her spine—meant more to him than mere lust. It was desire, yes. But it was also a recognition, twanging through him, a poignant acknowledgement that with her, he could be vulnerable.

  He could barely feel the shape of her beneath her corset, but he could imagine the peak of her nipple. He could feel her response as he circled that bud with his fingers, could feel the desire in her kiss increase in intensity. She leaned against his hand. It was a form of trust.

  He’d already trusted her with far more than his bodily response. Somehow, he guided her back onto the sofa. Somehow, he straddled her, loosened the sash of her dress, and then, one by one, undid the little buttons of her bodice. It was rough work, his hands jostling with every breath she took. Somehow, he finished—and thanked the Lord for a front-lacing demi-corset, finer than he’d imagined a nurse would wear. The ivory flowers underneath her dress seemed like a feminine little secret, one known by just the two of them. He unlaced this to reveal a thin shift, beneath which he could make out the dusky pink tips of her nipples—a darker rose than her lips, but begging for his kiss just the same.

  He gave it, taking that peak in his mouth, while his hands slid down to her waist.

  She moaned and rolled beneath him, her hips cradling his frame, his erection pressing into her thigh. He could have tasted her forever, could have let the feel of her seep into him. She came alive beneath him, pressing up. And he needed more. He lifted his lips from the curve of her breast to kiss her lips again. It was maddening, utterly maddening, to have her so close and yet so far from him. He pulled away from her—only for a moment, only long enough to set his hands on her ankles. And then he traced the perfection of her skin up, up, up the curve of her calves, to her knees.

  Her skirt slid up, and still she didn’t pull away from him. She hadn’t flinched. Instead, she threw her head back and parted her thighs at his invasion. Her legs— God, the feel of them, warm and round and long and slim beneath his palms. He pushed a mess of petticoats out of the way.

  He could have adored her knees until dawn came. He would have, had the rest of her not been so compelling. Her thighs, trembling at his touch. And then he rearranged her drawers and discovered the damp curls between her legs, the folds of her sex, wet with desire. He parted her and ran his thumb along the seam. She was rosy-pink there, too. The scent of her feminine musk overwhelmed him.

  It would take so little to make her his. His thumb paused on her flesh. Belatedly, he realized that he’d been tracing his own wants against her skin—a figure eight, lying on its side. Eternity. Infinity.

  Sanity returned, greatly unwanted. She’d asked him for a little defiance. Ash was getting carried away by the fervor of the moment. If he were to unbutton his trousers and take her, it would be shabby recompense for the gift she’d given him. From what she’d told him, he doubted she had much experience with the sweeping feel of passion. She was too overwhelmed to deny him. But then, she hadn’t precisely said yes, either.

  Ash wanted to beat his head against brick in frustration. It would probably be the only thing that would
banish his lust, and then, only if he did it hard enough.

  Her eyes opened. “Ash?” she said shakily. “Why did you stop?”

  “Darling, if you think about where I was about to proceed, you’ll have a pretty good notion. I promised you a voyage, not a tumble.” Still, he was caressing her. He couldn’t take his hands off her.

  She swallowed shakily and then sat up, as if only now noticing precisely where his hands lay. “Oh. Oh.” She looked up into his eyes. “I would have…I would have let you, you know.”

  “You still would let me,” he said. “That’s not the point. I won’t take you merely because it’s allowed of me. I want you. All of you. Not just the portion of you that I managed to overwhelm.”

  She stared at him. “I don’t understand you.”

  Ash pulled his hands from her. A futile attempt to dissipate the raging want inside him. It didn’t work—especially not with Margaret looking at him so sweetly. His body screamed at him to complete what he’d begun, to simply take her before her thoughts coalesced into objections.

  “I want you too well to desire anything except your wholehearted participation,” he ground out. “Chastity…is hard. But—damn it—it’s necessary. For now.” He covered her hands with his and laced up her corset. When he was finished he stood and helped her to her feet. Her legs were unsteady. His own weren’t much better. Still, they worked together to arrange her clothing into a semblance of unwrinkled order. After he’d retied her sash, she turned to him.

  “Thank you,” she said softly.

  “For calling a halt?” His body was still regretting it. He didn’t want her thanks, damn it. He wanted a medal for bravery above and beyond the call of duty.

  “For everything,” she said solemnly and walked to the door. There was an unsteady waver in her step—a tiny compensation for the pleasure he’d given up. He’d done that to her, and that thought made him fiercely possessive. Perhaps that was why he trailed after her, why, when she turned to take her leave, he kissed her once again, hard and bruising, so that she would remember him while she lay in bed tonight.