Waiting to Breathe: Book One of the Waiting Duet

by Alyson Reynolds

  ____

  The restaurant had beachside seating and I thought ahead and made us reservations. Finn had finally given in and told me Olivia loved seafood. It took me a few hours of prodding and pestering him just to get that little bit of information. I probably could have text Cora and got the information a hell of a lot faster.

  Gardenias sat on the table in a bowl of water. Their light scent reminded me of Olivia and it surprised me that I knew that about her already.

  “How did you set this up so fast? Isn’t there a wait list for this place?” she asked, looking around in awe.

  “I shouldn’t tell all my secrets, cupcake.”

  She batted her pretty blue eyes at me and I was a fucking goner.

  “I cheated a little. My grandparents own this place. Every summer since I was little I would come out here and work.”

  She threw her head back in laughter and I grinned.

  “At least you’re honest, Nathaniel.”

  “Always. I’ll never lie to you, Olivia.”

  She tilted her head and looked at me thoughtfully for a moment.

  “Thank you. That’s really important to me.”

  The waitress came to take our order and all I could do was stare at Olivia. I ordered the things Finn told me were her favorites, but didn’t pay much attention to our food or the drinks in front of us. It seemed surreal that we were sitting here, but being with her felt as natural to me as breathing.

  How did this girl get under my skin so quickly?

  “Dance with me.”

  “What? You’re kidding right? Where?”

  “There’s a little trail to the beach right off the side of the pier. Come on.”

  I grabbed her hand and pulled her with me. We slipped off our shoes and walked down into the cool sand. Soft music filtered out from the restaurant and she laid her head on my shoulder as we swayed. She fit perfectly in my arms. It was hard to resist kissing her every two seconds, but I did.

  Olivia looked up at me when the song ended and I brushed her long hair out of her face. I loved the feel of her silky strands between my fingers. Her blue eyes stared back at me and I finally lowered my head to hers. Our lips met softly and my hands cupped her face. She pulled back breaking the kiss first.

  “You make me nervous, Nate.”

  I looked questioningly at her, but didn’t respond, giving her the chance to explain.

  “I can’t keep my defenses up around you. It’s been so long since I’ve let anyone else in, but I’m not so sure I want to push you away anymore. I’m done fighting whatever this is between us.”

  “I’m glad I make you nervous cupcake. It means I’m doing something right.”

  ____

  It was after ten by the time we got back to my car. We had taken a long walk on the beach and my grandfather caught up with us before we left the restaurant. Olivia charmed the hell out of the old man. He told me that he had things back home taken care of and I nodded, unwilling to talk about it in front of Olivia. She looked at me questioningly, but didn’t ask.

  “Okay cupcake, you have two choices for the second portion of our evening.”

  “You mean it’s not over yet?” she teased.

  “Had too much of me already, huh? I see how you are, back to your dorm with you then.”

  She folded her hand in her lap and straightened her face to look prim and proper. “What are my choices, Nathaniel?”

  I grinned back at her.

  “A movie; I’ll even go to a chick flick if you want. Or we can go back to the frat house. We can go hang out in my room or find Finn if you want. There might be a small party going on, but it shouldn’t be anything like last night.”

  “Let’s go back to your room.”

  Her throaty voice filled my ears and I thought I might lose my mind. I blinked a few times and started the car. My hands shook as I gripped the steering wheel and when I glanced back over at her, Olivia looked way too damn happy with herself.

  ____

  I had been wrong. Way wrong.

  There were tons of people standing around outside the house. Cars were lined up the driveway and down the block. Olivia’s eyes widened and I grimaced.

  “I’m sorry, Olivia. Do you want to see if we can still catch a movie?”

  “No, let’s go inside. You can show off the fact that I finally agreed to go out with you.”

  She winked at me and climbed out of the car. I sprinted around the front of the car and grabbed her waist. She squealed as I spun her around in a circle. When I sat her down, I kissed her hard. Her fingers threaded through my hair. We kissed until we were both gasping for air. Groaning, I broke the kiss.

  “Don’t get me all worked up, Olivia. A man can only stare at your ass in that dress for so long and be held responsible for his actions.”

  She stepped back, bit down on her lip and took off for the party swinging that sexy ass from side to side. I walked up behind her and slapped it with the palm of my hand. Her giggle filled the night air and she tugged me towards the house.

  We walked into a raging party going on at the frat house when we came back from dinner. Nate and I had planned on just hanging out in his room, but there were probably a hundred people standing between us and his bedroom. He wrapped his arms around my waist as we walked inside the house. I leaned back and kissed him one more time because I knew there wouldn’t be much chance for it later. It was the first time that most of our friends would see us together. Nate had explained his fraternity brothers had given him hell about me, so it was big news that I had finally agreed to go out with him.

  We made it ten feet in the door before Cora caught my hand and started dancing in the entryway of the house. I threw my head back and laughed, dancing along with her drunken ass. My date had been amazing, and I was in a playful mood for the first time in forever. Nate watched from behind us with an amused smile on his sexy face. He still wasn’t used to seeing me this carefree. Cora handed me her cup and I downed part of the warm beer. I made a face and handed it back. She downed the rest quickly and I wondered how she could drink that nasty stuff so easily.

  The music was loud and fun and for the first time in forever I wanted to let go of everything holding me back and just have fun. I turned back to Nate and pointed my finger at him to get him to come dance with me. He laughed and playfully shook his head. When I grabbed his collar, his hands found my hips and he let me set the pace. His lips nipped at my neck.

  Cora leaned over and placed a smacking kiss on my cheek. I watched her walk towards the kitchen for another drink, but one of Nate’s friends came over to talk to us and I lost sight of her within a few seconds.

  Finn came around the corner of the kitchen with his hands clenched and his jaw set in a hard line. I knew something was wrong and my entire body tensed. Nate looked down at me in concern, but my eyes never left my twin. When Finn saw me, his eyes darted up the stairs. My eyes followed his gaze and my entire body went numb as I saw what he was looking at.

  Christian stood on the stairs watching my every move. The cold, distant look in his eyes chilled my blood. As Finn reached my side I ignored him and pulled away from both him and Nate. My eyes were trained on the man that ruined me.

  I was done letting this asshole intimidate me and make me feel like shit about myself and my choices. I was mad. Not just mad, livid that he had followed me here. This was supposed to be my new start and he was trying to ruin it for me.

  I took three steps forward before Chris started down the stairs towards me. By the time I made my way through the crowd, he was on the landing a few steps up from the bottom.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?”

  “Awe look, my girlfriend came to greet me.” He reached out to cup my face and I slapped his hand away.

  “I haven’t been your girlfriend for a long time, Christian. Why are you here?” I asked through gritted teeth.

  “To talk to you.”

  “Haven’t you taken the hint yet that I don’t want
to ever see you again? If I did don’t you think I would have bothered trying to get in touch with you? Or maybe, just maybe I would have answered any of your annoying texts.”

  He winced, but never one to be outdone he started to run his mouth. “That’s no way to talk to the fath—”

  “Remember Christian, there is a gag order against you and if you run your fucking mouth, one phone call will ruin your life.”

  He narrowed his eyes at me, “Fine, but there are things we need to discuss.”

  “She’s gone. And there is absolutely nothing that you and I ever need to talk about again. I think you made it clear when you told me that you hoped I died in the hospital. Leave me the fuck alone and move on.”

  I turned to walk away, but I was blocked in. Both Finn and Nate stood behind me with their arms folded over their chest, looking really fucking intimidating. Finn stared at Christian, but when I turned to Nate, he was looking down at me.

  “Are you okay, cupcake?”

  “I will be as soon as you get me out of here.”

  “He texted you?” Finn asked.

  I nodded. Fuck, I should have just told him. Just another regret in a long line of them in my life. His jaw set in a hard line and I grimaced.

  Nate took my hand leading me back out to his car. I stopped him as he opened the passenger door for me. My hands gripped his collar and I kissed him hard.

  “We need to talk. I want to go to the beach, but can we stop by my dorm so I can grab something first?”

  “Of course. Let’s get out of here.”

  His fingers brushed along my cheek and I closed my eyes tight for a second, willing the rest of the world to fall away. I was terrified when this amazing man found out my secrets he would run away from me as fast as he could.

  If Nate decided that my baggage wasn’t worth it at least I figured out that I wanted to live again, not just exist. Life was too short for me to continue beating myself up over something I couldn’t control anymore.

  ____

  Nate settled into the sand next to me while I stared out into the dark ocean. The cardboard box that sat next to me still hadn’t been opened. I had put it off and now it was my own personal Pandora’s box. The contents were either going to fix my life or completely wreck it.

  “Breath, cupcake.”

  “I’m trying.”

  Oh, Nate. If you only knew how true those words were.

  His fingers trailed lightly up and down my back. Like always, he was letting me take things at my own pace. And if I could let him know how much I appreciated it I would, but there weren’t strong enough words to thank him.

  I ripped the tape off the box and opened the flaps. Tears filled my eyes as I saw the picture on top. I carefully handed the picture over to Nate.

  “This is my daughter, Ellie. She’ll be one next month.”

  Nate looked up at me with an indecipherable look on his face. I wanted some kind of reaction, but like always, he wanted me to open up to him. I sucked in a deep breath.

  “I got pregnant at the end of my senior year of high school. When I found out, my parents wanted me to marry Christian immediately, but the same day I found out I was pregnant someone told me he’d been cheating on me for six months. He’d cheated on me with some skanky cheerleader.”

  Bitterness rang out in my voice. I wasn’t just upset that he’d cheated, it was the fact that he had pretended everything was fine with us for so long. Even after all this time it still stung.

  “I knew he was a dick, but wow. It takes a special kind of guy to stoop to that kind of douchebaggery.”

  I choked out a laugh through my tears. My hands trembled as I pulled a baby blanket out of the box. I put it up to my nose and took a deep breath of the amazing powder scent. I could almost imagine the feeling of my daughter in my arms. The emptiness would consume me if I let it.

  “I decided I didn’t want to start my first year of college pregnant, so I took online classes instead. When my parents continued to pressure me to get married, I left. We had some family friends in California and I went to stay with them for a while, but Chris found me and tried to bully me into coming back. Technically I travelled for a year and a half, not just the year Finn and I talk about.”

  Nate continued rubbing small circles on my back as I spoke.

  “Christian’s parents were furious that I wouldn’t give in and do the right thing as they put it over and over again. When I took a good look at our families, I knew I couldn’t bring a baby into that hell. I did a lot of research about adoption and how it worked. The first time I met Abby and Noah, I knew that Ellie needed to be with them.”

  I took a deep shuddering breath before continuing. “I went back home less than two weeks from my due date. I had the adoption papers drawn up and prepared for one hell of a battle before I even went back. Chris’s parents were against the idea; they were still trying to push us into marriage. It was awful. If they hadn’t been scared of the lawsuit my dad would have slapped them with I think they would have tried to blackmail me into it. My parents finally agreed that the adoption was probably for the best after Chris admitted that if I didn’t take him back he wouldn’t want to raise the baby as a single dad.”

  I choked back a sob. “I went into labor and as soon as I had Ellie, I called Abby and Noah to come pick her up from the hospital. Signing the papers and kissing her goodbye was the single hardest thing that I have ever done in my life. As much as I want to, I can’t regret that decision though. She’s going to have a better life than I could ever provide for her.”

  I took in a shuddery breath and pressed my hands to my eyes.

  “I can’t even imagine the pain you go through on a daily basis. Most people couldn’t handle it.”

  “Oh, it gets even better. I wish that was everything. Christian signed the papers, but he told me he hoped I died because of what I was costing him. His parents want nothing to do with him now because he couldn’t convince me to get married. He’s basically been cut off from his entire family. It got really ugly before I left the second time; so bad in fact that my dad got a gag order against him. He didn’t want anything to derail his political career. Cora’s stepdad is a lawyer and he helped us get the judge to approve it.”

  I laughed humorlessly. “Chris has it in his head that if we can get Ellie back that the three of us can be a family, so he’s followed me everywhere, basically stalking me. I knew that coming to SCU was a bad idea, but I missed Finn so much and I wanted to try to feel normal again. Travelling helped some, but I needed my brother.”

  Nate was quiet for a long time before speaking. Part of me was shattering because I had to open up and tell him my secrets, but another part, the stronger part of me, was healing. Not that I wasn’t terrified at what his reaction would be, but I knew I would be okay even if he didn’t accept my past.

  Thoughts of my short time with Nate made me hopeful, but I knew this was a lot to take in. My life was full of drama that most people wouldn’t be able to accept. Would he be upset that I hadn’t told him sooner? Would he want nothing to do with me ever again? Not being able to read what he was thinking killed me.

  “So how did you end up with a box of Ellie’s pictures and things?”

  I smiled sadly. “Abby and I talked about everything for a long time before we decided how we wanted our relationship to go. We agreed to an open adoption, so they will keep in contact and tell Ellie about me as she gets older. It’s going to be hard, probably harder than if I had just given her to them and disappeared, but I want her to know how much I love her. Abby sends me a box every few months.”

  I rubbed on my tattoo absentmindedly, a habit I had picked up after it had healed.

  “This is for Ellie,” I said quietly showing him the roman numeral inked on my wrist. “It’s her birthday.”

  Nate looked down at my wrist, his fingers lightly traced over the bold black against my skin. He was quiet for a long time, probably deciding how to let me down easy. No one wanted this kind of
drama in their lives. Hell, even I didn’t want it. His shoulders were stiff and I shifted away from him, but before I got far his hand clamped down on my knee.

  “You are the strongest person I know, Olivia.”

  His eyes met mine and I saw the sincerity in them. There had to be a but somewhere in there.

  “I’ve never met anyone as brave as you are. You never cease to surprise me.”

  “I fall apart on a daily basis, Nate.”

  “I’m thankful that I get to be someone who helps put the pieces back together every day.”

  I looked at him in surprise. “You still want to be with me after what I just told you?”

  “Cupcake, I didn’t spend the past three months getting you to go out with me for nothing. I want you even more now. You’re more selfless and more mature than any twenty year old has business being. You’re everything I wish I was.”

  His hand brushed hair back from my face. My eyes met his and they were honest and open. His lips were feather light against mine as he tipped my head back. I curled into his side and we went through the rest of my Ellie box together.

  We laughed at a few of the pictures. Nate told me how much she looked like me and I smiled through my tears. When we were done, he held me while I fell apart, and then just like he promised, he helped put me back together again.

  ____

  A dull thud on my door woke me up from a dreamless sleep. I sat up and realized that Nate had fallen asleep next to me. He’d brought me back to my dorm last night and we had stayed awake talking for hours. The pounding continued and I jumped up to answer before whoever it was on the other side didn’t wake the entire floor. Finn’s blue eyes stared back at me when I opened up the door.

  “You couldn’t have waited a few more hours?”

  “No, I was freaking the hell out as it was. Are you okay?”

  He swept me up in a hug and I could barely move to hug him back. His body stiffened as he heard Nate from behind us.

  “Cupcake, why is your brother here so damn early?” He’d flung his arm over his eyes, blocking out the bright early morning sunlight.