“And I almost got Felix to fire you and find me a new designer. I didn’t think spending time together was the best idea either.”
They looked at each other.
“So what do we do?” Maddie spoke first.
“I’m not going to be here. I leave for Atlanta today, and I’ll be gone for the best part of four months.”
“I’m assuming there’s nothing structural you want to change?”
“No. Just décor and furnishings I think. I mean, unless you think something needs to be changed.”
Maddie shook her head. “If it’s just interior design work, I could definitely make sure I get it finished before you get back.”
They fell back into talking then—formally, professionally—about the house, about what Maddie would need to do. They were talking about the thing they were supposed to be talking about and Sofia wanted to feel relief, but instead she just felt sadness, wondering just how they had managed to ruin something that had once been so good.
“Let’s finish the questionnaire and have another walk around.” Maddie looked at her watch. “I’ve got color charts and fabrics in the trunk, and we should go through them too if there’s time.”
“I’ll make time.” Sofia meant it. She would take the time to do this right. It mattered to her. She should have more things in her life that mattered to her.
“Maddie?”
“Yeah.” Maddie looked up from the screen. Sofia had spent so many hours gazing at that face, in want and in wonder. Always amazed that she was allowed to touch it, to kiss it, amazed that sometimes the smile that lit it up was for her and her alone. She shook her head slightly, shook away the stupid memories. She made herself remember that she had also spent a long time in too much pain to be able to look at Maddie’s face, not able to hear her voice even. Today had proved that it wouldn’t do her good to romanticize the past.
“I love kids. Really love them. I have a niece. She’s eight and she’s adorable. I haven’t given up hope of having kids of my own.” Maddie looked at her with surprise. “And just because I probably won’t get the chance to say this to you again, I know we hurt each other but I’ve missed you these past few years and I can’t think of anyone I’d trust more to know what I want for my house than you.” Sofi let out a breath. She faked pretty much everything in her life these days, but something about Maddie made her want to be real.
“I don’t think there’s anyone we know who would think me doing this was a good idea.” Maddie lifted her eyebrows. “But I guess I feel the same way. I want to do this for you.” She shrugged. “There is one thing though.”
Sofia leaned in. “What?”
“Do you think we can get someone other than your mom to oversee things while you’re away? She still terrifies me.”
Sofia laughed and enjoyed seeing Maddie’s eyes light up.
“Are you kidding? She’s coming to Atlanta and then on tour, of course. She never leaves my side. That much hasn’t changed.” Sofia was joking, but something about admitting it made her feel pathetic. “I’ll ask Anna to stop by sometimes, but I’ll give you my number if you need to ask me anything important. And I’ll get you some spare keys so you can come and go.”
Maddie studied her for a moment, looking like she had something to say, but she simply nodded.
“Question four. Let’s concentrate.”
Sofia suddenly hoped the questionnaire was a long one.
* * *
Maddie poured herself a large glass of red wine and sat at her dining table. Though it had taken two more stories than usual, Mateo had finally settled down to sleep. And now she really wanted to try to work.
The day had been a strange one. She smiled to herself at the understatement. She’d gone to Sofi’s house intending to restore the distance between them and had come away feeling a desire to be close to her that she hadn’t felt in years. And she was feeling this way at just the time that Sofi was leaving to spend four months on the road. The timing was going to save her from herself and she should have felt more grateful.
It had taken a supreme effort not to give in and talk about the past in the way that Sofi obviously wanted, in the way that she realized that she too wanted. She had so much she wanted to ask, so much she wanted to say. When Sofi left the band—left her—she had coped by ignoring all of Sofi’s attempts to get in touch. She hadn’t wanted to hear the excuses, to face up to Sofi’s betrayal, but it meant that neither of them had ever had the chance to talk about any of it.
She sipped the wine and sighed at how good it tasted. She had her iPad open and in front of that, a large sketch pad and a set of colored pencils. She wanted to make some sketches while Sofi’s words and feelings about the house were still clear in her mind. She swiped the screen, looking at the photos she had taken. Greg would do a proper job of photographing and measuring everything tomorrow, but for now, she could work off these.
She stopped at a photograph she’d taken of the kitchen from the other end of the room. Sofi stood to one side, perhaps believing she wasn’t in the frame, and Maddie expanded the image with her fingers. Sofi was looking in her direction with a small frown, her fingers pulling at her bottom lip, her hair tousled from the wind on the deck. She looked nothing like the put together pop star that Maddie had seen hundreds of photographs of online and in magazines. Yet Maddie preferred this version of her—softer, serious, real. She stared at her face. For someone at the top of her career, with everything she wanted in life, Sofi seemed surprisingly sad and unsure.
Maddie picked up her pencil and began to lightly sketch the layout of the main living area, wanting walls and floors and furniture that she could label with some of the colors and fabrics that Sofi had liked.
If someone had photographed her that morning, maybe her face would have shown the same uncertain frown. It would be a lie to say she hadn’t thought of Sofi in a while. She had. Being in Miami had brought a lot of memories to the surface, and it was hard to avoid thinking about her because she was everywhere. On the TV, on her radio, in the gossip magazines she hated herself for reading. But today was the first time in a long while that she had thought about what had happened when Sofi left and every awful thing that followed. In the past, she’d been so wrapped up in her own feelings about being left, her own envy about Sofi’s success, that she hadn’t really ever thought of things from Sofi’s point of view. But Sofi had lost everything when the band split and they hadn’t exactly been kind about her afterward. She probably had a lot to say about it all. Her phone buzzed.
How’d it go and how’s my best boy feeling?
Ashley, checking in. Of course she was.
He’s better. Thanks. I’m unwinding with a fat glass of merlot and doing some sketching
How’d she take you pulling out?
Ashley was too smart to let her avoid answering questions. She slowly typed out a reply.
Actually, we decided to give it a go. She left today for four months. I need the job. She needs a good designer. I can get it finished before she comes back. No big deal
A long pause. Maddie cracked first.
Sis?
What do you want me to say? It’s crazy, you’re crazy. I guess she must be crazy too. But you’re a grown ass woman, and you’ll do what you wanna do
Another text arrived immediately.
You always did
Maddie was happy to see the rolling eyes emoji. Maybe Ashley wasn’t that mad at her.
We avoided talking about it. Mostly. It was okay.
Sure. And it was “okay” enough that you’re needing to unwind with a fat glass of wine
Maddie sighed. Ashley was stubborn and smart and, Maddie had to admit, cared about her more than anyone.
It’s okay, honestly. We both have a lot we could have said about the past. But we didn’t.
Maddie hesitated, not wanting to lie to her sister.
But I’m not gonna lie and say it didn’t affect me to be close to her again. It did. But I’ll probably never
see her again so I don’t have to worry about any of it.
The thought made her sadder than she expected.
If you say so. Enjoy the wine. And just know that I’m the kind of sister that will definitely say I told you so x
Again, the eye roll emoji. Ashley used that far too much.
Oh, I know that. Good night sis x
Maddie pushed her phone away. Damn Ashley for always saying the things that were better left unsaid. She scrolled past the photo of Sofi and considered the ones she had taken of the living area as she built up her sketch. She told herself to focus on the job, to focus on the fun part of spending someone else’s money. She sighed. This job already didn’t feel like that—her focus was on Sofi, on giving Sofi a place to live in that she would love, that she deserved to feel relaxed in. She already cared too much. Ashley was right, she was crazy for doing this. And maybe Sofi was just as crazy for wanting her to.
Chapter Six
“What the hell? Jeez, sorry. They said this frickin’ room was empty.” Sofia almost shouted the words, quickly picking up the pantsuit she had just dropped to the floor and using it to cover herself, shocked to see a man emerge into the dressing room from the bathroom in the far corner. She looked for somewhere to go and a way to hide her dressed-only-in-her-underwear body.
“Don’t worry, sweetheart. You don’t have to apologize for standing there looking so fine.” He openly appraised Sofia, a smile playing on his face, making no attempt to look away.
The surprise at his appearing from nowhere had stopped Sofia from recognizing him for a few seconds, and then the realization hit her.
“Danny. Holy crap. Hello.” Sofia relaxed slightly but still felt weird under his gaze. “Jeez, Danny, look the other way or something will you? Give me a break here.” She pointed down at herself, shrugged, and lifted her eyebrows. “My pantsuit split. I need to get into this dress within the next five minutes or I’m going to be late on stage.” She pointed at the midnight blue dress draped over the back of the couch next to them.
Almost on cue, the door opened and Ronnie stepped inside looking as stressed as Sofia felt.
“You’re not ready?” Ronnie said the words before taking in the scene in front of her. Sofia dressed only in her underwear, Danny a few feet away, the two of them face-to-face. “Oh, wow, okay, sorry.” Ronnie made to back out of the room, giving Sofia a look that said it was absolutely her job never to notice when the stars she wardrobed for got naughty with each other.
“No, no, don’t go,” Sofia called out to her. “This isn’t at all whatever you’re thinking. Obviously. I was getting changed and Danny—”
“Came out from the bathroom to find that the Lord had sent him an early Christmas present.” He smirked as he spoke, still making no effort to look away.
Under his continuing gaze, Sofia suddenly felt awkward. She had shown far more skin to people in the past, when the record company had the band performing in the skimpiest of skimpy outfits, but the dressing room was small and the feeling was much more intimate.
“Use the bathroom back there if you want to dress without me seeing even more of your treasures.” Danny nodded toward the back of the room.
Sofia looked at him for a moment. She had hated him for a very long time after he and Maddie had hooked up. He was supposed to just be one of the fake boyfriends Maddie had been given when the record company decided that she and Sofia looked too cozy together, but when Maddie decided to date him for real, it had hurt. Sofia didn’t care if it was months before she and Maddie had got together, or that it was just a two-time thing. She was not going to be charmed by him now.
“I would like that very much.”
He smiled at her, his blue eyes crinkling. He was handsome. She could see why Maddie had chosen him. The jolt of jealousy that she felt land in her stomach didn’t feel almost a decade old. She was surprised by the strength of it. The surprise brought her back into the here and now. She picked up the dress and moved toward the bathroom.
“I’ll need some blue panties, Ronnie. Nice ones. The ones I’m wearing were supposed to be hidden under the suit and they’re far too nasty to wear with this dress.” She rubbed her temples. “Can you get me some more Tylenol too please? I have a killer headache.” She grabbed the energy drink that Ronnie had brought for her. She was tired, the rehearsals had been a struggle, and now a fucking wardrobe malfunction minutes before she had to perform. The universe wasn’t being kind to her today.
“C’mon, cariño, you’re on in ninety seconds. Talk about cutting it close.” Her mom was standing in the doorway to the dressing room. Sofia used the last of the energy drink to down the pills that Ronnie had found for her. She smoothed her hands over the dress, over her stomach—growling at the lack of food—and she closed her eyes. She tried to go through the choreography in her mind, to run through the lyrics, but all she could focus on was the throb throb throb of her headache and the rapid beating of her heart. There was no way the pills would kick in on time. She shivered and then forced her mind back into the room.
“Sorry for the interruption, Danny, and thanks for letting me change in here. Sorry I have to rush off before we catch up.” She wasn’t sorry. Sofia looked from Danny to her mom and back again, feeling slightly nauseous as she moved her head.
“No problem, girl. Go slay them in your new panties.” Danny laughed and fist-bumped Sofia as she passed by. “And say hi to Noah for me. He and I go way back. If it wasn’t for the fact of you being his girl, and him being so jealous, I’d have given you my number so we could have a proper catch-up.” He smirked as he stressed the words “his girl,” and Sofia felt shame flood through her body. He had played Noah’s part with Maddie in the past, and maybe that meant he knew all about her and Noah now. She knew Noah couldn’t have told him—he was stupid, but not stupid enough to risk a half a million dollar penalty clause—but maybe Danny had guessed. She should have worried about it, but instead she wondered if Maddie would guess too. That Sofia really wanted her to was something she couldn’t face up to right then. The thumping in her head grew worse. Her thoughts and memories knocking against each other.
She headed into the corridor and walked briskly toward the stage with her mom on one side and Ronnie on the other, now messing with her hair. The VMAs didn’t have the prestige of the Grammys, but the TV audience ran into the millions and Felix always arranged for her to perform. Usually she was nominated for an award, but this time she’d been overlooked. None of them had said it, but it wasn’t a good sign.
“Remind me why we’re here, Mama. Why I’ve come all the way to Atlanta to perform a song they didn’t like enough to nominate and to hand out the award to someone else whose video they liked better than mine.” Sofia’s chest felt tight. She felt almost breathless. “And we rehearsed for two solid days on that stage so the routine would be perfect, but right now, I can barely remember any of it. I’m going to make a complete fool of myself.”
“You’ll be fine once you’re up there. You always are, Sofi. It’ll come back to you when you hear the music.” Her mom tried to sound reassuring, but even through her headache, Sofia imagined she could hear the doubt in her voice.
* * *
The intermittent beeping was the first thing Sofia heard. And then, as she pulled herself more into consciousness, she could make out the low murmur of voices.
“I told you she needed a rest.” Her mom.
“They said the fasting was just as likely to have caused it as exhaustion.” That was Felix.
“She’ll never cope with the schedule if she’s carrying too much weight. What’s she supposed to do? You want her to cancel halfway through?” Her mom’s voice grew louder the more annoyed she got.
“I don’t want her like this either.” Felix kept his voice low.
She wanted to open her eyes, but even with them closed, the room seemed too bright. She lifted a hand to cover them, to block out some of the light.
“Cariño?” Her mom’s voice sounded
closer now. “Are you awake? How are you feeling?”
Sofia tried to lift her eyelids, but the light made her head hurt more so she closed them again. “It’s too bright.”
“Hold on.” Felix spoke and then the room went a lot darker and she figured he’d turned off the main lights.
She opened her eyes slowly and looked around the room. Her mom and Felix were on either side of her bed. Her hospital bed. She could see a machine covered in blinking lights and changing numbers. It was the source of the beeping and she was hooked up to it via a little contraption clamped to the end of her finger. A port in the back of her hand connected her to a bag of clear IV fluid hanging from a pole next to the bed.
“What the hell?” Her voice sounded raspy. Her throat was dry.
“Here.” Her mom passed her a carton of juice with a straw sticking out. She drank it greedily.
“What happened?” She strained to remember.
“You collapsed. Don’t worry, it’s not serious. They’ve run tests and you’re fine. They figure it’s a mixture of exhaustion, dehydration, and caffeine. They don’t seem to know exactly what happened, but they do know you’re okay. They’re giving you saline.” Her mom pointed at the bag hanging from the pole.
“I collapsed? I was about to perform. I remember going on stage.” A shiver ran through her body. “Don’t tell me I collapsed on stage.” She made herself sit up a little straighter in the bed.
Her mom nodded. “It’s not as bad as it sounds. The lights hadn’t come up. You were in position with the dancers. They were just about to introduce you, and well, you just fainted.”
“Hit the floor with quite a thud. It was kinda dramatic,” Felix chipped in.
“Felix.” Her mom shot him a look. “It wasn’t that dramatic. No one saw. Not really. The camera wasn’t on you then so only those people in the audience that were close enough to see you without the lights being up could see what happened.”
Not This Time Page 7
