The Baby Issue

by Jennifer Taylor

  She felt him take a deep breath before he gently set her away from him and there seemed to be a new solemnity in his voice that hadn’t been there moments before. ‘Isn’t it just? Anyway, enough of all that. It’s time for work.’

  He opened the surgery door for her. Anna made her way inside, trying desperately to put what had happened into perspective. She had hugged Ben purely out of excitement and he had done the same. It would be silly to read anything into it. However, all morning long she couldn’t shake off the feeling that something had happened to him as he had stood there with his arms around her. The question, of course, was—what?

  ‘I don’t know how I made such a silly mistake! Eileen warned me to double-check everything.’

  ‘It’s all right. Really,’ Anna said soothingly. Hilary Dwyer, their new receptionist, had somehow managed to book two patients for the same appointment and she was obviously distressed by her mistake.

  ‘It isn’t a hanging matter,’ she teased, earning herself a grateful smile.

  ‘I thought you’d be cross. I mean, it’s hard enough as it is, keeping to time, without me messing up the whole system.’ Hilary sighed. ‘I’m here to help, not make your life more difficult!’

  ‘You’re doing fine,’ Anna assured her. ‘You’ve only been here for a few hours so you’re bound to make the odd mistake. Just explain to Mrs Davies that I’m running a little late when she arrives.’

  ‘I’ll do that,’ Hilary agreed, sounding relieved. She hurried away and Anna got back to writing up the notes she’d been making. It was almost lunchtime and, assuming that nobody turned up without an appointment, she had almost finished her morning list. She had a free afternoon that day and was planning on going into town to look round the shops. She desperately needed to buy some new clothes to wear, although the thought of spending all that money made her heart sink. She was going to need every penny she had to see her through the coming months.

  ‘I just had a call from the hospital to say that Sam Wilkins is fine.’ Ben popped his head round her door and Anna summoned a smile.

  ‘That’s great news.’ She shot him a wary glance but there was nothing about his expression as he came and perched on the edge of her desk to hint that he felt uncomfortable about that hug they had shared. She let out her breath in a sigh of relief. It seemed that her imagination had been running away with her once again!

  ‘I felt so sorry for Lucy,’ she observed. ‘She was almost out of her mind with worry.’

  ‘I know.’ Ben grimaced. ‘That poor girl is a nervous wreck. I feel guilty now because it was my idea that she should take Sam to the playgroup. I thought she needed a break so I pinched your idea, although I’m not sure if it has worked as well for Lucy as it has for Janice!’

  Anna laughed at his rueful expression. ‘That will teach you to go meddling! Some people just have the knack of getting it right, whilst others…’

  ‘End up by making a difficult situation worse,’ he said in a tone that made her look sharply at him.

  What had he meant by that? she wondered. They might have been talking about Lucy Wilkins yet she had a feeling that the remark had been more personal than that.

  At any other time she might have asked him to explain, but she knew in her heart that it would be the wrong thing to do. Difficult though it was, she had to keep some distance between herself and Ben and not go asking him to share confidences with her.

  ‘Anyway, I’d better be off. I’ve a ton of calls to do.’ He got up and went to the door. ‘Have a nice afternoon. What are you planning on doing?’

  ‘Shopping.’ She sighed. ‘I need some new clothes. I’m not going to be able to fit into my old ones for very much longer.’

  His eyes swooped down her body, clad in the sobre, navy blue uniform dress. ‘It’s going to be rather costly, isn’t it? Plus you’ve got all the stuff to buy for the baby as well.’

  ‘I’ll manage,’ she assured him, although she wasn’t sure how.

  ‘Look, Anna, if you need any cash…’

  ‘I don’t,’ she said quickly, knowing what he was going to say. Although she appreciated his kindness, there was no way that she could borrow money from him.

  Ben shrugged. ‘The offer’s there if you want to take me up on it at any time. I’ll see you later.’

  Anna sighed as he left. It had been kind of him to offer to lend her some money but he didn’t understand her true circumstances. Once she finished working at the surgery she would have only state benefits to live off apart from a few savings. There was no way that she could borrow money because she wouldn’t be able to pay it back.

  It brought it home to her how difficult the coming months were going to be. Bringing up a child on her own wasn’t something she had planned on doing, but she just had to make the best of the situation. There wasn’t going to be any handsome prince riding up on his white charger to carry her off!

  She smiled sadly. She had never wanted a prince, in all honesty. All she had ever wanted had been the right man to love her. The chances of that happening now were very slim, though. Few men would be interested in a woman in her situation. Even if they could accept that she had a child, could they accept the way it had been conceived? Surrogacy was so far beyond most people’s experience that a lot of men would have difficulty dealing with the idea.

  Ben had accepted it, though, a small voice whispered. And he hadn’t been shocked. He didn’t seem to find what she had done anything to be ashamed of. His response had been everything that she could have wished for, and it was unsettling to realise that she would measure every man she met against him.

  Another week passed and Anna knew that she couldn’t hide her pregnancy for much longer. She was now over four months pregnant and her body was changing daily. Her breasts had grown noticeably heavier, her nipples enlarging and darkening. Her stomach was swelling as the baby grew inside her and her waistline thickening so that the elasticated belt that she wore for work dug into her uncomfortably. In the end, she simply plucked up her courage and went into the office and told Eileen and Hilary that she was having a baby.

  ‘I did wonder.’ Eileen smiled kindly at her. ‘I’ve had two of my own so you tend to spot the signs, if you know what I mean.’

  ‘I do.’ Anna smiled gamely, waiting for all the questions that were bound to follow. She wasn’t sure what she intended to tell the two receptionists and had decided to play it by ear.

  In the event, neither woman said very much. Anna was left with the impression that they were trying to be tactful. Maybe they believed that she had been left in the lurch, which wasn’t all that far from the truth. However, she had to admit to feeling relieved when she left the office. Although she didn’t mind Ben and Adam knowing the truth, she preferred to keep the circumstances surrounding the baby’s conception to herself.

  ‘You look deep in thought. Problems?’ Ben was coming out of the staffroom, carrying a cup of coffee, and he paused when he saw her.

  ‘Not really,’ she replied, struggling to stop her pulse performing its customary surge at the sight of him. It was a trick it had started doing the previous week and she was doing her best to cure it of the habit. She focused instead on what he had said and explained what had happened, rather surprised when he frowned.

  ‘You haven’t done anything to be ashamed of, Anna.’

  ‘I’m not ashamed. I’m just wary about telling people the truth in case they don’t understand.’

  ‘It isn’t difficult. You set out to help your sister and ended up being let down through no fault of your own. Those are the facts and they seem quite straightforward to me.’

  She sighed when she heard the bite in his voice. He sounded annoyed and she wasn’t sure why. ‘I know and I really appreciate it, Ben. It’s just that other people might not see the situation so clearly as you do. I have to think about the baby. I don’t want his or her life made any more difficult because people are shocked about its background.’

  ‘I understand that. But wh
at are you going to tell the child when it’s growing up? You aren’t going to lie, I hope?’

  ‘Of course not!’ she shot back, hurt that he should have imagined she would do a thing like that. ‘I want this child to know just how special he is and understand how much his natural mother wanted him, or her, of course.’

  ‘It won’t be easy,’ he warned bluntly.

  ‘I know it won’t. It’s a lot for any child to take in, but I don’t intend to avoid the issue even if it is difficult. I just don’t understand why you doubt that I shall do it.’

  ‘Bitter experience.’ His tone was clipped.

  ‘Experience?’ she repeated, then sighed as she realised what he had meant. ‘You told me that your mother was a single parent. Did she not tell you anything about your background?’

  ‘No. I had to find out most of the details myself. I would have preferred it if I had been told the truth as soon as I was old enough to understand.’

  She hated to hear the echo of old pain in his voice. ‘Maybe she found it too difficult to talk about,’ she suggested quietly.

  ‘I’m sure you’re right.’ He summoned a smile. ‘But take my advice and don’t try to keep secrets from this child, Anna. It’s best to be completely honest from the beginning.’

  ‘I shall.’ She shrugged, hoping that he believed her. It seemed important that she should make him understand her reasoning because it might help convince him. ‘I know it seems illogical to you, but I just don’t want to say too much at the moment. Once the baby is born, I’m hoping that the situation will become easier.’

  ‘I think you’ll find that folk are far more sympathetic than you imagine. Don’t let what that nurse and your brother-in-law said influence you, Anna.’

  ‘I hadn’t realised that I was,’ she admitted truthfully.

  ‘I think it has been playing on your mind. It’s understandable because you have so much to cope with at the moment. Just remember that I’m here if you need someone to talk things over with.’

  ‘I shall. Thanks, Ben,’ she said softly. She went back to the treatment room, thinking about what he had said. She couldn’t deny that she was touched by his obvious desire to help her.

  She sighed as it hit her how wonderful it would be to turn to Ben over the coming months, to seek support and reassurance whenever she was worried. However, she had to avoid letting herself rely on him too much. It would be far too easy to let friendship slip into something more, or it would for her any way. When she left Winton in a few months’ time, she didn’t want to leave with a broken heart.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  ‘I KNOW we’ve a long way to go before we reach our goal, but I’m confident that we’ll get there.’

  It was Friday morning, over two weeks later, and everyone was gathered in the staffroom. Adam had scheduled a meeting after morning surgery and had just finished telling them about his plans to expand the practice.

  Anna had to confess that she’d found the proposals he had made to turn the surgery into a health centre very exciting. Obviously, the area health authority would need to be consulted before they could apply for the appropriate funding. She couldn’t help thinking wistfully how wonderful it would have been to have played a part in the expansion scheme.

  ‘What’s the long face for? Don’t you like the idea of the surgery becoming a fully fledged health centre?’

  She smiled as Ben came over to her. ‘Of course I do. I was just wishing that I’d be here to see all the exciting new changes that are going to take place.’

  ‘Why don’t you ask Adam if there’s any chance of you doing part-time work after the baby is born? We are going to need more than one practice nurse with all the extra clinics and longer opening hours.’

  He glanced round as Adam joined them, not giving her time to say how she felt about the idea. ‘I was just saying to Anna that we’ll need more than one practice nurse once the health centre is up and running. I suggested that she might be able to work here on a part-time basis after the baby is born. What do you think?’

  ‘That it sounds like a great idea to me,’ Adam said immediately. ‘How would you feel about it, Anna?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ she said slowly, then flushed when she realised how ungracious that must have sounded. It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate the offer, but she couldn’t help wondering if it would be the right thing to do. Would it really be wise to continue working with Ben when it would mean that she got even more used to having him around?

  It was difficult to answer that question and impossible to tell either Adam or Ben why she had reservations about the idea. She opted for a small distortion of the truth instead. ‘Obviously, I’d love to stay on here, but a lot would depend on whether I could find anywhere to live. Winton is a very expensive place and I really can’t see me being able to afford to live in the town.’

  ‘I can understand that,’ Adam agreed sympathetically. ‘Still, the offer’s there if you want to think about it. I’m more than satisfied with your work and the way you’ve fitted in here so well. I would hate to lose you if there’s a chance that you might be able to stay on.’

  ‘Thank you,’ Anna said quietly.

  ‘Anyway, this might be putting the cart before the horse but how would you two feel about coming over to lunch on Sunday to celebrate our new venture?’ Adam grinned. ‘Beth has been nagging me for weeks about inviting you over so that she can meet you, Anna.’

  ‘Sounds like a great idea to me,’ Ben declared before she could answer. ‘It’s been ages since I saw Beth. It would be nice to catch up on what’s been happening to her.’

  ‘Not a lot, I’m afraid.’ Adam sighed. ‘She’s been stuck at home for most of the time because Hannah isn’t allowed to go anywhere she might come into contact with germs.’ He glanced at Anna and she couldn’t help noticing the expression of love on his face. ‘My daughter has had a bone-marrow transplant for leukaemia, in case you didn’t know.’

  ‘Ben mentioned something about it a few weeks ago. How is she doing?’ she asked in genuine concern.

  ‘Marvellously. You wouldn’t believe the transformation in her. It’s Beth I feel sorry for because she’s stuck in the house so much of the time, not that she complains, mind. She’ll be thrilled to know that you two are coming over on Sunday.’

  Adam gave them a broad smile and Anna didn’t have the heart to tell him that she hadn’t decided whether she should accept the invitation. She sighed as he moved away to speak to Hilary. These were kind people, people she liked and admired, and in other circumstances she would have welcomed their friendship, but she had to remember her rule about not getting too involved. It was going to be hard enough to walk away when the job came to an end.

  She glanced at Ben and felt a small explosion of pain in the region of her heart. It was going to be very hard indeed.

  Anna decided to wear one of her new dresses for lunch that Sunday. Although it hadn’t been expensive, she knew that it suited her. Made from a soft midnight-blue fabric lightly sprinkled with a pattern of tiny pink rosebuds, the dress skimmed her figure, just hinting at the curves beneath. There was a deep pleat down the front which would give room for expansion in the coming months, but she didn’t think that it looked too much like a maternity dress at the present time.

  She had pinned up her hair into a loose knot on the crown of her head and the sophisticated style suited her, showing off her slender neck and small ears. She didn’t own much jewellery but a pair of tiny imitation pearl studs in her lobes added a touch of elegance. She had taken extra care with her make-up as well, smoothing a pale base coat over her skin and adding a hint of blusher to her cheekbones and a touch of rose-pink lipstick to her mouth. All things considered, she didn’t think she looked too bad, but what would Ben think when he saw her?

  The thought slid into her mind before she could stop it and she sighed when she saw the troubled light that had appeared in her eyes. It shouldn’t have mattered a jot what Ben thought about her appearanc
e but there was no point lying to herself. She wanted to look nice for him but it was the reason why that worried her most.

  If Ben was simply her friend then surely she wouldn’t have felt this need to look attractive for him? It made her realise that her feelings towards him were altering and that she was beginning to think of him as more than a friend, yet what point was there in letting that happen? Even if Ben reciprocated her feelings, she would never take the risk of letting the situation develop. She was having another woman’s child. It wouldn’t be fair to burden him with that kind of a responsibility!

  By the time Ben arrived a short time later, Anna was dreading the coming afternoon. Fortunately, he didn’t appear to notice her abstraction as they drove to Adam’s house, and once they were there there simply wasn’t time to brood. Beth greeted them at the door and swept them inside, looking so pleased to see them that Anna’s spirits immediately lifted. It seemed silly to start worrying about something that hadn’t even happened!

  ‘Drinks first then we can eat.’ Beth shooed them into the living room and got them seated. ‘What would you like? You name it—’

  ‘And we probably haven’t got it,’ Adam chipped in. He looped an arm around Beth’s shoulders and Anna couldn’t help but feel touched when she saw the look of love that passed between them.

  ‘Confession time, folks. I forgot to go to the supermarket on my way home yesterday so you can blame me for the lack of choice.’ He dropped a kiss on the end of Beth’s nose. ‘Too eager to get home, I’m afraid.’

  Beth laughed. ‘Oh, what a smooth talker you are, Adam Knight! You should be in the diplomatic service. However, in view of your disgraceful dereliction of duty it appears that it’s going to have to be wine or soft drinks. Sorry.’

  Anna laughed. ‘It’s not a problem. I’d love some orange juice, if you have it.’

  ‘We do. How about you, Ben? A glass of wine suit you?’ Adam asked easily, unfazed by the fact that the choice was so limited.