Falling With You

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  But I hadn’t been in the mood for them today.

  I had worked the opening shift as well as the early dinner shift, and I was tired. I actually let my sous chef have control of the kitchen and left my brothers to do what they needed to do. That meant I was here alone at my house and tired.

  I looked at the little ball of fluff who was trying to look innocent.

  Okay, so I wasn’t technically alone since this little kitten named Diego was with me and seemed to also be the devil incarnate.

  I couldn’t believe this little ball of evil contained so much wrath and energy.

  Diego seemed to smile at me, then licked his paw and tried to catch his tail all at once. He ended up rolling right off the couch. I moved quickly, grabbing him in one hand and cursing, considering it was my still-healing hand.

  “Motherfucker,” I muttered under my breath, and Diego looked at me wide-eyed and tried to roll out of my palm before biting my finger.

  “Seriously? Seriously?” I brought the cat up to my face and stared at him. “Okay, I’m not really angry at you for destroying the pillow. I shouldn’t have left a perfectly good pillow there. I don’t even like throw pillows. But, here we are. You are in trouble for tearing it to shreds and for tossing the stuffing everywhere all over my house, though.”

  Diego tilted his head at me and lifted his back legs so he could bounce them against my thumb like a rabbit. Weirdo.

  “Stop looking cute.”

  Diego let out a little purring mewl, and I narrowed my eyes.

  “Stop it. What did I just say?”

  Diego licked my thumb, and I closed my eyes.

  “I hate you. I hate you.”

  The little kitten made a little meowing sound that was so high-pitched and adorable, I was pretty sure I would have swooned if I were actually a swooning type of guy.

  “What did I say about using your cuteness to get out of trouble?”

  Diego just looked at me, his wide eyes innocent yet containing so much evil.

  “I can’t believe Sienna convinced me to keep you.”

  Diego just looked at me, his ears twitching.

  “Okay, I sort of used you to get into her good graces so I could take her out. But it’s not like I’ve actually been in her pants since then. I didn’t use you for completely nefarious purposes.”

  I shook my head.

  “Now I’m talking to a cat. I feel like you’re responding to me and answering questions, though that might be because I’m tired. But Sienna says her cats talk to her, so maybe we’re all just a little insane. But you’re not allowed to tear at my shit anymore. You’re not allowed to get cute about it either. Thankfully, you know how to use the litter box, but there’s still litter everywhere. It’s like it crawls right out of the little litter box and follows you around.”

  I set Diego down on the cushion beside me and leaned against the back of the couch, letting out a sigh.

  “This is ridiculous.”

  I really wanted that beer, but I was too tired and a little annoyed with myself to get up and get it. Sienna was supposed to come by later and bring a few old things from her cats to my place. We had gotten Diego a couple of toys, but so far, he really only liked to play with my laser pointer, which I didn’t use often, and a ball of foil that I had made for him that seemed to be the best toy in the history of toys. I wasn’t really sure exactly how that worked, but apparently, foil and boxes were all the rage with kittens.

  But there were a couple of old things like beds and mats that her cats hadn’t wanted, even though she had bought them, and we were going to see if Diego wanted them. Because maybe if Diego used those to sleep on, I wouldn’t have to deal with the cat on my face as I was trying to sleep.

  Seriously, the little devil really loved to sleep on my face, my neck, and sometimes with his butt right on my mouth.

  That was something I never wanted to feel again.

  As I looked down at Diego who was cleaning himself, I was pretty sure it was going to happen again. Often.

  Now I was a cat person.

  A goddamn cat person.

  How in the hell had that happened?

  Images of Sienna arching under me as I pushed into her and she wrapped her legs around my waist filled my mind, and then I remembered. Oh, yeah, that was how.

  Damn woman.

  The doorbell rang, and I froze, looking at the time. She wasn’t supposed to be here for another hour. Maybe she’d gotten done with her paperwork early.

  “Looks like your favorite person’s about to show up,” I told the cat and then realized I was talking to the cat and shook my head.

  I really needed a dog or something. Or maybe a turtle. A turtle would be nice.

  Why the hell was I thinking about getting more pets? I barely had enough time for this kitten, and I already felt bad about that.

  I went to the door and opened it and froze.

  It wasn’t Sienna.

  No, it wasn’t even close.

  I swallowed hard, gripping the edge of the door with my bad hand and holding back a wince.

  “Mr. and Mrs. Pritchett,” I whispered, my voice hoarse. “I…I didn’t know you were coming.”

  Allison’s parents. Allison’s freaking parents were at my door. I hadn’t seen them since the funeral, hadn’t really known what to say to them then, and I sure as fuck didn’t know what to say to them now.

  I hadn’t always gotten along with Allison’s mom and dad, but no one really had. They were good parents, but just slightly reserved and a little off-center from everything else. They’d had dreams for their daughter, and Allison had done well for herself, but she hadn’t done exactly what her parents wanted, and they hadn’t really and truly understood Allison.

  They hadn’t liked the fact that their daughter was dating some foster kid with a past they weren’t too keen on.

  But they had never treated me poorly, had never refused Allison wanting to be in a relationship with me.

  But they also hadn’t been quite welcoming either. I just hadn’t known if it was because of me or because that was just how they were.

  Maybe that was just how they lived, how they treated everyone. I hadn’t been sure, hadn’t really known them as well as I probably should have, but now here we were, and I had no idea what to say.

  “We didn’t know if we should call ahead or let you know we were here, but we took a chance that you might be home.” Mr. Pritchett swallowed hard and gave me a nod. “We know you took over your father and mother’s bar, and I know that’s usually a nighttime thing, but we drove by just in case, and we saw your car, so we stopped by.”

  I nodded tightly and then took a step back, opening the door a little bit more. “Come on in. Sorry for making you stand on the porch. It was just a surprise.” My voice sounded wooden, and I didn’t really recognize it. Then again, there was so much tumbling around inside of me, I didn’t really know what to feel. These were Allison’s parents, and I didn’t know what they wanted. I didn’t understand why they were here. But I might as well figure it out.

  “You have a lovely home,” Mrs. Pritchett said as she looked around, clutching her bag to herself. For an instant, I thought maybe she was worried that I was going to rob her or something, but then I saw the pain in her eyes, the stiffness in both of their stances, and I knew this wasn’t about me. This was about Allison. I needed to throw away my hang-ups about where I came from, or what they might have thought about me at one point.

  Because they were hurting. You could see it clear as day. And if they were hurting, that meant I needed to do something. Or at least be there for them. I hadn’t been there for Allison. Not at all.

  “Can I get you something to drink? Do you want to take a seat?”

  Diego took that moment to prance up to Mrs. Pritchett’s leg and sniff at her shoe.

  Allison’s mom’s eyes widened, and she looked down at the little kitten. I held back a curse.

  “Sorry about that, he’s not really used to people
yet,” I said, picking him up and pulling him to my chest. “Sienna and I found him on the side of the road, and she already has enough cats, so Diego’s mine.”

  Diego looked at the couple and snuggled into my side as if he belonged there. Apparently, he did.

  “Sienna was always good with animals,” Mrs. Pritchett said, her voice soft. “Allison…” She trailed off, her voice breaking. She took a deep breath and looked directly in my eyes. “Allison always wanted cats or dogs or something, but she had allergies so we couldn’t have pets.”

  “I remember.”

  “Yeah, of course, you do.” Mr. Pritchett cleared his throat. “We’re sorry for coming like this without warning. We’re not very good at figuring out what to do or say these days. It just came as a shock, you know?”

  We were standing in my foyer, awkwardly, and I had no idea what to say, so I just spoke.

  “It came as a shock to all of us. I hate that. I’m sorry that it was such a shock, and I’m sorry that there was nothing I could do.”

  “You two hadn’t been together for a while,” Mrs. Pritchett said, her voice a little steadier. “You were out of her life, and that just means she had other people to rely on. Like she should have relied on us. But we’ll never know why she’s gone. Probably. We won’t know a lot of things. But we’re here for a reason, and one day, maybe we can come back and talk about Allison again. But I just wanted to get this over with.”

  I pulled Diego a little closer, a bit worried about what she was going to say next.

  “The girls brought over Allison’s things.” Mr. Pritchett looked off into the distance before turning back to me. “It’s shameful that we weren’t strong enough to clean up her apartment ourselves, but we worked on the paperwork and dealt with the sale and everything else. But she was so close to the girls that it felt right at the time for Sienna, Violet, and Harmony to go through Allison’s things.”

  “We were cowards,” Mrs. Pritchett put in. She gave herself a self-deprecating smile and just shook her head. “I think we still are, but we’re trying to be better. Trying to understand.”

  “Sometimes, there isn’t any understanding,” I put in.

  “I think that’s what is hard. One of the many things.” Mr. Pritchett looked off in the distance again. “But when the girls brought over her things, we went through them. We’re still going through them. It’s not easy, seeing the aspects of your daughter’s life. Parts that we remembered, but also many parts we didn’t know.” He looked at me then, his chin raised. “We loved our daughter, Aiden. We loved her with everything that we had. Maybe it wasn’t enough.”

  “No, it was enough. I know you loved your daughter. That was never something that was in question,” I cut in.

  “Maybe. But we’ll never know,” Mrs. Pritchett said, her eyes filling with tears. She let out a breath. “But as my husband was saying, we went through her things and found something that we think is yours.” She reached into her bag and pulled out a little photo, one that made my heart freeze, and the blood in my body go cold. My fingers went numb, and I slowly set Diego down on the floor so I wouldn’t accidentally crush him with my fists.

  Diego meowed at me and then pranced off to the couch so he could do his thing.

  But I didn’t really notice, I was just looking at the little black and white photo in Mrs. Pritchett’s hand. The image I hadn’t known was still around. I had thought Allison had torn it up.

  I’d thought it was gone forever.

  But there it was, staring me in the face.

  A sonogram. With Little Baby Pritchett-Connolly written on the bottom.

  A baby, a little girl.

  A baby that wasn’t here anymore.

  “We didn’t know,” Mrs. Pritchett said, tears sliding down her face. She waved the photo just a little, her hand shaking, and I took it from her, careful not to smudge, bend, or do anything to it that could hurt what wasn’t there anymore. “We didn’t know,” she repeated.

  “I don’t think anyone did,” I whispered, my voice hollow. “My brothers don’t, and I don’t think the girls do either. We didn’t tell anyone.”

  “Will you tell us what happened?” Mr. Pritchett asked, tilting his chin at me.

  “If it’s too much, you don’t have to tell us, but we want to know what happened to our daughter. And that little girl.”

  “Why don’t we take a seat?” I asked, my voice shaky.

  Somehow, we all made it to the seating area, with me sitting on the chair in front of the couch where they settled, Diego on my lap. I just looked down at the sonogram and kept it out of reach of the little kitten who wanted to play.

  “We were on our way to breaking up when we found out that she was pregnant. It was an accident, but sometimes, accidents are good, you know? We were going to figure out what to do, even if we weren’t together anymore. But we were going to try. We wanted to try.” I swallowed hard and looked at them. “She miscarried in her second trimester, and she wasn’t really showing at all at that point, so no one really knew. We lost the baby, our little girl, and we didn’t really talk about it. We just went our separate ways, both of us a little too shattered and scared to do anything about it other than just try and figure out exactly what the fuck was wrong with us.” I swallowed hard. “I don’t know if that’s why she did it. It’s been so long, so many years. But I often think about what we could have had. What we lost. Maybe she did, too.”

  “Don’t blame yourself,” Mrs. Pritchett put in, her body shaking as she cried silently. “We won’t blame ourselves, and you can’t either. I hate the phrase that things happen for a reason, but sometimes, things happen for no reason. We didn’t know what happened to the child, we thought maybe you both chose not to have one, or you had one, and she went off for adoption, much like you and your brothers.”

  I shook my head. “No, I think both of us would have figured out how to be parents. Especially after what my brothers and I went through. We didn’t like the system, and I didn’t want anything of my blood to be in that system. Even if we were surprised about the baby, we both wanted her, even if we didn’t know if we wanted each other anymore. But that was the last straw. We walked away, and then I was around in her life, but not really. I don’t know what happened. I do know that we loved that little girl. I think about her every day. I’m just sorry that you had to find out this way.”

  “We’re sorry that you couldn’t tell anyone,” Mrs. Pritchett said, and then we were silent for a moment, sifting through the memories and the pain of what we had tried to forget, and what we knew we needed to remember.

  They sat there a bit longer before I let them out, still clutching the sonogram to myself.

  My daughter was gone, never even able to draw her first breath in a world that might have been different if she had been around.

  I didn’t know why Allison had ended her life. I didn’t know anything. I didn’t think it was just because of this, though.

  Because I hoped to God that she would have found me, talked to me, let me see something.

  Though I didn’t really know anything.

  My body shook, and I set the photo down and just put my head against the door, wondering what the fuck I was going to do.

  Because I didn’t think I was sad anymore. No, I was just angry.

  So goddamn angry.

  Then the doorbell rang again, and I opened the door. I knew who it had to be before I even opened it. Sienna stood there, her eyes wide, and her hands full.

  And I knew I needed her, I wanted her. I just wanted to forget.

  Even if it wasn’t the smartest move.

  It was the only one.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Why are boys so confusing?

  -Sienna, age 15.

  * * *

  Sienna

  Aiden didn’t give me a chance to speak before he was tossing the box from my hand to the floor, the resounding crash echoing in the room and scaring Diego off the couch to scurry beneath it.

&nb
sp; “What the hell, Aiden?” But that was the only thing I could say. In the next moment, his lips were on mine, and the door was closed behind me.

  I didn’t know what was up with him, but he was clearly hurting, I could tell. But he didn’t want to speak. He just wanted my lips, wanted me.

  And this was something I could give him. This was something I wanted, something I needed, too.

  So, I let him.

  He gripped my ass, lifting me high, so I wrapped my legs around his waist.

  “Aiden,” I whispered, trying to pull back, trying to breathe. Just trying to collect my thoughts. “What’s wrong? Talk to me.”

  “No talking. Just fucking.”

  My eyes widened, and then his hand was under my shirt, and my back was pressed to the door, his body grinding against me as he kissed my neck, my jaw, and bit my lips. He did everything, and it was all I could do to just try and hold on and keep up.

  Somehow, I caught my breath, but only just.

  He kept sucking and licking at my neck, and then taking my mouth, using one hand to prop me up, the other to slide under my t-shirt.

  “Aiden,” I moaned and then just didn’t speak anymore. He wasn’t listening, and really, neither was I. Oh, he would listen if I told him to stop, told him no. I knew him. And I knew from the look on his face that he would walk away if I needed him to. But he didn’t.

  And I didn’t want him to.

  “You want this?” he growled. “You tell me now, and we’re doing this. You want me to walk away? I’m done. You get that?”

  I looked at him then, panting. “You mean for the night?” I asked, my voice a bit sharp.

  “For the night. Tell me no, and I walk.”

  “I’m not saying no.”

  And then he kissed me again, and I moaned.

  He had his hand up my shirt, sliding over the softness of my belly and then moving to cup me through my bra. I was wearing a small, lacy number because I had wanted him to see it later, probably much later than just when I walked in the door. But it was happening now, and I could feel the heat of him along my skin through the lace. My nipples pebbled, and he arched into me, pinching my bud through my bra. I bit my lip, trying not to scream.