Saving Kenna

by D. L. Raver

  In all the years I had known Irelyn, I had never felt awkward or out of place around her—sometimes with Rachel yes, but never her.

  I did tonight.

  “I sent you some new books to your E-reader I thought you might like.” Irelyn smiled at me and took a sip of wine.

  “Thanks.” I stared at her left hand and the ring on her ring finger. My friend had married the man she’d loved most of her life. The same man who sat next to her with his arm around her, looking like she hung the moon and the stars, and he couldn’t survive without her.

  Jealousy rocketed through me, and shame followed on its footfalls. I was happy for them, I was. But I couldn’t help but wonder what the future held for Sloan and me.

  Would we ever get our happy ever after?

  Irelyn and Zolt exchanged a sad look and I almost exploded. I fidgeted in my seat and chewed at my nails until Sloan touched my arm and pulled my hand from my mouth.

  I looked down at the finger I had been gnawing on, finding it red and inflamed. I hadn’t even realized I had been chewing on it.

  I really am a basket case.

  “When did you get married?” I asked, trying to insert myself into the conversation, but my question came as accusatory instead of joyful.

  “Well, about a month ago?” Irelyn glanced at Zolt for confirmation.

  “Yeah, about a month. We eloped to Vegas,” Zolt answered warily.

  “I thought you wanted a big wedding, Irelyn.” It was stupid of me to feel left out and wounded by this, but I did anyway.

  “A big wedding didn’t seem appropriate given the circumstances. After we found out Jacob had basically promised me to Marcus, and he knew Chris had died at his hands, I couldn’t imagine a big, society wedding with my father giving me away.”

  Zolt growled, and Irelyn gave him an it’s-okay-now look.

  “Wait,” I said, sitting up a little straighter in my seat. “Your dad promised you to Marcus, and he was the one responsible for Chris’ death?”

  “Yeah,” Irelyn confirmed and took a long drink of her wine. “Zolt had T-bone investigate Chris’ death and we found out before we were abducted. Chris, himself, confirmed it all on a video he left for me. He basically laid out everything we needed to take Marcus down.”

  “Oh. I had no idea. Why didn’t you tell me this, Sloan?” I had missed so much during the weeks I had been held captive.

  “I didn’t want to overwhelm you. You had enough on your plate.” He squeezed my hand but I wanted to scream at him to quit handling me with kid gloves.

  I stared at his hand on mine, ignoring the urge to yank it away. The life before me didn’t look remotely similar to the one I’d left.

  “So your parents are still in Quebec?”

  “Uh,” she set down her glass and started twisting a strand of her golden blonde hair.

  Zolt’s face fell, and Sloan’s thumb rubbed a circle on my hand.

  “What?” I barked, glaring at all three of them. “What else don’t I know?”

  I hated being handled, and I hated something had happened they didn’t want to tell me.

  “Kenna,” Zolt began, squeezing his wife’s hand. “Jacob committed suicide when he found out that Irelyn and I had gotten married.”

  “Oh God!” I stood, dropping my own glass of wine to the floor. It shattered into pieces and spilled wine formed a puddle on the wood floor. “What about your mom, Irelyn?”

  Tears filled my best friend’s eyes and she shook her head. “She’s gone. Dad shot her first and then turned the gun on himself.”

  “No!” I covered my mouth with my hands as bile rose in my throat. “Why didn’t you tell me, Sloan? You should’ve told me.”

  “I didn’t know how to tell you, love. I wanted to wait for the right time.” He sighed and closed his eyes briefly. When they opened, they were pain-filled and it kind of pissed me off.

  “I can’t believe this. Irelyn, I’m so sorry,” I croaked out as tears coursed down my face. “This can’t true, and I can’t believe you kept this from me.”

  I fled the room for the solitude of Sloan’s bedroom, flinging myself on the bed and sobbing for all that had happened.

  Marcus had taken so much from us all; too much. For the first time since I had watched him die, I was actually glad that monster’s life had been taken by the woman he appeared to love. I could only hope he suffered in death and now burned in the pits of hell.

  “Kenna,” Irelyn said as she came to me and sat on the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry you didn’t know about this, but I’m not surprised Sloan didn’t tell you. Since you didn’t go home there was no way for your mom to tell you either.”

  I brushed away wet strands of hair from my face and looked upon my best friend’s tearstained face.

  “Just when I think this nightmare is going to finally end, I find out something else. You’re alone now. I can’t believe Emme is gone. She was like another mom to me.”

  “I know,” Irelyn said and stroked my arm. “She always loved you, Kenna. You’re wrong about one thing though, I’m not alone. I have Zolt and Brody. They’re my family.”

  “I saw what Marcus did to Brody. Why was he so evil, Irelyn? Why did he think it was okay to ruin our lives?” I dried my face with the back of my hand.

  “I don’t know, sweetie. But it’s over now. Done and finished. Marcus can’t hurt us anymore. We can survive and move on from this, Kenna. I know it might not seem like that to you now, but you can. You have to for the sake of what you and Sloan share. I thought there was something going on between you but never imagined how serious this obviously is between you two.” She shook her head.

  “We didn’t want anyone to know.”

  “Oh. My. God. Cabo! Sloan was there, wasn’t he?” She arched a blonde brow at me.

  “Yeah. He was. That was the first time we were ever together. I waited for him for since I was sixteen.” I sighed, wondering if we’d ever be together again.

  “Kenna, you can recover what you had. But here’s the thing, you need to work on healing yourself first. Sloan can’t do it for you. I can’t do it for you. No one but you can heal what has happened.”

  “So you’re healed?”

  “No. Nowhere near it. I’m working on it though, each and every day. Some days are better than others.”

  Irelyn grabbed my hand and her beautiful sable-brown eyes found my. “Listen, there’s something I’d like you to do for me and for yourself. Something I think will help.”

  “What?” I squeezed her hand. There wasn’t much I wouldn’t do for her.

  “I want you to visit Delaney. She’s not doing well. In fact, she’s dying, Kenna, and she doesn’t have much time left. She’s asked to see you.”

  “Dying?” I sat up and leaned my head against the headboard as more grief rushed through me.

  My life is the Titanic of fuckupedness.

  “She has leukemia and the treatments have quit working. Ending Marcus’ life took all the fight out of her. Will you come?”

  “I-I don’t know, Irelyn. I’m not sure if I can. I mean, she helped me, and I’m grateful, I am. Seeing her again, though… I just don’t know.”

  “I wouldn’t ask this if I didn’t think it was important. All I can tell you is the time I’ve spent with her in the last few weeks has helped me immensely. She’s an amazing woman, Kenna. Her outlook on life, given all she’s been through—and it was bad—well it’s refreshing. It really put into perspective what’s important. I want you to know that part of her before it’s too late.”

  “She’s like you then. Strong and resilient.” I took hold of the hand that donned her wedding ring, and ran my thumb over it. “I can’t believe you and Zolt are married. The last time I saw you two together, you were running away from him because he’d been a total dick to you.”

  “You’re right, I was. I’m not going to lie to you, Zolt and I had to work through what happened. He, too, was a victim of Marcus’ machinations. But the one good thing to come
out of all this was Zolt figured it out. He’s not perfect by any means, but we’re both working on it together.”

  “I have to admit it gives me some hope I can somehow come out the other side of this. But… ” I stared past Irelyn and debated whether I should tell her.

  “But what? What is it?”

  “I-I was pregnant. Joe Franklin raped me.”

  “Oh God!” Her hand flew to cover her mouth.

  “I had an abortion.” My throat constricted with emotion. This was the first time I’d said it to anyone. “But-but the baby might have been Sloan’s. Now, I’ll never know. I don’t know how to come back from that, from everything that’s happened.”

  Irelyn pulled me to her and hugged me tight.

  “Oh, my sweet, sweet friend. You can. You can because you have to. But you have to stop hiding from the people who love you. Let us in, Kenna. Let us help you. Let Sloan help you. I’ve known him for years, and I can see by the way he looks at you how much he cares. I get how easy it is to retreat inside yourself. I do. After my parents died, I almost lost myself completely, but Zolt refused to let go of me, and I refuse to let go of you.”

  “What if I’m broken beyond repair?” I asked weakly.

  “You’re not. You just need to dig deep and find that strong woman who lives inside you. The karate badass you’ve always kept hidden from Rachel and me, she’s still in there.” Irelyn stroked my hair, and then kissed my head. She let go of me and stood.

  “You knew about the karate?”

  “Sure. Chris told me, but he made me swear to not say anything. He was very proud of you, Kenna.”

  “I miss him.”

  “Me too.” She kissed my forehead. “You think about what I said and call me tomorrow. Okay?”

  “Okay.” I sniffed back more tears and watched my best friend leave the room. More than anything, I wanted to be the person Irelyn believed I could be—I wanted to be just like her. But I wasn’t sure I had it in me. She had Zolt to help her get through everything, and there was no denying how much he loved her.

  I, on the other hand, had a man who still hid his true self from me. And while I wanted to believe he loved me, Sloan had yet to say those three words.

  The one thing this entire nightmare had taught me is to never assume things will work out just because you want them to. In fact, the more you wish and pray they will, the more likely it is you’ll be sadly disappointed in the end.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Kenna

  I WOKE THE way I did every night, screaming and crying with vivid memories playing in my brain. This time, however, I found myself huddled in the corner of the bedroom, naked and shaking.

  “Kenna, love. Wake up.”

  A gentle hand touched me and I flinched. Joe had come back to have his way with me, yet again. This time the threat of Marcus’ punishment wouldn’t hold him back. Marcus was dead, and Joe could do whatever, knowing there would be no one to stop him.

  The hand on my arm tightened and I screamed, bringing my free arm to cover my face in a defensive posture.

  “Kenna! Please!”

  Somewhere in the darkness, I could hear a voice call to me. I knew if I latched on, it might bring me out of the darkness and back into the light, but I didn’t want to trust it.

  “Kenna!” The voice repeated more forcefully.

  I shook my head and shoved the arm holding me away. If I didn’t get away now, Joe would finally kill me.

  “No!” I screamed and ran from the dark room. Somehow, I found the door, but it wouldn’t open. It was the van all over again, and I collapsed to the floor and prayed to be saved.

  “Stop!” The voice demanded and started to shake me.

  I peeled my sleepy eyes open and found a naked Sloan crouched in front of me, shaking me by my shoulders.

  “Sloan?” I blinked several times to clear my sight, still not believing my own eyes. My Ambien-ridden brain didn’t trust Sloan was here with me.

  “Kenna, you’re safe now. You’re here with me.” His gruff, desperate voice pulled to me, but the dream’s vicious claws had me in a death grip. “I’m here, M’fhíorghrá. Come back to me.”

  I stared at him, wanting desperately to believe him. Tentatively, I placed my hand in his and let him wrap me in his arms.

  As he held me, I breathed him in and let the warmth of his naked body slowly banish the nasty memories from my mind.

  Sloan scooped me up and took me back to his bed. Lying next to me, he brushed the hair from my face and stroked my cheek.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” He moved a little closer to me.

  “No.”

  “What can I do for you?”

  “I don’t know.” Too many emotions clogged my throat, making it hard to talk.

  “Can I hold you?” he asked hesitantly.

  “Yes.” I settled in next to him and put my head on his chest. With each constant, strong beat of his heart, my body calmed, and my respirations returned to normal.

  “I-I failed you, Kenna. From the beginning, I failed you.” His words stuttered forth in a choked manner. In it I heard grief, self-recrimination, and anger.

  “You’ve always been important to me, but I didn’t realize until Marcus took you away just how much….” His voice trailed off.

  I lifted my head to look at him in the pale moonlight, and bit my lip when I saw tears running down his cheeks. More tears welled in my own eyes at seeing his pain manifested.

  With my thumb, I wiped away his tears. “All I ever wanted was you.”

  “I know,” he sniffed. “I should have been man enough to do the right thing by you. Instead, I gave you just enough to keep you wanting more. Leaving you that night was stupid. I’m sorry, Kenna. So fucking sorry.”

  “Stop, Sloan. It doesn’t matter now.” His fingers worked up and down my spine. His touch felt good, and I snuggled deeper into him.

  We were both naked, and his body automatically responded to mine. His erection pressed on my belly, making squirm.

  Sloan wouldn’t pressure me, he’d wait until I was ready, but I knew this had to be hard for him. I was not immune to him either.

  The way he smelled—his unique Sloan scent, spicy and sweet—and the way it felt to be touched by him, made me think of the last time we’d made love. My body started to heat and sparks of desire had me tensing with need.

  In hindsight, I might look back on this moment between us and wish I had made a different choice. But while in it, all I wanted to do was lose myself in him. I couldn’t resist his taut skin pressed against my cheek that begged to be kissed.

  Sloan hissed in a breath as my lips worked over his chest and up his neck, ending at his mouth in a demanding kiss that left me slick and wanting.

  He rolled me onto my back and angled his body over mine. “Kenna, are you sure?”

  Even in the hazy lit room, I could see the storm raging behind his eyes.

  “Yes. Make love to me. I need you to make me forget.”

  We kissed again, slow and sweet, but my body needed hard and fast. Being with him was vital to me in a way I’d never experienced before. If he claimed me, made me his once again, then maybe I could survive the hell I’d been living.

  I wiggled my body under him and opened my legs to him, inviting him in. Poised at my entrance, Sloan gazed down at me, giving me one last chance to change my mind.

  “Please,” I moaned and kissed him hard, arching my hips as he entered me.

  We both groaned.

  “Oh Kenna, M’fhíorghrá, I’ve missed you.”

  He started to move, slowly at first, then faster, and it felt so good to be possessed by him once more.

  “Oh God, Sloan,” I dug my nails into his back as he found my breast and pulled one nipple into his mouth. My entire body burned for him and delicious tingles rocked throughout me. I closed my eyes and gave myself over to the sensation.

  A loud grunt, almost growl, sounded from him, and without warning, I was transported back to
the first time Joe had raped me—brought there by similar sounds the bastard had made. I told myself it wasn’t real and my mind was fucking with me, but I couldn’t shake it off.

  This was Sloan the man I loved.

  When my body went stiff, I stopped moving. “Stop. Please, stop!” I cried and pushed at his chest.

  “Kenna? What’s wrong?” Sloan stopped and blinked at me in confusion.

  I gasped at the look on his face. Worry drew his brows together and his eyes were wide with concern.

  “I-I. I’m sorry. I can’t. Please, get off of me.” I heard my voice break and felt the sting of tears brought on by a return to a time of terror. My entire body started to shake, and I worried I might puke.

  Sloan rolled off me, and I pulled the sheet protectively over myself and moved away from him.

  “What happened, Kenna? Please talk to me.” The plea in his voice broke my heart, but I couldn’t tell him the sounds he made while making love to me—sounds I used to love—reminded me of when Joe had raped me. That, for the briefest of moments, Sloan had become that monster.

  If I told him that, it would shatter his heart and us forever.

  “I can’t.” I climbed off the bed and ran into the bathroom, locking the door. Pulling on the fluffy robe, I slid down the door and closed my eyes, leaning my head against it.

  “Kenna, please. Let me in. Let me help you.” He jiggled the door knob and growled when it didn’t open.

  “You can’t help me. You just can’t,” I whispered, not knowing whether he’d hear it or not.

  Alone in the dark bathroom, I let the tears come. Breath-stealing sobs painfully wracked my body. It hurt my heart and soul that I couldn’t let the man I loved make love to me.

  I knew then that I was, indeed, irrevocably broken. Too many pieces had been scattered and distorted beyond recognition and repair.

  Kenna Campbell didn’t exist anymore.

  “Kenna, please,” Sloan repeated, and I felt the door move in the jamb as if he’d pushed on it with his hand.

  “No,” I whimpered.

  “Kenna.” He said one last time in a cracked voice. When the door rattled again before a thump sounded, I wondered if he decided to spend the rest of the night sitting against the door.