Belong

by Jennifer Foor

  I wanted to laugh, because out loud it sounded ridiculous. “What do you want me to do, Chad? I didn’t come here today for this, but I could hear how desperate she was when she asked me. I feel obligated to at least give it a try. I’m not talking about being with you, because that’s not an option. We need to keep our distance, for Harper and Veronica. No physical contact, not for a while. I’d never disrespect a woman on her death bed. I’m speaking of the relationship Harper would have to build with me in a short amount of time. Veronica needs to know I’m able to take over for her when she’s gone. As a women, and someone who has had to do this before, I know exactly why she’s doing it.”

  “It’s not right, Rach.”

  “Is it really about right or wrong?” I stood and walked toward him, getting close enough to lace our hands together. I didn’t try to touch him in any other way. “Chad, she’s right. I love you. I’ve wanted a life with you. I’m not here to replace your wife. I’ve never needed to. What we have goes beyond Veronica and her illness. If you can’t handle it, I’ll leave, but if there’s still hope for us, if you think we have a future together, don’t push me away. I need to know Veronica. I want to know the woman you married. I think it’s important we part as friends.”

  “Now you’ve lost your mind.”

  I let out an air-filled laugh. “Perhaps. I’ve been through hell, but I still know exactly where I belong. Let me try. If she feels uncomfortable, or that I’m overstepping, I’ll go back to my apartment. We can make it a temporary trial. No promises.”

  It was weird being so close to Chad and not having him pull me into his arms. He sighed and shook his head. “You women are going to kill me. Whatever. If you think it will help, and you’re up for the challenge I won’t try to talk you out of it.”

  “She contacted me on her own. That took a lot of nerve.” I removed my hands from his and tapped on his chest. “I better get going. It’s getting late.”

  Just as I turned to leave the room, he grabbed me and pulled me back. His strong arms wrapped around my body, mine doing the same to his. “Rach, I do want a future with you. I just feel like shit for admitting it right now. I can’t be with you while she’s in the other room fighting to stay alive.”

  “I know.”

  He kissed the top of my head. “I wish you didn’t have to do this; to get involved with my mess.”

  “I want to be here.”

  “You might change your mind.”

  I snickered. “Maybe. Or maybe something spectacular will come out of this. We won’t know until we try.”

  This time when I moved away he didn’t stop me. I waved once before exiting the room. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Make something nice for dinner. I won’t stay long. We’ll take it slow with Harper.”

  “I look forward to it.”

  I smiled until my feet hit the concrete outside, and then I hauled ass to my vehicle.

  Was I insane?

  Had I just agreed to move into the mansion with Chad and his dying wife?

  I was glutton for punishment, doomed to fail.

  This was a catastrophe.

  What started out as a slow process, gradually became something more permanent. Veronica and I had a rocky start. Contrary to how she’d pushed my decision to move in, she wasn’t welcoming, especially when it came to interacting with Chad or Harper.

  I remained patient, focusing on her needs before my own. In my mind I knew if I could build a healthy relationship with her, everything else would fall into place.

  Two months after beginning my daily visits to the mansion, I moved all my things from my apartment and took the master bedroom as my own.

  With the exception of a few late night kisses, Chad and I had kept our distance from having a physical relationship while Veronica was still in the home. We both wanted to be respectful of her wishes, and prove without a doubt Harper would be taken care of by two people, who not only loved each other, but her as well.

  I think mine and Veronica’s breaking point came when Chad had to go away for business, three months into our agreement.

  He’d been reluctant to leave, but while I could manage my business remotely all the time, he still had to interact with clients when necessary.

  On one particular day Veronica was sicker than normal. Her vomiting was causing her to choke, alarming me of the life-threatening situation she’d be in if not closely monitored.

  I brought a chair close to her bedside and sat with her, first watching television, and then finally getting caught up in a book.

  For the longest time she wouldn’t speak to me, but then, after several bouts of uncontrolled sickness, she became thankful I wasn’t leaving her to die in a pool of her own vomit. “Thank you for this, Rachel.”

  “Of course. I’m here to help.”

  “I’ve been watching you with them. You’re a good fit.”

  “I appreciate you saying that, but it’s been my pleasure. Harper is adorable. It’s hard not to love her immediately.”

  “Do you love her? Is it unconditional, or only because she’s a part of Chad?”

  It was a good question; one I didn’t hesitate from answering. “I love her for both reasons, actually. It’s no secret I’ve always wanted to be a mother.”

  “You are a mother. Isn’t Stephanie your daughter in every way that counts? Aren’t you the person she calls mom, and turns to when anything goes wrong in her life? Weren’t you the one to kiss away her tears?”

  “Yes.”

  “It’s not about blood, Rachel.”

  “I’d never want to take your place. Stephanie’s situation was different. Her mother was clinically insane.”

  “That’s just it. I need you to take my place. I don’t have a choice in this. You have to promise to love her forever, because I won’t be around to make sure it happens.”

  “I promise.”

  “In every way, Rachel. You need to marry Chad. As soon as I’m gone get it taken care of. I don’t care if the ground hasn’t yet settled. Drag his ass to the court house if you have to. Let Harper know from the moment I’m gone that she’s always going to have a mother in her life. Be the family that we once were, and the one we could never be.”

  I didn’t know how to respond to it. “But, you don’t even like me. How could you want that?”

  “Rachel, would you like me if you were in my shoes? You’re getting to live the life I wanted for myself. I’m dying, while you’re taking over. It’s hard to endure on a daily basis. It’s not that I hate you. I respect you very much. It’s just hard to let go of something I love more than my life.”

  I reached my hand out and took hers. “I want you to know I will spend the rest of my life loving them, and making sure your memory lives on. There won’t be a day that goes by where Harper doesn’t think of you, and wish you were in my place. I will love them for you, but also for me, because I truly believe I was put on this earth to do so. Harper will grown up knowing her life was full of love, and she’ll never want for anything. I’ll marry Chad, not because you’re asking it, but because I want to be his wife, to have his name and get back what we’ve both wanted for a very long time. I’ll be all of those things you need me to be.”

  Her tears were a good indication we’d turned a new leaf. “Thank you for your honesty.”

  After that things were easier. There were many nights I chose to sit with Veronica instead of hanging out with Chad and Harper downstairs. I wouldn’t say we became friends per se. It was something else; something I’m not sure how to explain. We respected one another, and even though she knew she was dying, she seemed to be at peace.

  Veronica died one year and two months after being diagnosed with stage four cancer. She passed on in her sleep surrounded by the three of us at her bedside.

  Her memorial was a huge event, sparking visits from popular celebrities from far and wide. She would have been pleased with the turnout, and more happy to see her little girl handling it like a grown woman. Maybe she was too young
to totally understand what was happening, but I think us adults had done our best to prepare her, and show her that unconditional love never dies.

  As for Chad and I, well we waited two weeks after receiving the death certificate to marry. It was a quiet ceremony in the backyard, with only close family in attendance.

  Veronica has left us a parting gift, something she’d written and dedicated to our future. I hadn’t read it to Chad, hoping it would bring a sense of hope to our new family.

  “This was written by Veronica,” I started, while standing in front of everyone, across from Chad. “The world is a beautiful star, like many in the sky, floating around with millions of lives holding it dear. In life we grasp at the things that make us happy, striving to accomplish great feats in order to make ourselves proud. We have children, marry, become successful, never realizing we’re just a minuscule part of the universe. When one star falls, shooting across the sky to erupt in flames, another is born, taking it’s place and sometimes shining even brighter than it’s predecessor. My light has faded. I’ve shot across the sky, giving lovers a sight to wish upon, and others hope of what remains. Though I’ve scattered in the atmosphere, remnants of me will always remain. We’re given one life, some long, and some short and unfinished. Though the choice isn’t ours, I’d like to think there’s something better out there waiting. As my life comes to an end, a couple will be joined. Their light will shine bright from within, broadcasting out like a beacon of hope. Their light will guide my little girl through her darkest of times. I’ve wished upon many stars. I’ve watched life flash before my eyes, but I’ve also witnessed something more powerful than anything else in this universe. True love. There’s no denying it. It’s more powerful than the sun, guiding two people into uncharted oceans, destining them to find one another, through wars, catastrophes, and even in some cases death. True love is the light of life. Embrace it, and never let it go, for what was once dormant, can now shine brighter than ever before. – Veronica”

  Afterwards, once the sniffles subsided and we shared a matrimonial kiss, we went inside and cooked up a feast to celebrate, surrounded by the people we held dear to us. Veronica’s words would forever linger in my mind, reminding me what she saw when she looked into my heart. From what was once considered ugly, had come a beautiful bond, shared by two mothers who wanted to protect one little girl from the big bad world.

  I still couldn’t believe it. Chad and I were finally united, after enduring a lifetime of struggles. That night when he held me in his arms and made love to me was the first time I’d ever truly felt like he belonged to me, completely, forever. This was what we’d fought so hard to have, and I knew we’d spend the rest of our days making sure we appreciated the journey we’d both taken to have the life we were proud to call our own.