Chameleon Soul (Chequered Flag #1)

by Mia Hoddell

  “You stay away from her, understand? If you want to go after me, do it. But you leave Raine out of it. I don’t know what shit you pulled, and you had better hope I don’t find out because if it comes back to you I will ruin you.”

  “If you want to know what happened to her and who caused it, I would start looking a little closer to home.”

  I dropped my hand, my mind scrambling to process what Aston had said. I didn’t buy a word, though by the time I’d figured that out he was already driving off.

  Chapter Eleven

  Raine

  Two Days Later–Race Day

  For Dustin’s sake I’d kept my nerves in check all morning. Having qualified on pole, he didn’t need worries about me distracting him from the race. Dustin was a brilliant racer, deserving of a Formula One seat in my eyes, and for that to happen he needed to win. Because of that, I didn’t start nervously chewing on a piece of fudge and warily eyeing people until he was in his car and completing the formation lap.

  Mercifully, I had a seat in Dustin’s garage and away from the press. He’d got me into the venue unnoticed and that’s how I wanted it to stay.

  “I see you still have a weird obsession with that stuff then. Some things don’t change.”

  I stiffened at the deep voice that came from behind me. My hand stilled in the white paper bag I was reaching into to retrieve another piece of the vanilla cherry fudge Dustin had delivered on.

  Teo moved from the doorway beside me and hopped up onto the counter I had claimed as my seat. It was at the back of the room and I could see everything and everyone…well I thought I’d been able to. I hadn’t been expecting anyone to come through the back entrance. It was normally only used by team members and all of Dustin’s crew should have been making their way back from the grid where they had been working on his car.

  “Raindrop?” Teo said when I didn’t respond, and my heart missed a beat at the sound of the old nickname he had for me. Teo was the only one I ever allowed to call me that.

  He clicked his fingers in front of my face, pulling me from my trance. Snapping my mouth shut, I ignored the wave of desire that prickled my skin as I took him in. It was the first time I was seeing him when I wasn’t in shock, panicking, or doing something equally mental and my body liked it.

  “What are you doing here, Teo?” I kept my voice low to avoid attracting attention. I didn’t need more pictures of the two of us together coming out.

  “I’m here to support my brother. What do you think I’m here to do?”

  “I meant here, with me. What do you want? Because there are plenty of free seats over there.” I jerked my chin towards the rows of seats set out for the mechanics and team.

  “I want to talk. Is that really so much to ask? Surely you can spare me a minute.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about.”

  “Oh, I can think of a few topics.” His voice deepened and his eyes darkened for a split second. Even though the expression was brief, it had me gulping back the nerves rising in my throat.

  I moved to slide off the cabinet. At the last second, he locked his fingers around my wrist. The restrictive touch should have sent jolts of fear through me, yet instead it sent sparks of electricity racing up my arm. The tiny hairs rose at the tingling sensation prickling my skin and a gasp escaped my lips. Even after a year apart, my body still recognised and reacted to his touch.

  “Teo…don’t,” I whispered unconvincingly.

  He slid off the cabinet to face me, his body too close. I could feel the heat coming off him as he stared down at me, the brown orbs of his eyes burning into mine.

  “Why not, Raine? Don’t I deserve some answers? Because I’ve gone over that night repeatedly, trying to figure out what I did, and each time I draw a blank.” He inched closer, his face angling down as his voice dropped. Raising one hand, he placed it gently on my jaw, his thumb sweeping out to trace my parted lips. Not once did his eyes waver from mine. When he spoke again, his voice barely rose above a whisper. “What happened, Raine?”

  I glanced around the garage nervously, checking to see if anyone was watching us. When I found no one, I turned back to Teo. “There’s…n-nothing t-to explain.”

  “Like hell there isn’t,” he murmured. His gaze darkened, the curiosity disappearing to be replaced by frustration.

  “We broke up, that’s it. There’s nothing more to it.”

  “Don’t give me that. You know it’s bullshit.” He took a step towards me, forcing me to move backwards. The cool metal dug into my spine painfully as he towered over me. When his arms began to rise to box me in, I finally reached my limit. He no longer felt safe or familiar. The action was threatening, triggering deep-rooted fear within me.

  “Please…T-Teo,” I stuttered, finding it hard to get the words out around my shaky, shallow breaths. “Please step back.”

  “What’s going on, Raine? Tell me what I just did.”

  “I can’t breathe. I need space. Please.”

  “Raine, take deep breaths and calm down. Explain to me what’s going on.”

  “Move.” I clutched at my chest, trying to ease the tightness squeezing my organs.

  At my growing hysteria, Teo rapidly widened the gap between us. With the space came an ounce of relief, but it wasn’t enough. I glanced at the door, wondering if he’d let me go this time and whether it was worth the risk.

  “Tell Dustin I’m sorry, okay? That I couldn’t do it. He’ll understand.” I made a break for it.

  “Raine, wait. Don’t go. Whatever I did, I’m sorry.” Like back at the factory, I could hear his footsteps trailing after me. This time though, the panic came in the form of rage. I couldn’t allow him out of the building with me in case someone saw us, and I refused to let him see me fall apart again.

  I whirled in his direction, and my hair flicked me in the face when it whipped around after me. “No. You stay here. I don’t want or need my picture all over the gossip magazines again. I can’t handle that kind of attention, Teo, and they follow you around like you’re a friggin’ prince. That’s not what I need in my life.”

  “Is that why you ended things? Because you couldn’t cope with the media?”

  “I ended things because I wanted to. That’s all there is to it.”

  Hurt clouded his eyes, and he took a step back like I’d punched him. I hadn’t meant the words to come out so harsh, yet my survival instincts were overriding all sense of compassion. All I needed was to get out of the situation with as little attention as possible. It was clear Teo wasn’t going to let me go without hurting him, so it was a necessary solution, something that was becoming too common between us.

  He stepped to close the gap between us and I backpedalled again, holding my hands up in front of me.

  “Please, Teo. Let me go.” A ball of emotions lined with metal barbs had latched itself into the back of my throat, making it impossible to swallow.

  Teo folded his arms. “Fine, but this isn’t over. I’m not going to give up, Raine. I know you’re lying and I’m going to find out why.”

  Not allowing myself to consider the true meaning of his words, I strode away. I only paused slightly to call over my shoulder, “Don’t look for answers you won’t be able to deal with, Teo. And tell Dustin I’m sorry.”

  When I reached the exit and opened the door, there was thankfully no one in sight, so instead of fleeing to my car I leaned back against the wall. Tilting my head towards the sky, I gazed up at the few clouds staining the pale blue canvas.

  “The sky is blue, the grass is green. I’m wearing yellow.” I took a deep breath. “The tarmac is black, my hair is brown,” I muttered under my breath, grounding myself in reality to stop my mind wandering. With every colour I listed, my heart slowed a little more and my posture relaxed. My shoulders loosened, as did every other muscle in my body.

  The longer I remained against the wall, the more I started to regret my decision to leave. I had been doing great until Teo showed up, and I wanted to
see Dustin win, because I was sure he would. Tapping my foot impatiently, I bounced up and down, trying to figure out what I should do.

  I wanted to be done playing slave to my fears. The gaps between attacks were lessening on their own, but I wanted them gone completely. To be able to walk the streets like a normal person, or leave the house after dark, would have been a dream come true. I never used to be such a mess. At one point I had been a typical twenty-two-year-old. I loved going out with my friends and not having a care in the world. I was independent and I was able to fend for myself.

  That one night had stripped me of all that in seconds. Even some shadows in the daylight still sent nervous skitters down my spine if I was alone.

  My life had been transformed into an existence where there were few things I could handle doing alone. I was forced to blend in and hide, and I was sick of being the chameleon. I would have broken free long ago if it was possible…I’d tried. However, today felt like the first real step forward with interaction around people. Teo had touched me and I hadn’t panicked. I had to admit that small spaces and being caged in were still major triggers, but baby steps, right?

  The point was, he touched me and I liked it.

  It created both fear and joy, because that meant Dustin was right. Even if my mind didn’t known it, my body sure did. I still loved Teo and I’d never stopped. That small touch had reignited the longing I thought I’d broken through over the year. My body craved his touch, to be loved by him, yet that meant he’d need the truth.

  It was a bittersweet revelation.

  Deciding it was a day for confronting my ghosts, I sucked in a breath, held it for a second, and when I exhaled I headed back into the garage.

  My feet were silent along the shiny floor, my ballet flats another form of my chameleon disguise that allowed me to blend in wherever I went.

  The race had already begun when I entered the garage. The cars were whizzing around the track, buzzing like enraged wasps. They weren’t as loud, fast, or sleek as the Formula One cars due to less money being involved in the lower tiers of the sport, but that didn’t make it any less exciting when your best friend was racing.

  The screen showed Dustin in the lead, and glancing down from it, my eyes fell upon Teo.

  “You came back.”

  I could see his guard was up from his cautious stance. His arms were folded protectively across his chest, and his eyes were wary as if he was unsure of me.

  “It wasn’t fair to Dustin. This is his day and he doesn’t need me to ruin it. When he wins he deserves to celebrate, not be torn between that and running off to look after me, which is what he’d do.” I shrugged, feigning nonchalance, and hoisted myself back onto my perch on the cabinet.

  I could do this.

  “Why would he need to look after you?”

  I wanted to slap myself for that slip. I was so used to only talking to the few people who knew all about the incident that I rarely had to censor myself. Nadine knew all about what Dustin did for me, so it was second nature to admit it.

  “You did see the way I ran out of here, right?”

  Teo nodded. “And Dustin knows the reason why?”

  I nodded hesitantly. Keeping my gaze lowered to the floor so I didn’t see his reaction, I heard the breath he blew out forcefully.

  “Why’s he allowed to know, Raine? I thought you loved me at one time…that we could talk about everything and anything.”

  My expression saddened. We had been close. You can’t date someone for two years and not be close. How was I to tell him I did it all so he could live his dreams?

  “Teo, please. This is hard for me and I want to be here for Dustin. Can we forget all of the crazy for now so I don’t have to run off before I see Dustin win?”

  “Is he the only reason you came back, Raindrop?”

  Once again the sound of my old nickname made my heart flutter. I found it impossible to look away from the sincerity in his gaze. He was showing me all of his emotions, even though I’d shown him nothing except madness and anger.

  Rather than answer him, I dipped my hand into the bag of fudge that was now squashed and shrivelled. I pulled out a flattened cube and bit into the corner, making sure a chunk of glacier cherry came with it. I focused my attention on the monitors that were spaced around the garage and followed the action on the track. It had escaped my notice because of Teo, but it finally registered the place was nearly empty. All of the seats that had been filled by the mechanics were free.

  The camera cut to Dustin entering the pits, and I held my breath as he pulled into his box. His team raised the car on its jacks in a split second, the wheel guns whirred, and Dustin was released with four new tyres. It had been a seamless stop, and it put him back out in front of everyone and free to continue on with the remaining thirty laps.

  “He’s good, isn’t he?”

  The neutral question took me by surprise, and I nodded. “Reminds me of how you were. Do you think he’ll get a seat next year?”

  “I can’t say. Seats are hard to come by even if he deserves one. People are already starting to shop for contracts. It also depends on whether he can keep his head. This thing with Elora is really messing with his game.”

  “Tell me about it. I was the one who had to pick him up from the police station.” Strangely a laugh trickled from my lips. Talking with Teo was easy. It felt natural and right. Neither of us were really trying, yet we’d fallen back into sync.

  “Do you know what happened between them?”

  “No, he’s not told me. I never liked her, though.”

  Dustin was the silent, broody type, which I thought odd considering he was usually so chatty. With everything going on in my life, I didn’t have the energy to force him to talk. We’d developed a “don’t ask” policy. He didn’t quiz me about my nightmares, and in return I didn’t talk about Elora. We were just there for each other when we needed it.

  Teo looked thoughtful, as if considering whether to continue the subject or not.

  Finally he spoke. “Thank God his eye went down enough for them to clear him to race is all I can say. He doesn’t deserve to lose out because of Hattersey.”

  “Did he really plan to knock you off the track last year to win the championship?” When I’d seen that crash, my heart had been in my mouth. Aston had nicked Teo’s back wheel and sent him spinning into the barrier two laps from the end. Both Dustin and me had been screaming in outrage at the TV.

  “You saw that?” He sounded genuinely surprised, momentarily taking his eyes off the screen to look at me.

  “Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

  “We can’t prove it, but everyone knows he did. Aston doesn’t play by the same rules as everyone else and he stops at nothing to win.”

  I knew that better than most.

  Before I could stop myself, my hand was on his shoulder and squeezing gently. When he didn’t pull away, I left it there. “That can’t have been easy; to lose the championship when you were so close to getting your hands on that trophy.”

  He clenched his jaw. “Losing the championship meant nothing compared to what else I lost that year, Raine.”

  I let my hand fall from his shoulder, placing it on my lap. I didn’t dare glance up and see the look on his face. He was meant to have gotten over me by now. That had been the whole point of the plan.

  “I’m sorry, Raine. I shouldn’t have said that.”

  I peered up through my eyelashes to find Teo staring off into the distance out through the garage door. His hands were clutched around the edge of the cabinet I was sitting on by his side, the muscles in his arms tense.

  “No, it’s okay. You don’t have to apologise. I made the decision, and I have to live with what I did.”

  When Teo’s fingers found my chin, I jumped in shock. I allowed him to tilt my head up, no urge to flee rising within me. When our eyes met nothing else existed. My lips parted involuntarily, my tongue gliding over them.

  “It doesn’t have to be th
is way, Raindrop.”

  His touch burned my skin and sent pleasant waves of heat surging through my bloodstream.

  “What are you saying, Teo?”

  An almighty roar ripped through the paddock, breaking the spell he’d cast. On the screen Dustin had passed the chequered flag and his mechanics were running out to meet him as he exited the car.

  Teo hooked my chin and returned my gaze to his. “I’m not giving you up without a fight, Raine. You can shut me out, lie to me, or break down as much as you want; I’m not going anywhere. I’m also not getting on that plane again until things between us are back to how they should be. I should never have left in the first place.”

  I gasped, my jaw dropping at his blunt admission.

  “Do you understand what I was saying now? Things don’t have to be this way.”

  I could only nod.

  “Good. Then I expect you to come out with us and celebrate tonight.”

  Teo backed away with a wink, not giving me time to complain, and then he was out of the garage and following Dustin’s mechanics, who were rushing to celebrate. I wouldn’t have put it past him to have figured out I couldn’t follow him. I’d chanced fate enough for one day.

  Chapter Twelve

  Raine

  “I can’t do this, Dustin,” I whined, collapsing on his bed and throwing an arm over my eyes. I’d gone over every tiny detail of how the night could go and I was panicking.

  The bed dipped beside me and then Dustin’s hand tugged on my forearm. I grunted in protest, burying my face further into the crook of my arm, and tensed so he couldn’t remove it. My strength was no match for his. He pulled my arm back with ease until I stared up into his forest green eyes.

  “Can’t do what? Be around Teo or go out and celebrate?”

  “Both.” Sitting up, I placed his pillow on my lap.