Camelot
Page 12
39 In England there is a big house where all the old doddery knights are kept. It’s called the House of Lords.
40 Of course he didn’t. What he actually thought was, Hello grass, hello sky, hello horse’s ears. But his horse thought it and also thought, All these years serving the Kings of Camelot and I end up carrying someone with less brains than my saddle. It’s not fair. His saddle thought, No one ever said life was fair.
41 In 1562 bagpipes were declared illegal in most civilised countries and remained so until Queen Victoria, who was as mad as a hyperactive puppy, repealed the law in Britain. Since then bagpipes have been used as an instrument of torture by many evil dictators.
42 What really happened was that the Queen ate Tyrd and then died of food poisoning.
43 Which is a bit like undying love only with pimples and open sores.
44 TRUE HISTORICAL FACT: In the Middle Ages it was against the law for anyone from England to marry a Welsh person.
45 Which, of course, is where the word ‘hood’, meaning gangster, comes from.
46 Do NOT try this at home and I say this from experience from when my cousin Stephen and I persuaded his younger sister to stuff daisies up her nose. Not only did she do it, but then we got her to stick her finger into a snail’s shell and paint her face with it. She had to go to the doctor to get all the daisies taken out and Stephen and I got into Big Trouble, but it was worth it. She was great to play with – we could persuade her to do the grossest things.
47 Clever boy.
48 Don’t be disgusting, it’s nothing like that and anyway, it’s only his top she’s taken off.
49 This will be remedied in The Dragons Book 2 when Fremsley will be revealed as a true superhero.
50 Except whoever it was who had swapped the babies over in the first place.
51 Which was about as close as penguins are to the North Pole.
52 Hey, I love puns and the best puns are the worst puns.
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