Tell Me No Lies

by Nikki- Michelle

  Why was I doing this?

  “I love you. I love you so fucking much, it kills me to see you happy with him,” Aric whispered against my ear.

  He’d told me he loved me. Finally, Aric had told me he loved me. All I heard was that he loved me. I should have heard the whole thing, but all I heard . . . was that he loved me. I didn’t think about or see the plastic bag he was putting over my head. I was right at the peak of my orgasm when he held the bag tight around my face. I couldn’t breathe. I frantically clawed at his hands, then at the bag, trying to rip it just to get a breath of air. The more I struggled, the harder he pumped into me and the tighter the bag became. I tried to scream and couldn’t. Aric growled against my ear.

  “You think I would let you fuck that nigga and get away with it?” he asked.

  His dick no longer was pleasurable but felt like a knife stabbing me over and over. Somehow I looked down and saw blood gushing down my leg. My baby! I was pregnant with Jamie’s baby! I kept trying to scream, kept fighting to tear the bag from my face.

  “I told you I would fuck you up if you ever fucked that nigga, didn’t I?” Aric barked against my ear.

  I finally was able to scream but still couldn’t breathe. I screamed and yelled for help. I cried out for Jamie, but he couldn’t hear me. I was dying . . . dying slowly, until someone called my name.

  “Chyanne! Chyanne, baby, wake up.”

  I jolted awake and sat right up in bed. I looked around, then quickly touched my face over and over, just to make sure there was no plastic garbage bag there anymore. I looked over at Jamie, breathing hard, but happy that it had only been a dream.

  “You okay?” Jamie asked, rubbing a comforting hand up and down my back.

  I nodded slowly. “Yeah, just had a messed-up dream.”

  I got up slowly, then inched toward the bathroom. That dream had felt too real. Aric’s voice had been all too real. I splashed cold water on my face, then looked at myself in the newly replaced mirror. Just imagining Aric doing something like that to me scared me to death. I quickly handled my business in the bathroom, then walked out. It was six in the morning, so I just pulled on my running clothes so Jamie and I could do our normal routine of jogging.

  It had been a little over a month since my mother had shown up. AJ loved her, and she was busy spoiling him rotten. He’d gotten so used to her being around that he’d started to sleep in her room some nights. Things had been going well between Jamie and me since she’d been there too. I tried to pay more attention to what triggered his mood swings, and I hated to admit it, but most times his grandmother called, I wouldn’t tell him. I liked the way his moods mellowed out when he didn’t have to deal with whatever was going on with his mother and brother.

  I’d finally gotten around to telling Aric I was pregnant. I didn’t know what to make of his reaction. In fact, he didn’t respond at all. All he did was take AJ from my arms and close the door in my face. It was no surprise that my mom didn’t like him.

  “I really hope you’re done with him,” she’d said once we’d gotten back in the car. “Nothing good ever came from a man cheating on his wife to be with another. Just looking at him, the way he walks, the articulation of his words, the way he looks at you, all reminds me of your father, reminds me of the way he used to do those things,” she’d vented, digging in her purse for her cancerous vice.

  While she didn’t care for Aric, she loved Jamie, and he loved and respected her in return. They would laugh and talk about different things. To be honest, I thought that her presence in our home had also helped to mellow out his moods. There had been no blowups and no fights between us since her arrival. That could also be because Gabe had been away on business for a couple of days now. So there was no sneak texting. No late-night faux runs to the store and no sneaky phone calls. Gabe and I had tapered off, but only because I knew that if we didn’t, things would only get worse.

  I’d started to crave the high he could give me with his sex. So I tried to stay as far away from him as I could. I didn’t want to, but I had to admit that I missed Gabe. I missed him like crazy, and I didn’t know why. We’d been successful in keeping our secret. Aric was none the wiser about us, and Jamie didn’t suspect us. There were plenty of times when I still felt like crap for cheating on Jamie. In the heat of the moment I had gone off of pure emotions with Gabe and had opened a can of worms that could not be closed.

  It was late in the afternoon, and I stood at the kitchen counter, looking at the message Gabe had texted me.

  Flight lands at five. Need to see you. Badly.

  Just that simple text had my palms sweating. Just the thought of one more hit of him was enough to make me text back.

  Text me when you get home.

  I laid the phone down to finish slicing the sweet potatoes.

  Don’t stand me up.

  This is the last time.

  Just don’t stand me up.

  I won’t. Text me as soon as you get there. I’ll be there.

  Okay. Can’t wait to see you. Missed you.

  I couldn’t help but smile as I texted him back in kind. I was about to text him something else when my mom walked into the kitchen. I looked up at her, then slid my phone into my back pocket. The smell of the onions I’d already diced wafted through the kitchen. My mom was wearing one of the sundresses I’d bought her. The yellow halter dress was a vast improvement over the jeans and T-shirts she normally wore. It looked good hugging her small waist and ample curves.

  “Hey, Mom. The food should be done in a few.”

  She smile and looked at me.

  “That sounds good. How’re you feeling today?” she asked with a light smile on her face. “Jamie mentioned that you had a rough morning.”

  “I’m okay. Just a bad dream,” I said as I tossed the onions and potatoes into a strainer to rinse them.

  When she didn’t respond right away, I turned to look at her. She was watching me closely. There was a look on her face that I wasn’t familiar with.

  “What, Mom?” I asked, just to break the awkward tension in the room.

  “You’re wrong, Chyanne,” she finally said.

  I was confused.

  “Huh?”

  “You’re wrong. What you’re doing to Jamie is wrong. I know he has his issues, but he loves you, and he loves you past your issues.”

  If I could begin to tell you how dismayed I was, it wouldn’t be an accurate description.

  “Mom, I—”

  She held her hands up to stop my rebuttal. “Jamie reminds me of your father, Chyanne, before he changed. Jamie is your father before he changed.”

  She must have deciphered the disgruntled look on my face, which read “Oh no, the hell he didn’t.”

  She kept going. “He reminds me of your father before I turned him into a monster.”

  I frowned, then turned the water off, with confusion shadowing my face.

  “I don’t understand,” I told her.

  “Being in prison for all those years gave me time to do a lot of soul-searching. When your father and I met, I was in a relationship with a man who was no good for me. He didn’t love me, didn’t respect me, and didn’t give a damn about my well-being. Chyron stepped in and tried to show me that real love existed. He tried to show me that a man who really loved a woman would never disrespect her, hurt her, physically or otherwise. He and I were good together at first. Then my ex started to show interest in me again. He started to tell me everything that I’d always wanted to hear him say to me.

  “To make a long story short . . . I ended up cheating on your father. I did him wrong . . . toyed with his love for me. He found out, and he snapped. This was a man who rescued me from the very man I cheated on him with, a man he fought to protect my honor, and what did I do? I slapped him in the face with the ultimate betrayal. When he found out, he went wild on me. He told me that since I wanted to be with a man like my ex, then he would be that man. Your father didn’t leave me because of my transgressions. T
hat would have been too good for me, he said. No, he stayed so he could inflict on me physically what I’d done to him emotionally and mentally.”

  As she talked, tears flowed down her face. All I could do was stand there, mystified, while she stood there with this faraway look in her eyes, like she was reliving it as she talked about it.

  “That’s when the beatings and the cheating started. He held true to his words. He became the man that I cheated on him with in a sense.”

  “Oh my God, Mom. I can’t believe this . . . this . . .”

  “You don’t have to believe it, baby. Just understand it. When I first met Aric, I saw the way you looked at him. There was something still there.”

  “I’m not cheating on Jamie with Aric,” I told her.

  She only looked at me, still wiping at the tears running down her face. Finally, she said, “I know. You’re cheating on him with Gabriel.”

  My heart slammed into my chest. “Mom, it’s not what you think.”

  “The hell it isn’t, but it doesn’t matter what I think. The moment I saw the way you and Gabriel stole slick glances at one another, I knew,” she said. “Jamie came to me the other day, worried that he’d pushed you away because of what he revealed to you. He said he could feel the change in you. He was worried that you were cheating with Aric. He has no clue about the real culprit.”

  She looked at me with no judgment in her eyes as she continued. “I’m talking to you because I love you and I love the family you’ve made. I know I messed up a lot, me and your father, with the way you were brought up and all you had to see. But listen to me. . . . Don’t turn Jamie into that man. Don’t make him a monster.”

  When more tears rolled down her rosy cheeks, my eyes started to water. My mother walked over to me. She stretched her hands and wiped my tears away.

  “When a man loves a woman, I mean really loves her, the way Jamie loves you . . . you don’t want that love to turn into hate. When you hurt a man like that, they turn into mean, vile, and evil shells of themselves. They will try to hurt you like you’ve hurt them, and that can be a dangerous thing. I don’t know what’s going on, other than sex, with you and Gabriel, but in the end it won’t be worth it.”

  By the time my mother finished talking to me, she had me feeling as low to the dirt as I’d ever felt. She told me how my father’s family had hated her because of the way she’d treated him in the beginning. She said none of his family had felt very sorry for her when they found out he was beating her.

  “Your father was a big teddy bear in the beginning,” she said, then smiled as she thought back. “Didn’t care for a man who put his hands on a woman, because all growing up, he’d seen his father do it to his mother. He could never understand why his mother wouldn’t leave his father. He couldn’t understand why women would stay with men like his father. That’s why he’d been so good to me at first. I loved your father, still do love him to this day, but after years and years of the abuse, no matter the cause, I couldn’t take any more. I saw it in his eyes that day. Chyron was going to kill me. So many times I sat in that damn cell and cried my eyes out. I begged God for forgiveness every second. If I could go back and do everything over, I’d leave Chyron alone until I was sure I could love him the way he deserved.”

  We sat side by side on my sofa, holding hands as we talked. The conversation was candid, open, and honest. I told her everything. I told her about me and Gabe, told her how long it had been going on. She asked me if I still loved Aric. I answered honestly and finally admitted that there was a part of me that still loved him too, but not enough to make me go back to him.

  “You have to get this together. You can’t keep doing this to Jamie and then have him around here, going crazy, thinking he’s done something wrong. All he did was come clean to the woman he loved about something traumatic that he experienced. You weren’t able to handle it like you should have, so you took the easy way out. Cheating is the coward’s way out, and one day . . . one day all of this will catch up with you.”

  Her words stuck with me. All while I cooked dinner, and even afterward, they stuck with me. I only wished they resonated with me enough for me not to meet Gabe at his place. My every intention had been to call him and explain to him that we had to be done, that we couldn’t do what we were doing anymore. Some way, though, I allowed him to talk me into coming over to say good-bye face-to-face. I should have listened to my mother.

  I pulled into Gabe’s driveway just as he did. We both stepped out of our cars at the same time. One look at him and my whole body heated up. He was on the phone as he stepped out of the car. He was still in the business suit he’d worn that day. I’d never seen a navy blue suit look as good on anybody as it looked on him. We were just going to say good-bye face-to-face, and then it would over, I told myself. He pulled one leather bag from the car. As soon as his finger went to his lips to silence me, I knew he was talking to Aric.

  Still, he stopped in front of me and kissed me like he had really missed me. The kiss was so deep that when he pulled back, it felt as if my world was tilting. He licked his lips, then gave me the once-over. He looked at me as if he couldn’t wait to get his hands on me. It excited me. I couldn’t wait for him to have me . . . just one more time.

  “So they called you and said they wanted to meet tonight to sign the paperwork?” Gabe asked into the phone.

  He threw his bag over his shoulder, then grabbed my hand in his to lead me into his home. Once inside, he dropped his bag by the door, kicked it closed, then locked it. For the first time I saw what his kitchen looked like as he led me into it and flipped the light switch on. It was easy to see that he barely used anything in it. The stainless-steel appliances were still sparkling new. The spacious kitchen had expensive corkscrew tile with what looked to be a glass finish. The pots and pans that hung over the island, which had a soapstone top, hadn’t seen any use. Bright lights illuminated the kitchen. A spice rack adorned the entire wall next to the oven. The cherry-oak pantry was filled with foodstuffs that had never been opened. His kitchen was grand. It matched the outside of the house, and I could say that only because I hadn’t seen much of the inside, except for the plush sofa and the lush carpeting in the front room and the splendor of his bedroom.

  I shook my head when he offered me a bottle of Fiji water.

  “So what time are they talking about meeting?” he asked.

  He looked at his watch, then looked at me. The look on his face told me that whatever they had to do would cut into our time. That was okay. I only wanted to say good-bye, at least that was what I told myself until he started coming closer to me. He loosened his tie, then closed the gap between us. He picked me up, then put me on the island.

  I wanted him badly, so Aric being on the phone didn’t stop me from pushing his suit jacket off his shoulders, then going for the buttons of his shirt. His face held a sneaky smirk that turned me on. I reached out to pull the tie from around his locks and almost had an orgasm at the sight of them falling around his shoulders. His big hands gripped my thighs and pulled me closer to the edge of the island as he talked numbers with Aric. My flip-flops fell from my feet. I lifted my bottom to let him slide my yoga pants over my hips and thighs.

  “And you’re sure they just want to sign and get it over with? No more than twenty minutes? A’ight. Give me a few. Just got in from the airport. Need to change. A’ight. Cool. See you then.” He took extra care to make sure the phone was hung up before he turned his attention back tome.

  “You have to leave?” I asked him.

  “Yeah, but it’ll be quick,” he answered as he pulled my shirt over my head.

  “But that means this will too . . . and really all I wanted to do is say good-bye. We can’t keep doing this, Gabe.”

  He kissed me . . . sucked my bottom lip into his mouth . . . then the top one . . . did that until my tongue searched out his. The moment our tongues touched, I felt myself have a small orgasm.

  “Stay until I get back,” he pleaded
as his hands found a way to pull my boy shorts to the side. “Give me the chance to say good-bye properly.”

  He slipped two fingers inside of me and groaned. My back arched, and I closed my eyes with a hiss.

  “Damn, Chy.”

  His hands cupped the back of my neck; then his mouth sought mine again. This would be the last time. It was why I was adamant about it not being quick. I just needed a little something of him to take with me, something to remember the times we’d shared. Before I knew it, he was removing his fingers from me, undoing his belt, and unzipping his suit pants. They fell to the floor with a thud from the belt buckle just before he stepped out of his shoes. He lifted me, and we went down on the kitchen floor, where he gently laid me on my back.

  He found his way inside of me easily, and I breathed a sigh of relief at the thickness of him. As he stroked, he begged me to stay until he got back. I agreed. I would have said yes to selling my soul, just as long as he didn’t stop what he was doing to me. I was caught up, lost in the moment. Too lost to even realize I’d left my cell phone at home, on the bed.

  Jamie

  Chyanne wasn’t home. Her mother had informed me that she’d left about an hour or so ago. It was a Friday evening, and she wasn’t home. We’d made plans to make it a family night at home, yet she was nowhere to be found. The scent of sautéed vegetables and orange chicken coated my senses. She’d cooked dinner before she left. I’d been calling her since before I walked into the house, but she was back to not answering my calls.

  The classic steel-gray cap toe Stacy Adams Madisons, or the original Stacy Adams biscuit toe, as my uncles back home referred to them, on my feet tapped against the kitchen floor as I walked across it to make my way up the stairs. I was headed for our bedroom. Although things had been going well between her and me of late, I still thought about those calls that went unanswered and those unexplained absences. Something had been going on with Chyanne, and I intended to find out sooner rather than later.