Keeping My Pack

by Lane Whitt

  The only sounds in the room are the ones he makes as he wheezes for air and scrambles to his feet, fleeing the room. I make eye contact with each man that was gathered around the loud mouth, before addressing the room in as a loud a voice as I can without going high pitched.

  “Anyone else have anything to say about my mates or my adoptive child? If so, the door is right over there.” I say as I point it out. “I won’t beg for your membership in this pack. I won’t beg for your friendship or loyalty; I won’t beg at all. I won’t keep anyone here that doesn’t want to be here. This is your chance to go; I won’t stop you. But if you stay, know that I expect your respect for my family, and I won’t tolerate anything less. If you stay, you become a part of that family; you become people I will care for and about. You will be respected, acknowledged and cherished members of our pack. I will offer you the same amount of loyalty that you offer us. So choose wisely, but it is your choice.”

  There’s a shuffling in the room as at least three people make their way to the door, but the rest of the room falls to their knees, placing their hands over their chests and bowing their heads. My anger flies out the door with the realization that not every person in this room is against me.

  I turn to face the guys, seeing that they are the only ones still on their feet, even Grandfather has taken to his knee. I look to Remy for a bit of help, not knowing what to do now that I’m not angry and my wolf is no longer in charge of me. He cups the side of my face, before placing a chaste kiss, full of unspoken emotion to my lips. He takes a deep pull of air before addressing the room.

  “When you rise, you will stand as members of the new Ivaskov pack. A pack that looks out for each other, a pack that shares in both triumphs and pain, in glory and defeat. A pack that works as a team for the enlightenment and benefit of each and every member. Your Princess calls on you to act with honor and kindness in every action that you make. Now, will you rise to that challenge? Will you rise as better men, the best men that you can be?” Remy’s voice raises as his speech progresses, by the end, he’s nearly shouting, and the crowd stands to their feet, cheering loudly and clapping their hands.

  I nearly have tears in my eyes after such a moving and motivational speech. I watch the now eager crowd talk excitedly to each other, back slapping and overall comradery all around me. Now this seems more like my kind of people. A thought occurs to me, though, and I turn to Grandfather for the answer.

  “Is this everyone? The whole pack? I thought there was more of you.” I remember reading that the Ivaskov army is the largest wolf army in the world, striking terror in the hearts of its enemies. Even if everyone here were soldiers, I’m not sure I would fear them, even if they were wolves.

  “Our pack. And no, this isn’t everyone.” He corrects me.

  “Then where are the rest of us? It’s Christmas Eve, shouldn’t everyone be at the party?” I ask.

  He shifts on his feet uncomfortably. “Well, you see, it’s not common for the lower wolves to mix with the upper-class wolves. Most of the men here tonight are in charge of our off-site properties or in charge of other things here at the house.” He explains.

  “That doesn’t answer my question. Where are the others?” I narrow my eyes at him, already knowing I won’t like the answer.

  He rubs at the back of his neck nervously. “The foot soldiers are in their housing units, and the lower wolves are still in their camps around the property.” He admits.

  I stomp my foot in exasperation and frustration. “Why! We talked about this! I told you to bring them in. What’s the point of having a house this large and leaving my people out in the cold to fend for themselves?” I throw my hands up and stomp around him, heading for the door.

  “Whoa, slow down. Where are we headed, Warrior Princess?” Tristan asks as he walks up beside me.

  “We’re going to go get the rest of the pack,” I state, stopping my tracks as something else occurs to me.

  “Albert!” I call.

  He rushes over to me quickly, having already returned without Mikey. “Yes, Princess?” He bows. I wave that away, not having the time or patience for it.

  “Can you inform the men here that we’ll be going for a run on New Year’s Eve, so if they want to stick around for that, then they are more than welcome. And see if there is enough food prepared for the entire pack, please? If not have them make more. I want every belly on this property stuffed full tonight.”

  Albert nods his head deeply and smiles at me. “Of course, right away Prin…Kitten.” He quickly corrects himself before jogging off to the kitchen.

  I continue to stomp around until I have to admit that I have no idea where I’m going. I finally give in and turn to Grandfather. “Can you show us where we need to go? I’d like to get Mikey then go to the camps.”

  “Of course, dear. Albert most likely took him to the only sitting room with a working tv. I’ll lead the way if you’d like.”

  I nod at him and drop back to take Kellan’s hand in mine. Needing one of those rocks in the storm of my current emotions.

  We find Mikey easily enough, and I’m happy to see that he hasn’t been left alone in a new place that he doesn’t know. A man in a servant suit sits in a chair reading a well-worn book as we enter the room, but he quickly drops it as he stands to bow to us.

  “No, no, don’t do that. Now you’ve lost your place.” I’m quick to say, feeling bad about interrupting him.

  “It is of no importance, my Princess, just a bit of light reading.” He tells me.

  “Well, my first rule is that bowing and greeting me comes second to reading. I’ll always allow you to find a good stopping point and carefully mark your place.” I state firmly.

  The man smiles. “Ah, I see you are fond of literature yourself then?’ He asks.

  “Who isn’t,” I say with a shrug.

  Mikey looks over from his spot on the couch, his discarded tie and vest tossed net to him. Well, that didn’t take him long. “Come with us Mikey. We have more people to meet.” I tell him, holding out my free hand for him to take.

  “Aw, man. Do I have to put the tie back on?” He complains.

  I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t see why you can’t go without them.” I agree.

  “Ok, cool.” He says, taking the offered hand.

  “You may be pleased to learn that there are a few other boys around your age where we’re headed. Maybe you can make a few friends.” Grandfather tells him.

  My eyes nearly pop out of my head as I jerk around to look at him in horror. “What!” I ask through gritted teeth.

  Kellan rubs my back. “Easy there, Kitten. You have a young audience.” He reminds me. Right, Mikey.

  Grandfather frowns at me. “I hate to point out that the wolves being out there is not only my fault. If them being out there bothers you so much, you should have come sooner. It’s not as if they mind it; they’ve been out there for quite some time now. Some of the younger ones have lived there since they were born. Even if I had asked them to come in, I cannot issue orders, and it is not my house any longer.” He defends himself.

  I’m still irritated with him, seeing as I thought this issue was handled some time ago, and no one had told me differently. But he makes a good point. I should have followed up on it and made sure they were granted entry into the house. I’m to blame as well. The thought of leaving anyone out in the cold and snow breaks my heart, but I unknowingly left children to the same fate, and that feels like a stab to the chest. And I would know what that feel like.

  “Do not blame yourself for this, Love. You did not actually put them out there, and you had no way of knowing. There’s no point in placing blame in the first place. All we can do is move forward and offer them better now.” Remy directs me.

  “Right.” I sigh. “Lead the way then, Grandfather.”

  I follow along behind him and Ash, the rest of the guys keeping close behind me. Mikey asks questions about this room or that as we pass them, and Grandfather is quick to ans
wer him, telling him what they were once used for and what they are used or now. I take note of the room he points out as my father’s former office. Which is now boarded over with a chain and lock. I’ll have to come back to that some other time.

  “What. The. Actual. Fuck.” Logan says dramatically as he steps outside. Curious, I hurry to see what he’s seeing.

  I blink my eyes several times, sure that I’ve gone mad because in no way could this image be correct. The front of the house speaks of intimidation and wealth, the inside speaks of carelessness and the backside, well, it’s just a mess.

  There’s no grass to speak of or even a blanket of snow covered ground. Just a muddy pit with rows and rows of dilapidated metal trailers. Tall white buildings are caging the trailers in on both sides. They almost look like run down motels with their shabby railings and chipping paint. Both the trailers and the white buildings sit so tightly together; they appear to be nearly sitting on top of one another. The only break in them is a straight footpath right through the center, big enough for a car to drive on and enough space to walk between the trailers and the buildings themselves.

  Those who were outside of the trailers quickly hurry inside when they see us. Almost all of them are wearing some form of gray, though I don’t notice any real pattern other than that. Some wear sweatpants, some t-shirts, some sweaters, and others long coats. All of it in different shades and levels of shabbiness. Ash grunts behind me, and I turn to see him shaking his head. We pause on the path momentarily for the big guy to pluck an unsuspecting soldier away from his group. Ash and his new friend fall to the back of the group, and I imagine my Shadow has many questions he’d like the answers to.

  Maksim leads us down the main muddy trail, and Reed offers me his back for a ride. I throw my arms around his neck and hug my body as close to him as possible. I’d hate to ruin the dress Logan made for me. I kiss his neck in gratitude.

  We walk at a brisk pace, finally leaving the trailers and apartments behind and into the snow covered fields that I imagine will be planted in the spring. After the fields, are the orchards and finally the wooded areas. The path continues on straight for a while before curving around and turning into a wooden bridge over a frozen stream. The woods are the best thing I’ve seen yet. Plenty of room and paths to run around on but dense enough for some cover and for tasty animals to try and make their homes.

  Once on the other side of the bridge, I notice fewer boot prints in the mud and more paw prints.

  “Is this where the pack runs? I thought you were showing us where the lower class lives?” I ask Grandfather. I think back on the trail, and I’m sure it didn’t split off anywhere. Do we really have to wait to shift until we get all the way out here?

  Grandfather sighs in front of me. “Yes and no. The pack does run here, but we run all over the property as well. And this is the way to the camps.”

  Well, I guess that answers that. A few seconds more and I can sense other people in the woods ahead of us. A few more feet and I see it. My blood boils at the same time my heart drops into my stomach. I only see a few of them, but as Kellan keeps walking, I see more and more of them.

  “No.” I grate out.

  “Kitten? Are you okay?” Kellan asks.

  I shake my head slowly, dropping my arms from around his shoulders and sliding off his back. I work my way around the guys in front of me, walk briskly to the plywood and blue tarp-covered box, closest to us and take a peek inside. Two wolves stare back at me with curiosity, laying side by side in the too small shelter. I stomp further down the path, the others following as I pass more and more shacks and tented dwellings. After a few minutes, the path opens up to a gathering area where handmade benches are placed around a smoky fire, and a few wolves and men are milling about. I’ve never understood the term heartache until this very moment. My chest actually hurts at seeing this. I’ve seen hobo villages before, and I’ve seen countless people in need. But knowing my own family has done this, to our own people no less. People they were supposed to care about. People who pledged themselves to them. The people who made me and gave me a last name have done this.

  “Why?” I choke out, staring at the flames of the fire. I realize I’m crying, but I don’t care who sees. “Why are people like this? Why does everyone have to be so cruel? I thought meeting wolves and knowing a whole different set of people would change things. It didn’t, people are always going to be people, putting each other into classes and finding ways to hurt one another. Why?” I ask again.

  Remy comes up behind me, wrapping me in his arms and placing his head on top of mine. He sighs deeply. “I wish I could tell you that there was a time when everyone got along and everyone was equal, but I can’t. In any society, there will be some who have more than others.”

  “It’s not about having, Remington. It’s about not caring for each other. Everyone has been trying to explain what having a pack means, what being a part of one means, and now I’m convinced that they were all lying or just don’t know themselves. I don’t want this. I don’t want to wear elaborate gowns and drink expensive wine while members of my pack…of my family, are out here in the cold. I don’t want to live in an empty house when these people, my people, are living in boxes.” I trial off as either sorrow or anger lodges in my throat.

  “Don’t upset yourself, Dear. You knew you were coming here, why the waterworks now?” Maksim asks, clearly not understanding my distress.

  “I wasn’t expecting this!” I shout at him, no longer caring that Mikey is here to hear me. He should hear me; he should know that treating people this way is wrong and that I’m passionate about it. “I thought maybe there were cabins or smaller homes of some sort. Not a full blown hobo camp where people are forced to live literally like animals in order to survive. I’m allowed to be upset by this, don’t you dare try to tell me when I’m allowed to cry!” I point a finger at him.

  Maksim gets that lost, panicky expression that all men get in the face of an emotional female. My guys hide it better, but even they do it. I huff one last time at him, deciding to ignore him as I know everything I say now will be chalked up to me being an irrational woman in his eyes.

  As I turn away from him, I realize that my shouting has caused quite the scene, and quite a few wolves and men have turned to watch what’s going on. My cheeks heat in embarrassment, but I just brush away the tears on my face and hold my head high as I find the nearest bench and stand on it.

  “Forgive me, I’m sure I haven’t made the best first impression. As you get to know me, you’ll come to realize that I’m not that great with people.” I joke, trying to lighten the mood. It seems to work as some of the men chuckle lightly, and more wolves and men step from their dwellings to crowd around me and the guys, who have moved to stand in front of me.

  “I wanted to invite all of you personally to join us at the pack house. Bring your belongings as well, as you no longer live here, you live with us. I haven’t figured everything out yet, and I don’t know how it will work or where everyone will sleep, but please bear with me and we’ll figure it out together. For tonight though, there’s plenty of food, and the house is warm. Thank you.” I finish.

  I step down from my perch and begin the long journey back to the house. I hear people talking and moving around and sense my guys behind me, but I ignore it all, just like I used to do. I figure that the men and wolves in the camp will follow along if they want to, and those that don’t I can come back for another time. I made the offer for all, and it’s all I can do right now. I’ve had enough. Enough talking, enough doing, enough messed up family legacies, enough peopling in general for one day.

  No one tries to touch me or speak to me as we make our way back to the house. I’m grateful for it, even as I hate myself for being this way. I’m too upset to voice my thoughts, too angry to even think clearly. I walk away from the others once we’re in the house, and they let me wander off alone, though I suspect they are just following at a distance. Anger is not new to me, but
this time, there’s not a single person to be angry with. It’s an entire system. It’s everyone and no one, everything and nothing.

  Ash

  I watch as my brothers debate over who should go in after Kitten. She went silent on us and walked away. She’s never done that before, and it’s got us all worried, even me. Usually, Kitten speaks every thought in her head without shame; something I love about her. I knew as soon as we stepped through the doors of this place, that we had our work cut for us. I’ve never been inside a pack house before, but even I know that the fucking pack should be inside it. The people we passed had all had a gleam in their eye as they saw their new Princess, but underneath that was pain and longing for something more. In all honesty, I was just waiting for Kitten to clap her hands together and start throwing out ways to fix everything. When her eyes blazed with fury after Maksim asked why she was crying, I thought, this is it, this is where she demands her Kitten justice. Now, even I’m a little afraid of the ticking time-bomb this situation has created in her.

  “I’ll go.” I sigh deeply, cutting off whatever Logan was going on about. I know he wants to have fun and cheer her up but now is not the time. Besides, last time they did that, she just ended up finding things to rescue anyway. That gives me an idea. “One of you run up to our stuff and bring me Noah and AJ.”

  “You think her stuffed animals are going to make her feel better?” Jace snorts. I ignore him and call a thanks after Tristan as he runs to do what I asked.

  “Shouldn’t we all go in? I mean, there’s safety in numbers, right?” Reed forces a nervous chuckle.

  “Careful now, she can probably hear us,” Finn tells him.

  “Nah, she never listens in on purpose, she still thinks like a human and doesn’t use her senses,” Logan says as he slicks his hair back, his new haircut already getting on his nerves.