My One Night: An On My Own Novel

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  The thought took my breath.

  I could not fall for Dillon Connolly. It would be a mistake of epic proportions to do so. And yet, I didn’t know how I would stop myself.

  I didn’t know if I could.

  Chapter 9

  Dillon

  * * *

  I wanted to scoop my eyes out with a spoon. Maybe it would make this whole study thing easier. Pacey had his head bent over his book, his eyes narrowed as he read. I leaned back in my chair and rubbed my temples.

  “Do you think rubbing your temples will help the words stay in your mind?” Pacey asked dryly. “Because if so, I’m in. You just let me know.”

  “Why is this so boring?” I asked, groaning.

  “Because they force you to take other classes outside of your major so you’re not only well rounded but also because it sometimes sparks a need for what you could be in the future. And, apparently, learning helps you become a better person. Who knew?”

  I snorted and glanced over at Pacey. He was now leaning back in his chair, the wheels squeaking as he did.

  “I thought you liked school.”

  “Don’t say that out loud. People will find out, and it’ll ruin my credibility.”

  “Your credibility at what?”

  “I don’t know. Being that mysterious British guy?”

  “I’m pretty sure given the accent, most Americans think you go to a secret wizarding or boarding school and that you’re brilliant anyway. Sorry.”

  “It’s the cross I have to bear. Handsome, wickedly brilliant, and an accent that makes anyone around me fall to their knees.”

  “Whatever you say.”

  “I can’t help it. It’s just me.”

  “You’re an idiot.”

  “This class is making me feel like an idiot. And while I’ve enjoyed my electives and don’t need to focus only on my major courses—if I did, I would either get bored or frustrated—my professor sucks.”

  “I feel you. Mine’s not much better. I wish I had been able to get into the class I wanted. But sadly, signing up after most of the students already registered kind of screwed me.”

  “Well, I couldn’t get into the class I wanted because it happened to be at the same time as the physics class that I needed. So now I’m lost in the abyss of this class with a syllabus that doesn’t make sense.”

  “I still don’t get how you can understand that physics class.”

  Pacey shrugged. “I’m a physics major. With an applied mathematics minor. It’s sort of what I do.”

  “You’re a little too smart for me.”

  Pacey snorted. “I’m not. I just happen to like science and math more than you do. Because you’ve got a head for business, people, and you’re usually really good at studying. Could it be you’re too busy thinking about Miss Elise rather than focusing on university?”

  I flipped him off. “I can handle more than one thing.”

  “You say that, and yet I could’ve sworn you were the one who said you wouldn’t even try dating because neither of you wanted to focus on anything but school. In addition to your work and your family, of course. Was I wrong?”

  “I hate that you remember things I say that well.”

  He shrugged. “Another cross to bear, it seems.”

  “Must be heavy under there,” I said slyly.

  “You have no idea. Come on, I’m feeling peckish. Let’s get a snack or a pint. Anything so I don’t have to focus on this stupid assignment.”

  “What are you writing?”

  “I need to read a play and write a paper describing it without adding my feelings to it. They want us to dissect it analytically. You would think I would enjoy the idea, but you can’t go into drama and imagine something completely analytical. It makes no sense.”

  I shook my head. “That doesn’t. My paper’s giving me a headache, as well, but I think that’s because I can imagine my professor’s voice droning on as I’m reading. It’s his textbook, by the way. The one he wrote.”

  Pacey snorted. “That becomes a problem once I get into next year’s classes and whatever grad school I get into. If the professor happens to have written a textbook, they need the royalties, so that’s what you end up buying in addition to whatever other books go along with the class for that semester. It’s a racket.”

  “I want to believe they deserve to get royalties for the book they wrote, but it seems a little self-serving.”

  “Maybe it wouldn’t feel so bad if we didn’t both hate our professors. If we liked the guys, it might be different.”

  “That is true,” I said, shrugging. “Twizzlers for you?”

  Pacey shook his head.

  I paused in the act of reaching for the bag of candy. “Are you okay?”

  He laughed. “I don’t eat Twizzlers every day. Sometimes I even go a week without them.”

  I staggered back, putting my hand over my heart. “No.”

  “Yes. I always have to have them on hand if I want them, but I don’t want them now. I was thinking grapes. Or maybe some carrots.”

  “Really?” I blinked.

  “Hey, we’re not going to be twenty forever. We need to work on that metabolism now. I want to use the body I have now, rather than clogging my arteries when I think I don’t have a care in the world.”

  “You sound like my brother.”

  “Which one?”

  “Brendan. Aidan and Cameron both eat decently well, but Brendan is a little more anal-retentive. Aidan and Cameron love to needle him about it.”

  “Aidan’s the chef, right?” Pacey asked as he started piling fruit and veggies onto my tray. I added some cheese, and Pacey didn’t seem to mind.

  “Yes, Aidan’s the chef and doesn’t usually fry the food we eat as a family. However, he will add egg rolls or wings just to piss off Brendan, especially if Brendan pissed him off first.” I shrugged. “It’s a brother thing.”

  It was odd for me to say that since I was still new to the whole brother thing. Yes, Cameron had been in my life since I was eleven, but the others hadn’t. I had known they existed somewhere on the periphery, but I hadn’t truly known them because of things out of my control. But now I did. And here I was, trying to prove myself to them for some reason.

  The doorbell rang, and I frowned, looking at Pacey. “Did we order something?”

  “Maybe Miles did.”

  “I’ve got it,” Miles called out, and I shrugged, eating a piece of cheese. Pacey took one too, and I grinned. Cheese is healthy. At least, I thought so.

  “Hey, Dillon, it’s for you.”

  I frowned again and then made my way to the front of the house. Pacey followed, leaving the veggie tray behind. If Sanders or Miles ended up in the kitchen, it would probably be gone by the time we got back. But that was fine. We could just make another one.

  Once I reached the front door, I froze, staring at the man in the doorway, wondering where I had seen him before. He didn’t look familiar, and yet I knew those eyes and that jaw.

  Who the hell is that?

  My heart raced, and my mouth went dry.

  “You okay?” Pacey asked, his voice low.

  Suddenly, Sanders and Tanner were there, all standing beside me as Miles stood near the open doorway, his eyes wide as he looked between us.

  “Hey there, son. I figured it was time we met.”

  Son. So that’s how I knew those eyes. Because they were mine. As in, this was my fucking father.

  The man I had never actually met. Unless he had been there when I was an infant, and I didn’t remember. But the guy at my door was Dave. My sperm donor.

  “How the hell did you find me?” I was surprised that my voice was so steady and that I wasn’t shouting. Or maybe I was, and the screaming in my head wasn’t only into the void.

  “Found you on Instagram. They had a picture of the house at one point or another. Pretty nice digs you got here. Figured you and I should talk. These your friends?” Dave lifted his chin at my roommate even as he r
ubbed his arm as if he were jonesing for a fix. “These can’t be your brothers, right? They’d be older.”

  “What’s going on?” Miles asked.

  “How does he not know what your brothers look like?” Sanders asked and let out an oof as Tanner elbowed him in the gut.

  I cleared my throat. “I don’t know who you are. You need to go.”

  Dave’s eyes narrowed in rage. It was just a slight shift, but I caught it.

  And I knew my roommates did, too.

  “Now, son, I thought we could talk about what you owe me. You sitting here in this nice house. Going to this fancy school. You owe me a few things. I just thought we’d catch up. Make sure we put everything on the table. You don’t want to have to deal with what’s going to happen if you say no, do you?” He began to pace as if unable to stand still for longer than a few seconds, and I tensed, worried what he’d do. Hell, I worried what the others thought, too.

  Jesus, my roommates did not need to see this. They didn’t need to know what kind of loser my supposed father was. I didn’t even want to know who he was. Let alone what drug he was on.

  “You need to go,” I repeated with a growl, my voice stern.

  Miles straightened, blocking the door with his body. “Yes, you should go.”

  “You really think you can close the door on me, little kid?” he asked, and Miles rolled his shoulders back. Miles wasn’t short, nor was he a skinny beanpole. But the way he hunched in on himself sometimes, most people didn’t notice that he was actually above average in height and muscle.

  The man who had left me widened his eyes a fraction as he noticed Miles, and I let myself take a little pleasure in that.

  “Come on now, son.”

  “Please don’t call me that.”

  “I see. That asshole brother of yours has been spreading lies.”

  “That’s enough,” I growled, moving forward.

  Before my dad could say anything else, though, Pacey stepped up, Tanner and Sanders with him. I moved as well so I wasn’t left behind, but embarrassment filled me. Here my new roommates were, watching me interact with my so-called father. They probably all came from completely different backgrounds than I had, even though I didn’t know precisely what or how. But it didn’t matter. They would likely think less of me now. And I would deserve it. I was some kid that nobody wanted until I was forced to stay with Cameron. And though I was still trying to deal with that, I couldn’t really focus on anything with my dad standing here in front of me.

  I cleared my throat. “Go. Before I call the cops.”

  “You think you can do that?”

  “I think you need to go.”

  “Or we can handle this ourselves,” Tanner said.

  Sanders grinned. “Oh, yeah. I’m pretty sure five of us young kids—as you called us—could kick your old ass. We could take you in a minute. You want to try it out, pops?”

  I’d never loved Sanders more than at that moment, even as I hated myself that this was happening at all.

  Dave narrowed his eyes again, then huffed away, his hands fisting and un-fisting as he stomped down the stairs to where he’d presumably parked his vehicle. I growled, followed him out onto the porch despite Miles’ protest, and looked to see where Dave had double-parked his old truck. I committed the license plate to memory, just in case. I had probably seen a few too many movies.

  “You okay?” Pacey asked from behind me. I shrugged.

  “Yeah. Shit.”

  “That was your dad?” Sanders asked.

  “Not really.” I didn’t know that man and didn’t want anything to do with him. I didn’t know what he was on or what he’d do to get the drugs and money he thought he was owed. The farther he was away from me, the better. It wasn’t safe for him to be around me or my family.

  “I’m sorry,” Miles said. “He said that he was your dad, and I don’t know anyone but your brothers and your sisters-in-law. I’m sorry. I would’ve headed it off at the pass if I had known. If he comes back. I’ll do just that.”

  I shook my head and turned to look at all of them, heat creeping up my face. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t even know that guy. For all I know, he was just saying he was my dad. I’ve never actually met him.”

  “Seems to me you lucked out having never met him before,” Tanner said dryly.

  I snorted, surprising myself that I could laugh. “Yeah, I guess I did.”

  “We’ll all make sure he doesn’t bother you again. At least here,” Sanders said, shrugging. “Nobody needs to deal with that. And, hell, I’m pretty sure we could’ve taken him. Even Miles here could.”

  Miles flipped the other guy off. “Thanks for that.”

  “Sorry, I’m just saying.”

  I shook my head, my temples pounding. “Okay, I can’t focus right now. I guess studying’s out.”

  “Go see your brothers,” Pacey said softly, and I met his gaze. The others started nodding. “You need to tell them what happened. Is he their dad, too?” Pacey asked.

  I shook my head. “We don’t think so since we don’t know who his and Aiden’s dad actually is. How come my family’s so fucked up?”

  “Preaching to the choir,” Tanner mumbled, and the other guys just nodded.

  I didn’t know their families or where they had come from. We weren’t there yet.

  “You should head to the bar,” Miles said, bouncing on his feet. “We can go with you if you want.”

  I shook my head. “No, I’ll go tell them so they’re not surprised. And I think bringing you guys to the bar for the first time tonight might not be the best idea. But I’ll make it happen. Though you’re still not going to be able to drink there,” I warned.

  Tanner just shrugged. “That’s fine. I like your family. Well, most of them.”

  I snorted again, really grateful that I could laugh. “I’m going to grab my phone. Shit, what a day.”

  Pacey studied my face, and I did my best to school my features. I had no idea what I was feeling. How was I supposed to work it out now?

  Pacey just kept staring, as did the others, and I quickly moved off to the office, put away my things, and grabbed my phone.

  “You mind that I’m not going to be able to clean up the kitchen right now?”

  “I’m sure we can finish the snacks without you,” Pacey said dryly.

  “Did you say snacks?” Sanders asked and headed towards the kitchen with Miles on his heels.

  Tanner just rolled his eyes and followed. Pacey met my gaze, and I sighed.

  “I’m fine.”

  “You’re not, but that’s okay. Talk to your family. They’ll help. Or I guess you can talk to a certain girl you’ve been trying not to think about.”

  I flipped him off, feeling a bit lighter, and headed out the back door towards my truck. I should’ve called or texted, but I needed time to get my thoughts in order. I’d recognized that chin, those eyes. That man was my father. I supposed he could be a weird uncle or a cousin or something, but I didn’t think so. The texts that had started to come only solidified that fact. I just didn’t know what he wanted from me. I didn’t have any money. Brendan and Aidan did, and so did Cameron after selling the bar that he had built from scratch back when we were living together before we left California.

  But I didn’t have anything. I was working on it. But I was just starting out.

  I pulled into the back lot of the brewery but didn’t see any of my brothers’ cars. I cursed but hoped that maybe they were all parked somewhere else, or perhaps they’d had one of the girls drop them off. I wanted to see my family. I needed to talk to someone. I knew it couldn’t be my roommates, not when they all probably already wondered what the hell had just happened. I needed to figure it out for myself first.

  I walked into the brewery through the back entrance since I had a key and waved at the line chef. I didn’t see Aidan. Well, shit, there went one.

  I looked up at the bar and noticed Beckham, his wife Meadow working beside him
. She didn’t always work with him, but she sometimes liked to spend time with him at the bar and helped pick up the slack. I looked around more but didn’t see any of my family.

  “They’re all off today. It’s a slow night, and they were working this morning. Unless you were here to see my smiling face,” Beckham said.

  Meadow hit him in the arm. “Be nice. I’m sorry, honey, were you expecting to see them?”

  I swallowed hard, wondering why I was so fricking emotional. “No. Well, yeah, but it’s not a big deal. I was in the area,” I lied. “I’ll head back home since that’s where I was going anyway.” More with the lies.

  Beckham tilted his head, stared at me. “Kid,” he began, and I shook my head.

  “I’m fine. Really. I’m going to go.”

  “Off to meet your girl?” Beckham asked, clearly fishing. This time, Meadow didn’t tell him to stop.

  I thought of Elise and the fact that I needed someone to talk to. Hell. Maybe I should.

  “Yep. On my way.”

  Beckham grinned. “Well, then. That’s good to hear. The romance connoisseur and guru, finding something for himself. I like it.”

  “Beckham,” Meadow chided.

  “Okay, I’m off,” I said and headed back out. My heart raced, and I knew I probably shouldn’t pick up my phone. So, I wouldn’t. I just needed to figure it out for myself. Or call one of my brothers and head to their place. Anyone would welcome me with open arms. They all had lives of their own, and I didn’t want to intrude, but hell, I didn’t know what else to do.

  My phone buzzed, and I looked down at it, the display giving me the answer I needed.

  Elise: I just got out of my late class, and I could use coffee or something hard to drink. It was the worst exam ever. What do you say?

  I swallowed hard. “Shit,” I whispered.

  Me: How about I bring you some coffee? And a baked good. Meet you at your house?

  I knew she was having a shitty night and probably didn’t need to talk. Maybe I wouldn’t. Perhaps I would listen to her complain about the test, and then we could talk about nothing at all.