To Die In Italbar

by Roger Zelazny

  "If you don't have a man just now," he said, "and you might be interested ... If you and Malacar are _just_--friends--I would like to be considered in the running. That is all I was trying to find out and to say."

  "I can't," she said. "It's too late. Thanks, though."

  "What do you mean 'too late'? All I know is now, and now is all I care about."

  "You don't understand."

  "... And I don't care either. If you and Malacar are not really together, well, perhaps, you and I ... You know. For a while, at least ... If you decide you don't like it-- Well, no hard feelings. I was thinking along those lines. Say something."

  "No, not yet. Not now."

  He marked the "yet" and, "Of course," he said, "I expected as much. Think about it, though. Yes, do that. Think about it. Please."

  "All right. I'll think."

  "Then I'll shut up. Whatever--at least--I hope that you will consider me a--friend."

  She smiled, nodded, drew away.

  "I think I had better be going now," she said.

  He nodded.

  She left him then, and he watched the exploding night.

  That's something, anyway, he said to himself.

  The heart had long ago turned to vapor.

  * * *

  Heidel burst upon the city like a pod spreading seeds. He pointed his finger and people fell.

  Enough, he said to the thing within him. They go now the way of all the others.

  As he departed, before he entered the place of mists, he encountered a boy with a hammer in his hand.

  Standing well back, he inquired, "What are you doing, boy?"

  The youth turned and said, "Collecting stones, sir."

  He laughed, then, "Chop into that yellow place on your left," he said. "There should be blue crystals there."

  The boy turned and obeyed him.

  "Sir!" he cried out, after perhaps ten minutes. "There are indeed blue crystals!"

  He continued to dig and chip.

  Heidel shook his head and contorted his face.

  "I had better be away," he said. He hurried off toward the mists.

  Hammering at the hillside, the boy did not notice him go.

  CHAPTER 5

  Matching his orbital velocity with Summit's rotation, he hung starlike above the area in question.

  "... A single individual," he repeated. "I am sorry that I cannot be more explicit. I am convinced he is the focus of the infections. You have to do more than simply quarantine the area. You have to locate this man and immobilize him. He should be moving somewhat in advance of the contagion course, as we must allow for an incubation period. From what you have told me so far, he seems to be headed southwest. I recommend you assume continuing movement in that direction, most likely on foot, and begin searching immediately. And get me more data! If possible, I would like to be in direct communication with the searchers."

  "I will of course have to get authorization for all this, Dr. Pels, but I am certain it will not take long. In the meantime, there should be more reports coming in shortly. I will get them up to you as soon as we have them."

  "Very good. I will be waiting."

  Pels broke the connection.

  Indeed, he said to himself, I am used to waiting. But this time-- The news came so quickly, and I made it in time to be right on top. I know he is down there. These people will let me direct things. I know it. Nothing like this has ever happened here before. He seems to be getting worse. But I will find him this time. Time.

  * * *

  ... Three, four, five.

  "Hold it!" he said, but she had already tossed the sixth coin.

  It hung there a moment, turning, jerking, then moved to join the other five in a slow figure-of-eight procession in the middle of the air.

  "Just wait until I stabilize the thing ... There! All right, add another--carefully."

  Jackara ffipped another coin upward. It overshot the group by several feet, froze as if suddenly transformed to a photograph, then commenced a tadpole-like wiggling that took it in the direction of the pattern. Moments later, it had joined the flow.

  "Another!"

  Laughing, Jackara tossed another coin. This one did not stop or even seem to slow, but moved to take its place in the procession immediately.

  "Another!"

  It was caught instantly, fitted into the circuit.

  "Another ..."

  "I think you are going to break your record," she said, throwing it.

  Catching it, he unfolded the design so that the coins now moved in a circle. The circle expanded and the coins flowed faster.

  "Now. Another."

  It fell into the pattern, which continued to expand, to accelerate.

  "You did it! That's the most yet!" she said.

  The shining round of coins drifted toward her, where she sat on the edge of the bunk. It moved to a position above her, descended, spun about her head.

  _I still cannot tell what it is that occurs in your mind when you do it, said Shind, though I can recognize the process when it is operating. Actually, it is a very pleasant thing to contem_--

  Malacar laughed.

  The ring came apart. The coins clattered against the bulkhead, shot across the cabin, fell about Jackara.

  She uttered a brief cry and drew back. Morwin shuddered and shook his head.

  Chuckling, Malacar emerged from behind the partition that separated the controls from the living area.

  "The Summit port authorities are most cooperative," he announced. "Really helpful."

  Morwin smiled to Jackara. "It _is_ a record," he said. Then, to Malacar, "How are they being helpful?"

  "I just checked with them for a picture of the landing situation, expressing concern over rumors I had heard of the outbreak of various diseases. Was it safe to land at all? I asked. Or should I take my tour elsewhere?"

  "Tour?" Jackara said.

  "Yes. I decided to be a tour guide, for purposes of the communication. --Might even be a good story to stick with if we get into trouble. At any rate, they responded by detailing the areas presently under quarantine. I got conversational then and managed to obtain some dates and places. I have a pretty good idea of our man's progress within the area now."

  "Very good," said Morwin, stooping and beginning to retrieve coins. "What are we going to do now?"

  "Drop back into subspace--I told him we were calling the trip off--and reenter at another point. Their satellite warning system looks pretty simple. I ought to be able to slip through all right."

  "Then land in the quarantined area and pick him up?"

  "Exactly."

  "Well, I've been thinking. What if we find him and he says he doesn't want to come with us, that he doesn't want to be a weapon? What do we do then? Kidnap him?"

  Malacar stared at him, eyes narrowing. Then he smiled.

  "He'll come," he said.

  Morwin looked away.

  "Just wondering ..."

  Malacar turned back toward the front of the vessel.

  "I am going to change course now," he said. "I will be taking us back into subspace as soon as I am able."

  Morwin nodded, jingled the coins, stood.

  "I think it is about time for your next round of immunizations," Malacar called back as he rounded the partition. "See to it, will you, Shind?"

  _Yes_.

  Morwin threw the coins into the air. They became a glittering tornado, twisting and spinning for several moments, then descended with a clatter into his outstretched palm.

  "Here's another," said Jackara, extending her hand.

  The coin shot from her fingertips and joined its mates with a sharp _clink_.

  She stared at him.

  "Is something the matter?" she asked.

  He dumped the coins into his pocket.

  "I don't know," he said.

  _You do, though_, said Shind. _His answer has caused you to think once more of your own position in this enterprise. And of all the things that follow_.

>   _Of course_.

  _You see now that he has changed, that he seems willing to use people in ways he might not have before_.

  _It seems that way_.

  _Jackara, for instance. Why is she here?_

  _I've been wondering_.

  _He has rationalized his way around it, but there is only one reason: She worships him, she thinks that everything he does is right. He will not admit it, but he needs that support now_.

  _He is that uncertain of himself?_

  _He grows older. Time moves more quickly for him, but his objectives seem no nearer to realization_.

  _And of my own presence?_

  _A version of the same thing. It is not just that you can cause a gun to misfire or sabotage a starship with your mind. Your respect reassures him. While he cannot fully trust you, he requires the old feeling of command your presence provides_.

  _He is taking a chance, though, if he cannot trust me_ .

  _Not really, for he knows that he can control you_.

  _How?_

  _By his control of Jackara. He is aware of your fondness for her_.

  _I did not think that it showed--and I had never thought him to be so perceptive_.

  _He is not, normally. I told him of your feelings for her_.

  _For God's sake! Why? My feelings are none of_--.

  _It was necessary. I would not have violated your emotional privacy if it were not. I did it only to assure his bringing you along_.

  _Just because you are worried about him?_

  _It is no longer so simple_--

  "Should I prepare the inoculations, Shind?"

  _Yes. Go ahead, Jackara_.

  Morwin watched her as she rose and moved to the rear of the compartment. Then he looked away and seated himself on the bunk.

  _What do you mean, Shind?_

  _As we have observed, Malacar has changed. But then, of course, so have we. He was always somewhat rash-and this was once a virtue--so that I found it difficult to decide until recently whether he had become more so, or whether I had simply grown more conservative. Something happened recently, however, which settled this question for me and gave me cause for alarm. It was on Deiba, where we sought clues as to the identity of H and found him to be this Heidel von Hymack. We encountered another individual searching for the same information. He was also successful, and he tried to dissuade Malacar from using it as he intends. He even offered him a tremendous price for his cooperation--the restoration of the entire planet Earth to its pre-war condition_.

  _Preposterous_.

  _No. The man was Francis Sandow, and I was in his mind as he spoke. He meant what he said. And he was very concerned_.

  _Sandow? The plano former?_

  _The same. He has long enjoyed an intimacy with the Pei'ans, the oldest race of which we have knowledge. In his mind there was a certainty that the man we seek has obtained an abnormal and highly dangerous relationship with one of the Pei'an deities, a goddess concerned with both healing and disease_--.

  _And you believe this?_

  _What is important is not whether 1 believe it or whether the thing is truly a deity. I do believe there is something highly unusual involved, though. Sandow was convinced that there is a dangerous concentration of power here, and his conviction was based on considerable personal knowledge of the phenomenon. I have known several Pei'ans, and they are a very strange, gifted people. I have encountered Sandow, and I know that he is anything but a fool. I know too that he was afraid. That is sufficient. I believe there is reason for his fears. Malacar would not even discuss the matter with him, though. Instead, he tried to kill him. I told him that he had succeeded, in order to save Sandow's life. The man was actually only stunned_.

  _What happened then?_

  _We returned home. Malacar began his search for von Hymack_.

  _Was Jackara with you when you met Sandow?_

  _Yes_.

  _Does she believe Malacar killed him?_

  _Yes_.

  _I see... And now Sandow's organization may be after us?_

  _I think not. He sent no agents. He went to Deiba alone. it is therefore a thing he wishes to handle himself. I believe he will keep it that way. --No, it is not the wrath of Sandow that concerns me at the moment. I wanted you along for a different reason_.

  _What, then?_

  _I did not exaggerate my fear for Malacar's safety, nor the peril that I feel lies ahead. I wanted you with us for the purpose of killing Heidel von Hymack, should we succeed in locating him_.

  _That is quite a request_.

  _But necessary. You must do it_.

  _And if I refuse?_

  _Thousands of people may die besides the Commander-- needlessly, horribly. Possibly millions_.

  _I do not know this for a fact_.

  _But you know me--have known me for years. You know I am stable and not given to acting without considerable thought. You know my loyalty to the Commander, and you know that I would not defy him lightly. Would I have set things up as I have if I did not believe what I was doing to be correct? You know the answer. I see it in your thoughts_.

  Morwin bit his lip. Jackara approached with the pressure pens. He drew up his sleeve and extended his arm.

  _I will have to think about it_.

  _Think all you want. I already know your answer_.

  * * *

  With blankets and water, the searchers made the man as comfortable as they could, there beside the trail. While they waited for the transportation they had summoned, they listened to his words, sometimes scattered by the fever, tugged back to responsiveness by chills.

  "... Correct," he said, looking past them at the sky. "Mad and correct. I don't know. Yes I do. He was thin ... Thin and dirty and covered with sores. I was at the supply depot when he came around. Never saw him before ... No. Hair like a dirty halo. There's your stranger for you. Came walking, someone said. Dunno from where ... Give me another drink, will you? --Thanks. --I don't know... Where he was going ... ? He didn't say. He talked. He did that. I don't remember what he said--exactly. But it was strange ... There's your stranger for you. Never said his name. Didn't seem to need one. Got up on a packing case and started talking. Funny ... Nobody tried to stop him, tell him to go away ... He-- Don't remember what he said. Mad and correct ... But we listened. Not that much happens around here--and he was different. Preaching, sort of--but not quite. Cursing, maybe. I don't know... Anyway-- Wait... More water? --Thanks. --Funny, funny... Mad talker. Death and life ... That's right! Right! Right ... How everything is going to die. Couldn't stop listening. Don't know why. We knew he was mad. Everybody said so--when we talked about him--after he left. Nobody said a word while he was preaching, though. It was like-- He made it sound right while he was saying it. And he was--right. Look at me! He was. Wasn't he? Mad and correct ... --No. I didn't see which direction he headed afterward. --You want to hear him, though? Sam-- who runs the place--recorded part of what he said. Played it back later. Different with him not being there, saying it. We laughed a lot when we listened, then. Just mad, that's all. You can ask Sam, if he hasn't erased it. You can hear him for yourself ... That was when I started feeling shaky-- God! He was right! He was, I think ... Seems that way-- anyhow ..."

  They reported this back to their section leader, and after the pickup they continued on, slowly, combing the countryside, halting to assist and record, to provide for the dead, the dying, the survivors, maintaining radio contact with the other groups, passing through open country, searching dwellings, climbing hills, the searchers.

  From the far corners of the sky, the clouds began to advance, and they cursed the threat of the storm which would foul both their boots and the body-heat detection equipment. One, who knew his history, even cursed Francis Sandow, who had designed and built the world.

  * * *

  Clouds, unrolling like carpets, spreading, trailing wisps and rag-ends, rushed toward a point near midheaven, dampening the dayblue sky to a pearl-gray from which the translucence slowly ebbed, as
additional layers were heaped above, banking, mounting higher, pressing lower, darkening, dimming, hazing the outlines of trees and rocky heights, transforming the lower figures of men and animals into shifting things a quarter of shadow and going for half, while the rains were yet withheld, the mists rolled and rose, dew came afresh to the grasses, windows were filmed and beaded, moisture collected, ran upon, dripped from leaves, sounds came distorted, as though the entire world had been bedded in cotton, birds flew near to the ground in their courses toward the hills, the winds died down and ceased, small animals paused, raised their muzzles, turned them slowly, shook themselves, cocked their heads, then moved as if seeking some hidden Ark, beyond the foothills, in the mist, above the places the searchers combed, and the thunder held its breath, the lightning stayed its stroke, the rain remained unshed, the temperature slipped downward, cloud fell upon cloud and, stopper drawn from the spectrum, the colors drained out of the world, leaving behind a newsreel frame or the impression of a cave, shadows sliding on its farther walls, changing, irregular, wet.

  * * *

  Dr. Pels listened again to the rasping, recorded voice, hooking his thumbs beneath his jaw, bracing his knuckles against his cheeks:

  "I-- Did someone say he has a right to live? I-- There is no cosmic guarantee for this. Far from it! The only promise the universe makes and keeps is death ... I-- Who says that life must triumph? All evidence indicates the contrary! Everything that has risen from the primal slime has been beset and ultimately destroyed! Every link in the great chain of being attracts the nemesis which breaks it! Life feeds upon itself, is crushed by the inanimate! Why? Why not? I--

  "... You are to blame. For existing. Look within yourselves and you will see the truth ... Regard the rocks of the desert! They breed not, nor do they harbor thoughts, desires. No living thing can compare to the crystal in its still perfection. I--

  "... Talk not to me of the sacredness of life, nor its adaptability. For every adaptation there is a new, dark answer, and the echo shatters the utterer. Only the stillness is sacred. The absence of hearing evokes the mystic sound. I--

  "... The gods erred in dumping their wastes. But you are to blame. For existing. This corner of the universe is polluted! From the stuff of divine garbage the disease of life was bred ... There is your sacredness! Quarantined between darkness and darkness, allowed to run its course. And everything that lives is disease to something other! We feed upon ourselves, are gone! Soon now, soon ... I--