Razorblade Kisses

by R. L. Griffin

  “Emery?”

  “Yeah?” She looked over at Rachel.

  “Do you believe in the click?” Rachel’s face didn’t reflect the precarious situation the two girls found themselves in, but was rather full of joy.

  “Like you meet a guy and you know if you’re going to love him or not?” Her nose itched; she blew air out of her mouth trying to relieve it. When that didn’t work, she moved her nose awkwardly in a vain attempt to ease some of the itch. “No.”

  “Your nose itch?”

  “Unbearably.”

  Rachel leaned her left shoulder toward Emery. “Here, rub it on my shirt.”

  “What?”

  “For real. What do I care? We’re about to go to jail and get strip searched.”

  “Oh, fuck,” Emery blurted, not really thinking about that part of her reality yet.

  “Oh yeah, it’s the real deal. Hope you’re comfortable with everyone seeing all your goods.”

  Emery froze in terror. How would she get through that? She couldn’t let anyone touch her.

  Rachel noticing her demeanor and wiggled her shoulder at her again. “Do it.”

  Emery leaned into this strange girl whom she’d felt an instant connection with and rubbed her nose on her shoulder. “Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome.” Rachel straightened back up. “And no, I’m not talking about love. I’m talking about a click. Where you meet someone right away and know that person is going to mean something to you—lover, friend, whatever. You click.”

  “Oh...” No, she didn’t believe in the click; she didn’t have any friends or lovers to click with. She didn’t allow herself to speak to anyone long enough to see if there was a click or not.

  “So, you believe it or what?” Rachel’s eyes were wide and Emery felt entranced by them.

  “I don’t know. I mean, I guess it could happen.”

  “Oh, it’s happening.” Rachel nodded, serious.

  “What?”

  “We clicked. I heard it. You’ll be important to me. I hope you’re not gay, because I don’t swing that way, so we must be friends. Immediately,” Rachel rattled on. “You gay?”

  “No.” Emery smiled despite herself. “Would it matter?”

  “No.” Rachel shrugged and bumped Emery’s left side with her shoulder. “I can’t wait to see where this friendship is going to go.”

  “I think it’s going to jail,” Emery retorted flatly.

  Rachel released a hearty belly laugh. “Well, that’s an accurate statement. I wonder if they’d let us go if we offered them blow jobs.”

  Emery’s face must have shown her total shock.

  “I’m just kidding.” Rachel threw her head back and laughed. It was loud and raucous and filled every space in the drab room with a happiness Emery hadn’t felt in a very long time.

  “I wonder how long they’ll keep us here,” Emery wondered out loud.

  “I heard this is an all day sting with Chandler. I think he got arrested last night and got out of it with my dad’s help if he agreed to help the cops with this. My dad is awesome.” Rachel shook her long raven locks out of her face. “I mean awesome at getting criminals off, not awesome as a dad,” she added matter-of-factly.

  “Wow. I’m pretty sure he’s not going to be in a mood to help me.”

  “My best friend?” Rachel said with mock shock. “Of course he will.”

  Emery shook her head. “He doesn’t even know me.”

  “He doesn’t know any of my friends or anything else I do. All he does is work, so he’ll believe me, his only daughter, was set up by his client.”

  “You’re crazy.”

  “But you will learn to love that about me, Emery.”

  They talked about celebrities, movies, and books. Rachel talked about boys and Emery listened. Rachel talked about school and Emery listened. Emery was parched, her throat scratchy from talking without anything to drink.

  They talked for hours and hours before the cops came and lined everyone up so they could be transported to the jail. The cops had brought in three other guys during the long day. The two groups had basically ignored each other.

  As two male officers escorted all of the people in cuffs out of the room, Emery glanced around and recognized one of the guys from her school. Great, I was hoping to keep this a secret.

  “Um, excuse me,” Rachel’s voice was an octave higher than normal and she batted her eyes at the younger male officer closest to them, “I really need to use the restroom.”

  “Not going to happen,” the officer snapped.

  “But we’ve been in here for hours and I have to go,” Rachel whined.

  Emery chuckled at the obvious change in her demeanor.

  When whining didn’t work, Rachel’s tone changed again. “All right, I’ll pee on myself and then you’ll have a mess to clean up,” she said defiantly.

  “Fine,” the officer huffed and then nodded at the other cop.

  Rachel smiled in an angelic way and walked off toward the bathroom. “Oh, you’ll have to take my pants and underwear off for me. You don’t mind, do you?” Rachel swiveled her hips suggestively at the cop, whose face turned the color of beets.

  Emery shook her head. This girl had busted through every single wall Emery had constructed in a single afternoon. The rest of them waited in the corridor silently while the police officer took Rachel into the bathroom. When the pair came back out, Rachel was smiling like the cat that ate the canary. Emery was scared what that smile was about.

  As Rachel joined the group, she looked pityingly at the cop. “Thanks for that. Sorry my thong gave you so much trouble. You know…” Rachel paused and a mischievous smile appeared on her pouty lips, “if you’re like that with your girlfriend, I feel sorry for her.”

  The cop’s eyes widened and he started to say something, but she interrupted.

  “Or maybe your boyfriend?”

  “I-I don’t…” the officer sputtered. “I’m not gay.”

  Laughter inadvertently escaped Emery’s mouth and floated through the hall, shocking her. The other three guys that were arrested smirked as well. Rachel practically preened.

  The officers escorted all five of them quickly out of the mall and into a van. As the van jostled her and the other detainees as it bumped along the road to the jail, she thought about how she hadn’t heard that kind of laugh in three years. The knowledge was like a light shining on everything she’d missed; the gym meets, the friends, the boys, and all the things kids take for granted. She’s missed it all.

  Phil had not only taken her virginity, but her laughter, her goals, and her dreams. And she’d let him.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Tell Me a Secret

  She’d never been naked in front of anyone. Ever. The female cop hadn’t even batted an eye at her standing there without a thread on. She hugged her left arm to her body and looked anywhere but into the eyes of the cop. To say it was humiliating would be the understatement of the century. After the body cavity search, she’d been given a ratty orange jumpsuit and escorted to a cell where Rachel was waiting. Her new friend’s face was stark white and her eyes were double the size they were a few hours before. They didn’t say anything to each other as Emery moved into the cell and sat on a bench along the wall opposite Rachel.

  She leaned her head back against the concrete wall, unconsciously holding her left forearm, trying to calm the trembling that had spread throughout her body when they ordered her to take off her clothes. She closed her eyes and started her inner mantra of seeing nothing, feeling nothing.

  “So you think they’re missing you yet?” Rachel asked from the corner where she sat, her head in her hands.

  “I don’t think my mother or sister would think anything about me being gone this long. I told them I was shopping.” That may or not be true, but it was what she hoped.

  “Well ten fucking hours of shopping would put a dent in your monthly clothing budget, wouldn’t it?” Rachel sat back and leaned against the
wall. “Is it just you guys and your mom?”

  Emery shrugged, ignoring her last question, and rubbed the indentations the handcuffs had made on her wrists. “Rachel, thank you for this.” Emery would be indebted to this girl she hardly knew. “And for keeping me distracted.”

  Rachel had kept her reasonably sane during this whole thing, keeping her mind off the intake, the orange jumpsuit, and the eight million questions the intake officer had asked by going on and on about her own life. They found out they only lived five minutes away from each other, but somehow had never met.

  “No worries,” Rachel said, waving a hand. “Girls usually don’t like me, but you’re different. You already love me. I can tell.”

  “Well, you’re hard not to love.” Emery really didn’t know what love was other than what she felt for her sister. When she thought of her feelings for her mother all she felt was a void. She wanted to love her, but she needed her mother to save her; instead she was sleeping with the enemy, the man that had raped Emery for the past three years.

  “If I tell you somethi—” Emery stopped herself.

  “What?” Rachel asked.

  “Never mind.” Emery shook her head violently, not believing the thought that she could tell this girl with hypnotic eyes had even entered her brain.

  “Oh no! You can’t do that to your best friend!” Rachel complained. “We’ve known each other for ten hours of straight talking. You know everything about me. You also should trust that I can keep a secret. Secrets will keep us close, I can tell. Do you want to know one of my secrets?”

  “Okay,” Emery hesitantly agreed. It wouldn’t hurt to tell this person she’d probably never see again, right?

  “I’m in love with one of my dad’s clients. He’s four years older than me and doesn’t even know I’m alive.” A stricken expression flashed over Rachel’s features. “You go.”

  “My stepfather…abuses me,” she admitted barely audibly, looking at the concrete wall across from her and counting the blocks. The tremble of her body had turned into a full on vibration. Emery thought she might fall off the small metal bench she was perched on.

  Rachel leaned in and whispered, “Abuse how? Did he do that to your arm?”

  Emery shook her head and closed her eyes, then dove headfirst into the abyss she’d avoided for three years. “I’ll never be able to be with a boy because every time I’ll picture him.” Emery knew she was being obtuse, but she couldn’t make herself say the word “rape.” A lone tear fell done her cheek before she turned her head and hid her rare emotion from Rachel. She’d been abused for so long she’d blocked it out. If she said it out loud it would bring every emotion she had to the surface. Emery would be all tears, rage, and contradiction. She would scare away this nice girl who had offered her such comfort during this madness.

  When she opened her eyes and looked down, Rachel was kneeling in front of Emery, forcing Emery to look at her. Fury colored her alabaster skin, making her cheeks match her lips. “Do not do that,” Rachel said firmly. “You have no right to be ashamed. You have the right to be afraid, to be scared, and to be angry, but not ashamed.”

  Emery locked her eyes on Rachel’s, vaguely noticing how much they looked like melted chocolate. They never wavered. Secrets were a funny thing. She’d been weighed down so long by this secret that ate away at her character, her personality, and her dreams because it remained untold and hidden in her gut. Now that she told Rachel, a little of the burden shifted and she actually felt lighter.

  Rachel stood up, pulling Emery with her. She hugged her so tightly Emery hoped the arms around her would hold all of the pieces of her together instead of letting them shatter to the ground. She’d never told anyone her secret and she had no idea why she’d told this person she’d just met. Emery didn’t like to be touched. After the first time she felt his fingers inside her she couldn’t stand even for her mother to touch her, but Rachel’s arms around her were a balm she didn’t know she needed.

  “I’ve never told anyone that.” Emery’s voice concealed the utter chaos of emotions that were brewing under the surface of her skin.

  “I know.”

  “Please,” Emery’s voice wobbled with fear. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

  “Never,” Rachel whispered.

  “Rachel Helms,” an officer called. “Emery Shaw.”

  The girls looked at each other and stifled giggles. They were the only ones in the cell, so it didn’t make any sense that the officer was calling their names.

  “Bail’s been paid,” the officer said as he stalked over and opened the cell.

  Rachel grabbed Emery’s hand as they walked to where Rachel’s father waited.

  So many thoughts raced through Emery’s head. She didn’t know what was worse for her right now, getting arrested or telling Rachel her secret.

  “Rachel Marie Helms!” boomed a man on his phone standing in the middle of the room to which the two girls were led. “I’ve got to go, my daughter has been arrested. AGAIN!”

  Emery took in this man standing a few feet away from her. His persona filled the entire room; Rachel obviously had her father’s personality and looks. He had black hair that was long enough to curl just a bit, with sprinkles of salt and pepper gathered at his temples that made him look distinguished. He was attractive for a man of his age, but right now he just looked downright pissed.

  “Rachel, you are so done,” he grunted through gritted teeth.

  “Hey, Daddy, thanks for getting me. That was bullshit, though. I was just hanging out with Chandler. I didn’t know they were doing a sting. You should’ve told me to stay away from him today because he was working with the cops.” Rachel’s tone was casual, like he’d just picked them up from the mall.

  He glared at her, and Emery could almost see the smoke coming from his ears. He turned on his heel and walked out of the room without another word. Rachel looked at Emery and shrugged her shoulders. The two girls followed him to the parking lot. When they got to his Jaguar, he finally looked at Emery.

  “I’m sorry, Emery,” he said apologetically. “I’m usually not so rude to Rachel’s friends. However, I don’t really like meeting her friends this way.”

  “Yes, sir, Mr. Helms. Thank you so much for helping me. I didn’t know what to do.”

  Mr. Helms slid into the driver’s side of the car and Rachel squeezed into the back seat, leaving Emery to sit in the passenger seat.

  “Thanks for getting us, Daddy. Are they pressing charges?”

  Emery watched as Rachel’s dad blew out a long breath. “As much as it pains me to have to tell you this, I talked the ADA into just charging you with some bullshit so that you only have to do community service.”

  “Told you,” Rachel leaned into the front seat and whispered to Emery.

  Emery was waiting for him to address her, but he didn’t.

  “I’m done with all of this, Rachel. I’m not sure what I’ve done that’s so bad that you do these things.” His voice was full of exhaustion.

  “I could move in with Mother,” Rachel answered, her voice small.

  “Ah, yes. You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Is that what this is about?” Mr. Helms ran a hand through his hair and his phone buzzed. He picked it up and began barking into the phone.

  “No,” Rachel answered without him hearing her.

  The ride to Perimeter Mall to pick up Emery’s car was silent except for the barking of directions to whoever was on the phone with Mr. Helms. When they parked, Rachel got out and pulled Emery into her arms.

  “There’s no escaping the click, Emery.” She stepped back and smiled. “Talk to you later.” The tires squealed as Mr. Helms peeled out of the parking garage.

  Emery stood there watching the taillights on the car that held her saviors. One had gotten her out of jail and one had made her realize sharing her secret wasn’t the end of the world. Or at least she hoped it wasn’t.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Free Fall

  “You’re
not even in trouble?” Rachel’s voice cracked through Emery’s cell phone. She was currently trying to talk Emery into skipping school and going to Six Flags.

  Without even pondering whether she should go or not¸ she gave in. “Fine,” Emery agreed, then did a u-turn on Ashford-Dunwoody and drove back towards home.

  Rachel’s house was new construction on the other side of Emery’s neighborhood. It was all brick with rock details around the two-story columns framing the massive maple double doors. When she pulled into the circular driveway, she saw Rachel waiting for her with a huge grin on her face.

  The passenger door opened and Rachel got in. She was breathless. “Hey.”

  “Hey.” Emery smiled and started back toward 285.

  “So did your dad ground you or something?” Emery asked. She’d wondered how the rest of Rachel’s night went. Her family had been out when she got home and she’d snuck in, taken a hot shower to rid herself of the shame of the intake procedure at the jail, and then crawled into bed wearing a t-shirt.

  “Yep.” Rachel pulled out a flask and poured from it into a soda bottle, then screwed the top back onto the bottle. “Can’t you tell?”

  “Why do you do these things that get you into trouble?”

  “Why not?”

  “Because you don’t want to get in trouble.”

  “Oh, he says I’m grounded, but that doesn’t mean shit.” Rachel leaned back against the leather seat and stared out the window. “He’s not around enough to know.”

  Emery chuckled. “Well, at least you’re consistent.”

  The rest of the trip was filled with them singing pop songs at the top of their lungs and Rachel taking sips of her drink. When they parked at Six Flags, Rachel pulled out shorts and a t-shirt for Emery to wear.

  “I knew you were headed to school, so I brought these for you to change into.”

  Emery stared at the tank top and shorts for a few moments then looked at her skirt and long-sleeved shirt. She began shaking her head.

  Rachel cocked her head to the side. “Why?”