“Alright?” he asked gruffly. Like he knew he had just made her melt and was trying not to let on.
She smiled at him. Beginning to believe under all that gruff warrior business he was a giant softie. He cleared his throat while reaching across her body for the ocular device.
“If at any time you are uncomfortable, I will stop the download.” She gave a non-verbal acknowledgment and he frowned at her seriously. “Anything. If you experience even as much as a twinge of discomfort. I insist.”
“Okay.”
He harrumphed. His fingers skipped over his wrist unit. Then over the surface of the goggles. Glancing at her in between each adjustment as though waiting for her to stop him. She watched him intently, admiring how handsome he was. Unable to keep from smiling when she noticed the tips of his ears turning the tiniest bit pink.
Was he blushing?
“There will be a pulse of light.” his voice was a bit hoarse, “Images will flow across the screen and I anticipate that it might feel strange. The download will begin almost immediately. Afterward, you will be exhausted. Your mind will need several hours of sleep to reboot and accept the download. I vow, you will wake in our bed, in our quarters. I will be at your side the entire time.”
Andi stopped him from settling the goggles on her eyes with a touch of her hand. Immediately he removed them, frowning at her when she sat up. They were shoulder to shoulder now and she didn’t think. She just went with her instinct.
She cupped his hard jaw in her palm. Feling not an ounce of scratchy stubble there that would chafe or abrade. Only smooth skin stretched tight over hard bone. The barest of pressure of her fingers and he tilted his head, her name on his lips. A careful question. She tasted the sound of it as she brushed her lips boldly across his. Felt his breath catch. She wasn’t an expert, but he followed her lead. Kept his kisses light and gentle despite how she could feel him quivering. She pulled back just far enough to see the violet of his eyes.
“I’m safe with you. I believe that. I trust you.” The breath chuffed out of him.
“My one,” he murmured huskily.
His body followed her when she lay back down. Jolting when she giggled, his ears turning an even darker pink. He gave himself a little shake before carefully settling the goggles over her head. At his questioning look, she nodded. Steadied to let him pull the alien device over her eyes. Nerves jangled, more from excitement than uncertainty. She blew out a deep breath, her cheeks warming when he took her hand in both of his and brought it to his mouth.
“You may startle at the beginning of the program. Squeeze my hand if at any point you are frightened or uncomfortable.”
Before she could properly process the feeling of his lips brushing against her skin, there was indeed a flash of light. Just like he said. It was bright enough to make her jump. A barrage of images followed the flash at an alarmingly dizzying rate.
She blinked when she opened her eyes again. Expecting the sterile white room, or to have been surrounded by holographic trees. Not the familiar surroundings of Ohlen’s quarters. He was right there again. Sitting in a chair beside the bed with a tablet in his hands, frowning at whatever he was reading.
The second she shifted under the sheets, his eyes were on her. His frown evaporated in favor of a stunning smile, “How are you feeling?”
Andi licked her lips while she looked around the room. Her mouth so dry, she could feel her taste buds screaming at her for water.
“Fine, what happened? Did it not work?”
He chuckled and moved to sit beside her on the bed. He must have read her mind as he handed her a tall glass of water.
“The download was completed, my one. Yesterday.”
“What? Yesterday? But I just lay down!”
She reached up to touch her head. Instinctively searching for the goggles. She found nothing but her hair.
“It was completed within three of your earth hours. You managed to smile at me when I took the goggles off, but then promptly fainted. I took you to medical to assure myself of your health and then brought you here. I had not anticipated such a reaction. I apologize.”
She realized the reason he’d been telling her every step of the process wasn’t just to explain. It was to put her at ease. So she wouldn’t be surprised by anything. Andi stretched as she sat up, not flinching or cringing when he moved closer,
“I take it since we’re back in your quarters, everything was within normal limits?”
It took him a second to answer.
“There were no abnormalities. The scans indicated your mind has accepted the data without issue. And…these are our quarters, my one. All that I am, all that I have now and in the future, belongs to you.”
Five
Ohlen watched Andi struggle to understand. To accept what he told her. Watched her gnaw on her full bottom lip. Her lashes fluttered with her confusion as she shifted uncomfortably beneath the blankets.
“Have I made you uncomfortable?” he asked. Praying for the day when their bond was strong enough to allow him to feel her emotions. Instead of catching the jumbled scent of them.
“No. I’m just wondering why. I mean, you’re um, not exactly getting the prize of the litter with me.”
Her lips rolled together as a shameful flush painted her cheeks. Waiting for what he assumed was his judgment. She did not understand her value. She saw herself as damaged or less than the others. Until their bond was truly formed, Andi would have no idea how truly precious she was to him. Ohlen reached for her. Slowly enough to give her time to push him away. Relieved when she so readily allowed him to draw her into his lap.
Though she came to him without hesitation, he could still feel the fine threads of tension in her body. Scent her nervousness while he held her close for a moment. Let the sensation of her soft body in his lap, the ridiculously arousing press of her breasts against his chest, burn into his mind. Into his memories. This was the first time she hadn’t flinched from his touch out of habitual fear. It seemed like so small a thing, but to him it was monumental. He slid his fingers into her hair. Combed through the silky soft strands. Lifted them to his nose to inhale the sweetness of her unique scent.
“You’ve been informed by your commander of how matings work among my people?”
“She explained that you’re ah, older than us.” Andi murmured. “That you mate only once and only to one woman. There were a lot of other details. In all honesty, I was a bit fixated on being invisible, as I’m not the sort of woman a warrior should have for a um, wife. Mate.”
Ohlen’s beast snarled and slashed at his insides to hear her speak of herself that that way. With the total belief that it was true. He wanted to roar at her that she was wrong. Struggled to not let his fury for a dead man overtake his tone.
“Your past is just that, my one. Your past. We make our own future now. I see you, Andi. All of you and you are my solace after so long alone. Without doubt, you are more than I had ever imagined. More than beautiful, more than brave, more-“
He was forced to stop talking because Andilifted her lips to his again. Trembled in his hold when he growled softly. But she didn’t pull away. He followed her lead for now. Content to learn this mating dance of mouths that she called, kissing. More than content to learn the soft, sweet curves of her lips. To discover what made her shiver. What made her breath catch. What made her fingers dig into the muscle of his arms and hold on tight.
Ohlen tried to situate her so that his cock wasn’t digging into her thigh so obviously. Another sound was pulled from him when his Andi wound her arms around his shoulders to stay right where she was. He could scent her desire, the soft fragrance of it intoxicating. He could feel her uncertainty despite her boldness. The white hot curl of her tongue across his lips was tentative but no less potent. It took every ounce of willpower he had not to pounce on her and devour her, one lick at a time. It was akin to torture, easing away before he lost control or took over. Before he took more than he should.
�
��I see now why my commander was so enraged when I happened to disrupt his time kissing his mate.”
The flush on her cheeks darkened. Her eyes sparkled with shyness. Her stomach gave a hungry rumble.
“I’m sorry,” she gasped with embarrassment.
He chuffed at her. Kissed her again softly as he knew how and nuzzled at her soft cheek. “It is no wonder you hunger, my one. You have been asleep for a full cycle. Come.”
****
Ohlen took her to what she’d started calling ‘the Media Room,’ for the next four days. Each time he explained the next step of the download process. What she might experience and where she would be when she woke up. Because of her reaction after the first download, he was adamant about taking her to the medical bay immediately after each session. Ensuring she suffered no adverse reactions.
The second download completed, Andi opened her eyes to see Ohlen right beside her, his hand stroking down over her head. As soon as Ga’rae had cleared her to leave, Ohlen carried her back to their suite. Kept her cuddled close to his chest the entire way. As though she needed to be handled with the utmost care. The third time had been the same. So had the fourth.
The fifth time Andi opened her eyes, she found herself curled up on the bed in their quarters.
Ohlen was kneeling beside her holding one of her hands in his. Just looking at her. She felt the rhythmic sweep of his thumb brushing tenderly back and forth over her pulse. He had the oddest expression on his face. It wasn’t an expression that scared her. Waking up to Ohlen being so close didn’t scare her either. It was more that whatever emotion he was feeling, allowing to show on his face, made her stomach flip. Churn with a mix of uncertainty and shyness.
“What’s wrong?” she murmured.
Half afraid if she spoke louder than a whisper, he would let go of her. More and more his cautious, mindful touches were becoming addicting. They warmed her. Comforted her. Even soothed her. Made her feel safe. His lips curved up at the corners. A hint of a smile filled his eyes until they shimmered in the low light. Like fire through amethyst.
“Nothing is wrong, my one. I was simply waiting for the moment you woke. I am swiftly becoming addicted to watching you wake. The first time, for just a heartbeat you seemed frightened. Then you caught sight of me and you calmed. I was determined to be within your range of vision each time you woke after that. It is a lovely thing to see. Your eyes are almost black when first they open. Though the more alert you are, the brighter they become. Until they are almost golden brown. I hope, one day, I can convey to you the depth of my amazement. To know that for the rest of my days, I will wake and see this beautiful miracle, each morning.”
Ohlen said things like that to her and for a few breath-stealing moments, she didn’t know how to respond. It made her shamefully uncomfortable. Wondering how he could stand to look at her when he knew, had heard from her own mouth, every appalling admission she’d made to Clary about what Ethan had done to her.
How Ohlen could still think she was…a beautiful miracle?
He had treated her with the utmost care and respect. More so than any other man she had ever met in her life. It made her chest hurt to know that this fascinating, unbelievable creature, was stuck with her. She wished she had met Ohlen before Ethan had ever sullied her. Back when she was still clean and maybe…
“I have upset you. Forgive me. I should not yet speak so frankly with you.” Ohlen’s toneless retreat jerked her out of her thoughts.
Andi clenched her hand around his. Hating how the smile died from his eyes. How he retreated from being so open and honest with her. The brightness in his eyes replaced with emotionless blankness. She sat up and reached out with a shaking hand. Pushed a strand of his fair hair from where it had fallen across his brow. Scooted closer so she could tuck it back into the thick braid down the center of his head.
Her heart gave a dizzying flop when he turned his face into her touch. His lashes fell to half-mast with a little huff of air. Like he was starved for every brush of her skin against his.
“It’s not that. I’m not upset because of how you speak to me. I just…I just wish I’d met you five years ago. When I’d have felt like I was worthy to be called a beautiful miracle. To be honest, I don’t understand how you can bear to touch me and feel anything but disgust.”
Ohlen’s lashes snapped up to her show the way his eyes darkened. How his pupils shot up vertically in reaction to her embarrassed murmur. Andi swallowed thickly. Unable to help the shiver that rippled through her. He towered over her when he stood up. Kept hold of her hand as he took a step backward.
“Come here to me, my one.” his voice was tight and low. A barely audible growl.
He didn’t tug on her hand or make her follow him down into the chair. He waited for her to decide what to do. After an uncomfortable moment, Andi untangled herself from the bedsheets. Picked up the skirt of her dress and folded herself up onto his strong thighs. Shivering again when he closed his arms around her. He lay his cheek on her hair. His palm having cupped her head to keep her tucked in against his shoulder. He still said nothing.
The total lack of pressure to speak was enough to have her releasing a huge sigh. Allowing her to selfishly take every bit of comfort from his body that she could. Every bit of warmth. Every single bit of safety that comfort and warmth brought her. For the longest time, Ohlen just cuddled her close and let her have that. His chest moved with slow, deep breaths. His nose rooted gently through her hair. When he spoke she could feel the vibration of his words move through her entire body. Feel them in her bones.
“I will not lie to you, my one. Not ever. I feel rage, unlike anything I’ve ever known when I think of what you suffered. Look at me,”
Andi swallowed thickly to gather her courage. Obediently she tilted her head back to look into his inhumanly handsome face. His hand, his fingers that hid claws sharp enough to shred skin like paper, brushed over her cheek with the softest of caresses.
“Not one moment of what you were forced to endure lessens your value to me. I cannot express to you the true depth of my feelings because I have not the words to describe them. I have never known them before. Disgust is what I feel towards the crew of your ship. The ones who knew what was happening and did nothing to help you. Not towards you, or for you. I wish our bond were developing faster. You would be able to sense and feel the truth of my words. Feel as I feel. Know what is in my heart. I am a warrior, my one. I have few words to properly express my emotions. For that, I am deeply sorry.”
He was quiet for a moment. Visibly struggling to put his feelings into words. She was so blown away by the ringing honesty in his voice, even if she’d had something to say at that point, she wouldn’t have been able to say it.
“When I look at you, I am not disappointed by the god’s choice for me. You are brave. Stronger than I believe you give yourself credit for. A survivor. You are…you are everything. All that you are now belongs to me. As all that I am now belongs to you.”
He spread his hand over her chest. Over her heart. The corner of his lips kicking up in a brief smile.
“I will cherish you always. Just as you are. The only regret will be that I had not found you and been able to protect you sooner. As for your disbelief in my ability to touch you and not feel disgusted? I crave your touch. Crave it like food to sate a millennia of starvation. I have been on this warship, surrounded by brothers in arms, and I have felt alone for every single one of those days. I vow to you that were you to permit me, I would never allow your feet to touch the deck. So great is my desire to hold you and feel your heart beating in time with mine.”
Andi still didn’t quite believe that deep down, somewhere, he wasn’t repulsed by her. But for a guy who claimed to not be able to adequately express his feelings, he did an amazingly eloquent job of it. If it got any better, she would have been sobbing. She sat curled up in his lap. Finding the weirdest sort of peace inside herself.
Andi had a flash of memory from her childhoo
d. Sitting in a corner of engineering with a stolen pad of paper and a stubby stick of charcoal. Drawing a planet under the red lights of the reactor core. A planet where she would have a home. Maybe a family. She remembered drawing trees and mountains, a castle. All the things a little girl alone would dream of having for herself.
“Someday, this will all be over. It will be worth it. I’ll have a home. Somewhere I belong and it will be worth it.”
Her six year old self had been right. Every horrible moment had been worth it. Worth the suffering, just to experience this one shining moment. Sitting here curled up in Ohlen’s arms. Feeling his warmth. Feeling like she had a place to belong now. The promise of a home with trees and mountains. A family.
She twisted to hug his unbelievably broad shoulders. Clung to him for dear life. Moved to tears by the tender way he palmed her hair and rested his lips on her throat. By how purred a soft, alien sound, just for her.
“Every moment I had to wait for this. For you. It was worth it, my one.”
Ohlen whispered the words to her like he’d read her mind. Calling her his one with such reverence she fought not to break down into a sobbing mess. Instead, she held onto him. Onto the belief that all she’d been through, all she’d endured, had led to this. To him.
Six
Three days later, Andi sat at the large table with the rest of the human crew. Her body ached from the rather grueling strength training sessions Ohlen had set for her. He had offered her tonics to help her muscles regenerate faster, but after so long of feeling nothing but dead inside, she somewhat welcomed the proof of her exertions.
The media room two decks up was equipped with a running track. Within the holographic walls, Ohlen took her hiking through mountains. Jogging alongside rivers. Running through the forests of his home. Several times he’d had to end the program to get her to stop because she was so eager to see more.
Sarazen's Vengeance: Book 1.1 Page 4
