My Beginning With Mr. Darcy [Book One]

by Lauren King

  Darcy nods.

  “I must talk to Miss Bennet; please, ask her Darcy – please.” Bingley entreats.

  “I already asked, Miss Bennet; she agreed to listen to you with me and Miss Elizabeth present in the drawing room.”

  “That is fine, Darcy. I do not mind you two being present and hearing me. I just need Miss Bennet to hear me and to forgive my mistake.”

  Darcy could not shatter Bingley’s hope; he feels absolutely awful for Bingley.

  When Darcy escorts Elizabeth and Jane into the drawing room, Bingley instantly stands up to greet them. They all bow and curtsy politely. Elizabeth wants to break the awkwardness and tension, thus she amiably asks if Mr. Bingley would like some tea.

  “Thank you, but I already had some tea, Miss Elizabeth.” Bingley’s smile is reserved and tentative.

  “All right then…William, is that the poetry book that you were telling me about?” Elizabeth asks nicely.

  “Yes, I think so. Let me show you.” Darcy replies understandingly as he and Elizabeth walk to the other end of the drawing room. Fortunately, this drawing room is quite large; hence, if one’s voice is not raised, then it will be difficult to be heard at the opposite end.

  “Miss Bennet, thank you for agreeing to listen to me. I will not take up too much of your time.” Bingley states forthrightly and sadly.

  “That is fine, Mr. Bingley.” Jane replies composedly. She does not look forward to this conversation; she does not want to hurt Mr. Bingley’s feelings. She hopes that it will be short and straight to the point.

  “Miss Bennet, what I want to say the most is that I am sorry for my mistake – my mistake for not standing by you through your family’s problem. I was so shocked that I just wanted time to think; I handled it terribly. I could not think of how to satisfy my duty to my family and to help you – help us – at the same time. I was selfish to think of my family first and not think about us; I just felt so obligated to my family. I know what a mistake that is now, especially when it pertains to Caroline. I could have taken care of my family’s concern without retreating from our relationship. That was from inexperience, Miss Bennet. I have never seriously pursued any young lady before; therefore, I was ill-equipped to handle the problem that I was facing at that time. I am disappointed at myself for not being able to manage it better, and now you are seriously being pursued by another gentleman.” Bingley takes a deep breath before continuing.

  “I just want you to know that I honestly and seriously care for you. The short of it is that I would like for you to consider me again. I would like to officially court you. I am willing to do anything to ascertain your trust and care again.” Bingley looks at Jane with hope. He must continue so Jane will know that he is absolutely serious about his care for her.

  “I also want you to know that I have reprimanded Caroline harshly and told her that I will no longer tolerate her attitude and conduct. I have tried to do well by her as part of my duty towards her as her older brother and as the head of my family. However, she has left me with no choice except to demand that she takes up her own residence. I see now that she is so overtaken by the fact that she wants to be part of the Ton that she will degrade everyone else around her that is not in the Ton. She forgets her own roots. I am ashamed of her behavior. For her to make those comments is already inexcusable but to exclaim it publically is reprehensible and indecent. I can no longer reach her sensibly. I was completely embarrassed for me and my entire family. Darcy and Miss Elizabeth did right when they set her down. Once again, I apologize that you had to hear her rant.” Bingley sighs heavily then says, “I am very sorry, Miss Bennet.” Bingley states tensely but most genuinely.

  “You will not have to contend with her. I will not allow her near you if she remains the same. Please, tell me that you understand for me and give me another chance, Miss Bennet.” Bingley says beseechingly and desperately. He gazes at her with heartbreaking eyes.

  Undoubtedly, Jane is touched, but it is too late, now. She takes a deep breath and says composedly. “Mr. Bingley, I appreciate your explanations. I understand and recognize what you did and why you did it. That is why I do not blame you, at all. That is also why I had to move on….and I have moved on since your retreat. Please, do not feel obligated towards me, in any way; we were not even officially courting. I feel that you will overcome this with no problems. We all have to make decisions that are best for us at the time, and we both have made our decision, Mr. Bingley. Therefore, I wish you joy and good health, sir.”

  There….she has stated her decision…she is done. Jane feels sadness not because she loves me Mr. Bingley but because saying these things to someone that you once liked is difficult; this is her first time being in this position. She did not want to hurt his feelings, but it had to be said so that everyone was clear.

  Bingley is more despondent now than ever. Miss Bennet just declined his courtship, and she sounds like she no longer has any tender feelings for him. God, how has it come to this? He knows how – it was because he was dense! Damn his stupidity! He just lost a great lady. His heart is actually aching at this moment.

  “Miss Bennet, I will be bold and blunt because I need to know for certain. Do you have any more tender regard for me? Please, if you give me a chance I will not disappoint you. I made a mistake. I was caught between impossible positions, but I know my mind better, now. I need you to know that. I will not let anyone or anything come between us again. Please, just think about how we were together. I will fix this mistake and make it up to you.” Bingley feels miserable, and he can feel the complete loss of Miss Bennet, now.

  “Mr. Bingley, please…”

  “Miss Bennet, I am sorry to interrupt you, but please…please listen to me. I am sorry I let you down. I am sorry for my retreat, but that does not mean I do not care for you. I care for you so very much.” He exclaims sincerely and desperately just hoping for any small hope of a chance with her.

  “Mr. Bingley, please do not say those things to me anymore.” Jane states quietly as she looks down at her entwined fingers. She feels so badly for Mr. Bingley’s plea; she feels cruel not to be able to agree with him, but she knows she cannot. She has accepted Mr. Morgan already – a good, kind, generous gentleman. She does not know for certain if she would accept Mr. Bingley back even if she was not in a courtship with Mr. Morgan. She has lost her trust in him. How does she know if he will not retreat if another hardship should arise in their relationship, either before or after they were married?

  “I will say them because they are the truth, Miss Bennet.” Bingley presses. “Please, Miss Bennet. I have come to care for you so much. It kills me that due to my stupidity, I will lose you. Please, give me another chance. Please.” Bingley beseeches again.

  Jane’s insides squeeze because she never wants to hear anyone plead with her so heartbreakingly. She has to be clear about their parting. “Mr. Bingley, I am sorry. Please, recognize that you did not care enough for me at the time in order to try to work things out for us; that was why you were able to retreat so readily and easily. However, again, I did not blame you for that; that was your prerogative. That was why I accepted your decision, and I had to move on too. I will be open with you. Since your retreat, I no longer feel the same way about you.” Jane tries to relay this as gently and considerately as possible to limit any pain she may cause Mr. Bingley.

  “Miss Bennet, please, I am sorry…” Bingley begins to say but is interrupted.

  Jane gently interrupts him, “I am sorry, Mr. Bingley; I wish you the best.” Jane has to stay strong and stick to her decision. She stands up and looks over at Elizabeth and William. They know that is Jane’s signal for them to come over so that she can leave and not make it awkward for anyone.

  Elizabeth nods, and William also looks over at Jane and Bingley. Bingley looks very down casted; Darcy pities him, but there is nothing Darcy can do for him. Bingley made a gigantic, ill-thinking mistake in retreating from his budding relationship with Jane. That left a huge space
for another worthy gentleman to admire Jane, and that gentleman has fulfilled her wishes.

  “William, Lizzy can you show me where the music room is? I promised Georgiana that I would listen to her new song that she has been working on.” Jane asks nicely.

  “Miss Bennet…” Bingley wanted to implore again, but he knew Miss Bennet made up her mind already. He did not want to leave a last impression of his indignity in her mind.

  “I will show you where Georgiana is.” With sensitivity, Elizabeth says sympathetically, “Good day to you, Mr. Bingley.”

  “Good day to you, Miss Elizabeth.” Bingley bows to Elizabeth and then turns to Jane to say, “Good bye, Miss Bennet. I also wish you all the joy in the world.” He bows most formally and looks up directly at Jane one last time as she finishes her curtsy. He will ingrain her beautiful face into his mind and not forget it. Yes, his heart is clearly aching now; it is breaking. This is the end.

  “Thank you, sir. I wish you all the best; good bye, Mr. Bingley.” Jane responds graciously before turning to leave with Elizabeth with great sadness and sympathy. It is done.

  Miss Bennet is gone.

  Elizabeth leads Jane to the garden. There, Jane tells Elizabeth all that was said.

  “Well, it is over now, Jane. Are you all right?” Elizabeth asks compassionately.

  “Yes.” Jane breathes and sighs heavily. “It was just hard to say it directly to him.”

  “You did what was right. He will understand once the shock and pain wear off. It had to be said so it could be clear.” Elizabeth supports Jane.

  Elizabeth and Jane decide to go back inside to the music room. Georgiana is not present, thus they decide to wait for William until he comes to get them. Approximately half an hour later, William comes into the music room looking cheerless. Elizabeth can guess that Mr. Bingley did not do well after they left.

  “Jane would you like to go home so you can rest?” Elizabeth asks thoughtfully.

  “No, I am fine, Lizzy.” Jane wants Elizabeth to have time with William; additionally, she does not want to go home and dwell on Mr. Bingley’s pain.

  “Jane, if you would like to rest, there are guest rooms upstairs that you can use.” Darcy says kindheartedly. “Please, stay for dinner, and then we can play the card games again. I wanted to ask you ladies to stay for dinner before all this came up.” Darcy looks over to Elizabeth. He wants Elizabeth to stay for dinner, but he will understand if Jane is not feeling well after that encounter.

  “I am fine, truly, William. I do not feel that way towards Mr. Bingley anymore, thus it was not as difficult as it could have been. I hope that he will be all right. Did you talk to him, after I left?” Jane does not want to hurt anyone.

  “Yes, I did and he was agonized.” Darcy sighs and then says, “Come now, you do not need to hear about it. He just left for his home. I told him that I will check on him tomorrow. Let me find Georgiana and request that she play her new song for us.” William says perceptively. This will take some time for Jane and Bingley to completely settle themselves over this. Darcy suspects that it will be harder on Bingley and will take longer for him to accept because he is suffering alone. Jane has Morgan; it will be much easier for her.

  SUNDAY, JANUARY 4th

  After church, Darcy, Elizabeth, Jane, and Georgiana break their fast at Darcy House. They relax doing their own activities. In the music room Georgiana plays her piano forte with Jane sitting nearby embroidering while Darcy talks with Elizabeth in the sitting room – with the door completely opened, naturally.

  Darcy says, “Dearest, I will stop by Bingley’s home at eleven o’clock to see how he fares. Afterwards, I will come to see you. Would you like to have luncheon here again? I like to see you inside my home; you belong here with me.” Darcy smiles most endearingly. “I wish it was the 31st already; you will be by my side forever from that day forward.”

  Elizabeth blushes when she hears William’s comment; she feels treasured and cherished by him. In her mind, she sighs most gratifyingly. He wants her in his home, forever. “I like to be where ever you are.” She smiles most beguilingly.

  “I will collect you and Jane at one o’clock then?” Darcy brushes her cheek and his thumb gently rubs on her tantalizing lips. “Actually, why do you not just stay here today? I will come back from Bingley’s then we can have luncheon that way you do not have to come back and forth.”

  “Will people not think it odd for me to be in your house while you are out?”

  “Georgie will be present. Even if Georgie is not home, you are my betrothed; you have a right to be in my home which will be your home soon, anyways.” Darcy says as a-matter-of-fact; he wants her to feel comfortable with all that belongs to him. She will be mistress of it all in seven and twenty days, anyways.

  “Are you sure I should be roaming freely in your home when you are not here, darling? Will the servants or others not think it presumptuous of me?”

  “As I have said, Georgie will be here with you and Jane; it is exactly like you are visiting Georgie. I want you to stay, Lizzy.” Darcy encourages; he wants to accustom her to his home; it makes him feel that she is a part of him.

  “All right, darling; I will stay since it will be such a waste of time if you take me back and forth several times a day like that. But I think Mr. Morgan will be visiting Jane this afternoon. I think around three o’clock. Let me ask her now.”

  Jane confirms that Mr. Morgan will call upon her at three o’clock. Darcy states that he will escort the ladies home before three o’clock. Once that is settled, everybody agrees to go for a short walk in St. James Park.

  While walking, Darcy speaks warmly with Elizabeth about them seeking his Aunt Helen’s advice about the wedding breakfast again. Elizabeth agrees, thus Darcy will send his Aunt a note requesting to meet with her one day this week. As they walk this morning, there are quite a few couples and families out walking too. It is a chilly but not intolerable. As the four of them walk around a turn on the walking trail around some tall bushes, Elizabeth sees a familiar gentleman; he is escorting a young lady and there is an older lady walking behind them.

  “Darling, is that Mr. Morgan down there?” Elizabeth asks William while she squints to try to decipher the gentleman.

  Darcy looks to where Elizabeth is gazing, and he recognizes that it is Morgan who is walking with a young lady. They are talking with each other with their heads close to each other; they could, mistakenly, be thought of as a romantic couple. Darcy cannot see the young lady’s face clearly because of her fur ear muffs and fur hat. Morgan and the lady have stopped, and they continue to talk. The older lady stands about twenty feet away from them.

  “I think that is Morgan.” Darcy responds quietly. He really hopes that the young lady is Morgan’s close relative because if Jane sees this, she may misinterpret their closeness just as he and Elizabeth have already. Darcy also stops their walk because he does not want to come any closer to Morgan.

  “Darling, do they look like a couple to you?” Elizabeth becomes suspicious and starts to frown. This cannot be what she thinks it is, could it?

  “She could be a relative, Lizzy.” Darcy tries not to judge without knowing Morgan’s side, first.

  “I think we better turn around and guide Jane away before she sees Mr. Morgan. I really hope that she is a relative.” Elizabeth is surprised and taken aback by what she sees in regards to Mr. Morgan.

  Right at this point Jane and Georgiana walk up to Elizabeth and Darcy; they laugh and say that Elizabeth is torturing them with this walk.

  “All right, ladies; let us go home to the warm fire, then.” Elizabeth is glad to turn around before Jane can catch a glimpse of Mr. Morgan with another young lady. Elizabeth pulls on William’s arm so he can quickly lead them out of the park.

  Just as they are about to turn around, Elizabeth sees that Jane is looking Mr. Morgan’s way. Jane is gazing with bewilderment at Mr. Morgan’s direction.

  “Lizzy, is that Mr. Morgan? That gentleman down there.�
�� Jane asks without taking her eyes away from the vicinity of where Mr. Morgan is standing.

  “Umm, the gentleman is too far away for me to see clearly, Jane. Are you ready to go get warmed up?” Elizabeth tries to distract Jane, but Jane is not moving from her spot.

  “William, can you look to see if that gentleman is Mr. Morgan?” Jane asks steadfastly; at this point, she is very curious. If that is Mr. Morgan, then he looks very easy with that young lady. Is she a relative?

  Darcy hesitatingly steps right next to Jane and looks at Morgan’s direction. “Do you mean the gentleman on the right side of the trail or the left side, Jane?” Darcy can sense a bad development here. How can he distract Jane from jumping to conclusions? Well, if Morgan is doing something he is not supposed to, then Darcy cannot help him; he is not going to lie for Morgan.

  Just as Darcy asks that, the man and three ladies on the left side of the trail continue their walk. It is clear that the man on the right side is Morgan. Darcy cannot lie.

  “On the right side, William.”

  “Yes, I think that is Morgan.” Darcy tries to make his answer nonchalant so that it does not augment Jane’s concern or skepticism.

  Jane continues to stare towards Mr. Morgan’s direction and she, too, recognizes that it is Mr. Morgan talking with some young lady. Jane is confused about who the young lady could be because they look rather close. Jane sees Mr. Morgan’s profile, and he is smiling very animatedly. The young lady looks up at him in admiration, and he continues to talk and chuckle with her. Then, he quickly kisses her hand before they continue to walk happily down the trail.

  Jane cannot believe it; she thinks that Mr. Morgan is pursuing another young lady while he is courting her. Obviously, it looks like Mr. Morgan knows this young lady quite well. He kissed the young lady’s hand; he has not done that with Jane which means he and that young lady know each other longer and more intimately. Well….all right, then.