The Rise & Fall of the Miraculous Vespas
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X-Ray tells me, he had tae lie low, ‘cos the stupid aul’ prick had let the insurance for the studio lapse, an’ he was shitin’ it that the kid Colum’s family wid sue him. An’ also, he tells us that efter aw the shite wi’ Grant, an’ Band Aid, an’ the NME, nae cunt wid ae touched it. He wis probably right, but whit the daft aul’ bastart didnae tell us wis the real reason it took so long wis because he’d left the tapes in the back ae a fuckin’ hire car, an’ it took him aboot three bastart years tae get them back … the dopey aul’ tosser.
It must’ve helped to have Noel Gallagher claiming the band was a big personal influence.
Didnae dae any harm, that’s for sure. Efter years ae aw that ‘Ah hate maself an’ ah want tae die’ Nirvana shite, Britpop wis aw upbeat and an’ bands like us … ah mean, The Vespas, were back in favour again. But as ye’ve seen, it’s a fuckin’ classic LP noo’. Grant’s a fuckin’ recluse, aye … but that’s probably helped his status … in a funny way.
And the smash hit remixed single?
That wis aw Cassidy. Took ‘It’s a Miracle’ an’ remixed it. Speeded it up, put aw these effects oan it. Sounded fuckin’ amazing, man. Ah’m walloped on the E the night ah first heard it. It wis totally different tae the original but still recognisable, ken? Ah telt they two that it sounded like ‘Be My Baby’, ‘I Feel Love’ and ‘Blitzkreig Bop’ aw rolled intae one. It wis fuckin’ massive, man … aw ower the world. It paid for the hoose ah live in noo!
Max, when was the last time you spoke to Grant Delgado?
Other than through lawyers, that day ae the Band Aid fuck-up. As for the last time we saw each other? … The Cavern.
That’s pretty sad, don’t you think?
It’s life, pal … nothin’ else. There’s poor cunts much worse aff than me, or Grant.
Did you love him?
[A long pause…and then Max Mojo laughs.] Ah’d have leapt in front of a flying bullet for him.
Cryptic. Were you in love with him?
Dae ye have any other questions or is that us by?
Yes, just one. You have made lots of money, and now a great film. Any regrets?
It was never aboot money, Norma. It wis always aboot chasin’ the immortality.
Max Mojo, it’s been a pleasure talking to you. The Rise & Fall of the Miraculous Vespas is in cinemas around the UK from this Friday. The band’s seminal LP is re-released with a bonus special edition seven-inch record of the original hit single, on the same day.
Post Script: Where are they now?
Franny Duncan sold his five Blockbusters video stores to the American Blockbuster Chain in 1986. It made him a millionaire. He bought a bed & breakfast in Troon where he still lives with his partner Theresa, and their son Matthew, who runs the popular guesthouse with his mother. Franny suffers from Alzheimer’s.
Wullie Blair (the Painter) still lives in Onthank. Following Strathclyde Police recommendations, he got a job as a social worker specialising in work with addicts in North West Kilmarnock. He was elected as a local Labour councillor for the area in 1992. Detective Superintendent Charles Lawson counter-signed his nomination.
Des Brick committed suicide in January 1989. It was the fifth anniversary of Effie Brick’s death. They are buried together in Grassyards Road Cemetery. Weekly, for the last 25 years, fresh flowers from the Kilmarnock florist Paper Roses have been placed on the grave and headstone. The invoices are sent to a post office box in Troon.
Nobby and Magdalena Quinn died in 1996. They were driving back to Ayrshire from Birmingham when their car was in a head-on collision with a lorry transporting livestock. Nobby was driving; Magdalena was in the passenger seat. Both were killed instantly.
Rocco Quinn developed the Quinn Amateur Boxing Club in Galston into one of the most respected in the country. To date, it has provided the impetus for more than 500 local kids to find careers at various levels in boxing or martial arts. The club boasts four Scottish Commonwealth medallists and one Olympic bronze medallist among its previous members.
Don McAllister retired from the police force in 1985. He received numerous citations for his key role in breaking the gangland turf wars that blighted the west of Scotland in the mid 1980s. He was knighted in the Queen’s birthday honours list in 1986. He died peacefully at his cottage on the Isle of Arran in 2001.
Charles Lawson was promoted to chief superintendent in charge of the Kilmarnock police station where he had worked under Don McAllister. Now 67, he is an advisor to the Scottish government on violence reduction and prevention strategies in areas of social deprivation.
James ‘Washer’ Wishart used the remainder of the McLarty drug money to set up an Ayrshire Miners’ Benevolent Fund. It continues to provide financial support to the families of redundant miners, and those suffering from pneumoconiosis.
He finally repaired the church hall roof and converted the building into a nightclub and venue for bands in 1988. It was designed at outrageous expense by Joey Miller, a local architecture student. The club – known as the Biscuit Tin – closed in 1990 after a local newspaper reported widespread ecstacy use there.
Washer suffered a fatal heart attack in 2007 whilst on holiday in Italy visiting a close family friend. He was 76. His wife Molly lives with her son in his villa in the South of France.
Now 84, Frankie Fusi remains alive and well and living in … well, no one is entirely sure where.
Gerry Ghee’s youngest child, Annie, won seven million pounds on the UK national lottery in 2010. After years of struggle, Gerry and his wife now live in some considerable style.
The crime organisation run by Malachy McLarty was broken by the multiple arrests and subsequent prison sentences following Operation Double Nougat. Malachy’s son Marty – who received the most lenient sentence of the principal protagonists – attempted to revitalise the family in the early 90s. But, although acquitted of the 1994 murder of prominent Shettleston businessman and politician Robert Souness, on a ‘not-proven’ verdict, his family name had lost the fear associated with the earlier era. Marty McLarty was stabbed to death in an apparent ‘road rage’ incident in Glasgow city centre in the early hours of New Years Day, 2000. No one has ever been charged in connection with his death.
Stevie Dent writes a weekly column for the Daily Mail featuring celebrity gossip and rumour. He has never used phone hacking as a method for the basis behind his stories. Or so his current legal representation claims.
Farah Nawaz got married six months after the interview with Max Mojo. Now Farah Khushi, she is the founder of The Scottish Circle, a dynamic group of influential women who are passionate about empowering women and fighting poverty in Scotland and across the world. In 1995, on her 30th birthday, she received an anonymous present. It was a 1964 Triumph Tiger Motorbike.
Clifford ‘X-Ray’ Raymonde moved to Ibiza in 1995. He used profits from The Miraculous Vespas’ royalties to build a recording studio on the island. The Ministry of Sound, and other super clubs such as Cream, have recorded acclaimed albums there. X-Ray Raymonde died of natural causes in the summer of 2008. He was facing the sun at the time.
The Sylvester Brothers formed a band of the same name in 1988. The band enjoyed modest success with a well-received debut LP, but Simon’s listed convictions prevented the band from touring in America, and a return of Eddie Sylvester’s chronic stagefright saw the band break up after only two years together. Simon is now heavily involved with Jail Guitar Doors, the initiative set up by Billy Bragg to provide musical instruments and instruction to prison inmates.
Both signed away their rights to future royalties from The Miraculous Vespas’ songs for £50,000 in 1994, a year before the delayed release of The Rise of the Miraculous Vespas LP. The deal was brokered by a lawyer acting for Biscuit Tin Records. After being contacted by Max Mojo, the brothers agreed to appear on the Top of the Pops Christmas edition of 1995. They were paid £1,000 each for doing so.
Grant Delgado and Maggie Abernethy split up in 1991, following Grant’s struggles w
ith depression and alcohol addiction. Both agreed to the live television appearance in 1995, alongside the Sylvester Brothers, on condition that they wouldn’t have to meet – or talk to – Max Mojo. After the dissolution of Biscuit Tin Records in 1997, Maggie moved to the USA, eventually settling in Portland, Oregon, with their twelve-year-old son, Wolf. Maggie is now an acclaimed photographer.
The year after The Miraculous Vespas LP was released, Grant Delgado disowned the record in a rare interview with The Face magazine. For ten years up until 2007, Grant Delgado disappeared from public life completely. Various contrary rumours surfaced that he was suffering from a muscle-wasting disease, that he was working on an unbelievable new record or that he was dead. None was true. He was living alone in Glasgow’s West End writing a novel called The First Picture. This only became public knowledge when he was photographed by a tabloid newspaper attending the funeral of his mum, Senga Dale. In 2012, his debut novel was shortlisted for the Man Booker Prize. Predictably, Grant Delgado didn’t attend the awards ceremony in London. He had moved to Portland three years earlier. Grant Delgado is now universally lauded as the link between New Wave and the Britpop era.
In 2010, Rolling Stone magazine placed The Miraculous Vespas’ only recorded LP at number 86 in their list of the Greatest Albums of All Time.
Boy George remains totally unaware of his part in the rise and fall of The Miraculous Vespas.
None of the following songs were harmed in the telling of this story:
Where Were You?
The Mekons
(Written by Jon Langford)
Available on Fast Product Records, 1978
The Model
Kraftwerk
(Written by Hutter, Bartos, Schult)
Available on EMI Capitol Records, 1981
Should I Stay or Should I Go
The Clash
(Written by Headon, Jones, Simonon, Strummer)
Available on CBS Records, 1982
I Can’t Help Myself
Orange Juice
(Written by Edwyn Collins)
Available on Polydor Records, 1982
Let’s Stick Together
Brian Ferry
(Written by Wilbert Harrison)
Available on E.G. Records, 1976
Thirteen
Big Star
(Written by Alex Chilton and Chris Bell)
Available on Ardent Records, 1972
The Message
Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five
(Written by Ed ‘Duke Bootee’Fletcher, Grandmaster Melle Mel and Sylvia Robinson)
Available on Sugarhill Records, 1982
Beat Surrender
The Jam
(Written by Paul Weller)
Available on Polydor Records, 1982
House of Fun
Madness
(Written by Mike Barson and Lee Thompson)
Available on Stiff Records, 1982
September
Earth, Wind & Fire
(Written by Maurice White, Al McKay and Allee Willis)
Available on Columbia Records, 1978
Run, Run, Run
The Velvet Underground
(Written by Lou Reed)
Available on Verve Records, 1967
Roadrunner
Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers
(Written by Jonathan Richman)
Available on Beserkley Records, 1972
B-Movie
Gil Scott-Heron
(Written by Gil-Scott Heron)
Available on Arista Records, 1981
I’ll Never Fall in Love Again
Bobbie Gentry
(Written by Burt Bacharach and Hal David)
Available on Capitol Records, 1970
Galveston
Glen Campbell
(Written by Jim Webb)
Available on Capitol Records, 1969
What Difference Does It Make?
The Smiths
(Written by Morrissey and Marr)
Available on Rough Trade Records, 1983
Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?
Culture Club
(Written by Culture Club)
Available on Virgin Records, 1982
Stoned out of My Mind
The Chi-Lites
(Written by Eugene Record and Barbara Acklin)
Available on Brunswick Records, 1973
Relax
Frankie Goes to Hollywood
(Written by Gill, Johnson, Nash, O’Toole)
Available on ZTT Records, 1983
Love Song
Simple Minds
(Written by Simple Minds)
Available on Virgin Records, 1981
Blue Monday
New Order
(Written by Gilbert, Hook, Morris, Sumner)
Available on Factory Records, 1983
Perfect Skin
Lloyd Cole & The Commotions
(Written by Lloyd Cole)
Available on Polydor Records, 1984
The Beautiful Ones
Prince and the Revolution
(Written by Prince)
Available on Warner Brothers Records, 1983
Get it On
T.Rex
(Written by Marc Bolan)
Available on Fly Records, 1971
I’m Falling
The Bluebells
(Written by Robert Hodgens & Ken McCluskey)
Available on London Records, 1984
Acknowledgements
I’m extremely grateful to the following people for advice, guidance and support: Kevin Toner, Stuart Cosgrove, Colin McCredie, Theresa Talbot, James Grant, Ian Burgoyne, Clark Sorley, Billy Sloan, Farah Khushi, Billy Kiltie, Lawrence Donegan, Bruce Findlay, Iain Conroy, Hardeep Singh Kohli, Muriel Gray, Christopher Brookmyre, Nick Quantrill and John Niven.
As ever, none of this would be possible without the incredible force of nature that is Karen Sullivan, my friend and publisher who gives me belief that the words I string together are of interest to other people.
I’m thankful once again to my family and friends. Elaine, my ever-supportive missus; Nathan and Nadia, our dustbins … and my mum and sisters, Marlisa and Susan. All of them are patient and accommodating beyond the call of duty.
Finally, I’m hugely indebted to Robert Hodgens … better known to many of you as Bobby Bluebell. The song ‘It’s a Miracle (Thank You)’ by The Miraculous Vespas, was written, performed and produced by Bobby. Lyrics published by – and reproduced with kind permission of – 23rd Precinct Music/Notting Hill Music.
To listen to the audio, follow these links:
‘It’s A Miracle (Thank You)’ by The Miraculous Vespas.
‘An Interview with Max Mojo’ (starring Colin McCredie as Max Mojo, and Theresa Talbot as Norma.)
The final part of the Disco Days Trilogy will be The Man Who Loved Islands.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
David F. Ross was born in Glasgow in 1964 and has lived in Kilmarnock for over 30 years. He is a graduate of the Mackintosh School of Architecture at Glasgow School of Art, an architect by day, and a hilarious social media commentator, author and enabler by night. His most prized possession is a signed Joe Strummer LP. Since the publication of his critically acclaimed, bestselling debut novel The Last Days of Disco, he’s become something of a media celebrity in Scotland, with a signed copy of his book going for £500 at auction.
Copyright
Orenda Books
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First published in the United Kingdom by Orenda Books 2016
This ebook edition published by Orenda Books 2015
Copyright © David F. Ross 2015
David F. Ross has asserted his moral right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988.
All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form or by
any means without the written permission of the publishers.
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
ISBN 9781910633380
Typeset in Garamond by MacGuru Ltd
Printed and bound by CPI Group (UK) Ltd, Croydon CR0 4YY
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.