Still Sucks to Be Me: More All-True Confessions of Mina Hamilton, Teen Vampire

by Kimberly Pauley

I send George a quick text saying all is well, but don’t get a response back. I hope that’s a good thing. I’m trying to remember all our James Bond codes, like

  a) “cc!” if the Carters start leaving en masse,

  b) “gga” for “Goth girl attack” if Raven goes after us,

  c) “911” if we need help (which I’m determined not to send since they need all the help they can get as it is)

  d) “gme ovr” for, obviously, when the homecoming game is finished, and

  e) “hme” for when we’re home safe.

  Too bad we don’t have better spy stuff. Though I guess the wire kind of counts as a spy gadget, just not a very cool one. It’s actually driving me crazy since they had to tape it down my side and stick the bulky part in the side of my underwear because of how the neckline of my dress goes. And I thought it was annoying before! I don’t have much choice though, since I didn’t have any other dresses that would work. I wasn’t about to wear Serena’s mom’s old prom dress, even if it is more full coverage. You have to draw the line somewhere.

  “It’s halftime,” says Cameron, making me jump and almost drop my phone. “I’m sure there’ll be a mad rush for the concessions and bathrooms, so if you need anything or have to go, now might be a good time.”

  “Thanks, I’m good,” Serena and I both say at the same time, then laugh. Some things never change. We don’t even bother saying “jinx” anymore.

  “Actually, Serena, I was wondering if you might do me a favor? I’d really like a word with Mina alone. Could I talk you into getting us all some more popcorn?” He pulls some money out of his pocket.

  “Um,” Serena says, looking at me. Crapola. What do we say that doesn’t sound suspicious? I really don’t want to be split up from her at all tonight if I can help it. Though he knows about Raven. Maybe I can just go with a somewhat truth?

  “Cameron,” I say, “I—”

  “Mina!” shouts Henny, practically flying down the aisle at me in an unfortunately bell-shaped bright yellow dress. “Didn’t you hear your name on the loudspeaker? Girl, get down on the field!”

  “Uh, what?” I guess I’ve been getting better at focusing my hearing since I have absolutely no clue whatsoever what she’s talking about. I didn’t hear my name until she shouted at me. Henny’s voice could wake the dead though, especially when she puts some volume behind it.

  She grabs my arm and starts pulling me to the field. “For Homecoming Court! You’re one of the finalists! Get down there!” All the people in our section of the bleachers start chanting, “Mina, Mina, Mina!”

  Oh.

  Holy.

  Crap.

  36

  Henny pulls me all the way down to the field where everyone else they called (including Kacie and Grady and even Lonnie Pratt in his football uniform) is already assembled. I look up to find Serena and Cameron in the crowd. Serena just shrugs her shoulders at me and gives me a thumbs-up.

  I didn’t even know I was on the ballot. All I remember from when I voted this morning were just fill-in-the-blank spots.

  I definitely did NOT write my name in.

  I go stand with the rest of the girls, as far away from Kacie as I can get. There are actually ten each of us (girls and guys) and I don’t ever remember a Homecoming Court being that big, so with any luck I’ll just be some kind of honorary whatever-they-call-it and be on my way after giving a couple of Queen Mum-style waves at the crowd.

  Mr. Fleming, the principal, makes a few jokes and some yadda yadda about how pretty we all look. Then he starts calling out names for the Court.

  “Shanna Harvey and Roscoe Blevins!” A tall girl in a red halter dress and three-inch heels totters forward, along with a short guy in an actual top hat and tails. Maybe he’s compensating or something.

  “Lala Louise Blanton and Grady Broussard!” Try saying that three times fast. Lala gives Kacie a high five as she walks by, and Grady winks in our general direction. I’m not sure if he meant it for me or for Kacie.

  “Kacie Kinsley and Lucas Runnels!” Well, at least she was picked. If the smile on her face gets even bigger, she’ll have to reach around to the backside of her head to brush her teeth.

  “Mina Smith and Lonnie Pratt!” Crap. I don’t even look at Kacie as I step forward. At least I can put big, hulking Lonnie in between me and Kacie. I doubt if her newfound goodwill extends to standing next to her.

  “And now, for the moment we’ve all been waiting for …” Mr. Fleming makes a big show of waving the envelope around in the air. I wish he’d just get on with it so I can go back to my seat. We all know Grady’s going to be king and Kacie’s going to be queen. That’s just the way of the world.

  “The Homecoming King is … Grady Broussard!” Yep, that’s pretty much what I expected. I’m doing my dutiful clapping when I see Cameron get up and walk off, leaving Serena sitting there by herself. What gives? I give an underhand wave to try and get her attention, but she just shrugs and gives me another thumbs-up. A thumbs-down would have been more appropriate.

  “And while I have everyone’s attention,” continues Mr. Fleming, “I just want to say thank you to everyone for coming out tonight and supporting the home team!” Everyone in the stands erupts into cheers. Everyone but a certain black-dressed girl who has reappeared in the crowd. Raven really does stick out here, like a little black hole.

  I go to reach for my cell phone to text Serena (she borrowed Dad’s phone) and realize I’d left it up in the stands when Henny dragged me away. Crapola. I am one sucky spy.

  Mr. Fleming finishes his happy dance. “But I won’t make you wait any longer. This year’s Homecoming Queen is …”

  I start to leave undercover of Kacie’s big announcement. I doubt if anyone will notice me making my getaway while she’s crowned. Finally, something useful comes out of Ms. Hot Pants.

  “… Mina Smith!” Mr. Fleming grabs my hand to shake it as I start to walk by. “Looks like she knew it was coming too! Congratulations, Mina!”

  I can see Serena clapping like a madwoman and jumping up and down while Raven climbs the stands toward her. Cameron is nowhere in sight. I’m trying to dodge around Mr. Fleming when he whips out a cape from somewhere and flings it around my neck.

  “Hold still,” he says. “We’ve still got to put the tiara on you.” I stop struggling. This will probably go faster if I don’t fight it. But it’s driving me nuts.

  Serena is still clapping and doing her ear-piercing wolf whistle thing (I’ve never learned how to do that) and is just totally oblivious to Raven, who has now made it halfway across the section.

  “There,” says Mr. Fleming. “Don’t you look pretty now. Goodness you’re strong!”

  “Sorry,” I say. I didn’t mean to throw him off like that. Then Grady comes up and does his standard arm thing and I try to push him off. Gently.

  “Whoa,” he says. “Smile for the camera, my queen!”

  Mr. Benoit starts snapping pictures. Gah! This is a disaster all the way around! I keep ducking my head or looking to the side. The Council is going to kill me.

  “Now let’s get some pictures of just the girls!” Grady steps back and Shanna, Lala, and Kacie step up. Kacie grabs my elbow and tries to pinch me with her fingernails, but only succeeds in breaking one of them instead. Her fingernail, that is. Not her finger. Though if she’d pinched any harder, she might have broken that too. Didn’t hurt me at all, but I’m sure she’s feeling some pain now.

  “Ouch, you—”

  “Kacie!” says Lala. “Don’t forget!” Forget what? Not to swear in front of Mr. Benoit?

  Kacie literally growls but then plants a big smile on her face right before the flash goes off. “I saw your name on a bunch of the ballots,” she says to me out of the side of her mouth, “so I knew you were going to be down here.”

  “Sorry,” I say for lack of anything better. With all the flashes going off, I can’t see Serena anymore. My eyes are killing me and I’m seeing stars. If Serena can just stay where people
can see her, maybe Raven won’t try anything. Or maybe Cameron will come back, unless he was in on it. Please, please don’t tell me he has been in on it the whole time.

  “I didn’t think you’d actually win, but there’s no accounting for taste.” I could point out that she’s part of the Homecoming Court too, but I don’t. I’m not surprised that all of the sugar and sparkles are gone from her tone.

  “A perfect opportunity, according to that girl.”

  “What girl? What opportunity?” I whip my head around to look at Kacie. She’s got an evil grin on. Mr. Benoit keeps snapping away. “What are you talking about?”

  “I even had Stacey make up a story to get Cameron out of the way. Something about his car and Baby, I believe. She’s pretty inventive, don’t you think? And boys do love their cars.”

  “Kacie,” I say, and stick my face right in hers so she knows I mean business. “Spit it out. What are you talking about?”

  But it’s like she’s oblivious to me or maybe she can’t stop smiling whenever there’s a camera turned her way. “What was it she said, Lala? That she’d take care of everything? I just had to make sure you were distracted for long enough for her to do what she needed to do? Wasn’t that it?” She taps her wrist, even though she’s not wearing a watch. “And oh look! I think it’s just about been long enough!”

  I push Kacie out of the way and she falls down on the field, taking the rest of the girls with her. I start scanning the stands as I run. I don’t see Raven anywhere now but Serena isn’t where I left her either.

  “But the pictures!” Mr. Benoit yells after me, and Kacie is laughing like a rabid hyena, even though she’s flat on her back on the fifty-yard line. I almost twist my ankle on the turf grass—stupid heels!—so I kick off my shoes and keep going. The cape flies off and lands on a water boy.

  My one big mission—keep Serena safe—and I’ve failed. And I mean Epic Fail.

  They can’t have gotten too far. Raven’s no vampire, not yet (and hopefully never, if I have anything to do with it). And Serena can be a real scrapper, so that should have slowed them down even more. I would bet that Raven’s got at least one black eye by now.

  Everyone around me is screaming (mostly about me knocking over Kacie) or laughing (ditto) or chanting (for the game to start up again) but I try to focus as much as I can to see if I can hear either Serena or Raven anywhere.

  I head under the bleachers first as the most likely place for Raven to have taken Serena. It’s darker under there and more or less secluded, but I don’t see them or hear anything either. Where could they have gone? I start making my way back towards the school. Raven can’t know the area really well and she needs some kind of cover, so it seems like the most logical next choice. Not that I think logic is her strong suit, but I’ve gotta do something.

  I’m halfway to the main school building when I hear Cameron calling my name. He’s running toward me from the parking lot.

  “Mina, where are you going? What happened to your shoes? What’s going on?”

  I grab his hand and keep running. “Raven has Serena. She talked Kacie into distracting me long enough to get her out of the stands. I don’t know where they are. They aren’t under the bleachers. I need help. Can you help me?” He doesn’t know me very well or he’d know just how desperate I am. I don’t like asking for help from anybody.

  He pulls me to a stop right outside the building. “Hold on,” he says. “Whoa. That girl is completely insane. I told her you were off-limits.”

  Off-limits? I shrug off his hand. “Well, she obviously didn’t listen. Look, we don’t have time to talk, we’ve got to find them.” I yank open the door but he holds me back.

  “Mina, you’re the one she really has it in for. She’s liable to fly off the handle as soon as she sees you. You can’t just go running in there like that. It’s the worst thing you could do.”

  He’s got a point. “I can’t not do anything!”

  “Just let me go in and see if I can find them first. She knows I’m a Carter. Maybe she’ll listen this time. I’ll tell her that her application will be denied or something.”

  Oh man. Is my wire working? “Her application”? Did he really just confirm that he’s a Black Talon? I can’t believe it.

  “Mina, I—” He runs his hand through his hair, leaving it sticking up in weird places like a mad scientist’s. Or maybe a crazy homicidal maniac. Then he pulls the door out of my hand. “I wanted to talk to you earlier. Look, I’ll find them. Just wait here, okay?” And then he’s gone through the door. It swings shut behind him with a creak and a bang.

  Crap, crap, crap, crap! What if he’s going to help Raven? If he really is a Talon, I can’t trust him. Not with Serena’s life. What do I do?

  Then I see one of the Carter Clan girly girls making her way to the bathrooms.

  Cameron’s right about one thing: I can’t go after Raven looking like me. But what if I wasn’t me? I take a good look at the Carter girl (long straight brown hair, way too pouty lips, slim nose, and hips to die for) then slip inside the door. Cameron is nowhere to be seen. I use a trophy case to help myself concentrate on the shift. It takes a moment to calm myself enough to do it but I manage to shift into a reasonable copy of the Carter girl. Yes, finally, some homework that paid off!

  I start down the hall when I catch another glimpse of myself in the full glass door of Administration. Crap again. Raven saw me in my dress earlier. It may not occur to her right away, but she’s not totally stupid. Even with a new face, I can’t go around in the same old clothes. I also can’t go naked.

  Luckily the gym and the locker rooms are on this side of the building. I run to the girls’ locker room and hope one of the cheerleaders left something behind other than a homecoming dress to change into. I can practically feel the clock ticking. But for the first time tonight, I’m in (relative) luck. The cheerleaders are total slobs and there are clothes all over the benches in the locker room. I find a pair of jeans and a T-shirt that fit reasonably well and leave my dress behind.

  I’ve been listening, but I still haven’t heard anything from Raven or Serena. The noise from outside is still making it hard, but I think I heard Cameron’s footsteps off toward the left when I came in, so I head to the right. The building is basically a big rectangle once you get past all the gym and office stuff, so if I keep going, I should be able to surprise them all.

  I haven’t been in this area of the building much since all of my classes are on the other side. This is the no-man’s land of Home Economics and Shop and the other electives. I think it’s where the Future Farmers meet. I hear some muffled clunking noises up ahead and creep forward, my senses all on high alert.

  I get to the door where the noises are coming from. Shop class. Ack! Where all the power tools are!

  I’m still disguised as the Carter girl. Hopefully it will be good enough to fool Raven. I take a deep breath, stand up tall, and sashay through the door like I own the place since that seems to be how all the Carters act.

  37

  “Rav—” I start to say in a stern Southern accent. Then I stop. Goth girl and Serena are nowhere to be seen. I’ve walked in on an entirely different scene of mayhem.

  Dr. Musty is crouched in front of a metal pole in the middle of the room, facing the door. He looks seriously pissed in a geriatric kind of way. The whole room is a shambles, with power tools and assorted stuff strewn everywhere (screws, nails, boards, and other things I have no idea what they are since you wouldn’t catch me dead in Shop class).

  Lowell is between me and the doctor. He’s got a wooden stake in one hand and a sledgehammer in the other and he looks like he means business.

  “Lowell,” I say, trying to make my voice sound different and Southern. I wish I’d heard that girl speak. I hope I can fool him. “Wayne sent me. He wants you to—”

  But Dr. Musty interrupts me. “Lowell, kindly silence our visitor. Permanently.”

  I freeze. What’s going on? Lowell turns around and s
tarts toward me. His eyes are blank and unfocused. Is he drooling? He runs into a table and tries to keep walking toward me, bumping the table slowly across the floor.

  “Lowell, stop. Go around the table. Then silence our visitor.”

  Dr. Musty must have him under mind control! “Wait, Dr. M—Jonas! It’s me!”

  As soon as I say the doctor’s name, Lowell’s face goes a little wonky and his eyes seem to refocus a bit. He glances at me and then makes an abrupt turn to Dr. Musty. I swear he’s actually growling.

  Dr. Musty puts an upturned table between himself and Lowell and starts talking a mile a minute to Lowell about slowing down, dropping the hammer, you name it. Lowell takes a couple of swings at him and stumbles forward a few more steps, but then stops and turns around to come back toward me.

  He maneuvers around the table and comes right at me, raising both the sledgehammer and stake high above his head. He’s definitely drooling. There’s a trail of spit running from the corner of his mouth down the front of his plaid shirt. It ain’t pretty.

  “Dr. J—” Maybe I better not say his name again. “It’s me! Mina! Make him stop!” I dodge Lowell’s lumbering stab and run into another metal table, doubling myself over and knocking the breath right out of me. Why won’t he listen to me? Then I catch a glimpse of myself in the surface. Gah! I still look like the Carter girl. I push myself off the table.

  “Look, it’s me! Mina Smith! Bob’s daughter! We’ve been trying to find you!” I shake off the shift as I keep dodging Lowell and pieces of heavy machinery to make my way to Dr. Musty.

  “Mina?” Dr. Musty blinks at me as I get close to him. He looks a little fuzz brained himself.

  “Would you call off Lowell, please?” Why is this creepy old vampire guy always trying to manhandle me?

  “Lowell, stop!” Dr. Musty shouts.

  I turn, hoping to see Lowell stopped dead in his tracks and instead find a stake coming right at me. I duck and run. Lowell follows me.