As Samuel pulled his hand away, Lillian worried if perhaps she’d crossed a line she shouldn’t have. Cupping her hand over his had been an unplanned expression of mild affection that just happened. She didn’t mean anything by it. But she didn’t recognize the emotion she was experiencing. It wasn’t a physical longing, but a yearning of the heart. Her need to be close to Samuel was overwhelming.
“What are you thinking about?” she asked, fearful her small gesture might have caused him to withdraw. There was so much she wanted to know about him.
He shrugged. “I reckon I was just thinking about a lot of things.”
“Rachel?” she asked softly, hoping he would open up to her.
But he shook his head. “Not so much.”
His expression said otherwise, but Lillian wasn’t going to push it. She decided to change the subject this time. “Are you curious about the outside world? I mean, have you ever been tempted to walk away from all this?”
“I know all about the outside world. During my rumschpringe I was allowed to experience the Englisch world. I watched television, went to movies, rode in cars with Englisch friends, drank beer, and kicked my heels up at the local dance hall.” He paused. “You look speechless. And one thing I have learned about you is that you’re usually not without somethin’ to say.”
She looked away, feeling a little embarrassed. “Yes, I tend to talk a lot.”
“That’s a good thing, though. You have a bubbly spirit.”
“Which means I talk a lot.”
Samuel reached beside him and retrieved his hat. Placing it atop his head, he stared intently at her. He gave her the strangest look, and Lillian couldn’t decipher it.
“Just because I choose this life doesn’t mean I don’t know what’s out there.” He swung his arm toward the highway. “I hope you find what you’re looking for, Lillian.”
Jonas stumbled around the kitchen until he found some leftover butter bread. A slice of bread and some lemonade was in order. Irma Rose would be fit to be tied if she knew he’d made his way down the stairs by himself so soon after taking his pills. But he was hungry, and the poor woman was snoring so loud he didn’t have the heart to wake her. The Good Lord had seen fit to give him the cancer, but he knew his wife was plumb worn-out from tending to him all during the night. She shouldn’t have to be caring for him during the sleeping hours. Some things he could do for himself. A man should be able to walk down the stairs and get a slice of bread and some lemonade if he wanted them.
As he filled his glass up, he thought he heard voices. The wooden door in the kitchen was open, and he hobbled to the screen door. “Well, well,” he whispered as he spotted Lilly and Samuel out by the barn. “Looking mighty cozy.” Jonas sighed. Irma Rose would have a fit about now.
Feeling a little light on his feet, Jonas headed back toward the lemonade pitcher he had left on the table. He topped off his glass and took a big gulp. Having another look outside, he couldn’t help but share some of his wife’s worry about Samuel and Lilly. They’d have a hard road ahead of them should they start courting. Straining to get a better look, he chuckled. If they thought they weren’t courting, they were fooling themselves.
Knowing Irma Rose might stir and be all wound up he was gone, he finished off the butter bread and put the lemonade back in the refrigerator. Taking a step into the den, he looked up at the stairs. Going up was a mite more challenging than coming down. And it sounded like he had bees in his head. Buzz, buzz, buzz. A bothersome noise, getting louder by the second.
He reached for the back of the wooden rocker to steady himself. Seemed like his legs were turning to jelly, and the bee noise was getting louder and louder. He took another couple of steps. Just need to get back in bed, that’s all.
As everything went dark, he never felt his lanky body slam onto the wood floor. Nor did he feel it when his head caught the corner of the rocker. And he couldn’t feel the rush of blood spilling into a pool beneath him.
8
LILLIAN RESPONDED TO SAMUEL’S COMMENT ABOUT FINDING what she was looking for by simply nodding. The tone of his voice indicated he might not be interested in playing much of a role in that process.
As he stood up, presumably to leave, Lillian tried to think of something to say, something that might make him stay. She wasn’t sure, but Samuel seemed hesitant to go.
Say something. Anything. He appeared to be waiting for her to come up with a reason for him to linger. But maybe she was reading him wrong.
Before she could come up with anything, a loud noise from inside the house caused them both to redirect their attention.
“What was that?” she asked, turning toward the porch.
Samuel began to move toward the house. Lillian was right behind him. Sensing something was wrong, they both burst into a run, taking two steps at a time up the porch steps. As they moved through the kitchen, Lillian heard her grandma calling her name repeatedly.
“Grandma!” she answered, never slowing her pace behind Samuel as they entered the den.
Grandma was hurriedly making her way down the stairs toward her husband. “Lillian!” she yelled. “Lillian, help!”
The three of them rushed to Grandpa’s crumpled figure on the wood floor. Grandma gently lifted his head. Tenderly cradling it in her lap, she brushed back his blood-soaked hair. “Jonas, wake up,” she cried. “Oh, Jonas. Oh, Jonas, wake up.” She looked up at Lillian and Samuel. “Lillian, he won’t wake up. My Jonas won’t wake up. Oh, Lillian . . . do something.”
Lillian was frozen, legs glued to the floor. So much blood. Grandma’s agonizing cries echoed through the old house, and Lillian felt like she might pass out. One thought consumed her. Is Grandpa dead?
Samuel ripped his shirt from his body before Lillian had time to gather her thoughts. Applying pressure to Grandpa’s head, he turned to face her. With a calmness Lillian found incredible, he firmly said, “Lillian, bring me some wet towels and then go get your portable telephone.”
“Jonas,” Grandma cried. “Please, Jonas. Wake up, my love.”
“Now, Lillian!” Samuel yelled, bolting her into action. She retrieved a wad of towels from the kitchen drawer and soaked them with water from the sink. Dropping the towels into Samuel’s hands, she looked down at Grandpa. His mouth hung open, and his face was pasty white. He was dead. She just knew it. This couldn’t be happening. She was just getting to know him.
“Not yet, God. Not yet,” she silently prayed.
“Go get your telephone, Lillian,” Samuel said, holding the wet towels against the gaping gash in Grandpa’s head. “Hurry.”
She bolted up the stairs, continuing to pray. Aloud she repeated, “Please, God, don’t let him die. Please, God, don’t let him die.”
She repeated the prayer all the way back down the stairs, whispering as she neared the threesome. Samuel was holding his hand out for the phone. He grabbed it, fiddled with it, and handed it right back to her.
“I don’t know how this works,” he said, frustrated. Then he rattled off a number and instructed Lillian to dial it. When it started ringing, she handed it to him.
“Mr. Pierson, this is Samuel Stoltzfus. I’m out at Irma Rose and Jonas’s place, and we need some help. Can you bring your car out here? Jonas is hurt, and we need to get to a hospital.” He nodded and set the phone down as he turned his attention to Irma Rose. “He’s on his way.”
Lillian watched the way Samuel calmly handled a crisis. She, on the other hand, was fighting waves of panic, and she still worried she might faint. She sat down on the floor beside Grandma and put her arm around her. The woman’s cries softened. But as she rocked back and forth stroking her husband’s face with hands covered in blood, Grandma’s lips moved in prayer. If ever there was a time to pray, it was now.
Lillian closed her eyes and pleaded with God for her grandfather’s life. If there was a God, he wouldn’t let her grandpa die.
“What’s all the fuss about? Irma Rose, why in the world are you crying?”
Jonas reached up and touched his head. Samuel sighed, feeling the relief wash over him. Lillian let go with sobs she must have been stifling the whole time, and Irma Rose looked toward the heavens and whispered softly, “Thank you, Lord.”
“I think you gave the ladies a scare, Jonas,” Samuel said, continuing to apply pressure to Jonas’s head with the wet towels. “Mr. Pierson is on the way with his car, and we’ll get you to the hospital.”
Jonas looked around at the three of them before honing in on Irma Rose. “You know I hate hospitals, Irma Rose. I’d rather you just fix me up here.”
“You silly old man,” she blasted. “I can’t fix you. You need a doctor.” She shook her head in exasperation. “What in the name of the Good Lord made you come down here by yourself ?”
Samuel glanced at Lillian, who was still crying. Discreetly he reached for her hand and gave it a quick squeeze.
Jonas was glaring at Irma Rose as if he’d like to rip her head off. “I was hungry!”
“Why didn’t you get me from my sleep then?” Irma Rose demanded, patting her eyes.
Ignoring his wife, Jonas looked over at Lillian. “Lilly, why are you crying?”
Lillian wiped her eyes. “You scared us, Grandpa.”
Jonas patted her hand. “Thought I was dead, didn’t ya?” Then he chuckled.
“That’s not funny, Grandpa!” Lillian’s tone of voice made it clear she was not amused.
“You scared us all, Jonas,” Irma Rose belted out. “From now on, if you get a hankering for a late-night snack, you get me or Lillian.”
“Ya, I’d have starved to death waiting on one of you.”
Samuel tried not to laugh. He glanced at Lillian, who was also fighting a trembly grin. He was glad she’d stopped crying. Always a joker, Jonas was turning a bad situation around, with everyone laughing to keep from crying.
“You were snoring so loud, Irma Rose, the house could’ve fallen down and you wouldn’t have taken a notice.” Jonas turned his attention to Lillian. “And our kinskind here was busying herself with other things.” He looked at Samuel and grinned.
Lillian picked up on the curious stares all around them at the hospital. True, they were all covered in blood, but she heard the occasional whispered, “Oh, look, they’re Amish.” She supposed it would have been worse if they were somewhere other than Lancaster County, where so many Amish lived.
“Thank you, Mr. Pierson,” Samuel said, shaking the man’s hand.
Lillian could tell right away the men shared a friendship. So Samuel had friends who weren’t Amish. And a good thing too. Mr. Pierson had arrived within minutes of Samuel’s phone call, and without his help it would have been difficult to get Grandpa up off the floor.
“I’m glad you called, Samuel. Any time I can help you folks, you let me know.” The gray-headed man smiled. “I’m going to go call Mrs. Pierson and let her know everything is all right.”
As they waited for Grandpa to get his head stitched up, Lillian looked at Grandma seated nearby. Her head was tilted back, and she appeared to be sleeping. Samuel leaned against the wall, looking as haggard as she felt.
“Thank God he only needs a few stitches and that he’s okay otherwise,” Lillian said to Samuel as she stood beside him. Yes, thank God. She had prayed, and Grandpa had lived. It worked.
When Samuel didn’t respond, she asked, “Are you okay?” He didn’t look okay.
He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “I haven’t been here since Rachel died.”
Instinctively, she reached for his hand. And as her fingers brushed against the top of his hand . . . he pulled away. And it stung.
Samuel recognized Ms. Morgan behind the desk. The nurse had stayed with him and Rachel right up until the end. For weeks, the woman had tended to Rachel’s every need. Samuel hoped she wouldn’t recognize him.
He scooted slightly away from Lillian. He should have never squeezed her hand when they were on the floor tending to Jonas. She had just looked so sad and scared at the time, and it was nothing more than a comforting gesture. But he needn’t have her thinking his action was an open invitation for affection—particularly public affection.
Glancing at Lillian, he feared his deliberate action had hurt her feelings. She’d been through enough on this night. He didn’t want to add to her upset, but this touching of the hands needed to stop. It wasn’t proper, and it roused feelings in Samuel he shouldn’t be having. Especially right now, only a little ways from where he’d said good-bye to his beloved Rachel in a small room down the hall.
“Samuel?” The tenderness in her voice warmed his heart and frightened him just the same. “I know it must be hard for you to be here. If you need to leave . . .”
He wasted no time accepting an excuse to leave before he said or did something he’d regret.
“I’m glad Jonas is going to be okay,” he said abruptly. “Tell Mr. Pierson I needed to head on home. I’ll take a taxi cab. He’ll wait for you all and take you home.” His emotions were flailing and he needed out of there.
“Okay,” she said. “I don’t know what we would have done if you hadn’t been there, Samuel. Thank you so much.”
Samuel nodded and took a step away from her and toward the exit door. He’d almost made a clean getaway when he heard her call his name.
“Ya,” he answered, turning reluctantly.
“Maybe you’d like to come over for supper tomorrow night? You and David.” She paused when he didn’t answer. “As a repayment of sorts for all you did tonight.” She smiled as warmly as he’d ever seen.
He looked at her a moment, then shook his head sharply. “Danki, Lillian, but I can’t.” The woman was frustrating him, confusing him, and he was irritated with himself for allowing her to do so.
Her pleading green eyes made it mighty hard to walk away. But he did.
Irma Rose might close her eyes from time to time but seldom her ears. As Lillian plopped down beside her in the waiting room, she opened her eyes and looked at her granddaughter. She had heard the sharpness in Samuel’s tone when he declined the supper invitation, and it saddened her to see her granddaughter unhappy. But it was bound to happen. Samuel was content with his world, willingly locked into his life among the Plain folk, and he was a smart enough man to recognize what was happening between the two of them. Probably best he put an end to any- thing before it got started. It would be more painful for both of them down the road if he didn’t.
“It takes a strong man to walk away from something he might want but knows isn’t right by God.”
Lillian tucked her head in embarrassment, “You heard?”
Irma Rose patted her leg. “I did.”
“It was just an invitation for a meal. But the way he spoke to me was rather harsh.”
As Irma Rose suspected, her granddaughter was hurt. “Be true to yourself, Lillian. There’s a spark between you and that Samuel, and it has nowhere to turn but into flames. And if it had continued, you’d both have been burned far worse than you are now.”
“It’s not what you’re thinking, Grandma. We talked about it. We were just going to be friends.”
“Ya, so you say. But I saw him squeeze your hand at home when we were tending to Jonas. And I saw you reach for his hand a few minutes ago.” Wondering if she’d already said too much, she went on. “Has he kissed you yet?”
“Grandma! Of course not.”
Lillian’s incredulous look screamed guilt. If they hadn’t kissed, she imagined it wasn’t for lack of wanting on Lillian’s part.
“Lillian, we might be Plain and not know much about worldly things, but we love and we have desires, just like the rest of the world.” She could only assume her granddaughter was no longer pure. Living out in the world, she was bound to have succumbed to things that would be unheard of in their Amish community. There was no judgment. It was just a fact. “Samuel isn’t wise about worldly ways, nor are your daadi and me. Temptation to step astray is unheard of in our community. We live by the Ordnung.”
Lillian’s face took on a flush, and her eyes filled with tears. Irma Rose regretted instantly that she’d clearly said something to hurt the girl’s feelings. “Lillian, I just meant—”
But her granddaughter interrupted her. “You think I’m seducing Samuel. You think I’m filled with impure thoughts and tempting him to go against his beliefs!”
“That is not what I said, Lillian. What I meant was—”
“Grandma, you really don’t know me at all. I’m nothing like my mother.” And with that the child stormed off, leaving Irma Rose with a heavy heart.
Irma Rose knew Lillian spoke the truth. She had been fearful Lillian would pull Samuel into her world, in every way. Apparently she’d been wrong.
After four days of not seeing Samuel and barely speaking to her grandma, Lillian decided it was time to make amends with everyone. Grandma had tried repeatedly to apologize for anything she might have said to hurt her feelings, but Lillian had made little effort to recognize her attempts. She and Grandma had continued on with their daily chores, often side by side, but the tension was thick. Samuel had come to the door asking about her the day before, and she refused to come downstairs.
Today was a new day, and she was going to start fresh.
“Grandma,” she said as she walked into the kitchen early that morning. “I told you I’d make breakfast. Sit down and I’ll do it.” She gently pried the spoon from Grandma’s hand and began to stir the eggs.
“You haven’t had much to say to me, Lillian. I’m feeling badly about things,” Grandma said. She sat down on the bench at the kitchen table.
“I’m sorry. I got my feelings hurt, and I should have talked things out with you.”
“I am sorry, Lillian. For me to presume that by living out in the world you had not made good choices was wrong of me.” Lillian turned around to see her grandma shaking her head.
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