“I am so ready to be your fraa, Samuel. I’m going to be a good wife and a good mamm to David.”
“Not just a gut mamm to David, I hope. I reckon there will be a lot of little Stoltzfus kinner running around some day.”
“There is nothing I want more.”
Samuel kissed her tenderly on the mouth. “I guess we need to go back to the others,” he said with regret. He wanted to hold her in his arms forever. Only two more weeks—and then they’d be together for the rest of their lives.
Sarah Jane fumbled with the letter that arrived in the mail. With only two days until Lillian’s wedding, she tossed the envelope nervously from hand to hand. It was addressed to Lillian and opening it would be wrong. It would be equally as wrong to toss it into the trash bin, but she was tempted just the same. The return address was from Oklahoma, and she cringed as her eyes met with the name above the address. Daniel Foster. Hearing from him was the last thing either of them needed.
“I’m exhausted just thinking of all the things left to do before the wedding,” she heard Lillian say while walking into the kitchen. “Maybe we should have waited until the end of November, since we just had the baptism here a couple of weeks ago.” She plopped down on the bench at the kitchen table and brushed back a strand of hair dangling in her face.
“I don’t think you or Samuel could have waited a couple more weeks.” Crossing her arms, Sarah Jane tucked the letter out of sight.
“Mom, I just didn’t know I could feel this happy.” She smiled. “How’s Grandpa this afternoon?”
“Actually, he’s having a good day. He’s napping right now. Be warned, though—the doctors changed his medicine again, and you know what that means. We just never know how he’ll respond to the change.”
“Ya. I’m glad he’s doing so well today. I pray he will be having a good day on Tuesday.”
“I’ll pray too,” Sarah Jane said, smiling, but with the letter still hidden from Lillian’s view. She knew she would have to turn it over, but still she hesitated. Despite her exhaustion, her daughter had never looked happier, and she didn’t want to ruin that.
“David is going to mow the yard after school,” Lillian said. “I’ll finish making the bread and apple butter, and then I know we need to—”
“Lillian,” she interrupted.
“Ya?”
“This came in the mail today.” With reluctance, she handed over the letter. As she feared, Lillian’s bright eyes lost some of their glow. Her face was solemn and she just held the envelope and stared at it.
“You don’t have to open it,” Sarah Jane told her, wishing she wouldn’t. “We can just throw it away and pretend it never came.” She thought about all the letters from her mother she had tossed into the trash. Her heart ached.
Lillian tilted her head to one side and held the letter up toward the window, as if trying to catch the sun’s rays to read through the envelope. “No,” she said softly. “I have to open it. I’m not going to let whatever is in this letter upset me. I’ve put all that behind me.”
Sarah Jane took a seat on the bench across from Lillian. “I still say we can just throw it away.” She cupped her chin in her hands.
“Mom, we can’t do that.” Lillian’s tone was a tad reprimanding, and Sarah Jane knew she was right.
Lillian’s heart was racing. Peeling back the flap of the envelope, she slowly removed the two-page letter, handwritten in blue ink on lined white paper.
Dear Lillian,
What is often at the heart of a man’s soul is lost or forgotten by the time you reach my age. Bitterness, divorce, and life have a way of doing that. I know it might seem like I’m feeling sorry for myself, but that is not my intention. Rather, I would like for you to know that at my core, I am not the evil person that my actions have certainly dictated. Since you share my genes, I do not want you to fear the passing down of poisonous heritage. It is my hope that by breaking down the iron walls surrounding my heart, you will see a small glimpse as to who your father is—or once was.
Sarah Jane was a beautiful, vibrant woman. She probably still is. I have no excuse for the way I handled her pregnancy. To say I was young, at the height of my career, and afraid seems like a lame excuse. When you arrived at my shop, I assumed you were there to cause trouble for me somehow. Looking back, I know you just wanted to know who your father is. You remind me so much of your mother. Despite her unworldly ways, she had a zest for life she obviously passed on to you. It’s unfortunate that as a young man I took advantage of her spirited nature and robbed her of the life she was intended to live. She had no real understanding of life outside of her community. I suppose all that changed when she fled the only life she had ever known to raise a child on her own.
If you sense remorse in this letter, you are right. Not many days went by when I did not wonder about you. When my wife and I married many years later, we were unable to bear children. I often suspected it was my punishment for abandoning you and your mother.
I understand from friends in Paradise that you were baptized into the Amish faith and will be married soon (not to worry—they do not know you are my daughter). There is no wedding gift I can give you to make up for my behavior years ago, or my behavior most recently. I can only hope that, in some small way, this letter will suffice as my gift to you, for it comes with a heartfelt and sincere apology.
May your new life bring you happiness always.
Regards,
Daniel Foster
Lillian handed her mother the letter. “Maybe this will give you some closure too,” she said. With no memories of those hard times Daniel referred to, Lillian assumed perhaps her mother had more to gain from the letter than she did. Based on Mom’s expression as she was reading, Lillian was right.
“He really wasn’t a bad man,” Mom muttered, fighting tears. “But I have struggled these past couple of months to forgive him. This helps.” She handed the letter back to Lillian.
“I forgave him a while back, but this helps me too.” There was comfort in knowing that her father had wondered about her and that he regretted his actions years ago, as well as his more recent ones. The tone of his letter saddened her, though. He sounded like a lonely man. She would say an extra prayer for him tonight. Maybe she would write him back someday.
Tuesday took forever to arrive. As Samuel and David hurried to get ready, Samuel feared he was going to be late for his own wedding. He had heard rumors that over two hundred people would be attending. What a mighty noon feast they would have after the ceremony and another grand meal in the evening. It was going be right crowded in the Miller house.
He couldn’t wait to make Lillian his wife. “David, it’s time, boy!” he yelled upstairs. “Are you ’bout done?”
Samuel was as nervous as a man could be. From the moment he laid eyes on Lillian, he’d connected with her in a way that made him fearful—fearful they could never be together. Now she had become a church member and today they would marry. And tonight . . . Well, Samuel couldn’t help but think about tonight, their wedding night. The passionate kisses they shared were only a prelude to what he knew would be a wunderbaar night. Sharing their love as husband and wife was a vision he couldn’t shake. Nor did he want to. The thought of his beautiful Lillian, held close in his arms . . .
He hollered for David to hurry.
It was customary for the bride and groom to stay with her parents on the wedding night, so as to help with the cleanup the next morning. He packed a small duffel bag for him and one for David, since David would be heading to Ivan’s place later in the evening.
“We ain’t got time to waste, David,” he bellowed up the stairs. “Come on with yourself.”
“Oh, Lillian,” her mom said when she walked downstairs. “You look beautiful.”
Dressed in traditional Amish wedding attire, Lillian felt beautiful in her new blue linen dress, black Kapp, white kerchief, and apron. She knew this would be the only time she would wear the outfit, until they buried her in it
. Sadie had made the dress for her and it fit perfectly.
“Danki, Mom.” She was nervous, and she didn’t think much was going to change that. “Samuel said there are going to be about two hundred people in attendance. That’s more than when we held the baptisms here.”
“The joining of two hearts for eternity is a blessed event,” her mother said. “I’m so proud of you, Lillian. Against so many hardships, you prevailed and turned into a beautiful young woman. And an Amish woman at that.” Mom pulled her in for a hug.
“Mom,” she said warmly. “I’m proud of you too. I’m proud you’re my mamm.”
Gently her mother eased Lillian away from her. “I have something to give you.”
She darted upstairs. When she returned, she handed Lillian an envelope. “It’s the money I borrowed from you, Lillian. I had Claire, my friend back in Houston, sell the rest of my things.”
“Mom, no,” Lillian said, handing the envelope back. “I don’t care about this money. I don’t need it.”
“What am I going to do with it, Lillian? I have everything I have ever wanted or needed.” She pushed the envelope back toward Lillian. “Go and buy a wedding present for you and Samuel.”
“This would buy a really nice wedding present, Mom,” she said, counting the money.
“Ya, and that’s what I want you to do with it.”
“Do you miss Paul or your life, Mom?”
“Where did that come from?”
“I don’t know. I just wondered.” She hesitated. “It’s just . . . you’ve always . . .”
“Had a man in my life?” Mom questioned. “I used to think that completed me, Lillian. I know that’s not true. Having God in my life completes me. Besides, I imagine you and Samuel will give me lots of kinner to keep me busy. Plus, I have Pop.”
“Did I say how proud I am of you, Mom?” She threw her arms around her mother again.
“I think you did. And I am very proud of you. Now, let’s get you married. A crowd is gathering outside. Where’s the groom?”
It was nearing eight o’clock in the morning when the crowd moved into the house. Lillian glanced around until she finally saw Samuel. Her heart took on a fearful pulse when she realized the time for the ceremony was upon them and Samuel had not appeared. She smiled at him from across the room.
As everyone prepared for the four-hour ceremony, she twisted her hands together. There was no wedding ring and no flowers to carry or flowers in the house. Instead, they placed celery in simple white glasses throughout the house—one of the symbolic foods at Amish weddings. She suddenly had an urge to steal one of the cut stalks and take a nibble. She should have eaten breakfast, but an early-morning bout of nerves had prevented her from indulging in her mother’s dippy eggs this morning.
Lillian knew the ceremony would be void of the traditional kiss at the end. Of course, there would be no photographers or fancy catering. It was not the wedding she’d dreamed of since she was a child. It was better. The overabundance of love in the room more than made up for any preconceived ideas about what her wedding would be like.
Preparing to take her vows with the man she loved, she looked around the room. As was customary, the women were on one side and the men on the other side. Samuel had never looked more handsome. Grandpa and David stood side by side, each of them with a twinkle in his eye. Mom was beautiful. She had tossed out her makeup and other worldly goods prior to her baptism, and the lines of time and her hardships were evident. However, the radiance in her heart manifested itself across her smiling face, lending her a beauty that makeup could have never matched.
Lillian beamed at several women she had grown fond of over the past couple of months. Struggling to keep her emotions intact, she knew without a doubt that everything was perfect. She was ready to take her place as a daughter of the promise. Her journey of faith, hope, and love guided her to this moment. Now she would begin her life as Samuel’s fraa.
They sang several songs in German at the beginning of the ceremony. The worship service was in German with a mix of Pennsylvania Deitsch. She was surprised how much of the language she now understood. After the preacher presented stories of the Old Testament, he offered marriage advice to her and Samuel.
“The Bible teaches us to treat each other with respect, not to raise our voices at each other, and to always show love,” he recited. “Work hard, remember the man is the head of the home, and, Lillian, you are his helpmate.”
Fondly, she recalled her learning session with Grandma concerning the preacher’s statement. Not so long ago, his words would have caused Lillian to gasp. Instead, she was more than ready to allow Samuel to take his role as head of the home. By his side, she knew their partnership would be one of mutual respect.
Several other pastors spoke to the congregation, and specifically to Samuel and Lillian. It was near eleven o’clock when she and Samuel took their vows in front of their family and friends. With unwavering faith in herself, Samuel, and God, Lillian proclaimed her love to the only man she’d ever loved. “I, Lillian, take you Samuel . . .”
She managed to stifle tears of joy until Samuel professed his love for her. But upon hearing his solemn vow to love her forever, through good times and bad, a tear trickled down her cheek. He gently brushed it away. Had she looked around, she would have noticed there was hardly a dry eye in the house. But all Lillian saw was Samuel.
The wedding dinner was bountiful, consisting of the traditional roasht, along with mashed potatoes, gravy, creamed celery, buttered noodles, steamed peas with butter, and homemade bread and jam. There were side dishes of applesauce, chowchow, and pepper cabbage, and more pies, cookies, puddings, and dessert than Lillian had ever seen. Plus she was told no wedding would be complete without Amish wedding nothings, a deep-fried traditional wedding pastry. It was an amazing display, and on this day she planned to partake of all of it.
“We sit here, at the eck,” Samuel whispered in her ear as he guided her to the corner of the wedding table.
They had placed tables together in the den to form a large hollow square with one side open. Samuel and Lillian sat at one of the outer corners, known as the bride’s corner, or eck. Lillian’s waiters sat to her left, along with other young unmarried women. Samuel’s waiters sat to his right, along with more unmarried women. Young unmarried men sat on the remaining side of the formation.
Much preparation went into rearranging furniture in an attempt to accommodate the guests during the ceremony. However, they served the meal in shifts. Lillian and Samuel were served first, along with their wedding party.
Lillian realized she had worked up an appetite. A fabulous wedding cake sat before her and Samuel. As she waited for the ladies to serve the meal, the temptation to swipe the white icing with her finger was overwhelming. She felt Samuel’s hand intertwine with hers beneath the table.
“I love you, Lillian Stoltzfus,” he whispered, oblivious to the people scurrying around the room.
“I love you too, Samuel Stoltzfus.”
It was a glorious day, and Lillian bowed her head in prayer to thank God for the many blessings He had bestowed upon her and her family.
They sang traditional Amish hymns after the noon meal, followed by folk games in the barn for the children and unmarried young adults. As everyone socialized, mothers put babies down for naps upstairs, men gathered in the barn to smoke cigars and tell jokes. It was an all-day affair filled with fellowship, prayer, and a sense of belonging for Lillian.
“There you are,” she said to Samuel, finding him on the porch later that afternoon. “I didn’t see you for a while. I missed you.”
“Hello, Mrs. Stoltzfus,” he said smiling.
“I like the sound of that.” She placed her hands on her full stomach. “I can’t believe we have to eat again. I’m still full from the noon meal.”
“I reckon the ladies are already preparing supper. But before we eat, we get to go play matchmaker for the young people out in the barn.”
“Sadie told
me about that. We actually get to pick out a boy and a girl and send them in the house holding hands?” She grinned at her husband. It sounded like great fun.
“Ya, the matched up boy and girl will go in the house, holding hands, and sit together at suppertime.” Samuel arched his eyebrows and whispered, “The married ladies will all be gossiping about who is sitting together, who their parents are, and remarking about what a nice couple they will make.”
“What if the kids don’t like who we match them up with?”
“Then I guess a wedding won’t be in their future,” he said, snickering.
“No, I guess not.”
She watched as Samuel’s face took on a serious expression. “I love you so much, Lillian. I can’t wait to show you how much I love you tonight.”
After matching up the teenagers in the barn for supper, more socializing went on for several more hours. Lillian wasn’t sure how she’d managed to eat another meal. It had been a long, exhausting, wonderful day. It was almost nine o’clock when their guests began to leave. Grandpa had a fabulously good day but had been in bed for hours. Mom had been a trooper all day, making sure everything was perfect.
As she sat next to Samuel at the wedding table, Lillian hated for it all to end. But, she reminded herself, it was only the beginning. And she was ready to begin her life as Samuel’s wife.
“It’s time, Lillian,” her mother said as she leaned down and kissed Lillian on the cheek. “Time to start your life as Samuel’s fraa.”
Samuel and Lillian stood up. Hand in hand, they bade farewell to those guests standing nearby. Lillian knew the next morning would start early and members of the district would be on hand to help with the cleanup. The next few weeks would be spent visiting members of the community, as was customary. These post-marriage visits were when she and Samuel would receive a lot of their wedding gifts.
It was to be a busy time after the wedding. But, for tonight, it would just be her and Samuel, his loving arms wrapped around her.
Plain Perfect & Quaker Summer 2 in 1 Page 24
