Chance

by Deborah Bladon

  The expression on her face makes it clear that she's not buying into a word of what I'm saying. "How old is he?"

  "Caleb is thirty."

  "Does he want to get married?"

  "To me?" I ask without thinking.

  She giggles loudly. "Maybe I should be asking if you want to marry him."

  "No." I reach for the mug again and this time I take a heavy swallow just to keep my mouth busy.

  "Are you attracted to him?" She taps her finger on the checkered tablecloth. "Are you attracted to Caleb?"

  Lying would be completely and utterly futile at this point. The mere fact that I got all tongue tied when she asked me whether he wanted to get married is already proof of my confusion regarding him. "He's very attractive, Ivy."

  "I'm not going to argue with you about that. Why haven't you just jumped into bed with him?"

  It's a question I've asked myself more than once. It definitely hasn't been for lack of opportunity. I know Caleb. I know him well enough to know that there have been moments when he's been open to the idea of sleeping with me. He's never come right out and told me he wants me, but I've seen the same longing I feel for him, reflected back to me. The only problem is that whenever I've gotten up the nerve to think I'll make a move, his interest has waned and my better judgement has kicked in.

  "Remember when you first told me about how you met Jax?" I smile across the table at her. "You said he was a ladies' man before that."

  "I said he fucked a lot of women before he met me." She tips her chin up. "He never told me how many but it's got to be a pretty high number."

  I admire the way she throws out the words without any reservation. She can do that because she's confident in how much Jax loves her now. "Caleb is like that."

  "It's normal for men in the city." She gestures towards the crowded coffee shop. "They experiment until they find the right one. Once they do, everything changes and they give that up."

  It's a sweet sentiment and expected given the way that Ivy views life. She's convinced that every person has a soul mate they're destined to find. I'm more grounded. I think we're bound to make connections in our lives that fill a need. Sometimes those connections last and other times, they fade. I want a relationship like the one Ivy and Jax have, but I'm clear minded enough to know that I may never find that.

  "The right one has to be someone you share the same vision with," I say quietly. "Caleb and I are completely different people and I don't want to risk the friendship we do have even though it's hanging by a thread."

  "What does that mean?"

  "There was a time when I thought Caleb could do no wrong," I admit sheepishly. "I'm not that naïve anymore. I know that no man is perfect but he does things I don't understand, Ivy. It's not just the stuff with his brothers. It's how he uses women and flaunts his wealth. He's not the same boy who used to share an ice cream cone with me when we were kids."

  "That boy is still inside of him somewhere." She pats the top of my hand. "The difference now is that he's lost sight of him. You need to help him find that part of him again."

  "I don't need to do that." I sigh heavily as I run my finger over the rim of the mug. "He likes who he is. He's happy with the man he is."

  "Then you just have to find a way to accept him the way he is."

  "Or," I ready myself to say the words. "Maybe I have to walk away from Caleb and our friendship for good."

  Chapter 14

  "Why aren't you in Dallas?"

  I knew that this conversation was coming. I thought I'd be forced into it yesterday but Clive had taken the day off to spend it with his wife. Typically when he does that, he has a glow about him that lasts for days. Apparently, the glow has already dissipated into the ether.

  "I sent Jordan," I say effortlessly without looking up from my laptop screen. "I had too much to do here."

  "You sent her husband along for the ride?" He can't mask the obvious amusement in his tone. "Is he on payroll now?"

  I know he's asking because it's expected. He's a shrewd and level headed businessman but he does have a heart that most people never get a clear glimpse of. I'm hoping that if I ignore the question he'll move onto another topic of discussion.

  "Why did you send Jordan's husband with her?" He traces his index finger over the edge of my laptop. "You know I wouldn't have approved that."

  "I know that you trust me to make decisions that benefit the company," I counter. "I saw it as a good investment."

  "A good investment?" he asks gruffly. "You're going to need to explain that one to me, Rowan."

  I slam my laptop shut before I look up into his face. "Did you cut your hair? It's shorter than normal."

  He runs his hand over his hair. "Lilly wanted to see it short. Do you like it?"

  "I love it." I nod slightly. "You trimmed your beard too?"

  "We had a spa day," he whispers quietly as he leans one hand against my desk. "I swear to God that woman can get me to do anything for her."

  "It was a fun day?" I'm not sure why I even ask. The beaming grin on his face is giving everything away.

  "One of the best," he answers quickly. "An entire day with the woman I love is a gift to me. I need to do that more. It regenerates me."

  "That's why I did it."

  "Did what?"

  "That's why I sent Jordan and her husband to Dallas together." I push my hands against the side of my desk before I rise to my feet. "She needed to feel that too. She's been dragging her heels around here. Giving her the chance to spend a few days alone with her husband will light a fire underneath her again."

  He crosses his arms over his chest as a slight grin tugs at the corner of his mouth. "Well played, Rowan. You're learning."

  "She deserves it, Clive." I tip my chin towards him. "She's done a lot of good work this year. I saw it as a bonus. We scratch her back, she'll scratch our back."

  "You've convinced me." He throws his hands up in mock defeat. "I should have made you the head of Human Resources."

  "No." I round my desk. "I like the job I have."

  "What's been going on with you?" He motions towards the open door of my office. "If you need someone to talk to, I've got a few minutes."

  He means well even if the offer feels misplaced. "I've got nothing going on. I've just been working and hanging out with Ivy."

  "I saw her the other day." He rubs his hand over his brow. "She said she was going to set you up with a business associate of Jax."

  "A business associate of her husband?" I repeat back hoping it will jog my memory.

  "A chef," he offers. "Tyler something. Ivy said you were anxious to meet him."

  Ivy would say that. It has nothing to do with my being anxious to meet him and everything to do with her wanting to see if her sixth sense about matching romantic partners is on par. I'd actually completely forgotten about the potential blind date. "He sounds nice."

  "We can do a double date thing if you want. Lilly would love it."

  It's a suggestion meant to give me the reassurance I need to jump back into the dating world. Clive knows that I've hidden myself away in my office and in my apartment since my last relationship ended. I'm not the type of woman who seeks out a boyfriend just to have a warm body to cling to at night.

  "I'll figure it out. I've never dated a chef before and he is gorgeous." I glance down at my smartphone, which is sitting, atop my desk. "I'll get his number from Ivy and I'll see when he's free to have dinner with me."

  "You're having dinner with who?" Caleb's deep voice bounces off of the walls of my office. "If you want someone to have dinner with, I'm available."

  ***

  Back in high school if one guy heard me talking about hanging out with another guy, he may have decided that would be the perfect time to swoop in and stake his claim. It's happened to me before. It's never happened with Caleb Foster though. He's actually been excited in the past when I've told him about a new guy I've met. He even arranged for an expensive bottle of champagne to be delivere
d to my apartment when I had a date with a man last year that I was crazy about. He's never tried to interject himself into my dating life though until this very minute.

  "Caleb," Clive turns to face him. "What are you doing here?"

  "Clive." Caleb darts his hand into the air. "It's been a long time."

  My boss pulls Caleb's hand into a firm shake. "How are things at Foster?"

  "They'd be better if Rowan came to work for us," he jokes. "I've been trying to make that happen for years. What's your secret to keeping her here?"

  I cough loudly hoping it will be enough of a deterrent to keep Clive from saying anything that will set Caleb off.

  "I'll leave you two alone." Clive looks directly at me. "We have a meeting in twenty minutes, Rowan. I need you there. Don't be late."

  I smile softly knowing that he's giving me the gift of an escape in the form of an imaginary meeting. I don't confide that often in Clive but I sense that he can read between the lines of what's happening between Caleb and I. He saw how weary I was when I got back to the office last week after seeing Caleb. "I won't be late."

  I watch in silence as Clive walks through the doorway into the corridor. I don't have time to react before Caleb takes a step, slams my office door shut and turns to look at me with his hands on his hips.

  "What?" I say out of pure exasperation. "What is it?"

  "Where's my brother?" He taps his foot against the carpeted floor. "My brother is gone and I want to know where the hell he is."

  Chapter 15

  "Asher's not gone," I say confidentially as I sit behind my desk. "What makes you think he's gone?"

  He follows my lead and lowers himself into one of the chairs in front of my desk. "He hasn't been back to the office since…since I...I've tried to call him several times and he won't pick up."

  I glare across the desk at me. "You fired him, Caleb. Why would he want to talk to you?"

  Logic often escapes Caleb. He can't see what's directly in front of him because his mind is so twisted around what should be happening as opposed to what is really happening. "He knows that I wasn't serious."

  It's another symptom of his over inflated ego. He thinks he can cut people down at their knees and within the next breath, they'll figure out that he's simply doing it to satiate a need within him for control and power. "He doesn't know that. He has no intention of coming back to work with you right now."

  Irritation washes over his expression. If there's a loop to be in, Caleb definitely doesn’t want to be standing outside the perimeter of that. "You know where he is, don't you? You've talked to him."

  I haven't. The last conversation I had with Asher was when he told me he was considering going to see his mother. He promised me then that we'd have a chance to say goodbye before he jetted off. "I haven't talked to him in a few days."

  "Look at me, Rowan." His tone is controlled and measured.

  I raise my eyes until my gaze is locked with his. "What?"

  "I need to talk to him about a work issue that he left hanging." He exhales audibly. "It's crucial."

  My spirit deflates almost instantly. "You're not worried about him? You just want to talk to him about work?"

  If my words impacted him at all, he's masking it with effortless ease. "I need to speak to my brother about work. If you know where he is, I need you to tell me."

  I glance down at my smartphone. I have every confidence that if I called Asher right now, he'd pick up. He rarely ignores my calls or text messages and during the infrequent times that he has, he's called me back as soon as he could. It happened the day he was arrested and I know that he's reachable if I need him. "I have no idea where your bother is."

  His head bows as he considers my words. "I haven't asked much of you over the years, Row. I'm asking you now to find Asher for me if you can."

  If he'd followed the plea up with any words of compassion concerning his need to know that his brother is safe and sound after being arrested, I'd be tempted to call Asher on the spot. That's not what this is. He's not looking for a way back into his brother's trust; he's looking for a colleague who holds the keys to a deal he has to close.

  "I can't find him for you. I don't know where he is."

  I hear his teeth tap a rhythmic beat as his jaw clenches. "You told Clive you were calling someone to make dinner plans. Who is he?"

  I close my eyes and shake my head. "Don't ask me that."

  "I want to know."

  "Why?" My eyes pop open. "I don't ask you about the women you date. You don't need to know about the men I date."

  "I'm curious," he says quietly. "I'd like to know his name. I may know the guy."

  "You don't know him," I say shakily. "I can't keep doing this with you. You can't know every detail of my life."

  "We're friends, Rowan." He looks down at his lap. "You're my oldest friend."

  "It worked when we were kids, Caleb." I hear the anxiety that is coursing through me in my own voice. "It kind of worked when I was in college. It's not working anymore."

  "What does that mean?" He scratches the back of his head. "How is it not working?"

  "You exhaust me," I admit as my voice cracks. I look past his shoulder to my closed office door. I suddenly feel suffocated. "You hurt Asher. You want to know every detail of my life. You take so much. You're always taking from me and I get nothing back."

  He leans his right arm on the chair's armrest. "What do you want from me, Rowan? What am I not giving to you?"

  "Respect," I say clearly. "Honesty. You don't value anything I say. You knew that having Asher arrested would hurt me and you did it. You didn't think about how he'd feel or how I'd feel or anyone else."

  "I was worried about telling you." His thigh shakes as he taps his foot quickly on the carpet. "I knew you'd be upset. I thought you'd understand though."

  "You thought I'd tell you that you did the right thing," I correct him. "That's why you told me first and not Gabriel or your parents. You thought I'd back you up and reassure you."

  "No." He shakes his head slightly. "I thought you'd see the value in what I did. I know you worry about him falling back into his old habits. I thought it would scare him if he was arrested."

  "It broke him." My hands leap to my chest. "It hurt him. You're his brother. He's supposed to be able to count on you."

  "I'm supposed to be able to count on him." He straightens his legs and I wonder briefly if he's going to jump to his feet. "He can't hide behind his addiction forever. It's not an excuse."

  I stare at him as I try and absorb the words. "He's not like you, Caleb. He's nothing like you."

  "You keep telling me that," he spits the words out through clenched teeth. "I'm sick and tired of hearing about how wonderful my fucked up brother is."

  "He's not fucked up," I seethe as I slam my palm into my desk. "He's human. He's not perfect. He's just trying to make it through life. That's it."

  His shoulders fall back into the chair. "You've picked your side. You actually picked his side."

  I want to scream. I want to shake him until the boy I used to know floats back into view. "I chose to be a friend to Asher. That's all I've done."

  He pushes himself slowly to his feet. I watch as he buttons his suit jacket and straightens his tie. "After what you went through with Tom you'd think you would have learned your lesson. I'm done trying to help either of you. If you want Asher, he's all yours and you can both stay the hell away from me and my business."

  My bottom lip quivers but I don't respond as he pulls his gaze from me before he opens my office door and disappears down the bustling corridor.

  Chapter 16

  "Who knew Caleb Foster was such a raging bitch?"

  I have to physically push my hand into my lips to keep myself from spitting out my dinner. I turn to look at Graham. He's holding a glass of wine in one hand and a fork in the other.

  "You're not actually considering talking to him again, are you?"

  I shrug my shoulder while I chew quickly.
"I don't know. We've argued before."

  "Arguing is one thing, Rowan." His index finger flies into the air towards me. "You two didn't have an argument. He just lost it. That's an entirely different thing."

  I can't disagree. It's been more than a week since Caleb stormed out of my office. I was tempted to call him the next day to smooth things over but my pride wouldn't allow it. Instead, I'd busied myself on a new project at work and had dragged Ivy to a Broadway play and yoga class a few times. If I can keep my mind occupied, I can keep it from wandering to thoughts of Caleb.

  We've gone weeks, and even months, at times without talking but we've never left things in such a difficult place before. Whenever we've argued in the past, one of us has reached out to the other within a day or two. It's not happening this time and even though part of me is in full-on panic mode over the idea of never talking to Caleb again, I can't bring myself to call him or send him a text. I know if I do, I'll be pulled back into his feud with Asher. I need to move my life forward and if that means creating distance from the Foster brothers, I'm going to stay on that path.

  "I'm going to start work next week," Graham handily changes the subject and I'm grateful for the unexpected shift.

  Since we've been roommates, Graham has spent most of his days sitting in the apartment, wallowing in the grief of his divorce. I haven't asked too many questions about his career goals mainly because each time I've brought up anything to do with his life before he left New York, he immediately dives into a conversation about his marriage. He's always made certain that his part of the rent was in my hand before the first of the month, which is the only thing that really matters.

  "That's great," I offer cautiously. "Where are you working?"

  "Here and there." He flips his hand in the air between us. "I'm actually going to be a personal assistant."

  "Where?" I stop myself when I see him cock a dark brow. "Or is it who? Who are you working for?"

  "Libby Duncan," he almost screams her name out as he claps his hands together. "I'm the new personal assistant to Libby Duncan."