Insultingly Stupid Movie Physics
Page 25
Independence Day brings interstellar space travel down to Earth as aliens arrive and attempt a hostile takeover. Even if the movie’s premise were accepted—that gargantuan spacecraft could travel to Earth as depicted—when the spaceships were shot down, the resulting explosions as they fell to Earth would destroy the planet’s environment (see Chapter 11). There’d be no happy ending. But although the movie delivers some scientific whoppers, it lacks the nonstopbadness that the ISMP all-time classic should possess.
War of the Worlds also showed promise with its alien invasion. Making a gigantic mechanical vehicle—filled to capacity with nasty aliens and high-powered weapons—balance, let alone walk around on the spindliest of legs, would be some trick. Yet, not only did these massive mechanical monsters move, they did so after being stored under a few feet of soil for eons. (Wow, that’s some set of batteries!) What’s more, they were stored undetected in locations that ended up in the middle of major cities. Did no one dig holes? Did no one have a metal detector? Were there no curious nerds around?
After all that planning and preparation for invading and inhabiting an entire world, these super-intelligent aliens apparently neglected to do an environmental study. What were they thinking? Did they really believe they would be safe? Did they misinterpret all the TV ads for cold remedies and antibacterial soap—intercepted by their version of SETI?
Furthermore, when the aliens do show up in their tripods and start killing everyone, why would a human such as Tom Cruise think he would be safe by fleeing to Boston? Wouldn’t heinous aliens bent on turning humanity into fertilizer start with the most dangerous group of all—MIT students? These people are not just nerds, they’re uber-nerds. Give them free time and a large-domed building, and for entertainment they do things like put police cars and Wright Brothers’ airplanes atop it, or morph it into various new forms, such as a giant pumpkin or an oversized robot. Imagine what they’d do with a bunch of spindlylegged tripods! But disrupting the power for their cool toys (computers), closing down their calculus classes, and threatening the continued existence of humanity is enough to make them mad. Do the invaders recognize this danger and respond by putting the Cambridge and Boston area at the top of their destruction list? No! These aliens are dumber than Tom Cruise’s movie character. They deserve to die.
Alas, though the movie offers plenty of ISMP, there are moderating influences. The tripod engineering problems could conceivably be solved by a super-advanced species. Such intelligent critters could possibly even screw up one or two important details when planning an invasion; certainly, such things have happened on Earth. After all, humans—upon sinking the unsinkable Titanic—discovered, to their chagrin, that not only had they failed to plan for enough lifeboats, but had failed to fill even the ones available. In total, War of the Worlds just doesn’t measure up. Many of its flaws are simple illogic, some are forgivable, and none are creatively spectacular.
AND THE WINNER IS . . .
It seems the choice for the ISMP classic would be tough amid such competition and yet it isn’t. There is one that stands at the top of the heap, that is the pick of the pack, and that leads the rest. As mentioned in Chapter 1, its premise is absurd, its science unfixable, and its artistry uninspiring—its name: The Core.
The movie explains an impending world horror during a meeting of top military brass, in which geophysicist Dr. Josh Keyes (Aaron Eckhart) makes a presentation. He tells the military that the core’s rotation is messed up and about to cause Earth’s magnetic field—all that stands between us and microwave radiation from the sun—to disappear. And why should this cause immediate panic and distress? Keyes, always one to gauge his audience, keeps the explanation moronic: he lights the aerosol from a can of hair spray and torches a peach representing Earth.
A flaming peach? There’s a way to impress. Never mind that the audience—leaders of an organization whose technology level and research budget makes NASA look like a club for hobbyists—might actually prefer a few scientific details. Never mind that Earth’s magnetic field does nothing to reduce solar microwave radiation arriving at the Earth’s surface. Microwaves are a minor part of the sun’s total radiation that hit us, magnetic field or not. Never mind that the planet has never been incinerated when it has previously experienced temporary magnetic field loss during the magnetic pole flipflops that occur about every hundred thousand years. Never mind all the illogic and ISMP, a burnt peach just plain stinks.
Okay, the Sun does periodically emit dangerous quantities of plasma during solar flares, which are made up mostly of protons and electrons with high amounts of kinetic energy. These particles can, indeed, be deflected by magnetic fields. However, even without a magnetic field the atmosphere would still shield us from most of this radiation. Over hundreds of millions of years the lack of a magnetic field could be disastrous. Mars, for example, lacks a magnetic field, which is thought to be the reason it also lacks an atmosphere. Mars’ unprotected atmosphere was apparently slowly blown away by solar winds.
The movie continues with other insightful glimpses of scientific and technically trained professionals. Ask any group of high school students to name a recent Nobel Prize-winning physicist and you’ll most likely get a blank stare. When it comes to the pop culture scene, world class scientists are a no-show. So, Dr. Zimsky (Stanley Tucci) is, of course, depicted as having a massive ego, star appeal, and the look of a 1930s movie star as he signs autographs and is hounded by a bimbo.There’s the genius inventor who lives alone on a vast facility in the middle of the desert and invents technological miracles, all without assistants or outside funding. There are the astronauts who engage in juvenile arguments about who should land the Space Shuttle—an almost entirely automated task. There’s the likable philosophical French scientist, with that oh-so-engaging accent—who is also a nuclear weapons expert—who provides just the right amount of sadness when he dies. And, of course, there’s the quintessential computer geek, Rat (D. J. Qualls) who can not only hack into a supersecret government facility, but can take over the U.S. power grid, all in a matter of minutes via the Internet. How does this plucky group of technical people solve the movie’s dire nonproblem? Why, of course, by traveling in a manned craft that bores into the planet, and restarts Earth’s core with a nuclear firecracker (see Chapter 11). An unmanned craft could never suffice.
The Core is a wonder. It would take an entire book to cover all its ISMP details. Will it ever be surpassed? Who can say? But certainly, at least for the foreseeable future, it deserves special status as the ISMP classic. It’s so bad, it’s good.
NOTES
1. “The Core, A Filmbug Special,” http://www.filmbug.com/specials/thecore, 3/28/2003.
2. Feynman, Richard, Six Easy Pieces, Perseus Books Group, 1996), 69.
3. Frank L. Lambert, Professor Emeritus, Occidental College, “The Second Law of Thermodynamics,” http://www.secondlaw.com.
4. Ohba, Mitsuru, and Benson, John. “Introduction: About the A-Bomb,” http://www.csi.ad.jp/ABOMB/data.html, © 1998 by A-Bomb WWW project.
5. “To the Moon,” NOVA, http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/transcripts/2610tothemoon.html, original PBS airdate: July 13, 1999.
6. “The Numbers—U.S. Movie Market Summary for 2006,” http://www.the-numbers.com/market/2006.php, 1997–2007 Nash Information Services, LLC.
7. Buell, Harold L, Dauntless Hell Drivers (New York: Orion Books, 1991) 37.
8. Jennings, Ed, “Crosley’s Secret War Effort: The Proximity Fuze,” http://www.navweaps.com/index_tech/tech-075.htm, updated February 1, 2001.
9. “Could a seat belt have saved Diana?” http://www.cnn.com/WORLD/9709/05/crash.analysis/, CNN, original air date: 9/5/1997.
10. “The Freefall Research Page,” http://www.greenharbor.com/fffolder/ffallers.html, © 2001–2003, Green Harbor Publications.
11. “How to jump into water from a height,” http://www.everything2.com/index.pl?node=How%20to%20jump%20into%20water%20from%20a%20height, updated 11/14/2002.
&n
bsp; 12. “Could a seat belt have saved Diana?” http://www.cnn.com/WORLD/9709/05/crash.analysis/, CNN, original air date: 9/5/1997; and “Acceleration that Would Kill a Human,” The Physics Fact Book, edited by Glenn Elert, http://hypertextbook.com/facts/2004/YuriyRafailov.shtml.
13. Ohba, Mitsuru, and Benson, John, “Introduction: About the A-Bomb,” http://www.csi.ad.jp/ABOMB/data.html, © 1995, 1996, 1997, 1998 by A-Bomb WWW project.
14. Levoy, Jill, and Vanessa Hua, “Fighting Bullets on New Year’s Eve,” Los Angeles Times, 12/30/1999.
15. Yee, Danny, “Average Weight of a Human Head,” http://danny.oz.au/anthropology/notes/human-headweight.html, updated 7/8/07.
16. Zavada, Roland J, “Dissecting the Zapruder Bell & Howell 8mm Movie Camera,” http://www.jfkinfo.com/zavada1.htm, updated 10/24/98.
17. “Video of Richard Trott shooting a melon,” http://mcadams.posc.mu.edu/melon-sh.mpg, accessed 7/8/07; McAdams, John. “Dealey Plaza,” http://mcadams.posc.mu.edu/dealey.htm, accessed 7/8/07; Penn & Teller, “Jet Effect,” http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=745248745546892501, accessed 7/8/07.
18. Meyer, Dale K, “Secrets of a Homicide,” http://www.jfkfiles.com/jfk/html/intro.htm, accessed 7/8/07; Jennings, Peter. ABC News, The Kennedy Assassination—Beyond Conspiracy DVD, 2004.
19. Penn & Teller, “Jet Effect,” http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=745248745546892501, accessed 7/8/07.
20. McAdams, John, “The Assassination Goes Hollywood,” http://mcadams.posc.mu.edu/jfkmovie.htm, accessed 7/8/07; and Reitses, David. “The JFK 100—One Hundred Errors of Fact and Judgment in Oliver Stone’s JFK,” http://www.jfk-online.com/jfk100menu.html, accessed 7/8/07.
21. Posner, Gerald, Case Closed, Lee Harvey Oswald and the Assassination of JFK, ([AU: Please provide place of publication]:Anchor Books, 2003), 273–284.
22. The apparent zero gravity occurs because the orbiting object is in freefall. If an object has a horizontal velocity, it will fall in a parabolic path and hit the ground, but if the horizontal velocity is high enough and there’s a significant gravity force to act as a centripetal force, the object will fall in a stable orbit and never hit the ground (assuming no air resistance).
23. “California Tornadoes 1880–2000,” http://www.tornadoproject.com/alltorns/catorn.htm, the Tornado Project, accessed 7/8/07.
24. “The Staten Island Web,” http://www.siweb.com/Statue.html, accessed 7/8/07.
25. Ohba, Mitsuru, and John Benson. “A-Bomb WWW Museum,” http://www.csi.ed.jp/ABOMB/data.html, © 1995, 1996, 1997, 1998 by A-Bomb WWW Project.
26. “If the Polar Ice Caps Melted, How Much Would the Oceans Rise?” How Stuff Works Web site, http://science.howstuffworks.com/question473.htm, (c) 1998–2007 HowStuffWorks, Inc.; “Volume of Earth’s Polar Ice Caps,” The Physics Factbook, edited by Glenn Elert, written by his students.
27. http://hypertextbook.com/facts/2000/HannaBerenblit.shtml, 2003; and “Power Density of Solar Radiation,” The Physics Factbook, edited by Glenn Elert, written by his students. http://hypertextbook.com/facts/1998/ManicaPiputbundit.shtml, 1998.
28. Gleick, James, Chaos: Making a New Science, ([AU: provide place of publication]: Penguin Books, 1988).
29. “What is the Temperature at the Tip of a Lit Cigarette?” Physics and Astronomy Online, http://www.physlink.com/education/askexperts/ae1.cfm, © 2007 PhysLink.com.
30. “Ignition Temperature of Gasoline,” The Physics Factbook, edited by Glenn Elert, written by his students, http://hypertextbook.com/facts/2003/ShaniChristopher.shtml, 2003.
31. “Reducing the Health Consequences of Smoking—25 Years of Progress: A Report of the Surgeon General,” 1989 Executive Summary, 79.
32. Gustin, Emmanuel, “The Fighters,” http://users.skynet.be/Emmanuel.Gustin/fgun/fgunfi/html, © 1998–1999.
INDEX
A
Acceleration, 147
constant, 140
injuries from, 158
measure of changing velocity of, 147
requirement, high, 151
in Star Wars Episode III, 298
Action hero, 17–21
and ammunition, weight of, 16
in The Matrix Revolution [NR] (2003), 18–20
and machine gun overheating, 16
Action-reaction force pairs, 84, 184
ground and human, 232–233
in Lethal Weapon [PGP-13] (1987), 184
as normal force, 231–237
three qualifications for, 184
Aerodynamic lift, 139
Air compression, 263
in building during tsunami, 262–264
Aircraft , 122
height of, 122
range of, 122
velocity of, 122
Air resistance, 139, 192, 302
and shrapnel, 70–72
approximated, 142
exerting horizontal force, 125
in space, 72
and projectile trajectory, 72
in Star Wars Episode III, 298
Air pressure
escaping into space, 95
in spaceship, 75
Air resistance and downward acceleration by gravity, 125
All-time stupid movie physics classics, 308
Armageddon, 309–310
Eraser, 308
Independence Day, 310
Mission to Mars, 310
Red Planet, 310
The Day after Tomorrow, 309
The Matrix, 308
War of the Worlds, 310
worst movie physics winner, 312–313
American Film Institute’s 100 Greatest Movies Web site, 237
Antiaircraft cannon’s projectile fired upward arc of projectile, 122
downward force of gravity on projectile, 122
Antimatter, 191, 288
Apollo 13 [GP] (1995), 229–232
vomit comet, 120, 121, 229–230
Area, 53
in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids [NR] (1989), 52–57
Armageddon [RP] (1998), 99–100, 167–170, 213–220, 222–224, 238
asteroid, 167
artificial gravity, instant, 238–240
Artificial gravity, 231, 232–233, 238–240
basis, 232–234
centripetal acceleration, 233
centripetal force, 233
creating, 231–242
instant, 238
mass 233
Artistic license
and rule breaking, 2
as ambulance license, 2
Asteroid in Armageddon, 167–170
Asteroid-produced atmospheric tides, 223
Asteroid strike, 101
Atmospheric tides, asteroid-produced, 223
Attractive force, in Lethal Weapon [PGP-13] (1987), 179–184
Attractive force of glass, 179
B
Band of Brothers, 112
Bernouli’s equation and velocity, 262
Blackhawk Down [GP] (2001), gunfights and movie physics, 28
Blast wave, 166
from falling spaceship, 165
Bomb, and downward-sloping parabolic path, 125
Bomb drop calculations, 120
Bombs-fall-straight-down myth in Pearl Harbor, 117
Building collapse, 264, 267
potential energy from, 267
reasons for, 264–268
released energy from, 267–268
Bullet drift, horizontal, 26
Bullet penetration in Young Guns II [PGP] (1990), 78–79
Bullets
air resistance and, 174
counting shots, 203–208
incendiary, 282
in outer space, 175
kinetic energy, 280
lighting gasoline, 274