Sweet Cheeks (Heartbreaker)

by J. Dorothy

  I clear my throat. “I'll come and get my things in the morning. Bailey said I could stay here for a while. I think that might be best. I hope that doesn't ruin things for you, you know with the house...”

  “Don't worry about it. I'll leave the door open. I won't be here.”

  In other words, he doesn't want to see me.

  I suck down another sob. “Okay ... and thanks Tanning. Thanks for everything ...”

  No response, only the dial tone. He's hung up. I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth several times. I keep telling myself I had to do it. I had no choice.

  Betraying and lying to Tanning, is by far the worst and meanest thing I've ever done.

  Only this time, I'm the one who's hurting.

  And it's hurting like a goddamn bitch.

  TWeNTY-SiX

  _______________________________

  My eyes are red raw, it feels like razor blades every time I swallow, and my stomach is clenched so tight, I'm not sure Treasure Pot has any room to move right now. Last night was possibly the worst night of my life. I haven't slept. I haven't eaten, and I feel the sickest I've felt this whole pregnancy. But I'm pretty sure it's not Treasure Pot's fault. It's all mine.

  Travis is driving and I'm in the passenger seat, clinging onto my seatbelt like it's my only life line. The closer we get to Tanning's house, the harder and faster my heart beats. I know he won't be there. He said he wouldn't. But I have a small speck of hope he might be. I'm not really sure if I want to see him. If that will make this easier or harder. I don't think there's a measure of that right now. It's all hard. Off the scale, difficult.

  Travis turns down Tanning's street and pulls up to the curb, two houses from his. It's early morning. I insisted on coming before Tanning gets up. You know, just in case he's here and hasn't had chance to escape, or he's still sleeping and I won't disturb him.

  I'm not really sure which right now.

  I dressed in black leggings, a pink smock top and black jacket, and I'm wearing my tennis shoes. All good creep wear. Because I'm not going to make any noise. I'll be stealth, in and out, without Tanning knowing I've been. Well, except for the wad of big notes I intend leaving him. The money I got back from Travis. And the letter. Travis doesn't know I wrote it, and I don't want him to find out. I have to explain, or at least try. I can't have Tanning mad at me. I have to think that maybe we might still have a chance when this is all done. I close my eyes and wish with everything I've got, that someday we could try again.

  Travis switches off the engine and looks across to me. “You okay?”

  There is a very obvious answer to that, but I'm not in the mood to play the sarcasm game.

  “Yep. Just Peachy.”

  On second thoughts, maybe I am.

  Travis sighs and looks across to Tanning's house. “Jen, I'm really sorry. I know you like this guy, but it has to be this way. For now at least.”

  I clench my jaw and turn to open the car door, when Travis grabs my arm. “Remember, you just have to page me, and I'll be there. Okay.”

  I pat the little receiver attached to the top of my pants and give a slight nod, then step out of the car and turn towards Tanning's house. The morning sun is shining on the dewy front grass, and I remember the first time I saw this house. The fantasy I created in my head about living here with Tanning and Treasure Pot. Now I know how much is fantasy and how much is reality, the pain stabs at me again, and I clutch my chest for a moment. I promised myself no more tears. So I suck in a huge breath and make my way to the house, almost running by the time I reach the drive.

  Then I stop dead in my tracks. Donna's car is parked in the driveway. Oh, shit. She is one person I do not want to see right now. I'm praying to the god of mercy, she's not a morning person. Tanning must have called her last night. Sweet Jesus, I never pictured that. If I run into her, this could be ten times harder than it needs to be.

  I pull my key from my jacket pocket and quickly turn it in the lock and slowly open the door. I make my way past the living room, and notice several beer bottles and pizza boxes spread over the tables. Looks like Tanning had a small party. Or was alone and over indulged. That makes me doubly sad. He never usually eats junk food or gets drunk.

  I hate knowing I should have been here, making him a proper dinner. Looking after him. Loving him.

  While I'm standing staring, there's a noise from the top of the stairs and I glance up to see a woman. A woman dressed in a towel and nothing else. And it's not Donna.

  Oh. God. I think my heart just leapt out of my throat, and fell into my shaking hands.

  She narrows her deep green eyes and starts to come down the stairs. I can't move. I'm glued to the spot, even though all I can think about is running. Running far, far away.

  “What are you doing here?” she hisses.

  Huh? Don't think we've met, but okay. My claws come out to play. “Well, probably because I live here.”

  She puts her scrawny arm on her hip and arches a well sculptured brow, pushing her tangle of brown, wet, hair from her face. “No you don't. Not anymore.”

  I suck my bottom lip through my teeth, and scowl at her. I can't help it. She's in Tanning's house, she's naked, and telling me to get out. I really want to strangle her right now.

  I clench my fists to my side. “I'm just here for my things. I won't get in your way.”

  “Huh. You wouldn't have a chance sweetheart. Tanning is all mine.” She curls her lip, in an attempt at an evil grin, but doesn't quite pull it off, she looks scary, but not in a vixen kind of way, more like a crazy psycho kind of way.

  I can’t believe Tanning is into her. He's first class all the way, when she'd be lucky to get a ticket in coach.

  She narrows her eyes and huffs, “What are you waiting for? Get your stuff and get the hell out!”

  Okay, so I'm tempted. Can't say I'm not. I have to take a deep breath and just imagine pushing her down the stairs. I shake my head and shove my way past, not bothering to look back, or ask who she is. I make it to my room and shut the door. I lean back against the door, and bang my head, letting out a tiny squeal.

  God, what a bitch. I thought I had that nailed, but not now.

  After a few meditative breaths, I get some semblance of control and the haze of anger begins to fade. She's either a hook up or delusional. Either way, it hurts to think Tanning didn't wait one single night before forgetting us, or me. I mean he wouldn't even sleep with me. Kept harping on about taking it slow, about talking, and getting to know each other better.

  What a crock of shit.

  The minute I'm out of the picture he hooks up with that witch. I really thought Tanning was different. Every girl's dream guy. Should have know better. Guys are guys. They aren't different, no matter how hard women try to find that one rare exception, they're all the same in the end.

  Bloody fairytales, they have a lot to answer for.

  I stomp towards my closet, and start stuffing the couple of bags I have with all my clothes. I still don't have much. Most of the money I've spent has been on things for Treasure Pot.

  Then I remember Tanning taking me shopping, and I wonder where he’s put the bags of clothes and toys he brought for Treasure Pot. He spent way too much, but despite everything, I’m pretty sure he'd want me to have them. I mean, what’s he going to do with baby stuff? I'm betting he's not making baby plans with Ms Skanky towel girl. Or at least I hope not. He can do so much better. And I realize I really want better for him. Maybe we weren't meant to be anyway, and it would have ended in disaster. Yeah. I try and tell myself that, but it doesn't stop the ache in my chest.

  I take the two bags from the closet and rake my eyes over my lovely room. The beautiful lemon bedspread, the white chest of drawers and soft cushy armchair in the same material as the bedspread. God, I'm going to miss all this. Then I spy a large item in a usually vacant corner, with a huge white sheet over it.

  What the hell is that?

  I wonder for a minute, if Tannin
g is already treating this like his spare room, and has started moving junk in here, but he doesn't have much junk. My curiosity gets the better of me and I sneak over to the corner. I bend down as far as my belly allows, intending to take a peek underneath, but when I tug on the sheet, it falls away.

  Oh. My.

  OH. MY.

  I rub my face and eyes. I can't believe he did this.

  Tears leak from my sore eyes. Shit, he really is a fairytale guy, and I've just wrecked the ending big time.

  Tentatively, I reach out my shaking hand and touch the perfect wooden frame of the crib I've wanted forever. The crib with the Pooh Bear characters. And it's all been made up with matching linen, and the mobile hangs from the little overhead arm. There's even some baby toys all waiting with cute little faces, smiling at me. Just waiting to be loved.

  I pick one up and cuddle it into my chest. I'm crying now. I can't help it. This is the sweetest, nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.

  A hand rests on my shoulder, and I soak up the warmth of that hand. I didn't hear him come in, but I'm so glad he's here. I'm so glad I can see him one last time. To tell him thank you.

  I turn to look into that glorious, beautiful face, and my breath hitches.

  It's not Tanning.

  It's Travis, and I cry even harder.

  Travis pulls me to him, and I let him. I'm spent. I need someone to hold onto, while I let it all go.

  Heavy footsteps and the creak of my door, pulls me from my misery, and I look up from Travis's tear stained shirt to see Tanning standing in the doorway. I choke on another sob. His arms are crossed over his chest and he looks worn out. But he also looks pissed as his eyes take in Travis with me in his arms.

  “You need to go.” Is all he says.

  Travis, doesn't speak, he just nods and ushers me forward, keeping me locked in his firm grip, as he scoops up my bags with his free arm while Tanning moves aside for us to leave. I don't have the strength to fight anymore, and I don't struggle out of Travis's tight hold. I almost need his strength to get me out of here.

  Then I remember the money. I really don't want to stop, but I don't want to go without giving it to Tanning. I intended leaving it with my letter, but as Travis is walking really fast down the stairs and Tanning is following us, I don't have much choice.

  “Travis, stop,” I say, loud and clear, as we reach the living room.

  He frowns, but does as I say.

  I turn to Tanning, who still has his arms crossed and his eyes trained on us with death glares.

  “I said, you need to go,” he murmurs again, and see a glimmer of pain in his narrowed eyes.

  I blow out a tiny breath, and whisper. “Yeah, we are. I just ... I wanted to give you this.” I reach in my pocket and pull out the cash. I forget the letter. Now that Tanning's moved on so quickly with Miss Skanky Towel Girl, it’s kind of pointless.

  Travis stares at the money, like I'm offering him something dirty and disgusting. “I don't want that,” he grinds out, his jaw clenched.

  I close my eyes. This whole mess bites big time, and I swallow down the ache in my chest that is nearly crushing me. I feel Travis grip me tighter as he scoffs, “Just take it, man. She needs to pay her way. I aint gonna let some other dude pay for my ...” and he leaves it there, as Tanning grabs the money, grunting something I can't understand, stopping Travis from finishing that sentence.

  Jeez, Travis really is a good actor. For a second there, I felt like I was back with the old version of him. I shiver in response and Travis gives me a wary glance which I shake off and turn my head away. Our business here is finished. Travis and I move toward the front entrance, and then we're outside, shutting the door firmly behind us.

  Now I can only focus on what lies ahead. I need to get myself out of this godforsaken mess and give Treasure Pot a chance at a normal life.

  A life that won't include Tanning.

  TWeNTY-SeVeN

  _________________________

  “So, you did it?” Bailey questions, with sorry eyes.

  I don't normally do pity, but knowing all she's been through, I'll take it from her. She's been in a dark place too, she really does understand.

  We're in her kitchen and she's making some more herbal tea. I'm beat. I can't remember being this exhausted. It's not only physical, its everything. My mind, my body, both feel like they've done a few hundred rounds in the boxing ring.

  “Yep,” I pop out.

  She sighs big. She's not a girly girl who wants to hug and eat ice cream, she's more realistic than that, and I'm grateful.

  “Here take this.” She hands me a mug of tea, and I smell the raspberry aroma, but even that doesn't make me feel better. “Why don't you go and lie down, you need to rest, doesn't look like you slept well last night.”

  I know I look a mess, and for the first time in my life I don't really care. Care is for those who have love in their life, and I don't. Not from anywhere. Not from anyone. It's just as I'm indulging in self pitying thoughts that Treasure Pot does a somersault in my stomach. I immediately hold my stomach and let out a gasp.

  “You okay?” Bailey asks and puts her hand on my shoulder.

  I blow out a huge breath. “Yeah. Treasure Pot just decided to practice his gymnastics.”

  “Wow, that must be incredible.” Bailey says with wide eyes, looking at my stomach. God, it must be so hard for her. I can't even imagine. “Can I ... can I feel?” she asks, and I give her a small smile. That is a huge step, and I appreciate the effort she’s making.

  I take her hand and place it on my stomach, praying Treasure Pot will move. And he does, not a big back flip, but he gives a good kick. Bailey lets out a little giggle and I smile bigger. God I love this kid, maybe he will heal us all in the end. And there it is, the care is back. I stand straight and Bailey hesitantly takes her hand off my stomach, her face still full of delight.

  “I um ... might go and lie down. I'm pretty spent.”

  Bailey looks at my cell on the counter top, and my smile fades. I forgot, if only for a small moment. Jason hasn't called yet.

  “I'll watch it, Jen. If anything comes through, I'll come and wake you, okay.”

  She's being so nice to me. I'd like to think one day after all this we can actually be friends. That our history won't prevent that.

  I nod at her. “Thanks. I'm really grateful Bailey. I know I shouldn't have dragged you into this, and I'm really sorry ...”

  She doesn't let me go on, she puts up her hand. “Hey, what are friends for.”

  Oh, wow, that nearly makes me cry again, but I don't think I have any tears left. I swallow down yet again the ever present lump in my throat, and give another small nod. Without her and Cam, I'd really be lost right now. Swimming in my own dirty pool of past lies and mean acts, with no way to swim free. Thank god for them.

  I take my tea and leave Bailey in the kitchen and make my way to the spare room where I slept last night. Travis was called away as soon as we got back with some emergency he didn't enlighten me with, but he looked worried when he left. Cam is still away for the weekend with Bailey's dad having some kind of bonding fishing weekend. Travis said Bailey will have to tell him what's been going on when he gets back, so he can look out for her. That won't be an easy conversation. I hope he doesn't hate me for getting her involved. I couldn't tolerate having both him and Tanning hating me.

  I undress leaving my panties and singlet top on, and climb underneath the bed covers. The sheets feel smooth and comfortable, I close my aching eyes, and let out a huge breath. I don't know if I'll fall asleep, but boy do I want to. I need a break from thinking. I can't process anything more...

  “Shhhhh ... sweet Jen, Jen ... don't make a sound.”

  What the hell? I want to scream out, as there's another Shhhh, in my ear.

  Oh. God. Jason.

  What is he doing here?

  This is freaking me the hell out. I wonder for a moment if I'm dreaming, but that would be too easy. I realize, I've o
nly just woken, but I can't see anything, and I can't say anything. My eyes have been covered, there's a rough piece of cloth tied over my mouth, and my hands have been tied behind my back.

  Oh, holy hell. This is it. He's come to get me.

  Where are the cops? Where's Travis? Where's Bailey? And where am I?

  I choke out a sob, but I nearly gag on it. The cloth is preventing me from coughing and I swallow down the bile rising up my throat.

  Treasure Pot. Please no. I want to feel my stomach. I want to feel him. I want to protect him.

  Shit, shit, shit. This was not supposed to happen. I was supposed to be protected. We were both supposed to be protected.

  How did Jason get to me? And what is he going to do with me?

  My whole body is wrecked with shivers. I can't get a grip on my fear. I'm so, so scared. I can feel the tears streaming down my face, then I feel a pad of a thumb wiping them away, and I flinch at the touch and the vile smell which assaults my nose. It's a mixture of sweet and acrid, pot and alcohol combined. Ew ... so gross. The bile rises again and I try and choke it down.

  “Now just stay very still, little Jen, Jen. We're nearly there.”

  I want to ask where, but I can only let out a muffled groan. Then I realize I'm lying down in some kind of vehicle, I can feel the movement, now I've calmed down a bit. I try and wriggle, to undo the ropes binding my wrists, but I'm stuck in place and can't move. Like a trapped bug in a spider's web. At least Jason put some clothes on me. I have no idea what. It feels like some kind of dress, as I can feel air shooting up underneath. Oh, God, this is not good. I can almost deal with Jason when I can talk to him, but being at his mercy without a voice, leaves me with absolutely no chance.

  I wonder for a minute, who's driving, if Jason's here with me. He must have some kind of accomplice and we must be in some kind of van.

  I try to calm my breathing, it won't do Treasure Pot any good if I keep panicking. I don't want to have him prematurely, and I know from all my reading, stress can do that. I'm not sure if he'll survive if that happens. I can't jeopardise my baby. I just can't. I have to hold it together.