The Incident

by Cami York

  “Are you telling me that you were a virgin before that night Kristi?” I nodded my head as tears flowed down my cheeks.

  I’d wanted so badly to save myself for Brandon and now I was sure that someone else had violated me. Why else would I be in bed with some unknown naked man in the background?

  “You know there are ways to find out if you’re still intact.” My eyes flew to hers with hope, but then her words sunk in. It didn’t mean that I hadn’t…. “I think it’s pretty obvious…”

  “Not necessarily. There was no obvious evidence in the photos of anything having happened. I think it would help you on the road to healing if you knew.”

  Brandon was the first one in the room after she left. I saw through the glass in the door that she was talking to my parents and broke out in a cold sweat.

  I had no doubt she was telling them about me being tested to be sure that I was still a virgin, not to mention needing test for STDs. Something I hadn’t even given any thought to.

  “How are you feeling?” I wanted to be mad at him but that fire had already burned itself out. Maybe it was talking to the shrink that helped, or maybe I was just too tired to fight anymore.

  “I’m okay.” He took my hand in his and just looked at them, joint the way they always used to be. “I know you’re mad at me and you have every right to be. It’s just, … fuck.”

  He dropped my hand and jumped to his feet running his hand roughly through his hair.

  My eyes widened in surprise. I’d never heard Brandon curse before.

  I’ve seen him mad, especially when some guy got too close, but I’ve never seen the kind of rage that now emanated from his eyes.

  “Brandon...”

  “Gimme a minute baby.” He paced the room for a few minutes and I noticed that mom and dad were no longer standing in the hallway.

  Once he got himself under control he came back to me. I was afraid of the look in his eyes. His face looked like he’d aged ten years and somehow I knew the carefree boy I loved was no more.

  “You’re mad at me, I’m mad at myself. Right now we have more important things to deal with, like finding out what happened to you. Once we’ve got that taken care of we’ll deal with our shit. I will say this; I should never have turned away from you. I just needed time to come to terms with all this.”

  He hung his head and regrouped. “If you’d treated me this way I’d never forgive you, but you, don’t get to make that choice. I fucked up; I’ll make it right. Now tell me what you remember.”

  Excuse me? I’m sure I looked like a dying fish with my mouth hanging open. Who is this person? My Brandon never spoke to me like this before.

  In fact he’s like my daddy in that way. He’s always catered to me, and my feelings in everything. I only had to hint at wanting something and he’d get it for me no question.

  I don’t think he’s ever denied me anything in the last year and a half. And he sure never ‘laid down the law’ with me before.

  “Kristi!” I almost jumped at the anger in his voice. “Okay-okay!” It took me a second to get my thoughts together. I’d just gone through this same thing with the shrink, somehow it had been easier.

  Now I felt stupid retelling it to him, especially when I didn’t know if he’d believe me. He didn’t say anything when I was done and I could no longer read this new Brandon.

  I’d always taken for granted that he was mine and that he was beautiful, but I don’t think I ever really appreciated that he was no longer the boy I’d grown up with.

  The boy sitting next to me now was built, like really built. His shoulders were broad from working out, his body well toned from playing football.

  But it was the new look in his eyes that made my heart race and my body tingle. This was no boy. Where had he been hiding this person? And what the hell are you thinking?

  “I can’t help but think the worst, but even if… if you were violated it wasn’t your fault and we’ll do whatever you need to-to get through this. But baby, if you ever do something like this again, try to hurt yourself. I won’t forgive you.”

  “Do you have any idea what it would’ve done to me? If you’d succeeded?”

  “I didn’t think you cared.”

  “Yeah, I get that, but fuck Kristi. How could you think of ending it, of ending you? Nothing, not even me, is worth your life.”

  “Do you not know how fucking precious you are? To me, your parents? Everyone who knows you is sitting out in that waiting room. It was selfish baby… don’t…” He rested his head on the bed near my hip and it was only when his shoulders began to shake that I realized he was crying.

  I turned on my side and wrapped my arm around his head as tears of relief and sadness flowed from my eyes.

  How could I ever have believed that I hated him? Or that I didn’t need him? He wasn’t blaming me entirely, but he wasn’t acting like my parents either, like he was afraid I’d try again.

  These tears were purging. I no longer had that heavy feeling of dread weighing down on me. And when he lifted his head to mine and took my lips under his, my dead heart came alive and beat in a whole new way.

  There was so much strength in him, a strength I never saw because it had never been tested like this before. Our lives didn’t run to such drama as this.

  Both coming from well to do families that were still intact even though most of our friends came from broken homes, our biggest worry before this was where we were going to hang out on Friday and Saturday nights.

  “Who’s out there? How come they haven’t come in?” He cupped my cheek and sat on the bed with me after breaking the kiss. “No one’s allowed to see you until we clear this up.”

  “Whose idea was that the doctors or the cops?”

  “It was mine and your dad agrees. We still don’t know who that fucker is but once we find out I’m going to fucking kill him.”

  “Um Brandon, did you have some kind of out of body experience in the last few days?” My tummy chose then to grumble and I felt real hunger for the first time since I’d been here.

  “You need food and to answer your question, this is who I am. You never got to see this side of me before because I thought you were too innocent. But after what you’ve been through these last coupla weeks I’m thinking you can handle me. I’m gonna go see about getting you something to eat.”

  The hospital’s idea of food was Jell-O and more ice chips. I must’ve looked miserable because as soon as the nurse left the room he moved the tray from over my lap.

  “No good huh, what do you want to eat?”

  “A bacon cheese burger with fries and a strawberry shake from Sammy’s.” He studied me for a few seconds before nodding his head. “Let me get your parents to come sit with you and then I’ll go get it.”

  “No don’t leave me, why can’t you get one of the others to go get it?”

  “Are you crazy? You’re not eating shit from anyone else ever again.”

  When he said the words out loud and the intimation hit home I suddenly realized that if what the cops and the doctor seemed to believe was true, someone I knew had done this to me.

  I must’ve lost the color in my face because he came back to the bed and took me in his arms. “Don’t let it upset you. We’ll figure it out.” I sucked up his loving care like life giving sustenance.

  I wasn’t released from the hospital for the next three days. Apparently it didn’t matter that I thought I was okay.

  Once you’ve tried to off yourself they keep you under observation for a set period of time. At least I wasn’t left in the psych ward, which is where I’d been my first few days here.

  Brandon had got his classes and mine transferred to online for the time being and he hardly ever left me side.

  Even when daddy and mom had to leave for any reason, he was there. My room came with a shower, which he made use of. And it was there he saw me naked for the first time.

  I wasn’t ashamed of my body or anything, but it really was strange having m
y boyfriend who I’d never gone to bed with following me in there to wash me from head to toe.

  Talk about weird. I could hear people walking around out there while he soaped up the washcloth and moved it over my body.

  He was very careful with me and if I hadn’t seen the stressed look on his face, or the slash of red across his cheeks, I would’ve thought he was immune. “Don’t!”

  I’d held his hand in place when he washed my breast and he swallowed hard after telling me to stop.

  “What, what am I doing?” This new phase in our relationship was rather exciting. I loved teasing him, loved the new closeness that only two people who’d been through a harrowing experience like we had could find.

  We’d never done anything more than some heavy kissing and touching above the clothes, so this was all new.

  It was hilarious that his first time seeing me naked he couldn’t touch me, though I could see in his eyes that he was dying to.

  So once I overcame the first blush of shyness, I started teasing him. It was good to feel safe with him again. I had my Brandon back, and even better, this new Brandon took sexy to a whole new level.

  Those weeks when he wouldn’t even look at me had been the hardest of my life. I never want to feel anything like that again.

  I came back to earth when he smacked my ass and growled. “You know what you’re doing. Your dad’s gonna be back soon you want him to kill me?”

  He pecked my lips and wrapped the robe around me after drying me off. Then he lifted me in his arms and took me back to bed.

  It had been like this for the past two days. Almost like nothing had happened and though I hadn’t been farther than the window at the end of the hallway where he took me once a day to keep from going stir crazy staring at the same four walls, I no longer cared what was going on out there.

  8

  Between my three caretakers, I was kept too preoccupied to worry. I met with the shrink once a day and I’d had a couple interviews with the same two cops who’d come by that first time.

  Today I was getting the test that would prove if I’d been assaulted. It had taken me this long to submit, fear of hearing something I didn’t want to had held me back.

  Brandon was the one who talked me into doing it for my own piece of mind, but I wasn’t dumb enough not to know that it meant as much to him as it did me.

  I held my breath the whole time as mom held my hand and when the female doctor announced that I was indeed still a virgin I felt that last bit of fear leave me.

  Needless to say daddy was proud as a peacock when mom told him and later that night when we were all alone and I shared the news with Brandon I saw the relief. He kissed me harder than ever before and his hug was so tight I thought he might crack a rib.

  It didn’t matter though, a weight had been lifted and no matter what we found at the end of this road, I knew I could live with it.

  The shrink was right. Once I learned that I hadn’t been robbed of my innocence it was like a light went on in my head, shining deep into the darkness and erasing it bit by bit.

  I felt lighter, freer and ready to take on the world. When I left the shrink’s office that last day I was a different girl.

  She still wanted me to join a support group, but I knew with my family and Brandon at my side I didn’t need it; though I still agreed.

  The world looked and felt different when I stepped outside for the first time. Daddy was kind enough to let Brandon drive me home while he and mom followed behind.

  I wanted to do everything at once and only had one small moment of panic at the thought of seeing anyone else.

  I’d been so cocooned for the past week and a half the three most important people in my life had been the only ones I saw. How would it be with others? Will they look at me strangely now?

  Brandon reached for my hand and squeezed. “What is it?” He lifted my fingers to his lips and my tummy settled a little. I looked out the window at the town I knew so well but now seemed so foreign.

  I realized then that I was a different person, I felt different. Though it was the same face that looked back at me in the glass. I ran my hand around my throat under the new silk scarf Brandon had bought me.

  “What’s everyone saying?”

  “It doesn’t matter what anyone says or thinks, how do you feel?” I loved that he felt that way now, but I knew it wasn’t realistic.

  One of the things the shrink had taught me was that I shouldn’t hide what I was feeling. That it would only take me back to that dark place again.

  “I feel fine. I’m just a little bit nervous about going back to school. Daddy said I didn’t need to go back, but I think I have to.”

  I knew he didn’t agree from the way he pursed his lips and his nostrils flared. But I also knew that if he thought I needed this he wouldn’t deny me.

  “I’ll be with you every step of the way.” He squeezed my hand and I knew the guilt of his treatment was going to take him a while to get over.

  I wish I could say or do something to take that from him, but a small part of me spitefully thought it was just desserts for making me feel like shit.

  Maybe I’d lost more than a little oxygen to the brain in that closet, because in the last few days, as the hurt and pain receded this new anger was doing its best to take over my mind and heart.

  “That’s all I need.” I looked at him as he drove and opened myself, searching my inner mind for the truth.

  There was no doubt that I still loved him, but the innocence that had hung over us was no longer there.

  I didn’t see him through rose tinted glasses any longer. The world was no longer that shiny bright paradise I’d once believed it to be. There was a whole lot of grey mixed in with the colors of the rainbow.

  As to Brandon, there was no longer an eighteen- year old boy sitting beside me, but a man. How had I missed it before?

  Everything about him screamed complete male. His body was that of a man and now this new attitude, I’ve only ever seen daddy act that way when someone had dared cross his wife or daughter.

  Even my feelings were no longer innocent… “What are you staring at?” He took his eyes off the road for a few seconds to look at me and my heart grew to twice its size and my body got hot.

  I had to squeeze my legs together as I looked away in embarrassment. What the hell? I was turned on. Had I lost my mind? Oh shit!

  My mind was preoccupied with this new turn of events the rest of the way home. I found myself watching his every move when he helped me out of the car.

  Had he always kept his hand in the small of my back as walked before? Nope. He was a hand holder.

  When he scooped me up in his arms at the bottom of the stairs and took me up to my room I looked back at my parents. Daddy didn’t even seem to notice but mom had this goofy look on her face.

  In my room he laid me on the bed and fluffed my pillows behind me. “What’s all this?” I pointed to the row of stuffed animals now lining my bedroom wall. They were all huge and the colors bright.

  “I got you those and I don’t want to hear any of your crap.” Oh shit, who is this caveman? He stood back and folded his arms as he gave me a look that dared me to say anything about the girly bears.

  Okay so, since he’s been back we’d kinda fell back into our old routine, and even though we were now a couple, nothing much had changed, well except for the kissing and stuff.

  But we still just hung out together and played video games. All the things we did when we were kids.

  I was only a girly girl with my friends and I became that way after he left at fourteen. Since he was my first real boyfriend and I was so comfortable with him the way we were, not much had changed. I might have said at some point how much I hated girly girls and PDAs.

  The truth is, those things just made me uncomfortable to watch. But I think he may have got the wrong idea.

  “Why would I say anything?” I got off the bed and walked over to my new friends, choosing a three-foot bright yel
low bear with a satin bow around his neck.

  “Do I need to take that shit off?”

  “What?” I looked from the bear to him in confusion.

  “The shit around his neck.” My mouth fell open. Okay, I’m guessing we’re not going to play pretend to spare my feelings. All I could do is shake my head no.

  “Good, cause the plan is to pass these on to our daughter some day so you just remember that shit.” Oh dear, I know what’s going on.

  I’m still stuck in a dream and my subconscious mind has brought me this new yummy Brandon. Not that my guy isn’t yummy, he’s just a little less alpha than this dream version.

  “What are you doing now?” I was pinching myself to wake up. “I thought I was dreaming because, who are you again?”

  “Cute! Now get back in bed.”

  “But I’ve been in bed for a week can’t I just go…”

  “No, it’s the price you pay for being stupid. I’ll take you for a drive this evening when it’s not so hot.” Just then mom walked in with her arms loaded down with shopping bags. “Look honey I went shopping and got you some stuff.”

  “There’re no belts in there are they?” We both looked at him but he was serious. “What? We’re not going to pretend that you didn’t take a belt and wrap it around your damn neck.”

  “I’ll take the blame for my part in this and so are you. It’s the only way you’ll be able to face everyone else out there because trust me they’re gonna be talking about it.”

  “Unless you want that to be the only thing you’re known for, you’ll accept your part and deal with it.”

  I could see mom pondering over his words and though I found them a bit harsh there was a ring of truth in what he was saying. It just seemed so odd coming from my gentle giant.

  Mom hurried back out of the room, probably hurrying to tell dad about this new development. Somehow I got the feeling that they weren’t going to be able to get rid of this new Brandon.

  When neither one of them returned, in essence leaving the two of us alone together, in my bedroom, with a bed, I knew something was going on.