East of Ashes

by Gideon Nieuwoudt

  Joash was taken aback to see he meant it - really meant it. He hadn't been sure that Lamech would come, but he was pretty convinced that if he did, things would be awkward between them at best.

  But looking at him now, the slight smile on his face was surprising. More importantly, however, there was an unmistaken soft glint of light in his eyes. It unsettled him, but also left him strangely comforted. It was a disconcerting combination.

  Joash said the first thing his mind could grab onto: "I didn't think I'd ever see you again."

  "Nor I you. But the Lord had other plans," Lamech answered, his smile growing. Joash felt himself relaxing at Lamech's infectious smile.

  "Sounds like you've got quite a bit to tell," he grinned.

  "I do. Quite a bit."

  They looked at each other, each silently weighing up the other man. They knew there was a lot that could be said - should be said - but for a brief moment no words were necessary.

  Lamech finally broke the silence: "How long has the trial been going on?"

  "It started yesterday, but then the pope stopped it after only a couple of minutes. They resumed it today, but spent most of their time telling me how evil I am. And when I couldn't call any witnesses yet, the pope suddenly stopped it again."

  Joash shook his head, "I've spent the whole day trying to make sense of it, but I can't figure out what they're up to."

  Lamech looked at Joash thoughtfully, but didn't comment.

  "Go ahead, ask me," he said suddenly.

  Joash smiled.

  "Why did you come?" he asked, but Lamech knew what he was really asking.

  "For you to believe me, you first need to know that I gave my life to the Lord," he replied.

  That'll explain it, Joash thought. He knew he should have expected it the minute he looked into Lamech's eyes, but the news was still surprising.

  "It happened during the attack on Antioch, just before I received Leala's letter," Lamech continued and then briefly explained what had happened on the wall.

  "The Lord had been building up to it for a while, using you and Leala to kick-start it during our trip to Arles. In that moment on the wall when I felt the Lord speaking to me, I had suddenly known - really known - that He existed. It was like a beam of light had suddenly cut straight through all the dark mess that had formed around my heart and touched my deepest being. It was... incredible."

  "And then - as if to prove to me that He meant business - He healed me from a mortal wound." Lamech chuckled, "I tell you, it was like two massive thumps hitting me on the head, one straight after the other."

  Joy began to creep into the pit of Joash's chest, slowly building in ferocity as he relived his own moment of salvation years ago. He and Leala had prayed for the Lord to get hold of him and show him the way somehow, but if he was honest with himself he had thought Lamech beyond saving. And yet, here he was standing in front of him, proclaiming how the Lord had done just that.

  It deeply humbled Joash and made him feel like dropping to his knees and sobbing the Lord's praises through joyful tears.

  Lamech instinctively knew what Joash was feeling and so reached out his hand. Joash clasped his arm in a brotherly hold and waited for Lamech to finally answer his question.

  "I have come to help you," Lamech said. "And by this time tomorrow, you will be free."

  -------

  It was a partially clouded evening as Lamech walked from the prison to where Leala was staying. In places the moon broke through the cloud cover, basking the edges in a gleaming edge of light. Lamech hardly noticed what was in front of him as he craned his neck backwards to marvel at the dazzling display. Like a sunset, it was one of the most beautiful sights of nature he had ever seen.

  While he was walking, his thoughts were twisting and turning in his mind, circling each other in a tumble of barely-conscious thought that was trying to find the right order so it could come out as a coherent argument.

  Lamech was quite aware of the fight taking place in his subconscious, but he didn't try to help it along. Instead he basked in its strangely comforting shimmer. He knew that once it became coherent, the almost magical moment he was experiencing looking up at the clouds, would be over.

  Understandably, Joash hadn't believed him when he said he would be free by the next evening. It was the reasons why he knew this for a fact - and the implications it held - that he wasn't too keen on exploring this very moment, never mind telling Joash about it.

  Instead of explaining it to Joash, he had simply encouraged him, telling him to trust in the Lord in the knowledge that God would never leave him, nor forsake him. There was power in that knowledge and it had worked its way through Joash's fear, dispelling it with peace.

  He had told Joash where he was going next and he had given him his blessing. They had parted on a very good note and Lamech was eternally grateful for it. But he had yet to reveal to Joash and Leala what he had intended to do that evening in Arles and he prayed that the Lord would help them to understand when the time came to tell them - and to forgive him.

  Time was running out. The task the Lord had given him was lying in front of him, waiting to be executed. All he had to do was follow the path down which the Lord was leading him.

  He was nearing Leala's house now. It was at the end of the street and he could see that a candle was still burning inside. At the sight of it, the tumble of thoughts in his subconscious suddenly lined up and marched out in single file. He could see it all clearly now and he fought back the despair that wanted to engulf him.

  He came to a stop in front of Leala's house. He raised his hand to knock, then paused, closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

  Lord, he prayed, help me through this. I am afraid of what I must do - of what it might mean - but I trust that whatever you allow to happen, that your name will be deeply glorified by it. I am yours to send, yours to command. All I ask is that you give me the strength and the courage to see it through.

  As he said the last words, he let out his breath slowly, opened his eyes and knocked.

  CHAPTER 14

  --- Avignon, August 1098 ---

  The hungry manner in which they were looking at them was deeply troubling to Leala. She was standing next to Joash, with Lamech sitting next to them. They were in the hall once more, surrounded by the pope and all his officials on the third day of the hearings.

  She couldn't stop thinking about the conversation she had had with Lamech the previous night. She had been overjoyed to see him, even though she was feeling a bit apprehensive. And what he had told her hadn't served to lessen her concern.

  He had been slightly evasive, not wanting to go into details. He’d just told her that he would testify in Joash's defence and that he would be free by the end of the day's hearing.

  She had tried to get more out of him, trying to gather some idea of what he was going to say, but he simply asked her to trust him. Then, sensing that he was asking a lot of her, he told her what had happened to him in Antioch and how he had come to the Lord. She knew by the intensity of the way he described the events that what the Lord had done in his life had been deep and real. This was not the same man she had gotten to know all those many months ago.

  In the end she hadn't had much choice but to trust him. After he had left she had made her mind up to not try and figure it out too much. It would only have driven her crazy. But peace - and therefore sleep - had nevertheless been long in coming last night.

  As she stood here today she knew she shouldn't worry but it must have been clear to everyone around her that she was failing miserably in that department. Any moment now she was going to have to call Lamech to testify in Joash's defence - and she still wasn't sure what was going to happen.

  She had no choice but to trust the Lord. She knew she was supposed to have done that from the start, but her heart was struggling to let go.

  The pope waved for her to begin.

  Here we go, she thought. Lord, I have nothing else to lean on. There is only You.
Forgive my lack of faith - and please save Joash!

  She turned to Lamech and motioned for him to get up. Then she turned to face the assembly.

  "Lamech was also at the inn that night in Arles," she said. "He and Joash had helped Lord Gaal's bodyguards to fend off the attack on the inn."

  Then she turned back to Lamech, deciding to throw it all in and cut to the heart of the matter: "Did you see anything that night that would prove Joash's innocence?"

  She held her breath as Lamech looked at her with sadness in his eyes.

  "I'm afraid I did not," he answered at last.

  His words sent a shockwave through her and she just stared at him. Then all is lost, she thought as her legs threatened to cave in.

  Around them the officials were all talking at the same time. The prosecutor was roaring with laughter. He got up and walked over to Lamech. As he passed her, Leala's legs couldn't hold her any longer and she slumped onto her chair.

  When the hall had grown quiet again, the prosecutor asked Lamech: "So you didn't see anything that would prove Joash was innocent?" Condescension dripped from his voice.

  "I didn't," Lamech replied. Then added pointedly: "But I also didn't see anything that would prove his guilt."

  The prosecutor seemed to falter and considered this for a moment.

  "So let's say for arguments sake Joash didn't murder Lord Gaal, who did? You?" he asked.

  "No..." Lamech said slowly. The prosecutor immediately noticed his hesitation.

  "But?" he asked.

  Lamech was staring at the floor. Then he seemed to come to a decision and looked up.

  "But I had planned to."

  Questions were screaming for attention in Leala's mind as she struggled to comprehend what he was saying. She half expected everyone to begin shouting at the same time but the silence around them was deafening. The only indication that Lamech's words had hit a nerve, was when a few of the officials leaned forward in concentration while they listened.

  Next to her, however, Joash was looking at Lamech with bulging eyes and a gaping mouth.

  The prosecutor was smiling dangerously at Lamech.

  "So you planned to murder him... Why?" he asked.

  Lamech turned to look at Joash and Leala before he answered.

  "I was deeply jealous of what I could see forming between Joash and Leala... and, frankly, I wanted to kill Joash for it," he said, remorse written all over his face as he looked at them.

  "But I also knew that if I killed him, Leala would be lost to me anyway. Then Joash and Lord Gaal got into an argument about the Crusade that afternoon and I thought that if I murdered him instead - whom I didn't care for anyway - using Joash's dagger, then the blame would shift to him and he would be out of the picture. I even went as far as to steal Joash's dagger when he wasn't looking."

  Leala couldn't believe her ears, but the look on Lamech's face was enough to convince her that it was true - and that he was deeply sorry for it. In his eyes she saw love - for both of them - and regret.

  "So why didn't you do it?" the prosecutor prompted.

  Lamech heaved a deep sigh and then looked at him: "Because during the attack I saw how deeply Joash cared for Leala. It was like my eyes had suddenly been opened and I really saw how much he loved her - I just couldn't take her away from him. And so I left, dropping the dagger outside the inn in the dark."

  The prosecutor seemed to consider his words for a moment before asking his next question.

  "You couldn't take her away from him because you had lost a loved one yourself, correct?"

  "Correct."

  "Tell us about that."

  Lamech hesitated, the pain in his eyes leaving Leala breathless.

  "My wife was murdered a few years ago," he finally said.

  "And you found her murderer, didn't you?" the prosecutor asked.

  "Yes, I did."

  "What did you do?"

  "I wanted to kill him - and almost did. But then my father burst into the room and stayed my hand."

  "What happened then?"

  Lamech hesitated again, but decided to hold nothing back. It was clear the prosecutor knew anyway.

  "I found out my father, who was a bishop, had heard the murderer's confession the day after he killed my wife. And that he had absolved him from the act - for a fee."

  Leala's ears were ringing with every word, but even as her mind fought against it she knew it to be true.

  "When I confronted him about it, he tried to deny it. But after I threatened him, he confessed."

  "So you killed him," the prosecutor said.

  Lamech dropped his head, unable to meet anyone's gaze as grief and remorse flooded through him. And yet, in that moment of pain, he could feel something like a hand silently come to a rest on his shoulder in comfort - just as it had in Antioch. Do not fear, my son, the Holy Spirit whispered in his spirit, I AM with you.

  It gave him the strength he needed and he looked up at the prosecutor.

  "Yes."

  The hall exploded in an uproar. Joash looked around him, silently shaking his head as the officials shouted down judgement upon Lamech. Leala kept her eyes upon Lamech and was amazed to see how peaceful he looked, despite the pain and remorse that he was clearly feeling. It was as if he had known this would come.

  And then she realised he had, all along.

  The prosecutor was pacing in front of them, trying to hide his glee by looking thoughtful, but he was failing miserably.

  When the pope held up his hands for silence, the prosecutor stopped in front of Lamech.

  "Here's what I'm struggling to understand," he said, "You admit to killing your father, but not Lord Gaal. Do you really expect us to believe that you didn't kill him too when you clearly harboured resentment towards the church - and had ample motive to do so?" he added, gesturing towards Leala and Joash.

  "Whether you believe it or not, doesn't matter," Lamech replied calmly. "It remains the truth regardless."

  "The truth?" the prosecutor scoffed. "The truth is you killed your father, then Lord Gaal - and then joined the Crusade to try and win absolution. But you didn't find it, did you?"

  "No, I didn't kill Lord Gaal," Lamech began, but the prosecutor waved his words away and continued as if he hadn't even spoken.

  "You didn't find any absolution because your heart was defiled by Satan. You joined the Crusade to seed discord amongst the Lord's soldiers and to continue Satan's work!"

  "Yes, my heart was defiled by Satan, but the Lord saved me and cleansed me!" Lamech tried to interject, but the prosecutor shouted him down.

  "So you admit to being an agent of Satan and a murderer but now want us to believe that all of that should just be forgotten because 'the Lord saved you’?"

  "No, of course there are still repercussions for what I have done..."

  "It's only when the church grants you absolution that you will be cleansed, but I can see that your heart is so full of evil that you don't even want to admit the full extent of your sins!" The prosecutor was positively shouting.

  Lamech wanted to retort, accusing the church of trying to manipulate God the way they saw fit, but then held his tongue. He knew this was the path the Lord had shown him to take and he was going to follow it, no matter what. It helped his emotions to settle down and he simply met his accuser with a steady gaze.

  The prosecutor was about to launch into another tirade when the pope interrupted him.

  "That's enough," he said. "I have heard all I need to hear."

  The prosecutor bowed and then took his seat.

  Leala watched the pope with bated breath as he considered his next words. Next to her she could feel Joash shaking with anger. He was looking at the prosecutor and seemed ready to grab him by the throat. She laid her hand on his arm and he turned to look at her.

  Seeing the love in her eyes, he calmed down slightly and leaned over to kiss her forehead. Then they both turned to look at Lamech.

  He was standing watching them, smiling fro
m ear to ear, clearly basking in the love between them. Leala felt like hugging him to pieces as she fought back tears. It was magnificent to behold the change the Lord had wrought in him. The peace radiated from him in waves so strongly that it was almost visible.

  It was, in a word, beautiful.

  The pope cleared his throat. When they were all watching him again, he stood up.

  "From what I have heard here today, it is clear to me that you are indeed guilty of not only your father's murder, but also that of Lord Gaal's."