Accustomed

by Kyra Gregory

  “I hope never to have to use any of those weapons,” Sybelle said, bowing her head.

  “Then see sense,” he pleaded, advancing on her once more, causing her guards to take a step forwards to meet him. He stared at her through the large bodies of her men, his gaze more forceful but also more desperate, “You must know that the best way for us to both get what we want is to accept my proposal of marriage.”

  “How does that get me what I want exactly?” She asked, her eyes narrowing slightly, her lips twitching into a smile.

  “You don’t want a war, neither do I,” he said. “You don’t want to use your weapons; you would not allow harm to come to your people, or to mine for that matter.”

  Her smile grew on her face, almost shamefully large, as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other in the sinking sand, “Make no mistake, King Alessio, I don’t want to use my weapons, nor do I want to involve innocent people in our politics, but I won’t hesitate in doing so if it means I get what I want.”

  “Oh, I’m certain of that,” he said, nodding. “See,” he started, licking his lips like an animal about to devour her, “I’ve gotten to know you quite well over the last few days,” he said.

  “I find that hard to believe,” she murmured.

  “But I have,” he said, extending his index finger to her. “And the man who has taught me about you, I find, has been able to show me a very…unique perspective of you.”

  A flicker of surprise crossed Sybelle’s features and she cocked an eyebrow, nodding with realisation, “Deros,” she said.

  “Ah!” King Alessio said, clapping his hands together with glee. “A first name,” he said, “so I take it the two of you were even closer than he would’ve liked to admit,” he said. Sybelle smirked, unfazed even as the Azurian soldiers chuckled and made crude jokes amongst themselves.

  “I’ve learnt that you’re a vicious woman, to be feared and not to be rivalled,” King Alessio said.

  Sybelle smiled widely with great satisfaction, knowing it would rile the man up. “You act like this should be news to you,” she said. “I imagine you need only have looked at Deros to realise that my influence most certainly had been felt by him.”

  Alessio’s chuckle was smooth, like well-rehearsed music, but that was still capable of causing her skin to crawl. “Yes, it’s certain you’ve left quite the impression upon the man,” he said. He waved his hand dismissively and she felt her heart plummet within her chest. He looked to her with his sharp gaze that had begun to soften, to calm, to almost force her to lower her defences as he spoke to her in a gentler voice, “The marriage may only be on paper and in politics; you can go about your life and I may go about mine.”

  She rolled her eyes, doing so only because she felt that familiar prickling sensation that threatened to spill her feelings upon her cheeks, “For all my faults, King Alessio, I’m a believer in love,” she said.

  Alessio looked all the more eager, clapping his hands together. “Or, we could remain committed to one another, if you so prefer it that way,” he said. He approached her, looking at the guards and wishing they would lower their defences just enough for him to get closer to her. No such luck. He looked at her through their hard figures and it was almost like he stood there, only inches from her, challenging her to lower her defences, “I’m capable of love, your Majesty,” he said, almost sounding dignified and respectful for just a moment, “I can be an attentive lover, I can give you—”

  “I want nothing more than for you to leave my lands,” Sybelle said, her lips contorted and her nose crinkled into a snarl. “And I suggest you do so immediately,” she said, glaring. She spun on her heel, breathing unevenly as she went to make her way back inside the second the doors opened for her.

  “He is still alive, you know,” King Alessio called after her, forcing her attention back to him as she cast a glance over her shoulder. “Deros,” he said, as though thinking she was fool enough to think that he meant anybody else. “He is still alive if you want him.” Sybelle turned around just as the gate was creaking open. “He is still alive and he can remain as such if you would like to reconsider the proposal of marriage,” he said, his hands cupped in one another. “I would not mind,” he said, extending his hands by his sides in a gesture of indifference.

  Sybelle shifted where she stood, inhaling sharply. Out of the corner of her eye, she met Ewin’s gaze. He looked at her with some surprise, an eyebrow rising involuntarily. She chewed on her bottom lip and nodded, her damp eyelashes fluttering as she looked to the King of Azura. “Perhaps it’s something to reconsider then,” she said.

  King Alessio’s smile brightened, filled with warmth, “Please, take until sunset to consider your reply,” he said, once again gesturing with a graceful hand.

  She turned away, letting her amusement be heard, “I’ll take until dawn,” she said. The glare she gave over her shoulder made it final. King Alessio, with a tense jaw and hurt pride, forced himself to nod as she slipped back behind the protective walls of her kingdom.

  Sybelle huffed as the doors closed behind her. She scrunched her eyes shut and forced herself to breathe. “Your Majesty,” Ewin said, his voice exceptionally close to her. She opened her eyes, looking up at him. His eyes were flooded with concern but whether it was for her or for the options she now had to reconsider she was uncertain.

  “You needn’t worry,” she said, ducking her head so that the crowd that lingered in the distance from her, looking at her with large startled eyes and murmurs of rumour on their breaths couldn’t see her. “I won’t make the wrong choice,” she said.

  The corners of Ewin’s lips twitched into a hint of a smile, “There’s no wrong choice,” he said. “Only the one which you desire the most.”

  Sybelle smiled faintly, cocking her head to one side, “Desire has no place in this,” she said. “It cannot.”

  “I find it hard to believe desire has played no part in any of this,” Ewin remarked, placing a hand on the small of her back and leading her away, into the castle and away from prying eyes.

  “And it would be a lie to say it never has,” Sybelle said. She licked and bit her bottom lip, touching it with the tips of her fingers. In the blink of an eye, she recalled the most gentle of Deros’s kisses upon her lips. As her eyes fell shut, she swore he’d appeared in front of her. The scent of him was strong and she could vaguely feel his fingers slipping into her hair, digging into the nape of her neck.

  She snapped open her eyes, wiping her mouth with her index finger, wishing to rid herself of the tingling sensation in her lips and the memory that had flooded her heart. She exhaled suddenly, taking Ewin by surprise as he stared at her inquisitively. “There is no place for desire in this,” she reiterated. “I have to do what’s best for more than just myself,” she said, turning and walking in the direction of the dining hall. “Besides, he may have been lying,” she said. “It’s been days, numerous of which the Azurians were without much food after the burning of their stalls; I don’t think he would’ve survived harsh treatment coupled with hunger.”

  “And you would take that risk?” Ewin asked, taking a grape that she offered him from the bowl. “Would you risk it when there’s a chance that he’s alive and well?”

  Sybelle blinked in confusion, swallowing a mouthful of food, “Since when have you advocated that I follow my desires, desires pertaining to Deros no less?” She shook her head before he had a chance to so much as open his mouth. “No, I cannot rely on what King Alessio has to say,” she said.

  Ewin sat back against the table, nodding and staring at the ground as she consumed herself in thoughts of Deros. She took a seat at the head of the dining table after snatching a plum from the bowl, sitting back and slicing into it. She was methodical in her cuts and in the manner in which she plucked the fruit from the back of the knife with her mouth, so deep in thought that Ewin wondered if she would hear him at all if he spoke to her.

  “What if he’s alive?” Ewin asked, unease in his vo
ice. “What if he’s alive to know that you didn’t wish to save him?”

  Sybelle shrugged her shoulders with partial indifference, feeling her heart slamming into her chest and cracking with the familiar sensation of heartbreak. She looked up at Ewin, her eyes dark and impassioned, “He should have thought about that before he walked out of those gates against my orders,” she said.

  Ewin smirked and hung his head, resisting a laugh. With lifted brows and a look of certainty he eyed her with his headstrong gaze, “You’re lying,” he said, pulling himself away from the table. “You’re lying,” he repeated. “You’re not so cold hearted so as not to feel anything for him. Just as you’re not so cold hearted as not to feel the loneliness of Gyles’s leaving.”

  Sybelle laughed, stabbing the remainder of the plum with the knife and laying it upright on the table. She placed her hands on the armrests of the chair and hoisted herself up, walking past Ewin with a twinkle of devilment as she cast a glance at him out of the corner of her eye. “I require supper—a hearty meal,” she said, calling to Ewin behind her, “and I would have it atop the wall.”

  “I don’t think it wise for you to stay there,” Ewin called after her, walking quick-paced in order to catch up with her. She cast a quick glance over her shoulder and the darkness in her eyes had him swallowing thickly. “And, yet, that is where I’ll have your meal served,” he said, forcing a smile.

  Sybelle had her meal on the wall, just as she’d asked. Ewin stood over her for most of that time, leaving her side only when it was absolutely necessary. She had to admit, at least to herself, that she’d come to enjoy the man’s company. It was no surprise and safe to say that his close involvement with her had only come at Gyles’s request, no doubt having laid on thickly the guilt that Ewin undoubtedly felt towards his involvement in Dreyny’s death. Nonetheless, she never would’ve allowed the man to have gotten so close if she hadn’t wanted it, and needed it.

  “I don’t thank you enough for your services,” Sybelle remarked, glancing over her shoulder to show Ewin that she was talking to him. “Ever since I’ve become Queen you, and the other men, have done plenty in service of me and I haven’t thanked you all once,” she said.

  Ewin hung his head and smiled with a small sense of pride, shifting his weight with unease, “You made quite a show of respect in the Capital’s square recently,” he said. “Though it was with one man in particular on your mind, it’s a matter which is true of all men who serve you.”

  “Still,” she said, tucking strands of hair behind her ear as the breeze ruffled her hair, “I’ll make it a point to show my respect more often in the future, not just for the fallen or their families, but for those that are living and continue their service to me.”

  “And this,” he started, taking a step closer to her, showing her his wide grin of a smile, “is the reason you will continue to be loved, and you won’t fool your people into believing you’re the cold-hearted murderer you wish to convey to your enemies,” he said.

  Sybelle smiled, dimples forming on the sides of her mouth as she forced herself to suppress it, “I trust I’ll have you by my side for some time, to guide me into doing what’s best for the morale of my people,” she said.

  Ewin shifted where he stood once more, his gaze flickering with a hint of surprise, “Only if you so wish it, your Majesty,” he said.

  Sybelle nodded, glancing out of the corner of her eye with amusement, “Don’t change, Ewin,” she said. “You’re tactless and you often speak out of turn but, strangely enough, you often speak with sense,” she said.

  Ewin chuckled, “I’ll keep that in mind, your Majesty,” he said.

  Sybelle had just turned to him fully, opening her mouth to speak when she saw a flash of white light, faint as it may have been, cross his features momentarily. Her eyes widened and she looked out at the sea, grabbing the stone wall as she searched the horizon for another flash of light. Then it came, easing all her concerns that her delusions as a result of wishful thinking had come to a head. Her face lit up as the flashes of light continued. She laughed. She laughed with a dizzying happiness as she reached out for Ewin’s arm for support, never minding the confused look on his face as he stared, looking from her to the horizon.

  CHAPTER 16

  IT WAS THE early hours of the morning, just before the sun was to rise, when King Alessio dragged himself out of his bed. Deros shivered at his post, following the King’s movements out of the corner of his eye as he got ready. “This is the day, Deros,” King Alessio said, adjusting his shirt’s collar in a mirror on the table, speaking so loudly that Deros thought it possible to wake the dead, something he so desperately wished to be. “Today, Queen Sybelle makes her decision and seals her fate,” he said.

  “And yours,” Deros added, half-heartedly, his voice hardly capable of anything above a whisper.

  “And yours,” Alessio countered, looking at him through his reflection in the mirror. “To be frank, I hope Queen Sybelle will ask for you. I hope she will agree to my proposal and ask for you alive. I’ll get what I want and I’ll get to see this beast you spoke of as she makes you suffer for your treachery.”

  “I’m sure you’ll see that, with or without me,” he said, a smirk growing on his lips, “and regardless of if she decides to accept your proposal or not.”

  “I do understand, you know,” Alessio said, crossing his arms against his chest, staring at Deros through the mirror.

  “Understand what?”

  “I understand your fear of her,” he said, turning around, seating himself on the table. “I understand that fear of having disappointed her, and the repercussions that you know will come from it,” he said. Deros’s lips twitched into half a smile and he closed his eyes, finding the man’s words of no interest at all. “She and my mother have similarities,” King Alessio went on. “They’re both very strong in their will and determination, very influential upon those around them, and many feel the same fear from disappointing her.”

  “You would know,” Deros murmured, the world around him flickering.

  “I would,” he said, matter-of-factly. “And, because of that, I’ll see to it that I don’t fail in achieving a result that my mother will have no choice but to respect.”

  The world around him got dark. A twinge in his chest with his next breath had him gritting his teeth. “Then I must hope you succeed where I’ve failed,” Deros murmured, forcing himself back into the waking world. “Perhaps then you’ll leave me alone, to die in whatever manner in which I might,” he said.

  Alessio smirked, licking the corner of his mouth, “Is that all you really hope for now? Death? Even when you know the woman you love so much, the woman you’ve betrayed everyone to protect, knows that you’re alive?”

  Deros swallowed thickly, forcing his eyes shut as he wished he could do the same to his hearing, blocking out the sound of the man’s words as much as he was able the sight of him.

  “I suppose I understand,” Alessio said, pacing in front of him. “After all, based on what you’ve said, you’re certain that nothing good may come from being alive in her presence,” he remarked. “She won’t love you, won’t care for you. Frankly, I think her only interest in you, taking so much time to consider my proposal, is because she would sooner see you hanged for what you’ve done to her.” Alessio inched closer to him. Deros could feel his hot breath touching his neck. He’d grown used to it. However, even now, he couldn’t deny how much it irked him. “Tell me,” he said, “how does it feel to know that you’ve lost everything? How does it feel to know that you will be alive to witness the crumbling of everything you’ve held dear to you?”

  He gained Deros’s attention but couldn’t muster the words required to give the man a reply. Instead, he simply stared at him, his amber eyes vacant of any real emotion. He would not show him anything. He wouldn’t allow himself to.

  A golden light of a torch shone on the other side of the drapery of the tent, “Your Majesty,” a guard on the other side c
alled. “Queen Sybelle is here,” he said.

  Deros blinked, breaking the intense gaze he’d shared with the King of Azura. “You shouldn’t leave your future wife waiting,” he whispered.

  King Alessio smiled with a triumphant joy, bearing his teeth. He turned, throwing aside the curtain and stepping out with the guard before marching across the sand to the meeting place. The cold breeze entered the tent with their parting and between that and the overwhelmingly strong emotions that began to wrack Deros’s heart, his body trembled. He slammed his head back against the post, once, twice, three times, as tears poured down his cheeks, searing hot lines into his cold skin.

  ***

  On her way out of the manor, Sybelle’s gaze flickered in the direction of the dim streets. She was no fool. A couple of villagers had stayed awake through the night, watching the movements of her guards, waiting for the moment in which they would make their move on the Azurian’s on the shores. They alerted their families with quiet whispers that weren’t all too subtle and, before she knew it, more heads could be made out in the darkness, illuminated by the few candles that lit the inside of the homes. She smiled, even if she felt far from being able to do so. The strangest sensation fluttered about in the pit of her stomach and she was certain that she was going to vomit from nerves as a chill ran down her spine.

  She greeted guards with just a nod of her head and the faintest trace of a smile. It was all she could muster as she made her way through the crowd of them and approached Ewin at the front where he instructed their men of their duties.

  Of all the villagers wide awake, watching her actions, she couldn’t say she was surprised to see that Caterina was amongst them. She made her way through the crowd of guards and went to stand beside her, looking up at the towering wall where the men atop it took their positions to overlook her on the other side when the time came. “It would seem all of Guignol is out to watch me rid Lionessa of the Azurian King,” she said.