Dare to Want

by C. J. Welles

  I hope he knows me well enough to know we’re not watching an action movie. I need to catch up on Heartland, as I’m only halfway through the last series.

  ***

  Chapter 11

  Jolene

  I WAKE UP encased in Nathan’s arms, with his chest to my back. When I glance at the time, I sigh. It’s only 7 am. Too early to be awake. Last night we spent the night cuddled up on the couch and went to bed just before midnight. I thought that once we were in bed, Nathan would make a move, but he didn’t. Instead, he wrapped his arm around my waist and held me close throughout the night.

  I turn over until I’m facing him, still in his arms. He must be tired as he doesn’t stir from my movements. I take the time to study his beautiful face. He hasn’t changed much since we first met. Apart from a few smile lines around his eyes and mouth and his hair being darker, he looks like he did when he was sixteen.

  I raise my hand up and run my finger over a tiny indent between his eyes that deepens when he frowns. His eyes flutter before opening and locking on mine.

  “Mornin’, beautiful.” My body tingles from the sound of his voice. I’ve never heard it first thing in the morning. It’s husky and rough and makes butterflies flutter deep down in my belly.

  “Morning,” I reply as I lean in and place a soft kiss on his smiling lips. “How’d you sleep?”

  “The best in a long time.”

  “Same, I was out to it only moments after my head hit the pillow.”

  “I heard.”

  “Heard?”

  “You snored loud enough. I think the people in the room next door heard us.”

  I playfully slap his chest. “I don’t snore.”

  No one has complained before. I’ve only shared a room with Casey and well, if I snored, she wouldn’t hold back from tellin’ me.

  “You do.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah.”

  I would believe him if the corner of his lips didn’t tip up into a smile. I push his chest again. “You liar,” I shriek as I push him onto his back and climb on top of him, my legs straddling his waist.

  He throws his head back and lets out a deep, husky laugh. “Nah, you just breathe deeply,” he answers as he places his hands on my thighs.

  I sit up, resting my weight on my knees, and cross my arms over my chest as I wait for him to stop laughing.

  “You looked cute when you were worried that you snored.”

  “I wasn’t trying to be cute. I was trying to be annoyed.”

  “That’s what the cute part is.” He slides his hands up until they’re resting on my hips. “I love it when you frown, and this little crease appears right here.” He lets go of my hips and raises his hand to my face. I stay still as he softly runs his thumb between my eyes.

  I smile. It’s the same as his indent that appears when he frowns. The same one I was studying earlier.

  I watch his eyes watching me as he runs his thumb along my nose, down past my lips to my chin. He pauses briefly before continuing down my chest to my singlet where he fingers the edge of it.

  “God, you’re beautiful, Jo.” I squirm as his heated gaze meets mine. “It hurts how beautiful you are, inside and out.”

  He lifts up, so we’re nose to nose. “Nathan-”

  “Shhh,” he says before his lips slowly swipe across mine. He pulls back, his eyes skimming over my face before he leans back in. His lips meet mine, slowly at first. Wrapping his arm around my back, he pulls me in closer, and that’s when things become heated. Somehow, I end up on my back with Nathan hovering over me as he continues to kiss me. I moan into his mouth when I feel his thumb and finger playing with my nipple.

  It feels good.

  So fricken good.

  But we need to slow down.

  I turn my head to the side and break the kiss as I push on Nathan’s shoulders. “We need to talk first.”

  “Mmm,” he mumbles against my neck as he kisses from my jaw down to my nipple. When he latches onto my nipple and begins to suck, I moan out loud.

  No. I’m not letting anything ruin what we have this time.

  “Nathan,” I say in a warning tone.

  Eventually, he stops and looks up into my eyes; his dark brown eyes meeting my blue eyes. “You need to know something before we go further.”

  “By the sound of your voice, I don’t think I want to know.” Okay, so my voice was a little flat and severe, but it’s not that bad.

  “Remember the last time we…”

  “Had sex,” Nathan fills in for me.

  “Yes, well… after that.” I crawl off Nathan and sit on the edge of the bed, looking down at my feet. “I haven’t… that was the last time.”

  “Huh?”

  “I haven’t had sex since you,” I whisper.

  “You’ve got to be shittin’ me.” My head jerks up, watching as Nathan jumps out of the other side of the bed and makes his way around to me. He stops directly in front of me and kneels down. “Are you saying you have only had sex once?”

  I nod my head but keep my eyes trained on Nathan’s. I want him to know it’s the truth and I don’t have anything to hide from him. I’m not ashamed that I’m twenty-four and practically a virgin.

  “Fuck, Jolene,” he groans. “Do you know what that does to me?” I shake my head. “It makes me thrilled that no other man has been where I have.” I watch as he scrubs his hands down his face. “But it makes me feel like a jackass that I can’t say the same thing.”

  “You can’t change the past. It is what it is. I just wanted you to know. I didn’t want a repeat of the last time.”

  He nods his head in agreement. “Yeah, I understand.”

  We stay in the same spot, studying each other awkwardly. This is what it would have been like if I had have told him I was a virgin back then. He would have been too afraid to touch me. To break me.

  “So, ahhh.” I begin but trail off.

  “Yeah, I better shower before Bryson turns up to get me.”

  I scan his face, looking for any clues to what’s going on in his head, but I can't read anything with his poker face.

  I lay back on the bed and study the plain white ceiling as I listen to Nathan moving around the bathroom. The next hour is filled with awkward silence and calculated movements. Nathan might try to hide it, but it doesn’t evade me that he makes sure that we don’t touch. Not even a brush of our fingertips while grabbing for the same glass. He pulls his hand back like it’ll burst into flames from just my touch.

  When there’s a knock on the door, and Bryson calls out from the other side, Nathan walks over to where I’m cleaning up after breakfast and drops a peck on my cheek before leaving.

  As soon as the door is closed, I walk over to the bed and lie down. I watch the second-hand tick on the clock as I wonder if Nathan will even return later.

  *

  Nathan

  “HOW ARE THINGS going with you and Jolene?” Bryson asks as we’re cleaning up the weighs at the gym in the hotel he’s staying in.

  “Good until this mornin’.”

  “What happened this mornin’?” he asks with a frown. “Have you fucked things up again?”

  “No. I’m not Ryan. You don’t have to assume I’ve fucked up.”

  “True, but still.”

  I sigh as I place the barbell back into position. “Did you ever feel that you weren’t good enough for Krystal? That you weren’t as pure as her?”

  “Only every-fuckin’-day.”

  “That’s a lot of help.”

  Bryson tosses the washcloth to the floor then sits up against the wall on the other side of the small weight room. “Yes, some days I did wonder what someone like Krystal was doin’ with a guy like me. But she told me time and time again that it didn’t matter about my past.”

  “And did it?”

  He’s silent for a long time, and I feel sorry for bringing up Krystal, but I know better than to bring up Casey. I’m also reasonably sure that Casey was B
ryson’s first. He turned into a man whore after Casey.

  “No,” he eventually replies. “Krystal was never like that. Not even when…” he doesn’t finish saying about when he and Callie spent a night together. It’s not a touchy subject, but it’s not talked about often.

  “Has Jolene said anything?”

  “Nah.” Yes. Well, maybe no. No, she didn’t.

  That’s not the point though. Jolene’s been with one person, once. That one person is me, who doesn’t have enough fingers and toes to count the number of women I’ve been with.

  What I wanted to ask this morning, but was too much of a coward to is, was she not attracted to anyone else or did I scare her experience so much that she wasn’t confident to have sex again? Was she waiting for me or someone else in her life?

  So many questions I’m scared of the answers to and don’t think I deserve them, but the questions are still there.

  “Whatever’s going on, fix it. Don’t let things go. Next time there may not be another six years time to make up.” With that, he stands up and walks out of the door.

  He’s right.

  Life can be short, as Bryson knows well.

  *

  I KNOCK ON Jolene’s hotel room door a little after lunch and wait for the door to open. After a minute, I knock again. Eventually, she answers the door in only a towel.

  My mouth waters and my cock goes rock hard.

  Her long blond hair is pulled up into a messy bun on top of her head. A few locks have come loose and have fallen onto her bare shoulders. The ends are wet from the shower and are sticking to her skin. There are water droplets that are resting on her shoulders and chest. I watch with wide eyes as two droplets join and roll down between her cleavage.

  And did I mention, she’s only wearing a fucking towel.

  “Are you going to come in or stand there and gawk at me?”

  “I’m sure I can think of other things to do to you,” I reply as I step forward, pinning her to the open door.

  “And what would that be?”

  “One would be stripping the towel from your body, exposing every inch of your smooth skin. Getting down on my knees and tossing your leg over my shoulder before sucking your clit into my mouth. Or I could bend you over the back of the sofa and take you from behind.”

  I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose as I try to remove all thoughts and images of Jolene bent over the sofa, her pert ass up in the air.

  “But first,” I say as I turn away from her. “We need to talk.”

  “Okay,” she replies before she walks into the bathroom. Once I know she is out of sight, I open my eyes and make my way to the mini fridge. Opening the door, I find a corona and pop the top. After downing half of the beer, I make my way to the sofa. I kick off my boots then rest my feet on the coffee table.

  “What do you want to talk about?” Jolene asks as she walks into the room from behind me.

  “Don’t take another step until you assure me you are fully clothed.”

  “Ah, well, yes.”

  “Good.”

  Jolene comes to sit next to me, her ass resting on the edge of the sofa, making sure to keep space between us.

  “About this mornin’,” she begins, but I cut her off.

  “Sorry If I made you feel uncomfortable.” I sigh as I lean forward and place my beer on the coffee table. “You didn’t say anything wrong. I just… when you told me you’ve only been with me, I panicked a little.” I rub both hands over my face, thinking how to say what I want to say. “As you know, I’ve been with more woman than I can count.” I don’t miss the way Jolene flinches, and her lips go tight. “After you told me about you, I didn’t feel good enough for you.”

  “Nathan, I don’t care about the past. Yes, it hurts a little to know you’ve been with more than your fair share of women, but it’s in the past. The only thing I care about is that there won’t be any more in the future.”

  I drop my feet to the ground and scoot closer to her. Holding her face in my hands, I look directly into her eyes that are as bright as a summers day. “It’s only you. Just you and me from now on.”

  Her lips tip up into a smile that makes my heart thump against my chest.

  “Can I just ask one thing?” she nods, and I take a deep, steady breath. “Why haven’t you had sex with anyone? Don’t get me wrong; I’m not complaining, just curious.”

  She shrugs her shoulders. “It’s just never happened. I never found anyone good enough to be with.”

  “And I am the one who is good enough?”

  “Yes,” she replies without a second thought. “It was always you, I didn’t feel I was good enough for you back then, so I didn’t say anything. But fate lead us back together, and things are different now.”

  “Too right they are. You’re my girl now, and I’m not givin’ you up for anythin’.”

  “I like the sound of that.”

  “You know what else sounds good? I love you,” I say before she has a chance to guess.

  She leans in and places a gentle kiss on my mouth. Her soft, full lips against mine. “I love you as well,” she mumbles against them.

  We’ve said it to each other during our fights, but nothing is better than hearing the girl you love telling you she loves you back.

  ***

  Chapter 12

  Jolene

  “YOU CAN’T BE serious,” Ryan whines as we’re walking back to the cars after the rodeo the next night. “Is this what it’s going to be like now? You two ditching us to go and do couple things.”

  “No, we’re just not going out tonight,” Nathan replies.

  “Yeah and one night will turn into two nights, into four nights and before you know it, we’ll only see you once a month. Give it a year, and it’ll turn into just weddings and funerals.”

  “Being a bit dramatic there, Ryan,” Bryson calls out from the other side of his truck as he unlocks the door.

  “Ah, no. You wait and see,” he answers. “Stop what you’re doing and take a good look at Nathan. Take a picture as well, because it’s the only way you’ll be seeing him from now on.”

  “We can go out tonight,” I quietly say to Nathan as we stop in front of my car.

  “No, I have plans for us.”

  “I’m sure we can change them. He’s your twin. Things are changing as it has always been you and him. Now it’s you and me and then Ryan.”

  “Tomorrow night we’ll go to the bar with him.”

  “See, Bryson. Can you see what I’m seeing?” Ryan says somewhere behind me. “His life is going to be all couple things. Boring ass chick flicks in front of the TV on Saturday nights. Couples golf on Wednesday nights. Couples retreats the second weekend in July for the rest of his life. There will be sunset walks three nights a week.” He frowns as he walks to the bed of Bryson’s truck and pulls a beer from the cooler. “Oh, and don’t let me forget. They’ll be finishing each other’s sentences while dressed in matching clothes.”

  “Ryan,” Bryson barks. “Shut the fuck up.” I try not to, but a laugh escapes from between my lips.

  “I’m not a fan of golf,” I say when I stop laughing.

  “Oh, but it’s a yes to the fucking couples retreat,” Ryan grumbles.

  “Well, you never know, once you find yourself a girl, you two could come with us. I looked into a nice retreat in Bora Bora.”

  “Nope, no fucking way.”

  “Anyway, we’re out. Have a good night. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Nathan says as he grabs my hand and begins walking towards my door.

  “Anything you wouldn’t do?” Ryan questions. “Well, that’s just fuckin’ great. Might as well go home and introduce my hand to my dick.”

  I burst out laughing but stop when Nathan frowns in my direction. “I’m sorry, but you have to admit it’s a little funny.”

  “No, it’s not. He’s acting like a child.”

  “Give him a break,” I say, then climb up into the passenger seat.

&
nbsp; Nathan closes my door and walks over to Ryan. They talk for a little while before Ryan gets into Bryson’s truck followed by Bryson. I watch Nathan walk to my car. My body is on full alert from his sexy swagger to his dark, heated gaze on me. At the moment, I’d give nearly anything for sex with Nathan.

  This taking it slow thing is going too slow.

  On the way to the hotel, Nathan places his hand on my thigh and links his fingers with mine. My heart rate kicks up a notch, and pressure builds deep inside me as Nathan slowly slides our joined hands further up my thigh, towards my core.

  Not quick enough, we arrive at the hotel. We drop my car off with the valet guy, and Nathan tosses my key to him before grabbing my hand and practically dragging me inside the hotel. He doesn’t wait for the lift. Instead, he bends down and drops his shoulder to my belly and flips me over his shoulder.

  “Nathan, what the hell?” I squeal out loudly. Through my thick hair hanging around my face, I see an elderly couple looking at us. The lady nudges the man, and both of them give each other a knowing look. They look like the type of couple who have been madly in love since their teens. A couple where the man would have carted his wife over his shoulder like this.

  “I can’t wait any longer,” is Nathan’s reply before he begins climbing the stairs, two at a time.

  Once we reach the third floor, Nathan takes long strides down the hall towards my hotel room. Without hesitating, he slides his hand into my back pocket and finds the room key.

  “You can put me down.”

  “What fun would that be?” he replies as the lock clicks, and he kicks the door open. Walking in, he tosses the key on the table next to the door then kicks the door closed with his booted foot.

  I wait, still dangling upside down over his shoulder, as he kicks off his boots then moves to the bed.

  Eventually, Nathan tosses me onto the bed. The blood rushes from my head, giving me head spins. “Could you be a bit gentler. Precious cargo here.” I point to myself.

  “Oh, I know. Don’t you worry.”

  I watch, my mouth hanging open, as Nathan strips off. His shirt goes first, followed by his wife beater which exposes his ripped and tanned abs. My mouth waters from just thinking about licking them and running my nose along the grooves.