Because of the Rain

by Deborah Raney

  Anna looked at Paul as though he might know who was waiting. But he shrugged and shook his head as if to say he hadn’t expected anyone.

  The nurse disappeared and a few minutes later, Kassandra walked through the doorway. Behind her, looking teary-eyed and uncertain, stood Kara.

  Anna gasped in surprise, and then broke into joyous laughter. She had not seen her older daughter in almost eight months. Now, seeing her standing here, looking almost contrite, Anna forgot all that had come between them. She only wanted to take Kara in her arms and hold her.

  She reached out, and Kara hurried to her bedside. Anna patted the spot beside her, and Kara met her embrace. They sobbed in each other’s arms, neither speaking, but Anna could almost feel the healing taking place.

  Across the room, Kassi was absorbed in quiet conversation with Paul, and Anna heard her murmurs of amazement over the baby. When Kassi finally glanced up, Anna smiled at her over Kara’s shoulder.

  Kara pulled away from Anna and wiped smudges of mascara from her cheeks. “Oh, Mom,” she cried, “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

  Anna pulled her close again. She patted Kara’s back the way she had when she was a little girl with a scraped knee. How rare these tender moments with her older daughter were. Would they always struggle so to express their love for each other? To allow each other her differences?

  Anna drew back and studied Kara. “Do you want to hold the baby?”

  Kara stiffened and shook her head. Anna was immediately sorry she’d asked. It would never be easy, but she would have to learn to take what Kara offered and not try to push for more. She was disappointed, and yet, just having Kara here was such an answer to prayer. For now, she would be content with that.

  Kassi hurried to Anna’s bedside and hugged her. “She’s beautiful, Mom, like a little angel.” There was awe in her voice.

  Paul stood between the girls and pulled them close, one in each arm. “We’ve decided the baby will go to Daniel and Tanya.”

  Kassi reached over the bedrail and took the baby’s tiny hand in hers. Her shoulders shook and her hair fell over her face in a pale blond curtain that hid the tears Anna knew were falling.

  Kara said nothing. They all sat in silence, emotional and unable to speak if they’d wanted to.

  After a minute, the baby stirred and opened her eyes. Her tiny fists flailed in the air, and her dark eyes gazed intently at Anna’s face.

  Anna looked through a veil of tears and saw her family gathered around this child whose advent had nearly torn them apart. They were all weeping openly now, but they were tears that knit them together in an incorruptible bond.

  And she realized with surprise that her tears were mostly for joy—for a brand-new daughter safely arrived, for the answer to their prayers––an answer that would give this little one a happy home. For the budding hope of a prodigal daughter’s return. And for the love of her precious husband that would carry her through.

  There would be a time for sadness, for mournful goodbyes, for a tenuous peace with Kara. But for now, Anna embraced the tenuous joy and let it wash over her like a river.

  Chapter 23

  Anna knew by the familiar rat-tat-a-tat-tat on the door of her hospital room that it was Emma.

  “Hello?” Emma’s dark head peeked around the door before Anna could answer her knock.

  “Emma! I’m so glad you came.”

  Elegantly dressed in a raw silk suit, its peacock blue sheen beautiful against her ebony skin, Emma wore a wide smile. But Anna detected concern in her eyes as well.

  “Anna,” she said simply, reaching across the bed to envelope Anna in a hug. She stepped back and studied Anna. “You look wonderful. Now how are you feeling?”

  “It was hard, Emma. I’d forgotten what hard work it is to have a baby, or maybe it’s just harder at my advanced age.” She smiled wanly.

  “Well, I’m proud of you. You did a wonderful thing, Anna. I know it was probably the most difficult thing you’ve ever done, but it was a wonderful thing. Paul tells me the baby is fine.”

  Anna nodded, her throat too full to speak. She swallowed hard. “Emma…there’s something I want to ask you.”

  Emma looked at her with undisguised curiosity.

  “Last night, when they brought the baby in to me, when I…when I held her for the first time, I couldn’t get Tanya out of my mind. Emma, I believe this baby might be for Tanya and Daniel. I feel strongly that the Lord might have meant this child for them all along.”

  Emma’s dark eyes widened as she comprehended what Anna was saying.

  It was difficult to explain to Emma how strong the impression had been the night before. It was more than just a feeling. She truly believed it had been a divine revelation.

  “I don’t know if Daniel and Tanya have even thought of having another child,” She told Emma, “but Paul and I want to offer this baby to them first. Of course, I don’t want them to feel an obligation, but… do you think they might want her?”

  “Oh, Anna. Oh, my…there’s so much to consider…so much to think about, but…oh, my!” she said again, a broad grin blooming on her face. “I might be wrong, but I don’t think they’ll be able to get here fast enough! Oh, my! I can hardly believe this!” She embraced Anna again. “I never in my life imagined it would end this way, Anna. Why, I’ll be your baby’s grandmother!” She clapped her hand over her mouth. “Just listen to me! I’m talking like it’s a done deal!”

  Emma’s joy was infectious, and Anna found herself laughing at her incredulous murmurs. Emma’s response confirmed what she’d felt so strongly last night. Still, Daniel and Tanya would have to make the final decision.

  Emma was with the Walkers when they came to the hospital that night to visit Anna. She’d promised Anna that she wouldn’t say anything to them, but Anna could see she was having a difficult time containing her excitement.

  Anna had asked Paul to present the idea to Daniel and Tanya. She didn’t trust her own emotions. Or her voice. And yet, despite her sadness, there was a strange, deep joy in having such an amazing gift to offer.

  Tanya greeted Anna with a warm smile, and Anna thought again how much the young woman looked like her mother. The Walkers had brought flowers for Anna. Pink.

  Emma, obviously nervous and about to burst with her secret, busied herself rearranging the bouquet in a clear glass vase. She placed them on the wide windowsill then came to Anna’s bedside.

  Paul gathered chairs for everyone and when they were seated, he cleared his throat and turned to the young couple.

  “There is a special reason why Emma wanted you two to come with her tonight.” He winked at Emma, and Anna saw the flicker of a question cross both faces.

  “You know that we were hit pretty hard by the news we got two weeks ago. We had peace about the Whitemans adopting this baby. Now, as you know, they’ve chosen not to take her, knowing she would face discrimination within her own family if they were to adopt her. I don’t know if it has ever crossed your minds, or if it’s even a possibility for you, but …” Paul cleared his throat.

  Anna watched Tanya’s face and saw by her expression of hope mixed with fear, that she’d already guessed what was coming. Tanya reached for Daniel’s hand as Paul continued.

  “Daniel, Tanya, if you are willing—we don’t want to rush you to a decision—but if you are willing, we would like for you to have Anna’s baby. Adopt her.”

  Tanya gasped and put her face in her hands. “Yes! Oh yes,” she cried. “We want her. Of course we want her. Oh, Danny, can you believe it?”

  Daniel nodded in disbelief. He caressed his wife’s shoulders as she leaned across her chair, clinging to him. “I think you have your answer,” he said in his quiet, serious way.

  “Over these last months,” Paul said, “we’ve seen that your home is full of love. We’ve seen the fruits of your parenting in little Justin. We both”––he reached for Anna’s hand––“we both feel strongly that you are the parents God intended this baby to ha
ve.”

  Daniel swallowed hard and shook his head in obvious disbelief. “I’m humbled,” he said simply.

  Tanya wept and laughed at the same time.

  Anna Grace Walker scrunched up her pudgy face and opened her mouth wide in a huge yawn. She stretched her arms above her head and yawned again. Her bright little eyes darted back and forth between Tanya and Anna, who were bent over either side of the hospital crib, each trying to poke a squirming leg into the tiny pink ruffled sleeper. Tanya cooed to the baby, who blessed her with a silly lopsided grin.

  The two women looked at each other as if to say “did you see that smile?” and then they laughed together––the way sisters laughed together.

  With deft fingers, Tanya finished fastening the snaps on the little outfit and gently tucked the soft receiving blanket around the baby. “Anna. She’s beautiful,” Tanya said, a tremor in her voice.

  Anna stared down at the baby, afraid to trust her own voice. Finally she said quietly, “She is beautiful, isn’t she?” Anna looked up at Tanya. “She’ll be so happy with you, Tanya. I know she will.”

  With outstretched arms, Tanya hurried around to Anna’s side of the crib and wrapped her in a hug.

  Anna broke down then, her body heaving against the younger woman’s embrace. “I’m sorry, Tanya. I know we’re doing the right thing. It’s…it’s just so much harder than I thought it would be.”

  Wordlessly, Tanya patted her back.

  This morning Paul and Anna had signed the papers that would give little Anna Grace over to Daniel and Tanya Walker. There was nothing left for Anna now but to say her goodbyes and go home with Paul.

  Already she was longing for Chicago, for the joy of being home again and being truly reunited with her husband.

  Daniel and Paul had gone downstairs together—Daniel to bring their car around, Paul to sign Anna out of the hospital. Now both men appeared in the doorway together. There was an uncomfortable moment when no one seemed sure what to do next.

  Then, summoning her courage, Anna went to the crib and picked up the baby. Little Anna Grace stirred in her sleep but did not awaken. Anna carried the precious bundle to where Tanya was standing, and with a final caress of the dark curls, she placed the baby tenderly in Tanya’s arms.

  Now it was Tanya’s turn for tears. She wept openly, her tears falling on the baby’s blanket. The young mother’s tears touched Anna deeply. More eloquently than any words could have, they spoke of Tanya’s gratitude for the pain Anna had borne—physical and emotional—so that this child could come into the world, could bring the joy they all knew she would bring to this young family.

  Daniel and Tanya had named the baby Anna Grace. “‘Grace’ because we didn’t deserve her, yet God saw fit to give her to us anyway. ‘Anna’ because we hope she will grow up to be as special as her mother is,” Tanya had told Anna that morning.

  Anna had grown to love this little family over the difficult months now behind her. The Walkers had given her a priceless gift in naming the baby after her. She would miss them deeply––Tanya especially. Why did life seem to be an endless succession of goodbyes? Anna embraced Tanya again, and the two women wept in each other’s arms, the baby cradled between them.

  In unison, as if they’d rehearsed, each husband stepped forward and put a comforting arm around his wife. The unintended choreography of their movements brought a burst of spontaneous laughter, and the solemnity of the moment was lightened.

  With an arm still protectively around Anna, Paul said, “Well, I know there’s one excited big brother and one very impatient grandma downstairs. We’d better not keep them waiting any longer.”

  Anna smiled gratefully at her husband and reluctantly maneuvered into the wheelchair that a nurse had brought in. “Regulations, my dear,” Paul teased her, and with a flourish, he fell in step beside the nurse who pushed her down the hall toward the elevators.

  The elevator doors opened and Daniel and Tanya, baby in arms, stepped into the elevator behind them. Despite the heaviness that remained in Anna’s heart, the mood had changed to one of celebration, and she was grateful she could keep her emotions in check. She did not want to dampen the joy of this special family as they welcomed a new little member into their arms. There would be plenty of time later for her to mourn her loss, to truly let the baby go. And, too, there was this unfathomable peace that pervaded her sorrow.

  This is right. Never had she felt so sheltered in the center of God’s will.

  The elevator crept down three floors and opened onto the lobby waiting room. Justin Walker bolted out of his grandmother’s custody and tackled his mother with the full force of his twenty-six pounds.

  “Whoa! Whoa there, buddy,” Daniel cautioned, reaching out a strong arm to steady his wife.

  “Is that my new baby?” the little boy asked, looking wide-eyed at the bundle in Tanya’s arms.

  Daniel looked Anna’s way, concern on his face. But she forced a smile and nodded her approval.

  Daniel took the sleeping infant from Tanya’s arms and knelt down beside his son. “It sure is.” His deep voice grew reverent as he made the introduction. “Justin Michael, this is your new baby sister, Anna Grace Walker.”

  “Hey!” Justin shouted gleefully. “Her name’s Anna, just like our Anna.” He pointed at the wheelchair with a big grin, and Anna’s heart stirred at his use of the possessive.

  “That’s right, Justin,” Daniel explained in a low voice. “Remember how we told you Anna helped us get our baby? We wanted the baby to have Anna’s pretty name too.”

  Justin nodded solemnly. “Thanks, Anna,” he said politely. Then he skipped over to his mother and hid behind her knees, suddenly bashful.

  Emma had come over to where Anna was sitting and let her hand rest on Anna’s shoulder. Then she turned to her son-in-law, a sparkle in her eye. “Well, are you going to let me hold that baby, or am I going to have to tear her out of your arms?”

  Daniel laughed and handed the baby over to Emma, who clucked and cooed, seeming oblivious to everyone else.

  Anna felt a little detached from the whole scene. Here was a family full of joy, sweetly welcoming this tiny newcomer into their lives. Little Anna looked so much a part of them already with her brown skin and her tiny ringlets of dark hair. But it was more than that. It wasn’t the physical similarities that made them a family. It was the love that flowed, almost visibly, between them. It was the precious way they’d taken on the guardianship of this child who’d been conceived in violence, born in pain, but now adopted in consummate love. It was the sense that this family had been ordained of God. And again, Anna was overwhelmed with the certainty that this was right—so very right.

  She felt Paul’s strong hands on her shoulders, and she reached up and covered them with her own. Then, blinking back tears of joy and gratitude—and yes, tears of great sorrow, too—she looked up into her husband’s eyes and whispered, “Let’s go home.”

  Epilogue

  Anna came in from the backyard and washed the garden dirt from her hands at the kitchen sink. It was a chilly March afternoon, far too early to be putting out flowers, but the recent rains and a week of unseasonably warm weather had softened the earth and made her anxious to begin the rituals of spring. She had contented herself with pulling weeds and clearing away the pungent mulch of leaves and grass that had covered her garden spot all winter. She rinsed the soap from her hands and looked out the kitchen window. She felt a deep sense of accomplishment—and a little impatience—at the sight of the large rectangle of rich black dirt, now prepared to receive and nourish the seedlings she would plant there a few weeks from now.

  The warm weather of the week before had coaxed tightly wrapped buds out of hiding on the branches of the fruit trees that lined the garden’s edge. The trees appeared ready to burst into leaf, and Anna feared that the return of March’s typical frosty mornings would ruin spring’s blossoms. But despite her concern, she couldn’t help but revel in the signs that spring’s advent was n
ear. Spring was always such a hopeful time.

  As she reached for a towel to dry her hands, she heard the sound of Paul’s car on the drive and a little thrill went through her. She was always a bit surprised and so grateful that her husband could still have this effect on her after so many years.

  She waited at the door to greet him. He came in, briefcase in hand, a light jacket under his arm. He smiled when he saw her waiting there. He put his things down where he stood, reached for her, and drew her into his arms.

  “Hi, honey. How was your day?”

  “What?” she asked with mock offense. “Didn’t you see my garden?”

  “I saw it,” he said in the teasing voice she loved so well. “Getting a little impatient, aren’t we?” He touched a finger playfully to her nose.

  “Oh, I am. I can hardly wait to get my flowers out, but at least everything will be ready so I can plant them the minute the weather cooperates.”

  “Did you get the mail yet?” he asked, changing the subject.

  She smiled and pulled away from her husband. “I was far too busy to even think about the mail,” she teased. “But sit down, and I’ll bring it to you.”

  How wonderful it was to talk of the weather and the day’s mail—the mundane things of life that she now relished.

  She walked through the living room out to the front porch and pulled a bundle of mail from the box beside the door. Absently, she sorted through the usual stack of catalogs and junk mail, culling the important bills and letters from the pile as she walked back into the house.

  As she laid a small stack of catalogs and magazines aside on the table in the dining room, a small ivory envelope fell to the floor. She picked it up and glanced curiously at the return address. Walker…New Haven, Indiana… It was from Tanya!

  “Paul, come here!” Her hands were shaking as she tore open the envelope.