Trials 03 Torres' Trial

by Terri Zavaleta

  I think you're overdoing it. You should take a couple of hours off

  and do something relaxing---"

  "Captain, there is so much to do---"

  Icy gray eyes cut her off. "Are you telling me, Lieutenant,

  that your department is run so inefficiently that they can't function

  without your supervision for two hours?"

  "No, Captain," Torres gulped, suppressing an urge to howl with

  frustration.

  "Then I suggest you find something relaxing to do---or just get

  some sleep," Janeway turned her attention back to her souvlaki,

  dismissing the younger woman with a nod of her head.

  ***********************

  Chief Engineer B'Elanna Torres was---upset. Which as the EMH had

  once said was a relative term when referring to the half Klingon

  officer. Her mood was somewhere between irritated and aggravated.

  She knew she was tired. She knew she'd been touchy---and hard to get

  along with---for days. She didn't want to analyze why. But having

  been ordered to take two hours off, she found herself at a loss to

  know what to do with the time.

  She had too much nervous energy coursing through her body to

  relax enough to sleep. Perhaps a workout on the holodeck? She

  arrived at holodeck one and checked its status. A program was

  running, but there was no privacy lock in place. She decided to find

  out who was running the program called Lake Como.

  Malista Shadow was seated in the shade of the tall tree near the

  picnic table. She ignored Torres' arrival. Her pensive eyes were

  fixed on the small boats far out on the surface of the lake.

  Torres sat down on the bench. "I've been ordered to relax. For

  two hours."

  Malista cocked an eyebrow at her. It seemed she had returned to

  her silent persona---the one that didn't speak---or spoke in two word

  sentences.

  "If you don't want to talk---" Torres began, thinking she would

  offer to leave, but not knowing where she would go if she did.

  Malista shrugged. "Do you?"

  Torres sighed. She ran her fingers through her hair and made an

  effort to force her body to relax. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been

  so---snappish with you in the mess hall. Your relationship with Harry

  is none of my business."

  Shadow nodded. It implied acceptance of the apology.

  "Why don't you just tell Harry he's making you crazy?" Torres

  burst out. "Sorry. Tell me to butt out."

  "I can't."

  "What?"

  Malista sighed forlornly. "I seem to have trouble telling anyone

  anything. How do you do it?"

  "How do I do what?" She settled into place, turning all of her

  attention to the woman in front of her.

  "Tell people what you think. Argue with them. Tell them off! How

  do you argue with them without losing your temper?" Shadow's eyes

  were filled with sadness and a shade of anger.

  "You're kidding, right?" Torres snorted.

  Shadow shook her head.

  "I lose my temper all the time," the engineer exploded. "I have

  to fight for control---what has this got to do with you?"

  Shadow tore her eyes away and stared at the horizon once more.

  "I'm afraid to lose my temper. I don't argue. I try to change the

  subject or distract him or I just leave. I think it bothers Harry.

  He's been---different lately. And he won't tell me what's wrong."

  "Afraid? What are you afraid of?" Torres asked gently.

  "I'm afraid I'll---" Malista's voice broke as her green eyes

  filled with tears. She drew her knees up and dropped her head on

  them.

  Torres dropped to the ground and sat next to her, leaning

  against the tree beside her friend. "What? It's okay, Malista. You

  can tell me."

  Shadow looked up, her eyes glistening. "I'm afraid I'll hurt

  someone."

  Torres stared at her. "You mean like when I broke Carey's nose?

  You think you'll lose your temper and belt Harry?" It had never

  occurred to her that Harry Kim could provoke that kind of anger---

  Tom, yes. But Harry? He was so---normal. But then B'Elanna wasn't

  interested in Harry romantically. That could make a difference.

  A weak smile tugged at her lips. "No. Yes. Sometimes. Oh, geez,

  I can't even talk. I'm back to giving comprehensive answers."

  Torres didn't understand the reference so she ignored it.

  "Malista, you aren't the type. You might get mad and throw things---

  lots of women do, human or Klingon. But you would never hurt Harry.

  Or Tom. Or anyone, if you ask me."

  "How do you learn to control your temper? To be sure you won't

  lose control?"

  Torres shrugged. "Practice. Besides, getting angry is normal.

  You yell, you argue, you do some name-calling---you walk out---or you

  settle it. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with losing your

  temper."

  "B'Elanna," she said in carefully measured tones, "the last time

  I lost my temper---" She stopped to swallow the lump in her throat.

  "I went berserk---and I killed four Cardassians." She dropped her

  face down on her knees again. Her breathing was ragged.

  The ugly words lay there for a few moments like a lump of mud

  flung down on the deck between them.

  Torres clenched her jaw. She wasn't a counselor. She felt

  inadequate to give advice to anyone. How did she get herself into

  these situations? By being a friend. She cleared her throat and hoped

  she could find the right words. "Malista, the Maquis were at war with

  the Cardassians. It was war! And you killed the men who raped you and

  killed your friends. Don't expect me to be grief-stricken for them.

  You did what you had to do." She tentatively stretched out an arm and

  squeezed Shadow's shoulder with her hand, imitating a gesture Janeway

  had made familiar.

  "Did you ever kill anyone, B'Elanna?" The muttered question was

  almost unheard.

  Torres tensed. "Yes."

  "In hand to hand combat?"

  "Yes."

  Shadow peered up at Torres' tight expression. "Can I assume

  that whoever it was---he was fighting back?"

  Torres nodded slowly. She hated to think about this. She hated

  to talk about this. She hated the way it made her feel. With absolute

  clarity, she could remember every aspect---as if it were playing out

  on a screen before her. The color of the blood, the look on his face-

  --the smells, the sounds, the feel of the blood splashing on her

  skin, the bitter taste of bile in her throat. Each one of her five

  senses had registered the event in excruciating detail. She'd

  probably have nightmares tonight. As she did every time the incident

  was brought to mind.

  Malista's tears finally spilled over. "The Cardassians I killed-

  --were all unconscious. Niko killed one and we had knocked out the

  other four---with phasers on stun---and one of them with a rifle

  butt. I didn't have to kill them. They were lying there helpless---

  and I murdered them. And the scariest thing---" She broke off and

  wiped her eyes with her hands. "I enjoyed it. I reveled in it. I was

  totally out of control---and I stabbed them over and over and I was


  so glad they were dead and that I was the one who killed them and I

  just kept stabbing them over and over---"

  B'Elanna shook her shoulder to break the litany. "Malista, you

  had just seen them kill three of your friends---beat them to death

  slowly. They raped you and tortured you. Of course, you were glad to

  see them dead! You'd be crazy if you weren't. You were in shock.

  That's why you lost control. I would probably have done exactly the

  same thing. Anyone might have."

  Shadow stared at Torres, trying to see if she was sincere. "I've

  never told anyone about this. Niko was there. He knew. But I never

  told anyone."

  "Maybe you should talk to Chakotay about this," Torres

  suggested. "Or Harry."

  Shadow's head swung in instant rejection of that idea. "I can't

  talk to Harry about this."

  "Why not? He's a good friend and a good listener. It might

  help."

  Malista shook her head. "He wouldn't understand. He's straight

  out of the Academy. He's never even seen combat like the Maquis

  experienced. He's never--- murdered anyone. He doesn't know what it's

  like---and I don't want him to know. To have to know. He wouldn't

  want to---I slaughtered four---do you think Harry---I couldn't. I

  don't want to see---the look that would be in his eyes. He'd---never

  want to kiss me or---"

  Torres fidgeted impatiently. She didn't know what to say. It was

  true that Harry Kim was inexperienced and had no first hand knowledge

  of the ugliness of war. She wasn't sure how he would react to such

  ugliness either, but she knew silence wasn't the answer. The truth

  couldn't be evaded forever. "You can't know that unless you tell

  him."

  "I can't! I won't risk losing him!"

  "Is that why you won't argue with him? Won't tell him how you

  feel? Because you're afraid?" B'Elanna sneered. "Could you tell Tom?"

  She jumped to her feet and swung to confront the taller woman. Anger

  was something Torres did know something about. Maybe a demonstration-

  --

  "What?" Malista scrambled to her feet defensively, studying

  Torres puzzledly.

  "I said you could tell Tom! You and Tom spend a whole lot of

  time talking, don't you?" the chief engineer accused, arms akimbo.

  "Yes. Sometimes we talk. Why?"

  "About your pasts?" It sounded like an indictment.

  Malista frowned down at the shorter woman. "Yes. Why? Does it

  bother you? You know there's nothing going on between me and Tom.

  He's like a brother to me. Are you jealous?" she asked

  incredulously. She was beginning to be irritated by the Klingon's

  belligerent manner.

  "Jealous?" Torres said, raising her voice. "Why should I be

  jealous? Of you?" She gibed, running her eyes up and down Malista's

  long, curvaceous body disdainfully.

  "You sound jealous to me," Shadow said softly, a spark of anger

  lighting her eyes.

  "He talks to you---he talks to Harry. Why won't he talk to me?"

  Torres demanded.

  Malista turned and started to walk away toward the lake shore.

  Torres snatched at her arm and spun her around. "Answer me! I

  finally got him to stop making a joke every five minutes, but he

  still won't talk to me! I'm beginning to think he was never serious

  about me in the first place. He clams up if I ask about his past---or

  about his feelings. Why does he talk to you and Harry and not to me?"

  Shadow's green eyes were hard. "Maybe because neither Harry or I

  have ever---" She broke off as she tried to get control of her anger.

  She didn't want to say anything to hurt B'Elanna.

  Torres pulled on her arm. "Finish it! What were you going to

  say?"

  "Let go of my arm." It was quiet, but definitely not a

  suggestion.

  The chief engineer tightened her grip. "Not until you tell me

  what I want to know."

  Malista resisted, pulling her arm forcefully out of B'Elanna's

  grip and turning away again. She started walking toward the exit.

  "Oh, that's what you're good at, right? Shoot a little dart out

  and then run away before you have to face the consequences," Torres

  taunted.

  Shadow stiffened and stopped in her tracks. She revolved slowly,

  deliberately. "What do you want from me?"

  "The truth would be nice. Come on, Shadow! How many people do

  you think you can fool with this act of yours? You act like you're

  scared to get all the men to feel protective! Then you lure them into

  your trap. You've got half the men on the ship jumping through hoops.

  Were Tom and Harry a bigger challenge? Or is it that you want both of

  them? You want to see if you can come between them? That's it, isn't

  it?" Torres accused, striding forward to put herself right in

  Shadow's face once more.

  "No." Malista's face had become an expressionless mask, only her

  green eyes showed that spark of anger was still burning, glowing more

  brightly.

  "You may have the men fooled, but you can't fool me! How many

  men do you want? Harry? Tom? All of them? Are you going to work your

  way through the whole ship? Trying to beat the Delaneys' record? I'll

  give you credit for one thing---you've really got Tom fooled. But

  then he does all his thinking with his hormones. A pity his pretty

  head is so empty!" A bark of laughter escaped Torres.

  Malista clenched her fists at her side. "He's not a fool. He's a

  very intelligent man. You're the fool if you can't see beyond his

  good looks. I would never do anything to hurt Tom. And you'd better

  not either." The words were forced from between clenched teeth.

  "Or what?" B'Elanna said defiantly. "I'll admit Tom's

  decorative. He's good company, but what woman in her right mind would

  take him seriously? He's a flirt, a womanizer---he'd probably jump in

  bed with anyone---even you! Maybe he already has!"

  "No! I can't believe you're saying these things! What's the

  matter with you? Tom cares about you!" Malista's voice was rising,

  her dispassionate mask melting in the heat of the angry flush of

  color staining her neck and face.

  "Oh, sure---today! And what about Harry?" Torres continued,

  provokingly, stepping back. "Does he like it when you follow him

  around like a puppy dog? Maybe that's the only kind of relationship

  he can handle. He's not real bright either, is he? I could teach him

  a thing or two about women---" She ran her hand down her body

  suggestively. "Maybe I should do him a favor. Of course, he might

  not hold up---physically. He's not very strong---even for a human.

  But what's a broken bone or two among friends?"

  "You stay away from Harry!" Malista shouted, moving closer to

  Torres and leaning down to get right in the shorter woman's face. "I

  don't know how you could have fooled Tom and Harry into thinking you

  were their friend---but I'm going to warn them about you! And if you

  get near either one of them, if you hurt them---you won't a have a

  hair left on your head, you Klingon witch! And to hell with Starfleet

  protocols!"

  All the apparent anger suddenly droppe
d away from Torres' face.

  She smiled smugly and started to applaud. Malista backed off,

  totally confused.

  "Did you lose your temper somewhere, Malista? I think I found

  it," Torres commented wryly. "Damn, it takes a lot to get under that

  thick skin of yours!"

  "You---you did that deliberately?" Shadow was trembling from

  reaction, her body not sure how to shift from fierce anger to relief

  in such a short period of time.

  Torres took her arm gently and guided her back to the picnic

  table, seating both of them on the bench. "You lost your temper and

  you didn't hurt me, did you? It was something you needed to know. You

  really have a long fuse. I was running out of ideas for insults."

  Malista ran shaking fingers through her hair. "I can't believe

  you did that. How could you take a chance---I might have hurt you!"

  Torres shook her head. " You might be bigger than me, but I

  don't fight fair---and my Klingon half gives me an edge. But I wasn't

  worried about it. I told you---you aren't the type."

  "But I wanted to hit you---especially when you said that about

  Harry!"

  "But you didn't," B'Elanna reminded her. "Kahless knows, I gave

  you enough provocation. Malista, you need to learn to channel your

  anger. Sometimes just yelling is enough to take the edge off.

  Sometimes physical activity helps. Like throwing things---hopefully

  not punches---or exercising. Running or swimming or something

  tiring."

  Shadow smiled weakly. "B'Elanna, you are really something."

  "Yeah, I am," the chief engineer replied with a smug smile. "Any

  other questions before we conclude our lesson on controlling anger?"

  "Just one. When you have to fight, how do you keep from getting

  carried away---from going berserk?" Malista dropped her eyes to the

  ground.

  Torres thought that one over for a moment. "I don't know if I

  have a good answer for that one---but I think I know someone who

  would. George Natwick."

  "Natwick?" Shadow's tone telegraphed her surprise.

  "He teaches self-defense. Part of that is learning to control

  fear and anger and keep them out of the way when you're in a combat

  situation," Torres explained. She grinned. "I know. Nitwit Natwick is

  a jerk---with women. But he's good at his job or Tuvok would have had

  his head on a plate months ago."

  "Maybe I'll find him and ask his advice," Shadow said slowly.