Loving Lizbeth

by Ruth Langan

  She needed this physical release to keep herself on an even keel. She’d kept her emotions bottled up so tightly, she’d feared they might soon explode. But now she was calm again. Calm and in control.

  Control was so important to her. For a short time in her life she’d lost it. And because of that, she had been lost as well. But she’d found herself here, in this pretty little town, which demanded nothing more of her than she was willing to give. She’d found herself in this lovely old cottage, which had offered her so much more than just a haven. Here, while she’d spun cloth, where she’d knitted and crocheted and quilted, where she’d planted her flowers, and indulged in the simple things that nourished her soul, she’d also dreamed her dreams. If only a few of them managed to come true, that would be enough to satisfy her.

  She heard the crunch of tires along the driveway and knew, without looking up, that Colin had returned. She continued weeding, while she mentally braced herself for another confrontation. This time she was ready. Armed with her dignity, she wouldn’t be goaded into saying or doing anything that might provoke an argument. She would, by heaven, retain her dignity.

  She heard the truck door slam shut. Heard the sounds of Colin’s footsteps as he came near. She attacked a vine that had attached itself to the branches of her rhododendron, tugging until it was torn from the soil. When she turned to toss it into the wheelbarrow, she was startled to see Colin kneeling beside her. In his hands was a tiny ball of white fluff.

  “What’s this?” Her eyes widened. “A kitten?”

  He nodded. “Now that they’re old enough to be weaned, the Yardleys gave me my choice. It wasn’t really any contest. This was the cutest one of all.”

  “She’s adorable.” Lizbeth ran a finger along the kitten’s back and watched it arch upward. “What did you call her?”

  “I thought I’d let you name her.” He smiled. “She’s yours.”

  “Mine?” She lifted her hand away. “Oh, no. I can’t. You know I don’t want… What if she ran away? Or got hit by a car? Or…”

  “Lizbeth.” He put a hand over hers. “Not everything you love is going to leave you.”

  At his simple statement she was too stunned to say a word. This wasn’t at all what she’d been expecting. And now she was caught completely off guard.

  She continued kneeling in the grass, her eyes a little too bright, while the kitten stood on its hind legs to peer into the watering can. The can toppled, spraying water everywhere. The kitten ran off, shaking its tiny body, before getting caught up in chasing after a butterfly.

  Colin pressed her hand between both of his. “That is what happened, isn’t it? Someone you loved left you?”

  It was her intention to deny. To close herself up as she always had, in order to protect herself. But even as she started to deny it, she found herself nodding. And then, to her amazement, the words, so long locked inside, just tumbled out.

  “At least I thought it was love. Now, lately, I’m beginning to realize I had no idea what love really was. It happened so long ago, it just seems like it was all a dream.”

  “Why don’t you tell me?”

  His voice was soothing. As was his touch. And it suddenly seemed the most natural thing in the world to share her story with him.

  “I was eighteen. In boarding school in Switzerland. Alone, and miserably lonely. He wasn’t much older, a student in a boys’ academy nearby. But he seemed to be all the things I wasn’t. Funny and irreverent. And ready to do anything on a dare. Looking back, I realize there was a desperation to his actions. A need to taste everything, try everything, as though time might be running out. But then I was too young to understand or to question. I just knew that with him, everything was such fun.”

  She darted a glance at Colin, then away, afraid of the disappointment she would see in his eyes. “My parents had arranged that I would remain at school for holiday because they were starting a new venture and were horribly overworked. Neither of my sisters could join me because they had made other plans. Alex was going skiing in the Alps. Celeste was going to Rome with her art class. I was feeling desperately sorry for myself. And then, in the little Swiss village near my school, there was JeanClaude, also alone on holiday. He made me laugh. He took me shopping, and dancing, and that night, he took me to his room.”

  She gave a long, deep sigh. “We agreed to meet the following weekend, at the same room. When he showed up, he seemed pale. His humor seemed a little forced. But he said it was just a cold. And he knew the perfect cure. He wanted to marry me. I was a little horrified, but I was also thrilled. I’d never, in my eighteen years, done anything reckless. And so I agreed. We eloped that night, but he made me promise to keep it a secret. For the next month we met each weekend. And though he seemed to be growing weaker, he told me he had never been happier. We arranged to meet the following weekend and drive up to his parents’ chalet to give them the news. Then, he said, we would tell my family.”

  She tried to smile, but even now, after all this time, the pain and humiliation were too deep. “I suppose it’s a story as old as time. Only the names change. And a few minor pieces of the tale. At any rate, this time, when I went to the village inn, he never showed up. I waited all night, certain he would phone. In the morning the phone did ring and I raced to answer it, but it was his mother. She informed me that she and her husband had learned of their son’s foolishness and had already taken steps to have the marriage annulled. I asked to speak with JeanClaude, but she informed me that he was too ill to leave his bed. He and his family had known for years that an illness he’d contracted in childhood was terminal. He had, she assured me, done many foolish, reckless things because of it, and his family had understood his need to defy the fates by living life on the edge. It was, she said, simply his way of dealing with the fact that he had so little time. I was nothing more than one more of his messy mistakes that they would have to clean up. But I was young, she told me. I would soon forget. And, she reminded me, I was one of the lucky ones. I had a long and healthy life ahead of me, while her son had, according to his doctors, less than a few weeks left.”

  Colin hadn’t said a word. Nor had he moved. But at least, she thought, he hadn’t drawn away. Yet.

  “There’s more, of course. At first I was too ashamed to tell anyone. But then, as the weeks went by, I realized I would have to take my family into my confidence. You see, I realized I was…expecting a baby.” She looked up into Colin’s eyes. “My family was wonderful. My parents, my sisters, my grandparents formed this loving, protective circle around me. And for the first time I realized just how much they loved me. Without question. Without reservation. All those years of separations, of loneliness, disappeared. We felt this amazing bond as we waited for this new little addition to our family.” She touched a hand to her middle, as though, even now, she could feel life growing there. “I wanted the baby so badly. It would be all mine. Just mine. I suppose I was naively thinking that I would make a home with this child. The home I so desperately craved.”

  She paused a moment, bracing for the pain that she knew would come. Her voice lowered. “But I learned that wanting something with all your heart isn’t enough. The doctor said that nature has its own way of removing life’s little imperfections.” She shook her head, as much in amazement as in denial. “That’s what he called it. One of life’s little imperfections. And so, less than three months after it all began, it was over. All over.”

  She couldn’t swallow the lump in her throat. To her embarrassment tears welled up in her eyes and spilled down her cheeks.

  Mortified, she sniffed. “I never cry.”

  Before she could turn away, Colin had his arms around her, rocking her like a child. And then the tears became a torrent. Great choking sobs that wracked her body and had her burying her face in his neck.

  He pressed his lips to her hair and held her while she cried her heart out.

  “Oh, Lizbeth. Oh, baby.” His words washed over her, soothing, healing.

&n
bsp; He felt the way she struggled to control herself. But the more she tried, the more she wept. A lifetime of tears came spilling out. And with them, a sense of relief that she’d finally unlocked the secrets of her heart. When at last she drew a little away, Colin handed her his handkerchief.

  She gave a shaky laugh, that sounded more like a hiccup. “I don’t know what’s come over me. I haven’t cried this hard since that day. I didn’t think I had any tears left over it.” She took a deep breath. “The doctor counseled me to resume a normal life.” She gave a sound that might have been a laugh or a sob. “So I went on to college, and then into the family business, and I never looked back.”

  “Maybe you should have.”

  “Why?” Her head came up. “So I can be reminded again how easy it is for all those I love to simply leave me?”

  “No, Lizbeth. So you can remember. Remember how it felt to be desperately in love, and anticipating a life together.”

  “Why should I remember? Why should I invite all that pain again?”

  He waited a beat, watching her eyes. “So you’ll take pity on me, and understand what I’m feeling.”

  She went perfectly still. Then she shook her head. “I told you…

  “You told me you didn’t want any pretty speeches. So I won’t make any. I’ll just tell you the plain, simple truth, without any sugarcoating. Maybe Serena was right. Maybe you and I are more alike than we know. I’ve spent a lifetime traveling, and never believing I would find a place where I could stay for more than a few weeks before wanting to move on. I never believed such a place existed. But the minute I met you, I realized I’d found my home and my heart. Maybe you don’t want to hear it. But I have to say it anyway. I love you, Lizbeth. Only you. And if you’ll have me, I want to marry you, and stay with you, and love you for all of my life.”

  She looked down at Colin’s big workman’s hands still holding hers. So strong. So competent. So gentle.

  “What if there’s a…defect in me? What if I can’t ever have a baby?”

  He touched a hand to her cheek. “What if I can’t? Would it matter to you?”

  She huffed out a breath. “Of course not.”

  “Then I suppose some day we’ll find out. But for now, let’s just start with each other. And a kitten. And then maybe a puppy. And then…”

  He lifted her chin. “I’m sorry. I’ve made you cry again.”

  “Yes.” She sniffed. “I guess I’m making up for lost time.”

  “Yeah.” He grinned and kissed away the tear that rolled down her cheek. “I hope this isn’t going to make you cry even harder.” He reached into his pocket and withdrew a small box.

  “What’s this?”

  “Open it, Lizbeth.”

  She opened the box and saw the glint of a heart-shaped ruby surrounded by glittering diamonds.

  “I figured if the kitten didn’t win your heart, maybe jewels would do the trick.”

  “Oh, Colin.”

  “Will you wear my ring, Lizbeth? Will you marry me, and let me love you forever?”

  Her eyes were wide, the tears glistening on her lashes like diamonds. “Yes. Oh, yes.”

  He slipped the ring on her finger and lifted her hand to his lips.

  With a sigh she wrapped her arms around his neck.

  Against her lips he whispered, “I hope you don’t mind if the whole town knows our secret.”

  She pulled back. “The whole town?”

  He gave her that wonderful grin that never failed to stir her heart. “The Lassiter twins saw me coming out of the jeweler’s and hurried inside. I figure by now they’ve told just about everybody they know.”

  “Oh, my.” She turned away. “We’d better get over to tell Loretta before she hears it from someone else.”

  He drew her close and covered her mouth with his. “We’ll tell her. In a little while. But take pity on me, Lizbeth. I’ve spent the entire day worrying about whether or not you’d let me past that wall you’d built around your heart. As long as I’m forbidden to make pretty speeches, the least you can do is take me inside and let me show you, in my own clever way, just how much I love you.”

  “Hmm.” She drank in the taste of him, so dark and dangerous and so very, very sweet. “You know, you really can be quite eloquent, even when you don’t say a word.”

  “I was hoping you’d notice.” He picked her up and carried her to the door, with the kitten happily weaving around their feet.

  Just then the kitten spotted the end of a vine hanging over the edge of the wheelbarrow and couldn’t resist standing up to grab hold. With just one tug the vine pulled away, carrying with it a handful of weeds that scattered over the kitten’s head, littering the once clean walkway.

  “Looks like she’s chosen her own name,” Lizbeth said as she surveyed the damage. “Scamp.”

  “Scamp?” Colin chuckled. “Yeah. I’d say it suits her.”

  Inside, the clock was just striking the hour. They looked at each other and smiled, remembering Grandpa Sully’s words. And found themselves thinking about all the hours of all the days they had to look forward to spending together. Doing nothing more exciting than loving one another for the rest of their lives.

  Epilogue

  “Lizbeth.” Alex stormed into the kitchen of Stafford Cottage and caught her sister’s arm. “If you don’t come upstairs right this minute and get into your wedding gown, I swear I’ll have Grant carry you up.”

  Alex’s handsome new husband stood just behind her. On his face was a delighted grin as he imagined himself carrying the bride to her room like a hostage.

  “I’m just seeing to the flowers on the wedding cake.”

  “I think the chef from our New York hotel is perfectly capable of seeing to the cake.” Alex nodded to her sister, Celeste, who caught Lizbeth’s other arm. The two forcibly dragged her from the kitchen and up the stairs.

  “Now.” Once in her bedroom, Alex caught hold of Lizbeth’s sweater and tugged it over her head. “Get in that shower. Right this minute. You have a wedding to attend.”

  “But the food…”

  “Is in very good hands. Ditto the flowers. Now move it.”

  The two sisters shoved her toward the bathroom. Minutes later she emerged from the shower, her hair a mass of wet tangles.

  “Sit right here,” Alex commanded. “Let’s see what we can do with that hair.”

  “It’s hopeless,” Lizbeth muttered. “You know it’s always had a mind of its own.”

  “Yeah, well, today we’re about to tame the beast.” Alex picked up a brush and hair dryer and attacked.

  “Speaking of taming the beast…” Celeste began laying out the wedding gown and accessories. “That is one handsome hunk wearing out a path in the parlor carpet.”

  “He’s downstairs?” Lizbeth smiled dreamily. “Pacing?”

  “Like a caged panther. It’s so sexy.” Celeste sighed. “And so…endearing.”

  When Alex was finished with Lizbeth’s hair, the two sisters helped her into her gown and began fastening the row of tiny buttons. Then they stood back to admire their handiwork.

  “Oh, Lizbeth.” Alex felt a rush of emotion and blamed it on the fact that she’d so recently been through a wedding of her own. “You look so beautiful.”

  “Yeah.” Even Celeste, who considered herself far too sophisticated to cry at weddings, felt a mist of tears. “I don’t think you’ve ever looked prettier. But let’s face it. If ever a woman was meant to be a bride, it’s you.”

  “You don’t think this is too much?” Lizbeth ran a hand down the beaded bodice, the full, gathered skirt of raw silk, fit for a princess.

  “On you it’s perfect.” Celeste, whose taste was impeccable, spoke with confidence. “And you’re perfect, too, Beth.”

  Lizbeth kissed both her sisters’ cheeks.

  At a knock on the door they looked up to find their parents and grandfather eager to see the bride. They had spent the past week in Stafford, meeting Colin and his sister and
brother-in-law, who had flown in from Fiji, and getting acquainted with all Lizbeth’s friends and neighbors. There was a flurry of tears and laughter, and fierce embraces all around.

  Her grandfather shook his head in wonder. “It’s hard to believe my little LizzyBeth is getting married.” He caught her hands in his and stared into her eyes. “You must have made quite an impression on the people of Stafford. Do you realize the entire town is downstairs, milling around the parlor and spilling out into your garden?”

  “Yes.” Lizbeth’s eyes were shining. “Isn’t it wonderful?”

  “It is indeed.” He winked at the others. “I’d say you’ve acquired quite an extended family here in Stafford.”

  “I guess I hadn’t thought about it quite that way, but you’re right, Grandpa Sully. They are like family. Every one of them.”

  They looked up when Loretta, cane in hand, paused in the doorway. Lizbeth hurried over to lead her inside. She indicated a chair and Loretta sank down gratefully.

  Lizbeth knelt in front of her and held out a small jeweler’s box.

  “What’s this?” The old woman glanced from the box to Lizbeth’s wide smile.

  “Colin and I wanted you to have this.”

  The old woman opened the box. Inside was a lovely double strand of pearls with a jeweled clasp. “Oh.” Her eyes were shining. “This is far too grand.”

  “We’d like you to wear it.” Lizbeth fastened it around Loretta’s neck. “And, since you’re the closest thing we have to a grandmother, we’d like you to sit with our family during the ceremony.” She kissed the old woman’s cheek. “Especially since you had a hand in getting us together.”

  “Speaking of the ceremony…” Celeste, determined to keep everything to a schedule, glanced at her watch. “I’m told that Reverend Watson and his wife are here, and waiting to begin.”

  Lizbeth’s parents kissed their daughter before leaving. Then her two sisters did the same. Loretta got slowly to her feet and pressed a kiss to Lizbeth’s cheek. Patrick Sullivan gathered his granddaughter close for a quick, hard hug. Then he and Loretta walked out together, looking extremely pleased with themselves. It occurred to Lizbeth that those two old connivers looked awfully chummy. Almost as if they’d known from the beginning just how this would end. Could they have planned such a thing? After all, Colin had been to Lake Como, studying architecture. And Grandpa Sully was almost as sly as Loretta.